The Gospel of Malachel
by Frogstaff
Summary: The 17th angel is dead, the last obstacle to Instrumentality has been removed. There is nothing to prevent the next step in humanity's evolution... or is there? As the citizens of Tokyo-3 attempt to rebuild their shattered city, a new enemy threatens.
1. Final Genesis : First Gospel

Gospel 1:0

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Final Genesis/First Gospel

The silence was absolute, the scenario surreal. 

A boy smiled serenely, his body enveloped by the hand of a purple colossus. Its face was concealed beneath layers of metal and what it thought of this event, unknown. Impaled upon a cross, its blood running down to pool on the floor, a white figure presided over the scene, its thoughts hidden behind a seven-eyed mask.

The boy continued to smile, urging the giant to the conclusion that he knew as inevitable, willing the soul within it to glimpse the knowledge that he had already assumed.

The silence continued.

The giant's hand twitched.

There was a soft _splash_ as the boy's head fell into the blood, his smile unabated.

The silence returned.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka's eyelids jerked open, then slowly lowered and disorientation overwhelmed her as she tried to place herself. 

She was in one of NERV's recovery wards, the gentle beeps and hums of machines filling the background with white noise—and she wasn't alone.

Turning her head was an effort and her entire body felt weak. It took several moments of struggle to accomplish the simple feat of merely sitting up. She held up one arm, surprised by the smooth unbroken skin of her wrist. The event played itself over and over in her head: her clothes neatly folded and stacked on the chair; the bathtub filled with lukewarm water; the slender shard of glass glinting coldly in the sunlight. The arrival of the Section 2 Agent was a haze; he was a blur, insubstantial next to the bright glass that was begging her to put it to use. When she'd fallen into darkness, she'd thought that it was because the shard's pleading had been answered.

She then remembered the other person in the room and looked at the bed across from her. Shinji lay in the other bed, an oxygen mask covering his face, an IV piercing his arm. She rose but then immediately sat back down. Her muscles felt like they were made of rubber and it took her several tries before she was able to stand and remain on her feet. She staggered over to Shinji's bed, dropping to a seat on the edge of the mattress before her legs dumped her to the floor. A manila folder lay open on the stand next to his bed and curious, she picked it up.

It took her a few minutes before she realized what she was reading: a report on Shinji's confrontation with the 17th Angel. There were a number of pictures included and she felt the bile rise in her throat as she saw Kaworu's autopsy, her Unit 02, Unit 01 as the blood was washed from its armor.

5th Child.

Her Unit 02.

The last Angel.

With sudden understanding she put the folder back down. The 3rd Child had emerged from the final battle physically unhurt, but Asuka knew his psychological limits, had probed them herself a number of times. She remembered his rage after the destruction of unit 03. She'd understood what it might cost to stop the Eva/Angel but Shinji had been forced to watch, unable to intervene as Unit 01 tore it apart. To have intentionally killed the last Angel, even though there was nothing else that he could've done….

Asuka leaned over and lifted one of Shinji's eyelids. She knew the front of her gown was hanging open and almost wished that his eye would roll towards it because then she could yell at him and act angry, but then she'd also know that everything would be all right. The orb barely fluttered, his pupil contracting only slightly from the light. He was completely catatonic. "Shinji, you _dummkopf_," she said without any real heat, finding it impossible to work up any ire. He looked so helpless, so vulnerable.

Asuka slid herself to the front of his bed, cradling his head in her lap. She surprised herself by the rush of sympathy she felt for him. The last Angel had forced him to face reality and make a choice that he could blame on no one but himself. It had stripped away his hiding places and forced him to accept the consequences of his own actions.

She stroked his head wishing for a moment that he would wake up. She needed someone, anyone to latch on to. Lying in the bathtub she had _known_ that she was alone and she still felt remnants of that all-encompassing isolation now. Commander Ikari's voice still echoed in her head. _She is useless_.

__

Even Shinji is better than nothing, she thought. _Even if I have to listen to his cello for eternity it's better than nothing at all._

Asuka heard voices coming down the hall and hurriedly she put the folder back on the stand and got back into her own bed.

"It's an abomination what they put those children through," a female voice came through the door. "I can't say I feel sorry for the brat, but the Commander's son! At least he could visit for more than thirty seconds. They should have been given separate rooms too, but the Commander insisted-!" The nurse's voice broke off as she came through the door, another nurse following close behind the first. Upon seeing Asuka was awake the first nurse flushed bright red. "Ahh…You're awake, good. I'll see that the Commander is informed immediately." The first nurse hurried off as the second checked on Shinji, very carefully not looking at Asuka.

Asuka could hear the nurse's footsteps as she hurried down the hall and as her footsteps faded, Asuka heard a heavier, slower, tread receding in the opposite direction.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuyutsuki hated the walk across the Commander's office. The distance between the desk and the door was large enough to make crossing the span feel like an effort. It was all part of the power game, another one of the Commander's psychological one-ups. He stopped before the Commander's desk, resisting the urge to pant as if he'd run from the door to the desk. "The 2nd Child is awake," he announced neutrally.

If the news pleased the Commander, his face didn't alter to show it. "Was the file placed where she would find it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good."

Fuyutsuki's face twisted with distaste. "Is it really necessary to manipulate them like that?"

Commander Ikari gazed back at him levelly. "It was the pilot's ego that made her unusable in the first place. If she can be persuaded into forming dependencies with others her mental instabilities should be dampened by their proximity."

"So you're hoping that she'll become dependent on your son? Few would think that you're doing him any sort of favor."

"In his case I'm hoping that proximity to her will eliminate some of his more… inconvenient mental frailties."

"Of course. Even if it does sound more like the concerned father is playing matchmaker." Fuyutsuki made the comment in half jest, but the Commander remained silent, as if he'd taken each word with complete earnestness..

"Progress on the Eva being grown from the recovered cells of Unit-03 is slightly ahead of schedule, so it should be completed by the fifteenth. However, as to a pilot-"

Gendo interrupted him. "A suitable candidate has been selected."

"But how? The Marduke report—"

"This Child received his training solely under the German Branch."

"Him? But I thought he was ruled unsuitable—"

"Events are proceeding along lines that neither I nor SEELE expected. I need to keep the old men off balance to ensure that their interference remains as minimal as possible. The scenario that I follow is more malleable than SEELE's. I can afford minor deviations without sacrificing my—Yui's ultimate goal. SEELE cannot."

"Be careful that you don't push them so far that they fall. Do you think that you, or humanity for that matter, will stand for long if they topple?"

"Are even you beginning to doubt me, Fuyutsuki-sensei?" Gendo asked, stressing the honorific. "I know the precise consequences of what I am attempting. I haven't come so far only to falter now."

"If you say so. However, considering the experiences that the 3rd Child underwent in relation to the 4th and 5th Children, I would recommend a bit more caution before adding another pilot."

"There isn't enough time left for us to delay the project because of the frailties of one of the pilots."

"He is your son."

"Should that make any difference?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Generation is 80 percent complete; beginning final mitotic stage."

Maya Ibuki didn't bother to look up at the announcement; she didn't have time. Schematics for the regenerating Evangelion rolled up her screen, reports on its condition, predictions for its outcome; all went flashing across almost faster than she could read. Without pausing she switched programs, bringing up the reports on Unit 00. The information overload became slightly less: the Eva had completed the regenerative process and was being encased within sea blue armor plates. It was amazing that they had been able to regenerate it at all, especially considering how close it cells were to reaching the Hayflick Limit. All that had been recovered from the Eva's previous incarnation were a few scorched cells encased within melted armor plates. Maya doubted that the attempt would have been successful if she'd been the one in charge when the cells underwent modification, causing them to divide and reform the destroyed Eva. But she hadn't been in charge then; her Sempai had.

Thinking of Ritsuko made Maya shifted uncomfortably. She'd been promoted to the head of the Science section following Ritsuko's arrest, although disappearance might have been a more fitting word. No formal charges that she knew of had been filed against the other scientist; she'd gone peacefully with the Section 2 Agents and no one had heard from her since. _Destroying the dummy system gave the Commander a motive for getting rid of Ritsuko. He no longer had a use for her, so she was simply… disposed of. _That thought made Maya very uncomfortable. If a doctor as brilliant as Ritsuko had been simply cast aside, what value did anyone else have? _Especially if the rumors are true that she was sleeping with the Commander. If he would get rid of her, whom won't he abandon?_

Her screen shifted again, this time displaying the status of the pilots: Rei was fine, Asuka was recovering and would be returning to Major Katsuragi's residence that evening. Shinji however was still catatonic. He'd shown no sign of change since they the recovery team pulled him out of the entry plug in Central Dogma.

The thought echoed through her head, refusing to be banished: _Whom won't he abandon?_

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato Katsuragi found that she had to force herself to turn the key and slid the door to her apartment open. She knew that _it_ was still be there, still waiting for her. It would have been easier to go to a bar and drown the world in a bottle, but she had duties to perform, and they forced her to come here.

Once inside, she halfheartedly began to throw away old ramen cups, gather up all the empty beer cans, tidying up in preparation for Asuka's return. The apartment possessed of a quiet that made her think of a crouched beast, waiting to spring. Indeed, it held one, in a manner of speaking. 

She refused to go near the answering machine, where _his_ message still waited for her. She should've erased it long ago, but the sound of his voice, the meaning of his words…. Every time she listened to Kaji's final words was like sticking a knife in her gut and twisting, but it was all she had left of him. In its own way the pain was good. It was the pain of memory that kept her going even as she tried to drown it out.

Still, it would be very good to have another person in the apartment again. Pen-Pen was still with the Horakis, so Misato lacked even have the small comfort of his presence.

It was with a sigh that she again looked at her orders. She was to go to Tokyo-2 and return with the 6th Child; t_he 6th child, another child;_ and instate him in the apartment next to hers. Briefly she considered moving Shinji's belongings there. Let the boys share an apartment. Bring Rei to her apartment instead of letting the girl remain in that squalid hole. Keep all of her eggs safe in the same basket, where she could watch them all. She discarded the idea quickly. After what she had seen in Central Dogma she didn't think she would be able to stand extended exposure to the 1st Child, much less how Shinji would react to her if—_no_, she corrected herself firmly, _when_ he got out of the hospital.

__

Ritsuko was right when she told me that I had reached my limit. The Children are my children but I'm tired. I want to rest, I want to grieve—I want the time to grieve. Oh Kaji, I miss you!

Misato unplugged the answering machine and took it to her room, hiding it within the mess on her desk. She couldn't bear to let anyone else hear his last words to her and when she plugged it back in, she bit her lip in anticipation as she waited for the little red _1_ to light up in the window that read 'Messages In Memory.' She sobbed in relief when it appeared, as if she'd half expected it to slip away while she was moving the machine and tears fell from her eyes as she extended a shaking finger and pressed PLAY.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terrence St. John pressed his face against the airplane window, watching the land as it slid by far below. The plane had to pass over Tokyo-3 before it reached Tokyo-2 and it was with interest that he watched the work crews far below: immense drainage pipes sucked dry the crater Unit 00 created in its final heroic moments. Gigantic cranes dammed the new inlet to the Pacific, forcing the ocean back. Rebuilding Tokyo-3 was all that the U.N talked about now of days. Let its towers again rise into the sky, show everyone that humanity had been tested by fire and emerged even stronger. The Angels were gone.

That phrase gnawed at him. If the Angels were gone why was he needed, why was any of this needed? He'd been able to hack into some of the German Branch's files, and found enough clues to convince him that construction still continued on the production model Evas, and that there were plans for three new Evas to be built and operated from NERV's third branch in Japan. What enemy could they be sent against now? A single Eva was more than enough against any human force and he shuddered at the thought of using Evangelions against people. 

Terrence leaned back in his seat as the plane banked over Tokyo-2; landing was humdrum boring. It was a lot more exciting when you were the one in the cockpit. He had a pilot's license himself and had often flown his grandfather's ancient Cessna single prop over the Outback. Looking back out the window, he could see the black gray bulk of thunderheads piling up on the horizon. 

As the planed landed, he admitted that the pilot had some skill. The plane itself was an aging dual engine McBoeing, but the pilot set it down with a single barely noticeable jolt.

Terrence was momentarily daunted by the crush of people in the terminal once he got off the plane but it wasn't hard to find his contact, even with the crowd. Offhand, he couldn't think of many women who as pretty as she was, and an even smaller number who could do so while wearing a NERV uniform.

He walked up to her and bowed in what he hoped was the appropriate manner. "Koneechawa, Major Katsuragi. I am Terrence St. John, 6th Child."

He wondered just how badly he'd messed up his introduction, as without a word, the Major took one of his bags and led him to her car, a blue compact that looked like it had seen better days. Terence threw his luggage in the back seat then climbed into the passenger seat as Misato started the engine and drove out of the airport lot.

He let the silence continue for several minutes as the city slid by around them before deciding that he would have to be the one to break it. "So, Major, I have to say that I'm much forward looking to meeting of my fellow pilots." The sentence didn't seem to sound quite right, and he was sure that he'd used to many _no_s but he hoped his grasp of the nuances of Japanese had been good enough that he hadn't been spouting total gibberish. He'd learned English and German from his parents and there were enough similarities between the two languages to ease the process considerably.

He frowned as time passed without her answering. The information that he'd been given about her indicated that she was supposed to be very friendly and possess a very extroverted personality. Except for right now. He was sure that he'd met rocks more cheerful than she was.

"You can call me Misato," she said finally.

"That's good very much Major, I mean Misato-chan." _Wait, that's very wrong._ "I'm sorry, I meant Misato-sempai," he said, trying to remember all the different honorifics. "Misato-san." 

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "You don't need to include the honorific. Misato will do fine for now."

"Thank you, I still haven't quite gotten those figured out. When do you think I'll meet the other pilots?"

The small smile vanished from Misato's face. "You've been provided with an apartment adjacent to my own. The 2nd Child is currently in residence with myself, along with the 3rd, who will return once his medical condition is deemed suitable for discharge." The Major sounded like she was speaking by rote, as if she'd planned her words ahead of time to be sure that she said everything exactly right. She did however, leave out the person he really wanted to hear about.

"What about the 1st Child?" Terrence asked eagerly. He was looking forward to meeting the famous 1st Child, Rei Ayanami. He'd been afraid that he'd lost his chance forever when Unit 00 had self-destructed and he'd been relieved beyond words when it turned out that she had in fact survived.

"She lives elsewhere."

Terrence waited for her to continue but Misato said nothing more. Since she seemed to find the 1st Child a delicate topic he changed the subject. "When do you think the 3rd Child will be released?"

What he really wanted to know was what happened with the 17th Angel. Security had been so tight around the incident that when he tried to hack the files about it, it had taken all of his abilities to hide the fact that he'd even tried to probe the file in the first place, much less access it. 

"I don't know," Misato said and something in her face stopped him from pressing further.

They passed underneath the leading thunderclouds and the car rocked as it was struck by the full fury of the wind and rain. Neither of them spoke for the rest of the trip to Tokyo-3, nor after the Major pulled in front of her apartment complex and carried his suitcases onto the elevator.

The door to Misato's apartment sprang open as walked past, and Terrence dropped his suitcase as Asuka, seated in a wheel chair, rolled onto the walkway.

"Misato, you're back!" she exclaimed, but when she saw Terrence her jaw dropped. "You?" Surprise and incredulity battled in her voice. "You're the new Child? _Mein Gott in Himmel!_"

"Hello Ms. Soryu. I assure you the pleasure is not mine," Terrence said coldly.

"You two know each other?" Misato asked, surprised.

"We knew each other when we were younger," Terrence said coldly, pointedly not looking at the other child. 

Asuka flushed angrily and retreated back into the apartment slamming the door behind her. Terrence continued to his apartment dropping his suitcases just inside the door. "Thank you very much for your help Misato, but if you don't mind I'd like to unpack by myself."

She didn't question his request as she left him standing in the entryway although she did spare him a single, curious glance before closing the door behind her.

As the door shut, Terrence sighed and slid down the wall and forced his fingers to unclench. He'd known who the 2nd child was and he'd known that he'd have to deal with her in the course of his duties. He'd even known that he'd have to live next to her. He'd promised himself that when they met each other he'd be civil. People changed and neither of them was the same person they used to be. Then they'd met each other on the sidewalk and it was like nothing had changed. _Correction, I grew up. She's still a little brat._

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato could hear Asuka swearing angrily in German as she entered the apartment. The wheel chair lay on its side, one wheel spinning lazily. Asuka was on the floor, trying to pull herself to her feet using one of the chairs.

Without warning, the chair tipped over and dumped Asuka back onto the ground. "_Verdammt!_" she swore, before righting the chair and trying to stand again.

"Let me help, Asuka," Misato said, offering her a hand.

Asuka glared at her. "I'm not helpless," she snapped. "I can do this myself."

Misato bit back the urge to argue and went into the kitchen. She opened a cabinet and took out two cups of prepared ramen then got a beer for herself, filling a glass of water for Asuka. She tried to ignore the near endless stream of thuds and curses as Asuka tried, and failed to stand up.

Asuka had her knees drawn up to her chest and tears of frustration leaking from her eyes when Misato reentered the room, dinner balanced in her hands. She set the food on the table, roughly picked Asuka up and dropped her in the chair.

"I could have done it myself," the girl said petulantly.

"You shouldn't even be out of the wheelchair." Misato said, sighing. "You're too weak to be moving around on your own."

"I'm fine," Asuka muttered angrily, avoiding Misato's eyes.

"Bullshit. When Section 2 finally dragged you in, you hadn't eaten in a week." As half-assed as security had been to let Asuka go in the first place, they'd noticed the jagged shard of glass next to the bathtub where they found her.

"I just needed to be alone."

Misato let the lie pass. "Well that's fine but we need you back on your feet and ready to pilot Unit 02 as soon as possible."

"Why? You've still got Wonder Girl. Besides, I heard that the 17th Angel was supposed to be the last. Why do you need me, or my doll?"

Misato's patience snapped. "Your attitude really sucks, Asuka! Rei and the 6th Child are our only pilots right now. We've been down to the wire too often and NERV needs you in your Eva yesterday!"

Asuka sniffed haughtily. "It shows just how much trouble you're in if you're recruiting losers like him to pilot Evas. Besides, you know that Shinji the hero," she practically sneered out the boy's name, "will be there if we really need him." 

A tic developed in Misato's cheek and she flushed angrily. "Now you listen here—"

"I'm finished," Asuka interrupted, pushing her food away from her and trying to stand. She attempted to walk to her room but the best that she could manage was a half stagger, half crawl. She slammed the door shut behind her and Misato could hear Asuka's body strike the floor as her legs finally gave out.

Misato quietly cleared the table and put Asuka's wheelchair by her door before retreating to her own room.

The quiet was unbroken for the rest of the night.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The only sound in the hospital room was the hiss of the respirator as it rose and fell. Asuka's breath was harsh in her ears as she looked down at Shinji. He'd fallen further into the coma and a bank of machines now stood sentinel around his bed anchoring the life to his frail body.

Her fists clenched and unclenched as she watched him. Hatred boiled up in her mind and the world blanked out as her vision narrowed down to a tunnel that encompassed only his face. All she had to do was yank a plug, silence the machines, and it would be all over. There would be no more humiliation, no more competition. She'd be allowed peace at last. She'd made sure that there weren't any nurses close by when she entered the room. No one would be able to intervene until it was to late.

Her breathing grew harsher and it rasped in her brain, drowning out all else.

One jerk would be all it took.

One swift action to end it.

The world seemed filled with the sound of her breathing.

__

Shinji the hero; Asuka the zero.

"Please, stop," she whispered although it was impossible to tell whether she was speaking to the voice in her head or to her hand as it reached for the power cable.

__

She's useless.

"No, I'm not."

__

Launch Unit 02. At least it can be a decoy.

"Stop."

__

I'm worthless. Nobody needs me. Nobody needs a pilot who can't even control her own Eva!

"Shut up!"

__

Die with me, Asuka.

Her voice shrunk to a whimper. "No."

__

Don't look at that boy, Asuka. You must be strong.

She pressed her hands to her ears. "I don't want to die!"

__

Die with me, Asuka. Bring the boy. We can all be together.

"No!" she sobbed. "I don't want to die! I'm strong!"

__

She's useless.

It was then that she looked at Shinji.

He was so frail: his skin was ghostly white and stretched tightly across his face. Before she realized what she was doing, Asuka reached out and ran a finger along his cheek then tilted his face towards her. Despite the tubes, despite his pale, gaunt features, she could see on his face an expression of… peace.

He'd finally found it, a place where he was safe from everything. By taking away all of his other hiding places, the last Angel had shone his the safest one of all: the inside of his own mind. Shinji had run away to a place where no one could hurt him but had saved them all even so. 

Asuka doubled over, sobs erupting from her throat.

"S-S-Shin-ji i-i-is the hero. I'm…the…I'm," her voice lowered to a whisper, "I'm the zero."

The tears ran hot and fast down her face, gathering at a point on her chin, before falling to splash against Shinji's face.

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The fading sun bathed the train car in an orange glow. It rocked gently as it moved, the wheels making a regular _clack-clack_ against the tracks.

The sound and the motion were soothing to Shinji. It was peaceful on the train and he sat sprawled over two seats, his head tilted back, eyes shut.

__

Why are you here?

Shinji's eyes shot open at the sound of the voice. A child was sitting opposite of him, a child he recognized, a child he'd been.

The child might have been him, but the words were his father's.

The child looked up at him. "Why are you here?"

Shinji paused before answering, confused by the question. "I'm here because…it's pleasant here?"

"Why?"

"Because… it's quiet here."

"Are you running away?"

"NO!" Shinji shouted, "I'm not running away. I'm not running! I'm, I'm, I-I'm…" he trailed off, unable to answer.

"You are afraid."

"No! I'm not!"

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything!"

"Are you afraid of her?" the child asked and an image of Asuka flashed through Shinji's head.

"No."

"Are you afraid of him?" This time the image was of his father.

"No! I don't fear him, I hate him!"

"Then what is it you fear? What's making you run?"

"I fear—" Shinji shook his head, refusing to finish the sentence.

"What do you fear?" the child asked insistently, refusing to let Shinji break eye contact. "What frightens you?"

"I fear," Shinji's voice dropped to a whisper, "I fear pain."

__

Flicker

He was standing next to a watermelon patch. Kaji stood next to him, his watering can in his hand. "Do you hate pain Shinji?"

"Of course I hate pain."

"You never want to feel pain again, that's why you're running away?" 

"I'm sick of the pain. I don't want to feel it anymore."

Kaji tilted the watering can, spraying water over the melons. "And so Shinji Ikari decides that he'll never feel pain again. Good for you, Shinji. I'd say that I was proud of you except that you sicken me to my core."

Shinji looked down, unable to answer.

"I hate you Shinji because you lie to yourself. You're running away. Do you think that by not confronting your pain it'll go away? I never thought you were so foolish." He dropped the watering can and turned to face Shinji. "Pain is as much a part of life as breathing. Life brings pain, but it also brings pleasure. You cannot have one without the other; without the other, you couldn't tell if you even had the one. If you've known pain and hardship it's easier to be kind to others, because you've experienced the same as they have. In it's own way pain is the driving force behind human interaction. Yet you're seeking an end to pain. Is that what you really want?" 

"I want to die," Shinji whispered.

Kaji tilted his head back and laughed. "Aha! Death: pain's ultimate antithesis. So what you really want is to accept the sweet lady's promise of oblivion? To let her erase your pain forever."

"Yes," Shinji whispered. "Let me die."

__

Flicker

Shinji was seated in Unit 01's cockpit. Through the viewscreen he could see a boy clutched tightly in its outstretched arm. 

"Do you wish for death because you regret?" Kaworu asked with a gentle smile.

"Yes."

"What is it that you regret? Killing me?"

"Yes."

"You regret my death, yet had I lived I would have killed you all. Do not cry for me Shinji. Only one existence would have survived our encounter and yours was not the existence that was to die."

"You should've lived, not me."

"The one who should have survived is the one who had the will to make it happen," Kaworu said with a note of pity in his voice.

"But I don't want to."

__

Flicker

He heard the toilet flush and quickly feigned sleep as the bathroom door slid open. He heard footsteps then a thump and a flush of air as a body settled next to his. He cracked an eye, then both popped open in amazement. Asuka was lay curled next to him on the mat and his fingers closed convulsively on the buttons of his Walkman, the music blurring backward.

He watched her for a moment, afraid that she would vanish like mist in the moonlight, but she was sound asleep. Her lips were slightly parted, he noticed as he leaned forward, his eyes intent upon her face. The music whined in his ears, words and chords blurred into incomprehensibility. The universe seemed to narrow around them until all it contained was he and Asuka. He swallowed convulsively and drew his head even closer.

Asuka murmured in her sleep. He couldn't understand what she was saying, but then her lips moved slightly and one word came out clearly. "No."

Startled, he drew back and she opened her eyes and sat up. "No Shinji, you won't die."

He drew his knees up to his chest. "I want to. I want it to end. Why can't I?"

Asuka reached around Shinji's head and grabbed a handful of hair. She pulled his head close to hers, forcing him to look her in the eye. He struggled to break away but her grip was like a vice and her eyes seemed to pull him in as if the entire world had vanished except for two blue irises.

"Because, there are some things that are worth dying for."

The music stopped with a snap as the tape hit the beginning. Asuka's eyes dominated his vision, her face inches from his. He could feel her breath as she spoke. "And because there are some things worth living for."

__

SNAP

Shinji felt himself hurled away. The room, Asuka, the mat, everything vanished. He was surrounded by black, a single point of light shining far over head. The darkness was stifling, filling his nose as he tried to breathe, and he struggled wildly, before beginning to swim up towards the light.

Voices swirled around, buffeting him in a vortex of sound.

__

You need the future; it is what you live for.

"I want to live!" Shinji shouted.

__

The one who should have survived is the one who had the will to make it happen.

If you've known pain and hardship then it is easier to be kind to others.

"I want to live with the pain!"

The light grew closer but Shinji's limbs were tiring and his lungs burned, screaming for air.

__

Your was not the existence that was to die.

There are some things that are worth dying for.

"I want to live!" he screamed and the light seemed close enough to touch

__

Thank you Shinji, my life was meaningful.

There are some thing worth living for.

"I WILL LIVE!" Shinji screamed as he flew out of the darkness and into the light.

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Consciousness returned in a rush. The world snapped into focus as he opened his eyes and he found himself staring up into a fluorescent light. His eyes were dry and blurry and it took several seconds for him to clear them and bring the view around him into focus.

"I hate this ceiling," he whispered.


	2. Alpha : Unwelcome Reunions

Gospel 1:1

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Alpha/Unwelcome Reunions

"Unit 00 activation test complete," Maya announced over the loudspeaker. "You can go now Rei." After making sure that the shutdown process could continue without her supervision Maya hurried to the eighth cage where the final plates of armor were being installed on the new Evangelion. She wished that she had the skill to alter the Eva's growth patterns, so that its face no longer resembled a grinning death's head; she couldn't look at it without shivering. _At least its armor isn't black this time._

She was surprised to find the Commander on the observation deck and hurriedly saluted. "Reconstruction of the Eva is ninety-eight percent complete."

The Commander nodded. "It's been decided that this Evangelion's designation will be Unit 06. Although Unit 03 provided the template it was not actually regrown. This _is_ an entirely new Eva."

"Understood," Maya said then looked uneasily out into the cage. The armor plates were a deep forest green, but they failed to cover the aura of menace that the Eva seemed to project, merely veiling it instead.

With a sigh she looked at her watch. Initial synchronization tests for the 6th child were scheduled to begin in ten minutes, and then she had to be back at the cage to supervise Unit 06's system tests. She wished that she knew how Ritsuko had managed to stay on top of things.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Before Rei returned to the locker room to change out of her plug suit she went to the eighth cage to see Unit-06. The sight of the Eva left her strangely unmoved. Her security clearance allowed her full access to the reports concerning the incident with the 13th angel. She knew what it had done to her Eva, what it had done to her, but she had no actual memory of the event, since she—as Rei— had not existed when it occurred. She knew what feelings she should bear towards the Eva, but she found herself unable to muster hatred, or anything else, for something that she'd really never seen. 

She left the cage before anyone noticed her presence. There were too many firsts in her life, too many things that she had to guess at, things that she should've known, that she was expected to know. She felt that she was a stranger in her own life, felt that because she was.

It was painful to acknowledge that she was an imposter in her own life and the knowledge was awkward for her, knowing that she was not the first Rei, nor even the second. 

She carefully folded her plug suit and put it back in its locker. She also found the knowledge that she was the last Rei awkward. Since Dr. Akagi had destroyed the dummy system there would be no replacement should she die again. For better or worse, she was now unique.

After she finished changing she went to the hospital ward. A battalion of machines stood guard around Shinji, keeping back the death that tried to possess him. She walked over to the chair by his bed and sat down. 

He was a special problem for her. Her previous self had harbored some feelings towards him, but as with Unit 03, all that she felt when she looked at him was an aching emptiness where the emotion should've been. The way that Shinji had reacted to her when he'd encountered her in the hospital after Unit 00's destruction, her body swathed in bandages so that the charade of Rei's life could continue, had told her some of what had passed between them. It had helped her cover some of the gaps in her memory but there was still so many that she couldn't. 

She sighed. It hardly mattered anymore. He'd avoided her ever since he'd learned what she really was, and his coma had only worsened. She doubted that he'd wake up again. Soon, she wouldn't have to worry about him.

She reached out and picked up his hand; his skin felt cold and clammy. She traced the vein running from his wrist to his elbow with a single finger, feeling the bulge of the IV needle lying beneath his skin. Whatever feelings her previous self had possessed for Shinji, Rei startled herself by experiencing an upsurge of emotion and the beginning of tears. A word rose up from the depth of her subconscious, a word that surprised her even more than the emotion. "Son," she whispered, confused.

Shinji gasped, his eyes shooting open. He panted harshly as if he'd just exerted himself, and sweat glistened on his forehead. He whispered something to himself, but the rising crescendos of the monitoring machines, screaming to tell the world about his change of condition, made it impossible to hear exactly what it was. 

It took him several moments to notice Rei's presence even though she was still holding his hand. He tried to sit up but could accomplish nothing more than to raise his head off of the pillow. "Ayanami…. It's… good to see you."

"Likewise," she said as she set his hand back down on the bed. "It is… good to see that you are awake." She rose from the chair and started to leave.

"Rei?" She stopped at the sound of Shinji's voice. "Is it really you?"

She resumed walking but paused as she reached the door. "No," she said, but too softly for him to hear.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Rei's skirt fluttered slightly in the air currents as the escalator carried her upwards. She tried to use the monotony of the ride to blank her mind. To think brought pain and the discomfort brought by pain was… awkward.

She got off of the escalator and headed for the security gate. She walked with her head down, her attention focused inwards, and so failed to see the boy barreling towards her until it was too late.

They went down in a tangle of arms and legs and the boy got up first, dusting himself off and offering Rei a hand up. "I'm so sorry. I really should have been looking where I was going, but I'm late--" He stopped when he saw who it was he'd run into. "Omigodomigod! You're Rei Ayanami!"

"Yes," she said stiffly. He was obviously familiar with her but she failed to find any memory of him. Was this someone else who'd been lost in the transition between the second and the third?

"Oh, wow! I'm so glad to meet you!" He stuck out his arm. "I'm Terrence St. John."

"The 6th child," Rei said, ignoring the proffered hand. She felt a momentary ease of mind when he identified himself. He only knew _of_ her and so would not expect her to recall anything of importance. The charade would be maintained.

"Right, that's me. Umm… wow. I'm really sorry about that. Would you like to go somewhere, get something to eat? Maybe exchange some job gossip? I've had trouble finding other people who share my profession. Imagine that." He forced a laugh, which quickly died when Rei's face remained unchanged.

"I must go," she said quietly, stepping around Terrence and heading towards the exit.

"Right. Don't let me keep you. I'll see you later." Terrence turned and watched her leave, waiting until she'd gone through the gate before beating his hand against his forehead. "Stupid stupid stupid! I finally meet _the_ Rei Ayanami and I totally blow it." He sighed as he stepped onto the escalator, sitting on the step as he rode downward. "I finally got to meet her and… oh jeez, she must think I'm a complete idiot." 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato yawned, trying to shake off the effects of a less than a full night's sleep. 

"If you're bored, Major, I can find someone else to supervise Unit 06's field test," Commander Ikari said from the upper level of the command center.

Misato straightened, attempting to compose her face. "That won't be necessary, sir." "What's the status of Unit 00?" she asked, turning towards Shigeru.

"The absolute borderline has been passed, all systems nominal. Unit 00 is ready for launch."

Misato opened a channel to the Eva's pilot. "Rei, once you reached the surface we'll send you a rifle. When you get it proceed to your assigned position and target Unit 06's lift rail. After Unit 06 has been launched you are to keep your rifle sighted on the entry plug until the Eva has been retrieved. If at any time during the test—"

"She knows what she has to do," the Commander interrupted, and Misato had to force herself to bite back a retort. She'd favored delaying the test until Asuka was fully recovered. Rei was the only active pilot in their possession and if Unit 06 went rogue and proved too much for her to handle, she wouldn't have any backup. The Commander, however, had overridden all of her protests, ordering the test to commence as soon as possible.

"Dr. Ibuki, what's the status of Unit 06?" Misato asked, turning away from the Commander.

"The entry plug has just been inserted. LCL injection is commencing," Maya responded, stifling a yawn.

__

She sounds tired too, Misato thought. _Everyone has had to push themselves too hard to meet with the Commander's demands._

"Absolute borderline has been passed. All of Unit 06's systems are nominal. Unit 06 is ready for launch."

"Unit 00 launch," Misato ordered and watched the indicator trace the Eva's path up the lift tube. "Send up the rifle."

She waited until Rei had retrieved the weapon and taken up her position before opening a channel to the sixth Eva. "Are you ready to launch, Terrence?"

"Ulp, a y-yes. I'm, ugh, ready," he replied unsteadily.

"Is there a problem?"

The 6th Child's voice sank to an embarrassed whisper. "I, um, accidentally swallowed some of the LCL. It seems to have unsettled my stomach a bit."

"Will you be able to complete the field test?"

"No problem ma'am. I'll be fine. I think."

"Launch Unit 06," Misato ordered. 

Maya watched with trepidation as Unit 06 ascended the launch rail. She'd strongly advised waiting a few more days before running the field test. There hadn't been enough time to allow an activation test of the Eva's S2 engine and the safety precautions that were being taken with this test were a joke. The geofront would've been a smoking crater if Unit 03's field test had been run the same way_. When we activate the S2 engine, the entire geofront could be swallowed by a Sea of Dirac, just like Unit 04 and the Second Branch._ _The Commander is taking too many risks._

"Unit 06 has arrived at the surface. Power source is secure," Makoto reported.

Misato mentally crossed her fingers before giving the order: "Begin field activation test."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terrence St. John tried to take several deep breaths to calm his racing heart as his Eva ascended. Unfortunately, all that he managed to accomplish was to swallow even more LCL, sending his stomach into another bout of nausea. Although he had to admit that LCL was only half the reason he for his unsettled stomach.

It'd been two weeks since he'd arrived in Tokyo-3 and nothing had gone quite as he'd expected. Instead of hopping into an Evangelion and immediately joining the fight to save the world he'd spent seemingly endless hours sitting in a test plug while every wrinkle and nuance of his brain was broken down and analyzed. Instead of sweeping the 1st Child off her feet with charm and grace, he'd bowled her over, literally.

The lift stopped with a jolt as it hit the surface and he took another deep breath, managing to avoid swallowing more LCL this time, and let his gaze drift over the displays. Everything appeared normal as he set his hand on the butterfly grip of the control sticks. "Beginning field activation test," he stated calmly, checking one last time to make sure his power supply was secure before he initiated the walk sequence.

The Eva shifted, then took a giant stride forward. A tingle of elation swept through Terrence's body. _I'm doing it! I'm piloting an Eva!_ The Eva shifted its weight again, bringing its other foot forward.

He knew that Rei's Eva was out there and he understood the reason for its presence. He'd only seen her a couple of times since their first disastrous encounter and he hadn't gotten an opportunity to actually speak to her and atone for their first meeting. He realized that there could be no better time than now. What better image could he present of himself than successfully piloting an Eva?

Trying to keep his elation from showing on his face, he opened a link her entry plug. "Hey Rei, what—!" Unit 06's foot snagged on an uneven patch of ground and Terry found the terrain racing up towards his cockpit. He cut off the video link and attempted to put the Eva's arms out so that it could catch itself, but the left tangled in the trailing power cable and the Eva landed on its chin with a bone rattling crash.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Rei had the rifle pointed at Unit 06 as soon as it reached the surface and it had only taken a slight adjustment of her arm to center the targeting recticle squarely on its entry plug. If anything went wrong the control system would be destroyed before the Eva could wreak too much destruction. It was unfortunate that the control system included the pilot.

The 6th Child reported the start of the field test and she watched as his Eva took one step forward, then another. She twitched in surprise when her communications screen snapped on, displaying the 6th Child's ecstatically beaming face, "Hey Rei, what—!" His image vanished and Unit 06 lurched forward, dropping to the ground. Swiftly, Rei dropped her Eva to one knee, steadying the rifle, her finger darting to the trigger.

"Are you all right, Terrence?" Rei heard Misato ask.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he responded, sounding embarrassed. "I tripped."

Rei let go a breath she hadn't known she was holding and let her finger fall from the trigger. Unit 06 stood back up then resumed walking, finishing the test without further incident.

"All right, Terrence we're sending you up a rifle. Retrieve it and proceed with the weapons test."

Instead of live rounds, the rifle that Terrence took fired a light beam, and all of his targets would be simulated. Rei's display screen had been programmed so that she could see the images as well, allowing her to observe Terrence's progress.

"Ready to begin weapons test," he stated, snapping the rifle to Unit 06's shoulder and whipping it around as the first projected target arced through the sky. The Eva fired three times before the target faded from view: the closest shot missed by more than five meters. His aim wasn't any closer with the second, and Unit 06 tripped over its power cable as it shot at the third. Terrence managed to hit the fourth, firing from one knee as he tried to rise.

"Damn it!" he swore angrily. "How the hell am I supposed to hit those bloody things! I don't remember any of the Angels that looked like clay pigeons! Why can't I shoot at something more realistic—and bigger."

Misato sounded exasperated when she responded. "The weapons that we equip the Evas with pack a strong enough punch to level a city block and the majority of the confrontations with the Angels occured in or around Tokyo-3. If you can't hit the broad side of a barn then we're sure as hell not going to hand you that kind of firepower with just a wink and a pat."

"That was cold," he muttered, missing another target.

"Your accuracy is terrible!" Misato howled. "I don't think you could do any worse if you just turned off the targeting system and shot from the hip!"

"Oh." Terrence sounded embarrassed. "Oops."

"Your targeting system is on, isn't it?" Misato asked, her voice holding an exasperated edge.

There was a long silence from the Eva. "Umm… It is now."

Rei heard an annoyed sigh from Misato.

"Plans to impress Rei: 0-3," Terrence muttered. "Oh crap! My radio's still on!" The line cut out with a snap.

Unit 06 resumed the weapons test. Although his accuracy still wasn't stupendous, he usually managed to place his shots within the immediate vicinity of the target and hit each one at least once.

"His synch ratio is lower than expected," Maya commented as she watched the test, "but still within acceptable limits, considering that aside from the 3rd Child, he's had the least previous training out of all the pilots.

Misato nodded in agreement. "Okay, that's the end of the weapons test," she said as the last target faded from the screen. "Prepare to disengage external power and switch over to your S2 engine."

Terrence placed the rifle in its retrieval lift then turned his back towards Unit 00's position, giving Rei a clean shot at his entry plug. He had to force himself to grasp the manual release lever for the Eva's power cable. It had been during the start up sequence for the S2 engine that Unit 03 had gone berserk and both Unit 04 the Second Branch vanished. It was hard for him not to think about them as he prepared to do the same thing.. 

"Preparing to disengage external power," he announced.

------------------------------------------------------------------

An uncomfortable silence descended over the command center. At the front of everyone's mind was the knowledge that it had been upon the activation of the S2 engine that Unit 04 and the Second Branch had disappeared into a Sea of Dirac and Unit 03 had transformed into the 13th Angel.

Misato didn't want to think about what was going through either Rei or Terrence's head. They both knew what the consequences would be if control of Unit 06 was lost.

"Disconnecting external power… now!" Terrence yelled as the plug slipped out of Unit 06's back, retro jets firing to ease its descent to the ground.

Both inside the entry plug and in the command center, the power readout screen suddenly flashed red. "ACTIVATION TIME REMAINING: 00:32.02.00" appeared on the screens and began to count down.

"Dr. Ibuki," Commander Ikari said severely "the purpose of the S2 engine was to provide the Evangelions with unlimited power without the restraint of having to rely upon an stationary power source. One half of an hour is not what I would call unlimited."

"I'm sorry, sir," Maya said edgily. "In case you haven't read them, Dr. Akagi's notes clearly state that our technology is insufficient to perfectly replicate an Angel's S2 organ and that if the S2 engine operated at all, less than optimal functionality was to be expected. I can include a copy of them in my report if you so wish."

"That will not be necessary, Doctor. I am quite familiar with the material in question. However, that does not mean that I will accept excuses."

Maya bristled at the statement but wisely kept her peace.

Misato broke in before the situation could degrade any further. "I believe that we've covered all of the parameters of the field test. With the Commander's permission I would like to retrieve the Evas." 

"Granted," the Commander said, then rose and walked towards the lift from the command center.

Terrence managed to keep his pace to a walk as he got out of the entry plug and left the cage. Once he was out of sight he raced towards the locker room. He made it to a toilet just before the LCL erupted from his mouth, then he vomited again, expunging more of the amber liquid.

He felt a presence behind him but was to busy throwing up to see who it was.

"You need to make sure you that you only inhale the LCL when the entry plug is filled and not swallow it," Rei said quietly.

"Right," Terrence replied. "It'll just takes a bit of—" he was interrupted by another bout of vomiting, "—practice," he finished weakly.

"Of course," Rei said as she left.

"0-4," he said, resting his head against the cool porcelain of the wall. "Oh god, she must think that I'm such an idiot."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato caught up with Terrence as he stepped into the elevator. He faced the door, unwilling to face the Director of Operations after such a poor showing. For a while the only sound in the elevator was the steady _click_ of the floor display.

Misato spoke first. "Terrence, could I ask you a favor?"

"You're not upset about the test?"

Misato shook her head and smiled. "It's no problem, Terrence. You're not expected to synch perfectly with the Eva the very first time you pilot it. "

"Please, call me Terry. I hate Terrence. What favor do you need?"

"Shinji's being released from the recovery ward today. I was hoping that he could stay with you until he's fully recuperated. Asuka is… a pretty lousy roommate now. It's her… you know, right now, among other things. I don't think it would do Shinji any good to force him to have to deal with her until he's back on his feet."

Terry snorted, "I didn't know it was possible for anything to make that girl any more unpleasant than she already is. It's no problem for me to have Shinji stay at my apartment. Besides, I wouldn't wish that girl's presence on anybody, especially the sick."

Misato gave him an odd look before continuing. "You can transfer his things over to your apartment when you get back. If my door is locked, just knock and Pen-Pen will let you in."

"Pen-Pen?" Terry asked. He'd heard some pretty strange Japanese names, but noe quite as odd as that one.

"Just wait until you meet him," she said and quickly changed the subject. "You do know that school is resuming in two weeks, don't you? Enough of Tokyo-3's infrastructure has been rebuilt that people are being allowed to move back. Shinji and As—, I mean Shinji can show you around when it starts." She paused, unsure of the wisdom in asking the next question. "Terry, is there something I should know about between you and Asuka?"

The elevator stopped and Terry got off. "It's nothing," he said, the elevator doors closing before Misato could press the matter further.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry tried the lock on Misato's door before knocking three times. He waited, and hearing no sounds from within the apartment he started to knock again, just as the door opened and he found himself face to face with the 2nd Child.

"What are you doing here?" Asuka demanded.

"Nothing you need to know about."

"Fine, then go," Asuka said, and started to close the door but Terry wedged his foot between the door and the frame before she could fully shut it. "Hey, get your foot out of there!"

Terry grunted as the pressure on his foot increased. "Misato told me to get some stuff. She also told me that Pen-Pen was going to answer the door."

Asuka relented, letting the door slide open again. "He didn't want to put his paper down, so I had to."

"How pleasant," Terry replied, "you two sound perfect for each other."

Asuka glowered but didn't say anything else as Terry entered the apartment. He noticed a paper standing seemingly of its own volition in the middle of the floor but didn't see anyone else. "So where is he?" he asked.

"_Dummkopf,"_ Asuka muttered under her breath.

Terry glared at her, then cleared his throat. "Mr. Pen-Pen, are you here?"

The newspaper lowered itself and Terry realized that it wasn't standing up on its own but had been held up by a penguin. "That's Pen-Pen?"

"Of course it is," Asuka said smugly, "what were you expecting?"

"Never mind," Terry said, nonplussed. "I'm going to collect some of Shinji's belongings and take them over to my apartment."

For a moment Asuka's expression slipped and he could've sworn that he saw a look of apprehension cross her face. Then she regained control and he couldn't be sure that he didn't imagine the whole thing. "Shinji's moving out?" she asked. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard a note of worry in her voice.

Terry nodded. "Misato decided that he should stay in my apartment for a few days, until he recuperates."

Asuka's smile seemed forced. "That's great. It'll be nice to actually have some room in here." She led him down the hall to Shinji's room. "He's just so sloppy. It's almost impossible to get around with the mess he makes."

Terry doubted her words upon seeing the nearly immaculate condition of Shinji's room, and it only took him two trips to carry over what he thought Shinji would need. It was on the third trip that he noticed the cello sitting in the corner of the room. "He plays?" Terry asked, nodding towards the instrument.

"No, _dummkopf_, that's the door stop," Asuka said sarcastically. "Of course he plays. Why don't you take that too? He can bother you with its shrieking instead of me for a while."

Terry shrugged. "I won't mind," he said, juggling the load in his arms so that he could pick the instrument up. However as he rose, its neck slipped through his fingers.

__

"SHEISSKOPF!" Asuka shouted at him and grabbed the cello before it could hit the floor. "Be careful with that."

"Watch your mouth," Terry said angrily. "Besides, I thought that you didn't like it. Why should you care what happens to it?"

She blushed furiously. "Well, I don't, but if it gets broken Shinji'll blame me."

"Fine," he said, reaching out to take the instrument from her, "I'll be more careful with it." 

Instead of letting him take it, she twisted, keeping it out of his reach. "Forget it. You think I'm going to trust a lobotomized klutz like you? I'll carry it myself." She marched towards the door, forcing Terry to follow. They deposited Shinji's things inside his apartment and Asuka left just in time to meet Misato as she wheeled Shinji out of the elevator and over towards Terry's apartment.

"Hi Asuka!" Misato shouted cheerfully and Asuka muttered a half-cordial greeting in return as she retreated back into the apartment. Terry held his door open for them, shooting one last glance at where Asuka had been standing before closing it.

"Terry, I'd like you to meet Shinji Ikari. Shinji, meet Terry St. John."

Terry extended his hand. "It's good to meet you, Shinji Ikari."

Shinji looked at the other boy for a moment, "You're the 6th Child?" he asked, reaching out and shaking Terry's hand.

As he shook, Terry noticed that Shinji's hand felt frail in his and that the boy's grip was weak. "Yes indeed. Proud pilot of a certain Evangelion Unit 06. Can I get you two anything to drink?" he asked. "Cup o' tea?"

"I'd love too, but I need to get back to the geofront," Misato said. "I'll be back later, bye!"

"I'll have some tea, please," Shinji said as Misato left.

"Just give me one second," Terry said as he headed into the kitchen. Shinji could hear the sounds of cupboards opening and shutting. "I don't have any green tea or stuff like that," Terry called out. "Just what I brought with me from home. Would black currant be okay?"

"Anything is fine," Shinji replied. He pushed his wheel chair towards the extra bedroom and was surprised to find his cello resting against the bed.

Terry came up behind him, a thick porcelain mug in each hand. "Asuka seemed pretty desperate to get rid of it," he said, noting Shinji's gaze, "she practically threw it out the door."

"Oh," Shinji said quietly.

"Don't let that girl get to you. She's a bitch and isn't happy unless she's making everyone else miserable, too."

"She's not a bitch," Shinji said, a note of anger in his voice.

Terry backed up a step. "Whoa, sorry. I didn't mean to hit a nerve." He changed the subject. "How about I start on dinner? I have a bunch of interesting stuff in the fridge."

"I'm not really that hungry."

Terry shrugged. "That's not a problem. Whatever we don't eat tonight shall contribute to the great Australian art of leftovers. I can throw some beef stroganoff together, no problem."

"Is that an Australian dish?"

Terry shook his head. "French I think, or maybe Russian. It's a beef dish over noodles. It's really good."

Terry disappeared back into the kitchen and Shinji wheeled into the main room. He turned on the TV but didn't pay attention to what was on the screen. Instead, his thoughts centered on the 6th Child. _He's so different from Kaworu, from Touji. Will that make him any safer?_

An image flashed through Shinji's head of Kaworu smiling up at him from Unit 01's hand. He shuddered. "It doesn't matter," he whispered to himself, "I'm never going to get in that monster again."

"Here's dinner," Terry announced, carrying a steaming pot from the kitchen. He put generous helpings of thick, flat noodles on two plates, then ladled a beef sauce on top of them. 

Shinji had to admit that the stroganoff was tasty but after only three forkfuls he'd had enough and resorted to pushing the rest around on his plate while Terry finished eating.

Terry declined Shinji's offer to help as he cleared off the table and washed the dishes. "Did Misato tell you that school was starting again in a couple of weeks?" He asked as he entered the main room, drying his hands off on the legs of his pants.

Shinji nodded. "It'll be nice to see Kensuke again."

"Just one person? Isn't there anyone else you've missed?" Terry pressed.

"There are others," Shinji said, in a tone that made Terry realize he'd committed some sort of _faux pas_.

He decided to change the subject before he managed to screw up any further. "Can you tell me what happened with the 16th Angel? I mean," he gestured towards the city outside, "when Rei detonated Unit 00's core, an explosion like that, well, some of the big wigs back in Australia were crossing the 1st Child off their lists. How'd she survive?"

"She was… lucky."

"Too bad everybody can't have her luck."

"Yes, too bad." 

An uncomfortable silence descended on the apartment as Terry realized he'd managed to screw up again and he tried to think of another topic. "Did the 17th Angel really get inside the geofront? All the files concerning it are top secret, so I haven't been able to get any real information about it. It must've been something really nasty, since all the data is under lock and key, plus it sure put you through the wringer, without even doing any physical damage."

A long moment passed before Shinji answered. "I think it would be best if I went to bed now." He began to wheel himself towards his room, refusing Terry's offer to help.

Terry sat in the main room, waiting until the sounds of movement ceased to issue from within Shinji's room before he got up, opened the doors to the balcony and walked out into the cool night air. He sighed as he leaned against the railing, massaging his temple with one hand. "God damn, I really screwed the pooch with that," he told the night. "Every time I opened my mouth I managed to ram my foot deeper down my own throat. The king of conversational grace; that's me."

He looked towards Misato's balcony, the only other one besides his own in the entire building that displayed any sign of habitation. "Why do I get the feeling that there's so much that I don't know?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Commander Ikari leaned back in his chair, only half-listening to what the Deputy Commander was saying.

"What you did was insane! It was irresponsible! You know what the consequences will be if what you did is discovered!"

Gendo smiled smugly. "Calm down. It isn't like I walked into a bank with a ski mask and a handgun."

"You're right, it's not," Fuyutsuki said grimly. "What you did was an entire magnitudes worse."

"It will pass unnoticed. Rebuilding Tokyo-3 is the UN's effort to boost worldwide morale. How much the reconstruction costs is irrelevant to them. I only siphoned off a little of that flow to pad NERV's coffers. Even with as close as humanity came to absolute destruction, the UN still refuses to recognize just how essential we really are and the budget we're allocated is grossly insufficient for our needs. The amount of money that the UN throws into Tokyo-3 each week is easily ten times what I took. If the deficit is noticed, which I sincerely doubt, there will no trail leading back to NERV. The money will have simply vanished. Its disappearance will probably end up being blamed on a simple, albeit expensive, clerical error."

"To pad NERV's coffers? You must be kidding. What on earth does NERV, or, more to the point, what do _you_ need ten billion dollars for?"

Gendo leaned back, bridging his hands in front of his face. The fading light streaming into the office reflected off of the lenses of his glasses, rendering them opaque. His smile deepened. "Certain projects."


	3. Resurrection : Desolation

Gospel 1:2

__

Resurrection/Desolation

Shigeru, Makoto, and Suiko saluted Maya as she entered the lounge. "Would you knock that off?" she asked in mock irritation as she searched her pockets for enough money to convince the vending machine to surrender it contents.

"Ma'am, yes ma'am!" Suiko said, clicking her heels together and saluting in perfect form. Shigeru and Makoto hid their grins behind their cups.

Maya blushed, attempting to hide her embarrassment by concentrating intently on her can's pull-tab. "I really wish you wouldn't do that," she said, sitting down next to them. "I'm not a drill sergeant."

"Ma'am, you're right ma'am, you're not," Makoto said, trying to hold back a grin, "but you're still our superior and so must be treated with a certain amount of respect. Ma'am."

Suiko started to giggle and Shigeru was suddenly overcome by a violent fit of coughing. In spite of, or perhaps because of Maya's glare, it took them several minutes to recover themselves.

Shigeru gestured towards his guitar, which was leaning against his seat. "Would you care to join us," he paused and smirked, "Maya? Having finished our long and extraordinarily arduous shifts we stopped in here to refresh ourselves before instituting a reign of fun over Tokyo-3."

Maya sighed, "My 'long and arduous' shift is just beginning. I just needed a quick break before getting back to work."

"That's crazy," Makoto said sympathetically. "You were here before we were."

"And I'm going to be here long after you leave, too. It's just that everything needs to be done _yesterday_."

Suiko scrunched her face in disgust. "Don't you have anyone to help you?"

"Not like I need. There just isn't anyone else left with my level of training." Maya drained off the contents of her can, pushed her chair back, and stood up. "It's been nice talking to you but I need to get back to the lab."

Shigeru snapped off one last salute as she left and Maya couldn't help but grin at the antic. She felt herself riding an emotional high as she sat down in her lab and returned to the report on the pilots' sync data. She even started humming to herself, her fingers keeping the beat as she typed.

"Dr. Ibuki."

Maya gasped and whirled around, snatching up a thick binder to use as a weapon. She hadn't heard the door open but the Commander stood behind her, an inscrutable expression on his face.

"I-I'm sorry Commander. I didn't hear you come in," Maya said, trying to calm her racing heart.

"I have a new task for you."

"I'm sorry sir, but I already have almost more than I can handle. I don't think that I could-"

The Commander interrupted her, "I've already reassigned your less important projects so that you will have the time you need."

"Um, thank you sir. But—" 

He didn't allow her a chance to finish. "I need you to restart the dummy program."

Maya gasped, the binder dropping from her hands and scattering papers over the floor. "The dummy system? No, I refuse. I won't do it. It was sick. It was cruel. I'm glad Dr. Akagi destroyed it."

"Dr. Ibuki, there is a time and a place for principles," the Commander said evenly, "and now is not it. You will restart the program." 

Maya's mind raced, desperately searching for an excuse to refuse the Commander's request. "There's no one to base the system on. How am I supposed to restart it without a subject?" Maya knew the argument was weak but she hoped that it would dissuade the Commander.

He immediately dashed her hopes. "Rei will be used again."

Maya shuddered inwardly, wishing that she could find some way to spare the 1st Child a repeat of what she'd undergone before. "There isn't time to grow the clones."

"The process can be hurried without harming the development of the cores. It must be hurried, if they are to be ready in time."

Maya mustered her courage before speaking. "I refuse to put Rei through such an experience again. It's inhumane."

"As I said before, principle is an insufficient excuse. Rei will participate because I ask it of her. So will you"

"I can't do it, sir. I don't have the necessary knowledge."

The Commander seemed mildly disgruntled by her statement. "That may not be as much of an impairment as you think."

"Why?" Maya asked, trying to sound sure of herself. "Have you been hiding a savant behind your back all this time?"

The Commander turned to leave. "Don't make the same mistake as Dr. Akagi by thinking that you are irreplaceable," he said as the door closed behind him. "No one is irreplaceable."

------------------------------------------------------------------

The room was dark and cool. The only light was what dribbled in through the barred window on the door and the pale red, glowing, NERV sigil that adorned the wall. 

The sigil was the cell's only decoration. By now, she could trace it with her eyes shut, following the edges of the half fig leaf, the double row of letters, the phrase that circled around it, a phrase that had come to contain so much irony when she said it.

"God's in His heaven." Ritsuko whispered. "All's right on earth." 

She sat in the corner of the cell, her back to the sigil. As far as she knew, she was the only one down here. No one answered when she called out and the guards only appeared when they brought her meals. They kept enough variation in her schedule that she didn't go mad, but she could feel the darkness seeping in through her skin, chewing the edges of her soul ragged.

Light flooded into the cell as the bolt was suddenly pulled back and the door opened. Ritsuko clenched her eyes shut against its painful intensity, tears squeezing from between her eyelids as her outraged pupils tried to adjust.

Gendo waited a moment before speaking. "I have need of you."

"Finding that a cold bed isn't to your liking?" Ritsuko asked, and laughed humorlessly.

He continued as if he hadn't heard her, "I need the dummy system."

She let bitterness fill her voice as she responded. "Why? Afraid for Rei? Are you fearful of losing your little surrogate?"

The comment seemed to reach the Gendo but his voice remained steady as he spoke. "We will need pilots for the new Evas and as a backups, in case the pilots we already possess prove unreliable."

"So why not just use more Children? Or has that lump of rock in your chest finally softened?"

"I no longer trust the Marduke Foundation's report. I fear that the candidate pool has been contaminated."

Ritsuko laughed and her voice was rich with irony. "You no longer trust the Marduke Foundation? You _control_ the Marduke Foundation—or have your puppets become discontent to have their strings pulled and started cutting them," she scissored her fingers, "_snip snap_!"

"You will begin work on the dummy system."

Ritsuko turned around, her eyes squinting against the light. "No."

"You will change your mind," the Commander said, emphasizing the beginning of the sentence.

"No, I won't."

A faint smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "You can't survive much longer down here. It will not take much more time before you simply… fade away." 

His words mirrored her thoughts of only a few moments before and Ritsuko had to fight down a rising wave of panic and her voice quavered with uncertainty. "I won't do it!"

Gendo continued as if she hadn't spoken, "Your first task will be to cleanse the rarified LCL. There isn't enough time to process enough new LCL to meet our needs, so you'll have to extract the contaminates created by your rash actions with the first system." He paused for a moment to let Ritsuko make any interjection she saw fit. When she remained silent he continued. "You'll then start cultivating the clones. Our time is short, so their growth period will have to be accelerated. You will also eliminate the flaws in the memory transferal system. The gaps between the minds of Rei's second and third incarnations are unacceptable."

"Does his highness wish me to have this all accomplished before sundown? Perchance you want me to clean the Aegean stables as well?"

"If you agree, you'll again have a use."

Ritsuko seethed inwardly. Gendo's words echoed through her head. _You'll again have a use._ She'd known from the moment that he opened the door that she wouldn't be able to win this confrontation. Gendo knew exactly where to push her and his skills at manipulation would have put Machiavelli to shame. His offer was alluring: to take her out of this pit, to again give her a purpose. _You'll again have a use._

"I'll do it," she said thickly.

He stepped forward and before she could react, clamped his lips down over hers. She let herself go slack, refusing to respond as he forced his tongue into her mouth.

When he finally let her go, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, resisting the urge to spit. "Is that all I am to you?" she asked, fury underscoring her words. "A means to an end? Is that all my mother was to you? Was that all Yui meant to you? Were we all just means to be used until we broke and then cast aside?" She advanced on him. "What does Rei mean to you? Will her body replace mine between your sheets in a few years, or has it already?"

Gendo's face turned white with fury and when he spoke she could hear the barely restrained rage in his voice, "You are hereby reinstated to your former position and facilities will be provided for your work. Your status will remain as such as long as you remain useful. Rei will report to you as soon as you are ready to proceed." He turned swiftly, motioning for the guards to escort Ritsuko from her cell as he stalked down the corridor.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Gendo waited for the elevator doors to close completely before venting his rage. He slammed the palm of his hand against the display screen repeatedly until the plastic cracked, then shattered. The gloves he wore and the thick scars on his palms protected his hand from the fragments but his wrist ached dully when he finally stopped.

Turning furiously, he searched for something else to vent his anger against. He prided himself on the finesse he had used to manipulate Ritsuko but he hadn't expected her to turn around and strike back at him so effectively. She'd known exactly where to hit him and she'd hurt him. He wasn't used to that.

When the elevator reached its destination he stopped the first technician he saw. "The display panel in that car has been broken. It needs to be fixed, immediately," he said, his voice a perfect example of authoritative calm.

The tech stammered a response and hurried off.

Gendo strode purposefully towards the command center, nothing in his manner suggesting the terrifying fury he had unleashed only moments before.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Asuka! You're going to be late for school!" Misato shouted.

The door to Asuka's room slid open and she emerged rubbing her eyes, clad only in her nightshirt. She stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Misato heard the sound of running water and then the bathroom door slid open and Asuka returned to her room, her condition unchanged except for the water dotting her face and hair.

A few minutes later, she came out fully dressed but her eyelids still drooped.

"C'mon, Asuka," Misato said, setting a plate of burnt toast in front of the girl, "you don't want to be late for the first day of school."

"Why do I have to go to school?" Asuka griped. "I already have the equivalent of a college education"

"Why aren't you excited? You'll be seeing your friends again."

Nibbling around the more carbonized sections of bread, Asuka grumbled something that Misato didn't catch, but sounded unpleasant nonetheless.

She glared at Asuka while opening the almost inevitable can of beer. She took a drink, then exhaled sanguinely. "I bet Shinji has a better attitude."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry pounded on the door to Shinji's room. "C'mon, Shinji, get up!"

"Leave me alone."

Terry glanced at his watch. "Damn it, Shinji, we're going to be late for school!"

He heard the sound of movement within the room but the door stayed shut. "You can go without me. I don't want to go to school," Shinji yelled, his voice muffled.

Grinding his teeth, Terry resisted the urge to drag Shinji out by his hair. "You may already have friends but I need to make some new ones and I need you to introduce me. Get up!"

"No!"

Stomping into the kitchen Terry filled a glass with water then returned to Shinji's room and yanked the door open. "You're asking for it, Ikari. Get up!"

Shinji was curled up in the middle of his sleeping mat, hidden beneath a mound of blankets. "No."

Terry walked over to the blankets, yanked them off and proceeded to dump the entire glass over Shinji's head.

Shinji let out a startled yell and leapt to his feet., "That's cold!"

"Whoops," Terry said sarcastically, "looks like your bed's wet too. You might as well stay up."

"You fight dirty," Shinji complained, wiping water from his eyes.

"No, I fight Australian."

Shinji sighed, surveying the sodden mass of his sleeping mat. "Fine, I'll go."

"About time," Terry said peevishly. "You'll be seeing your friends again. That'd be incentive enough to get me to school."

"I'll see my friends again. That's why I don't want to go. I never got a chance to talk with Touji, after…." Shinji trailed off unhappily.

Terry sighed and started pushing Shinji towards the bathroom. "It wasn't your fault. I'm sure that he doesn't blame you."

"I nearly killed his sister, I nearly killed him. That's a lot to be forgiven for."

"He's an Eva pilot, too. I'm sure he understands."

"If you go to school, you'll see Asuka." Shinji said unexpectedly.

Terry's face froze for a moment. "I've managed to avoid her despite being forced to live right next door to her. School won't be a problem."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka stopped just inside the door and surveyed the schoolroom. Only half the desks were occupied; the rest of the students either had not or were not returning to Tokyo-3.

"Asuka!"

Hikari came running across the room, catching Asuka up in a hug. "I've missed you!"

Asuka smiled, returning the hug. "I've missed you too, Hikari."

The Class Rep let go of Asuka and took a step back. "It's great that everything's getting back to normal. Now we can finally get on with our lives."

Asuka's smile waned. "Normal, right," she said half-heartedly.

"Hey, Ikari!" Kensuke yelled, standing up at his desk and waving.

Asuka turned, noticing that Shinji and Terry were standing behind her, the 6th Child pointedly not looking in her direction

Shinji paused as if unsure of what action to take, before walking over to Kensuke and sitting in an adjacent desk. "Hi, Kensuke. I don't see Touji. I guess that he's not here, is he?"

"Hello, Ikari," a voice said from behind Shinji, freezing him in his seat.

"Hello, Touji," he replied without turning around.

"It's good to see you again." Touji said, sounding as if might actually mean it.

Turning, Shinji braced himself to face Touji; "It's good to see—" He stopped talking, stunned. Touji was standing, _standing_, behind him, a wide grin on his face. He had his right hand in his pocket, his left hanging at his side; both feet were planted on the floor. For one wild moment, Shinji thought it all might've been a dream, that Unit 03, the dummy plug, crippling Touji were all tortured products of his imagination. The moment shattered as Touji took a step forward. His left leg bent stiffly at the knee and his left arm continued to hang unmoving at his side. "–you," Shinji finished.

Touji sat down and the smile he gave Shinji was only a little strained. "It's amazing what they can do with prosthetics nowadays, isn't it?"

"Hey," Kensuke interjected before Shinji could reply, "who's the new kid?" He pointed towards Terry, who was still loitering by the door.

"That's Terry St. John," Shinji answered. "He's… the new Eva pilot."

Kensuke's mouth flopped open in astonishment. "The new Eva pilot? Oh wow!" He started waving wildly. "Hey Terry! Sit over here!"

Terry glanced around then pointed at himself as if there might have been another Terry standing behind him that Kensuke was addressing instead. He walked over to where they were sitting and took the desk next to Shinji. 

Kensuke started talking before anyone else had time to open their mouths. "You're piloting the new Eva? I don't believe it! Some people have all the luck! Why don't I ever get a break?"

Terry leaned towards Shinji. "Is he always like this?" he asked as Kensuke continued to rant. 

Shinji nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."

Hikari interrupted Kensuke's tirade. "Class rise!" she ordered as the teacher entered the room. "Bow!" He took roll then turned to the board and began lecturing as if nothing had happened since the last time class had convened.

The lecture's topic began to wander as if the teacher couldn't quite remember what it was he'd intended to talk about, and Terry quickly lost interest. Glancing around the class he noticed Rei off in the corner, her chin cupped in her hand, her eyes focused on something outside the window. The students had all congregated near the front of the room, leaving a gulf of empty desks between them and Rei.

He leaned over towards Shinji. "Why is Rei over there by herself?"

Shinji's face froze into a blank expression as he shrugged. "She's not very social."

Terry leaned back in his seat. "Someone should go over there and talk to her."

"Is there anything that you would like to add to the discussion, Mr. St. John?" the teacher demanded suddenly.

"Uh, no sir. I will not be saying anything." Terry said, embarrassed.

Asuka snorted in disdain. "How dumb did that lobotomy make you? You're using the wrong tense."

The teacher turned his attention towards her. "Were you saying something, Miss Soryu?"

"No sir," Asuka replied unctuously.

"Someone needs to slap her," Terry said under his breath, glaring at Asuka. His gaze softened when he redirected it towards Rei. "Someone needs to be friends with her."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Students came streaming out of the school as the lunch bell rang, everyone spreading across the courtyard to find comfortable places in which to eat. Terry followed Shinji, Kensuke, and Touji but drifted away once it became apparent that all Kensuke wanted to talk about were the Evangelions and that neither Shinji or Touji seemed able to say more than a single sentence without embarrassing the other.

He noticed Rei sitting by herself in the corner of the courtyard, her lunch sitting untouched on the bench beside her, a textbook lying open in her lap. He stopped in front of her but bit his lip, unsure of what to say.

"You're blocking my light," she said, not looking up.

"Oh, sorry," he said, stepping to the side. He glanced down at the book, but the page was a jumble of numbers and equations, more complex than anything that he'd ever encountered before. "Interesting book?" he asked earnestly.

"Yes."

"Is this seat taken?" Terry asked, indicating the bench next to Rei.

"No," she replied, still not looking up from her book.

"May I sit here?"

Rei didn't answer, intent upon her book.

Somewhat uncomfortably, Terry sat down, setting his lunch next to hers and crossing his hands in his lap. "Are you glad to be back at school?" he asked, eager to break the silence.

Rei said nothing.

Terry felt his morale drop depressingly low at her continued lack of response. "I think it's pretty nice to be around other kids again. Spending all that time around all those adults at NERV got pretty boring."

"I do not mind." Rei replied, still not looking up.

Terry, nonplussed by her reply, searched for something else to say. "You know Rei, you're pretty cute," he blurted out. "I mean, you're really pretty, and, err…" he trailed off as she turned her head to look at him, giving him a glare colder than solid helium.

Terry scooted back to the edge of the bench. "I mean… I really like you."

"You do not know me," she said icily. 

"Well, I like to think that I do. I mean, I see you a lot around NERV, and—"

"You do not know me," Rei said, interrupting him. She shut textbook as she stood and started walking back towards the school.

Someone standing behind Terry started laughing. "You're trying to put the moves on Wonder Girl? You have got to be kidding."

"Why don't you mind your own business, Asuka?" Terry said angrily, resisting the urge to turn around and slap her. "You _törichte Mädchen_."

"You're just like your dear mommy," Asuka sneered, "crazy." She laughed as she left, the sound hanging in the air like a miasma.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"So all of the Angels are gone, huh?" Kensuke pressed. "That means I'll never get to pilot an Eva. Darn it, darn it, darn it! It's not fair!"

"It's not all it's cracked up to be." Touji said, picking through his lunch.

Kensuke sobered at the remark, "Yeah, I'd suppose that you'd know."

"I'm sorry, Touji," Shinji said, not looking up from his bento.

Touji turned towards him. "Stop saying you're sorry, Ikari. You're starting to get on my nerves."

"Sorry."

Touji grabbed Shinji's shirt with his good hand and pulled him forward until they were face to face. "Am I going to have to pound this into your head? What happened, happened. It won't change no matter how many times you say that you're sorry. So why don't you just save your breath and our eardrums?"

"Sorry, To-, err, I mean, okay."

Touji sat back, seemingly satisfied. "That's better." He patted his prosthetic arm. "This thing is pretty solid. You wouldn't want me to punch you in the teeth with it."

"Hey, Shinji," Kensuke asked, "are you really _really_ sure that there won't be any more Angels?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji, Terry, Touji and Kensuke left the school as a group at the end of the day, but Terry suddenly turned and started walking back "I forgot some stuff," he called over his shoulder, "I'll catch up in a little while,"

He sat down near the door and watched the students as they left, waiting for Rei to come out. She was one of the last ones out but didn't seem to notice him as he stood up and started walking behind her.

He followed her all the way to Tokyo-3's refurbished downtown before she suddenly stopped. "Why are you following me?" she asked without looking behind her.

"I want to talk to you."

Without replying, Rei started walking again.

"Hey, wait up!" Terry yelled, running to catch up, panting slightly when he reached her. "Why won't you stop for a second?"

"Why would you want to talk to me? I have nothing to say to you. What could you have to say to me?

"Well, if I don't talk to you, how am I supposed to get to know you?" he asked, frustration gnawing at the edge of his voice.

Rei said nothing and her eyes never wavered in his direction as she continued walking.

"Okay, here's an idea," he said. "One of the best ways to get to know a girl is to take her shopping." He grabbed her arm and pulled her over towards a store. The sudden action caught her off balance and she was forced to stumble after him.

"Right there," Terry said, pointing at a dress in the shop window, "that's a very pretty red dress. I think that it'd look very pretty on you. It matches your eyes."

"I do not like red." Rei stated quietly.

"See," Terry said eagerly, "now I know a little bit more about you."

"You embarrass me."

Terry ignored her statement and continued talking. "Now that I think about it, red isn't really your color. Now, that dress right there," he pointed his finger at another dress, a white one this time, "that dress would look absolutely stunning on you. White's your color."

"It is a very pretty," Rei admitted, almost reluctantly.

Terry suddenly darted off, disappearing into a shop and returning a moment later, a white rose clutched in his hand. He held the rose next to her cheek, a frown of concentration on his face as if he was intently comparing the two. "White is most definitely your color."

He stepped behind her, still holding the rose. "I would like to give you this rose, but I'm going to have to ask you a small fee in return for it." Before she could react, Terry pressed the rose into her hand then kissed her lightly on the side of her neck.

Rei whipped around, blushing furiously—embarrassment, surprise, fury, confusion, or some combination thereof flashing across her face, her hand half raised either to feel her neck or to slap him.

Terry could feel the heat creeping up his face. "I-- I'm sorry, I—" he stammered then turned and ran.

Rei stared at the 6th Child's rapidly retreating back, her fingers reaching up to trace a single spot on her neck.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The ever-present sounds of construction echoed around Rei as she opened the door to her apartment. She dropped her school bag and let the door drift shut behind her then continued into the apartment, forgetting to even remove her shoes. Her fingers still rested on the spot on her neck where Terry had kissed her and her mind was a tumult of emotions that she could not even begin to sort.

__

The sensation was… pleasant.

Why?

Because he was another person?

It is because he values me?

Do I want to experience it again?

Do I want to feel the physical sensation again?

Do I want to feel this mental agitation again?

Can I return his feelings?

Should I return his feelings?

Do I want to return his feelings?

She was startled out of her thoughts by the shrill ringing of the phone. She picked up the receiver and listened for a few moments before speaking. "Yes sir, I will be there shortly."

As she hung up the phone she let her hand fall from her neck.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Central Dogma seemed colder than before and Rei shivered as she stepped out of the elevator. Seemingly at random, she started walking down one of the apparently endless corridors, stopping in front of one of the hundreds of identical metal doors and opened it. The first thing she saw was Dr. Akagi hunched over a terminal, Commander Ikari standing next to her. _Deja vu_ struck her with the force of a hammer blow: the curving tank, filled with LCL, the single eight foot cylinder in the middle of the room, innumerable tubes and pipes branching out from it and disappearing into the floor and ceiling.

Against her will, memories came bubbling to the surface of Rei's mind.

__

The entire world was cloaked in the dirty amber of LCL. Eagerness filled her as she watched Rei enter the lab, strip, and prepare to enter the cylinder. Her body was filled with desire at the thought of once again being connected to Rei, to be linked with her so that she could feed off of Rei's memories, so that she could taste the experiences of Rei's life. So that, at least for a little while, she could know what it was to possess a soul.

A final memory thrust to the surface of her mind, one of the last gifts from her predecessor.

__

She stood in an elevator, the 2nd Child behind her. "You'd kill yourself if he asked you to, wouldn't you?" Asuka's question had been half-rhetorical. She had not expected the answer that Rei gave her.

"Yes."

Rei whimpered, backing against the door. Her hand fumbled at its handle, but it had locked itself behind her. There could be only one reason why he would summon her here. Her declaration that 'she was now unique' echoed with cruel irony. "Not again. Do not make me do this again."

Gendo's voice was flat and unemotional. "You have to. We have need of the dummy system."

"Why?"

"You will do it because I asked you," he said, ignoring her question.

A voice seemed to laugh mockingly in her mind; _You'd kill yourself if he asked you to, wouldn't you?_

And in her mind, her own voice replied, _Yes._

"Yes," she said softly.

The Commander turned away from her and so did not see the single tear that formed in her eye, then quickly ran down her face. "Damn you," she whispered.


	4. Webs Within Webs : Recriminations

Gospel 1:3

__

Webs Within Webs/Recriminations

The sun beat down against the baked sands of the Nevada desert. Lizards streaked from rock to rock, seeking both the relief and the protection of the shadows. The air shimmered violently, twisted by the heat radiating from the ground.

A desert sparrow perched in the shade of a cactus and cocked its head as a sound impinged upon the edge of its hearing. A gentle _thrum_ filled the desert air, a sound that seemed to emanate from both everywhere and nowhere.

The ground began to shake—a subtle motion at first. Spooked, the sparrow leapt into flight, its course carrying it over a crater-like area where nothing grew and the ground was as flat and featureless as a polished lens. 

Without warning the sound and the motion of the earth increased a million-fold. Rock formations that had stood for thousands of years cracked and fell. The desert floor rose and sank like ocean waves as the vibrations hurled every particle of sand into the air simultaneously. 

The sparrow dropped from the sky and lay twitching in the sand for a few moments before falling still. 

A hare staggered out of its burrow, blood streaming from its nose and ears.

As suddenly as it started, the sound and the motion ceased.

The silence that descended upon the desert lasted a moment before it was broken by the roar of wind rushing away from the crater with hurricane force. With a groan that seemed to come from the fabric of reality itself, a small circle of black opened in its center, expanding until it filled the crater to its rim.

Its surface shimmered with black light and the entire thing shook as if it were in a high wind, its edges beginning to fray and tear. Like a gigantic sheet of silk being torn in two, a rip raced across its surface. When the tear reached the center, it started to crumble and as the edges disintegrated they were pulled back towards the center and with a final groan, it collapsed back in upon itself. It did not vanish without leaving a mark of its manifestation. The crater was no longer empty; what had once been bare ground was again occupied.

The Second Branch had returned.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Rei's cry echoed off the walls of the lab as Dr. Akagi forced the needle into the girl's arm. The doctor winced in sympathy at the small _crack_ the needle made as it penetrated bone, and Rei gritted her teeth, her breath a drawn out hiss, as Dr. Akagi drew the needle out along with the tiny sample of marrow it contained. 

"I'm sorry, Rei," she said mechanically, pressing a bandage over the blood that welled up from the girl's arm. 

A faint ringing issued from within the Commander's jacket and he reached inside pulling out a cellular phone and flipping it open. "What is it?" he demanded angrily. "I gave specific orders that I was not to be disturbed."

He listened to the voice on the other end for a moment and then his face paled and the phone slipped from his fingers, clattering to the floor. Recovering control, he bent over and picked up the phone then turned towards Rei and Ritsuko. "Dr. Akagi, come with me. Rei, you will remain here."

"Yes, sir." Rei said.

"What is it?" Ritsuko asked.

"Satellites over North America have confirmed the reappearance of the Second Branch," the Commander said over his shoulder as he strode out the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Gendo turned on Ritsuko as soon as the elevator doors had closed behind them. "You said that the Second Branch had been swallowed by a Sea of Dirac," he said, sounding accusatory, as if the Second Branch's reappearance was her fault. 

Her voice was smug as she answered. "It was. The Sea of Dirac was created when Unit 04's S2 engine was activated. I'd hypothesize that even though the Sea of Dirac swallowed Unit 04, its S2 engine continued to maintain the Sea. For all practical reasons, the S2 engine provides an Eva with limitless power but that doesn't mean that it can be run indefinitely. If it isn't given time to recharge it will eventually run out of power. When unit 04's S2 engine finally exhausted itself, the Sea of Dirac could no longer be maintained and it collapsed back in on itself."

"I already knew that. What I want to know is why did the Second Branch reappear? When the Sea of Dirac collapsed, anything inside the pocket universe should have been destroyed. The chance that anything would be discharged intact is-."

"I know, the 09 system. The probability was .000000001 percent. I guess we just got lucky."

The Commander frowned with displeasure. "This development was not expected," he said.

"What's the matter, Gendo?" she asked, hoping to discomfort him by using his first name. "Does this interfere with your precious scenario?"

His face seemed to be set in stone as he replied. "The scenarios laid down by the Dead Sea scrolls are not absolute. They are only guidelines, not prophecies. I can adapt." He didn't sound as sure of himself as his words implied. "It will be more interesting to see how SEELE reacts to this turn of events, especially if Unit 04 can be salvaged."

------------------------------------------------------------------

The buildings of the Second Branch leapt back into the distance as the man put his binoculars down and lifted a walkie-talkie to his mouth. "This is Alpha Leader. Target has been sighted. Alpha team is proceeding with infiltration." At his words, soldiers erupted from the desert around him and engines roared to life as a stream of transports started towards the base. 

He marveled at the base's perfect state of preservation. Even the bodies that lay scattered throughout the area looked as though they might have died only moments ago and he had to resist the urge to stop and check to see if they were still warm. It only took a few moments to secure the base and with the arrival of the transports it was quickly stripped of anything valuable. Soldiers emerged from buildings carrying computers, papers, file drawers, anything that wasn't nailed down.

What he was looking for was housed in a freestanding structure in the very middle of the base and he smiled as he entered the building, noting that its contents too were still in perfect condition. He brought the walkie-talkie to his mouth: "Primary target has been located. Acquisition in progress." 

Men swarmed over the Evangelion, carefully disconnecting it from the support scaffolding, attaching it to a hastily constructed crane, then lowering it onto an oversized flatbed. Once the Eva had been secured the transport started its engine and rumbled out of the building.

"Primary objectives accomplished," he reported. He waited until the flatbed had cleared the base before giving the order to evacuate. "N2 mines have been set. Fifteen minutes until detonation. This train is leaving the station. Anyone not on it in two minutes is going to get left behind. " All over the base soldiers bearing a final load of materials raced to the transports, which roared out of the base in plumes of dust.

As the transports faded back into the desert, a second sunrise crested behind them and when the dust cleared all that remained of the Second Branch was a smoldering crater.

------------------------------------------------------------------

All activity in the command center ceased when the Commander entered with Dr. Akagi. "Status report," he ordered, ignoring the command staff's surprised reactions. 

"The last images showed American forces approaching the Second Branch before the satellite feed was lost," Makoto reported, bringing the image up on the screen.

"Status of the satellite?"

Shigeru answered his question without looking up from his display screen. "All transmissions from the satellite have ceased. Probability is high that it was destroyed."

"Any response from the UN?"

"The UN declared full salvage rights to the Second Branch," Suiko replied, consulting her monitor. "However the U.S has yet to admit recognition of the Second Branch's reappearance."

"Sir, " Shigeru said, his fingers calling up data files on his screen, "remaining satellites have detected several high energy detonations in the vicinity of the Second Branch. Profile matches the detonation of multiple N2 mines."

The edges of Gendo's mouth twitched upwards. "The Americans are going to great lengths to cover their tracks. I wonder if they managed to recover Unit 04 as well. The old men must be pulling their beards out in frustration."

------------------------------------------------------------------

The room was black and empty except for thirteen stone monoliths that hovered above the floor, each featureless except for the word SEELE and a number.

"This is impossible." The voice emanated from the eighth monolith.

"Yet is has happened." The response came from the first.

The second monolith spoke. "It is almost certain that the Americans obtained Unit 04." 

It was the seventh monolith that spoke next. "The delays that this will cause in our scenario could have dire consequences."

"And what of Ikari?" This demand came from the third. "The delays that hamper us aid him."

The fifth monolith chose that moment to speak. "He has every operational Evangelion on the planet under his control, and soon two more will be added to his possession. With so much power at his command how can we ensure that he remains under our control?"

"The Evangelions can be taken care of. As for Ikari if it is deemed necessary he will be dealt with by direct action." The first monolith spoke, then faded from view.

The others followed suit.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Shinji, is there anything that you can tell me about Rei?" Terry asked as the two boys walked to school.

"Like what?" Shinji asked warily, surprised by the request.

Terry's brow furrowed in thought. "Anything I suppose. Even with all the time I've been here I still don't really know anything about her."

"There's really not much to know," Shinji said reluctantly. He didn't like having to lie to Terry but there was so much about Rei that he didn't feel comfortable talking about, so much that shouldn't be said. "I don't know that much about her myself. She lives by herself. She's never mentioned her parents. I think that she's a…an orphan." Shinji felt a reluctant bit of pride when Terry nodded, believing the lie. "She's very introverted."

Terry nodded thoughtfully then looked up, his eyes brightening. "Wait here a second," he said. Before Shinji could respond, Terry ran into a flower shop, returning a few moments later with a white rose.

Shinji couldn't help but be curious. "What's that for?"

"Nothing," Terry said, smiling nervously.

Shinji stopped suddenly, a look of surprise crossing his face. "You're not… with Rei?" he asked incredulously.

A foolish grin spread over Terry's face. "No. I just like white roses. The whole world looks better when you have a white rose."

"Of course," Shinji said, giving him an odd look.

Terry cheerfully twirled the rose around his fingers as he entered the classroom, humming happily under his breath, but the tune died when he noticed that Rei's desk in the corner sat unoccupied.

"Rei Ayanami," the teacher said, reading off the class roll. When there was no response he looked up and glanced around the room. "Is she absent again?" he asked rhetorically.

"Hey Terry, who's the rose for?" Kensuke asked lecherously, leaning towards him.

"Nobody," Terry grumbled disheartenly as he shoved the rose into his book bag.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Maya paused outside the door to the lab before entering. She'd hoped that she would never have to see this particular room again. Rei sat in the corner, apparently sleeping, the electrodes attached to her body feeding information back into a computer.

Glancing around the room, she saw no one else, even though she was supposed to be meeting with her _Sempai_. "Ritsuko?" she called out.

A flicker of movement in the LCL tank caught her eye. A scuba suited figure drifted along the bottom, a large filtration processor gripped in both hands. Every move the figure made threw up thick, sanguineous clouds of silt, which were sucked into the processor. Maya's stomach roiled as she realized that the silt was what was left of the clones from the dummy system and she pressed a hand over her mouth, suddenly wishing that she hadn't eaten lunch.

"Dr. Akagi will be with you as soon as she finishes clearing the filters," Rei said without opening her eyes.

"Of course," Maya replied faintly, fighting down the urge to vomit. "Is there anything that you need?"

"I am fine," Rei said quietly. "Dr. Akagi has already taken a marrow sample and begun cultivating the stem cells." A sudden grimace of pain crossed the girl's face.

"Are you all right?" Maya asked concernedly. "Let me get you something for the pain."

"I—I will be fine."

"Are you sure? Puncturing the bone for a marrow sample is very painful. Some painkillers might be—"

"Please leave me alone."

"Yes, Rei."

To keep herself from watching the tank and Ritsuko's gruesome task within, Maya set up her laptop and monitored the extraction of Rei's stem cells from the marrow sample. Dr. Akagi had already primed the system, so all that Maya could do was watch and try not to remember what was happening behind her.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry hurried towards the geofront, glancing at his watch. He'd gotten cleanup duty after school, which left him with only a half-hour to get from there to the geofront to the synchronization test facility. 

He stopped just inside of the security gate turning towards the guard on duty. "Excuse me sir. Have you seen the 1st Child?" 

The guard nodded his head before replying—in English—"Sure did, mate. She went down into the geofront about," he paused and glanced at his watch, "about eight hours ago."

Terry blinked in surprise. "You're Australian, too?"

"Sure am, mate," The guard replied grinning. "Born and raised in the unruly breakwater city of Brisbane. Name's Thomas Vail." He extended his hand towards Terry. "It's really great to meet someone else who speaks the language. You try using an Australian dialect while speaking Japanese and woo-ie, you get some mighty funny looks."

Terry nodded sympathetically. "So Rei—I mean the 1st Child—hasn't come back out yet, has she?"

"Nope, haven't seen her," Vail said, then gave Terry a conspiratorial wink. "So you've taken a shine to the little lady? Bonnie little lass, ain't she?"

Terry felt a blush creeping up his face. "I—I don't know what you're talking about."

Vail laughed good-humoredly, "You've got your heart on your sleeve kid, but don't worry, no one'll hear it from me. I get off shift in a few minutes, but if I see her do you want me to let her know that you're looking for her?"

"Uh, no thanks," Terry said and began rapidly walking towards the escalator down to the geofront.

"Good luck!" Vail called after him, laughing good-naturedly.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Rei had fallen asleep again and Maya stroked her forehead gently, pushing the girl's bangs away from her face.

Even in sleep her face remained tense, guarded. _It's unspeakable what the Commander puts her through. When will he give her the chance to be a child?_

She stroked Rei's cheek gently, the gesture reminding Maya of her own mother. She'd been a sweet woman, the perfect embodiment of the traditional housewife. She'd been obedient to her husband, loving to her children, and in repayment for her toil and sacrifice she had died during the second impact, drowned by the rising ocean. Her husband, for whom she would have sold her soul if he'd asked it of her, had refused to let her go, clutching her resisting form close to himself as he lay trapped beneath the rubble of their shattered home, allowing the flood waters to claim them both.

Through bitter tears she'd demanded what deity would repay a life of devotion so; and now she asked again, what kind of god would take such a fragile child and force her to suffer like this?

"Maya."

Maya gasped in startlement and turned. Ritsuko was standing behind her, dressed in a lab coat, her hair still damp and clinging to her scalp.

"Dr. Akagi, I—I didn't see you leave the tank."

"I've cleared out enough of the… precipitate so that the filters can cleanse the LCL on their own again," Ritsuko said as she stepped past Maya and over to the computer. The odor of the LCL clung thickly to Ritsuko and Maya's stomach roiled anew as the cloying scent of blood filled her nostrils.

"Are you ready to begin duplication of the stem cells?" Ritsuko asked.

Maya waited until she was sure that her stomach wouldn't pull any tricks before opening her mouth. "Y—yes, ma'am."

As she stepped over to Ritsuko the odor of blood intensified, and Maya prayed that she wouldn't throw up. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Ritsuko studied the readouts with a critical eye, as if trying to force out any errors in the data through sheer will. Maya sat behind her, dutifully entering the numbers that Ritsuko read off into the database. "Modification of the mRNA sequences yielded a 37% percent chance of mistranslation; Uracilic base pair alteration was successful in 99.123% of the codons," Ritsuko said, then pushed her chair over to the computer that the electrodes on Rei fed into. "Bio-electric feedback into the data conduits is well within the acceptable range for the pick-up nodes on the mnemonic transferal system." She frowned as she tapped a few keys. "Although nodal stimulus is causing the rate of synaptic firing within the cerebral cortex to rise 16%, causing a feedback error within the transceivers." 

Maya sighed as she entered the last set of numbers. "So that means that we have at least a week's worth of adjustments to make before the memory transferal process is operating at an acceptable level."

"At least. We can't delay the gestation of the clones, since the Commander is demanding the dummy system operational _yesterday_, so that gives us three weeks maximum to work on the system before the clones reach the point where we have to begin the transferal process."

Glancing over at Rei, who still appeared to be asleep, Maya bit her lip before she spoke again, "Why didn't she just say 'no' to the Commander? She didn't have to do this again."

"Because I'm the Commander's doll," Rei said, opening her eyes. "And I am not doing this again. I was not the base subject for the dummy system. That was…a different Rei."

Horrified by the girl's declaration, Maya found herself unable to speak as Ritsuko disconnected Rei from the sensors.

"You're not a doll, Rei," Dr. Akagi said, "you're a human being."

"Am I? I must do as he bids. I have no will of my own," Rei said as she rebuttoned her shirt.

"Rei, that's a terrible thing to say!" Maya exclaimed.

"We must leave, if we do not want to be late for the synchronization test," Rei said as she stood. She met Maya's gaze for a moment, her cerise eyes empty and unemotional then turned and left the lab. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Maya's eyes flickered from the display screen to the clock mounted on the wall and then down to her watch. Both read the same: 20:36.

"Terry's sync ratio is up another seven points," Misato said from behind her. "In the most recent weapons test he had an almost passable accuracy score. At this rate he'll be combat ready in a few more days."

"You make that sound like a good thing," Maya replied icily.

"We use what we have to. Have you seen Ritsuko lately?" Misato asked, radically changing the subject.

"No," Maya lied. "I guess that Commander Ikari has hidden her away somewhere, working on one secret project or another. Well, that's all the data we need for today," she announced, changing the subject in turn. She switched on the microphone, linking it to the test plugs. "Thank you Children, that will be all."

A voice blared over the loudspeaker. "Dr. Ibuki, please report to Central Dogma G, immediately."

Maya felt her stomach sink as the loudspeaker repeated its message.

Dogma G was the construction bay for Unit 08.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Maya rushed into the control room, turning sideways so that she could get through the doors before they fully opened. The room was in chaos, techs running from monitor to monitor, shouted orders and questions filling the air. "What's the problem?" Maya shouted.

The head tech walked up to her, attempting to keep some semblance of control over his speech. "We're losing Unit 08." His voice cracked on the last word.

"What?" Maya asked, stunned.

The head tech wiped a bead of sweat off of his forehead before speaking; "We detected a cluster of necrotic cells in its chest component. When we attempted to excise them, the patch started spreading exponentially. We've did everything we could, but the cell necropsy rate has hit eighty-five percent and is still rising."

As she walked over to the observation window, Maya felt like a block of ice had formed in her stomach. Unit 08 floated in the tank of LCL but it had not yet reached the point where it would generate skin cells and Maya felt faintly nauseous as she stared at the uncovered muscle and vein. Its three lidless eyes seemed to be staring back at her and the grin created by its lipless mouth made it seem as if the Eva were laughing at an obscene joke that no one else understood.

Even through the amber LCL the flesh on its chest was distinctly gray and as she watched, a large chunk simply fell off of the Eva and disintegrated. Fear coiled in her mind as she wondered what she would tell the Commander. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry tried to appear nonchalant as he lounged outside the entrance to the girl's side of the locker room. He'd changed out of his plug suit as quickly as possible then rushed over, hoping to catch Rei. So far he hadn't seen either of the female Eva pilots and hoped that Rei would emerge before Asuka.

As if in answer to his thoughts Rei exited the locker room but she spared Terry only a single glance before walking away. He followed her onto the elevator and then waited, hoping that she would be the first to speak.

"What do you want?" she asked finally.

Terry blushed as he reached into his school bag and pulled out a slightly battered white rose.

Upon seeing it Rei blushed but said nothing.

He thrust it at her as if its touch pained him. "I want you to have this. This time it's yours free of a charge" he said, attempting to give her a rakish grin. The reflection he saw in the panel behind her looked more like he'd swallowed some bad miso. Rei stared back at him and for a moment he thought that she'd refuse the flower but then she reached out and took it.

Although he couldn't say for sure, he thought he saw the corners of her mouth quirk up in the tiniest of smiles.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Maya resisted the urge to cower as she stood in front of the Commander's desk.

"Unit 08 is completely unsalvageable?"

"Y—yes, sir. The rate of cellular degeneration is increasing exponentially. Within a matter of hours the skeletal structure will be the only thing remaining."

The Commander regarded her levelly. "And just how do you explain this particular… failure?"

"I—I don't know, sir. Everything had been proceeding smoothly. There was no warning whatsoever."

"What steps are you taking to ensure that Unit 07 does befall a similar… set back?"

"There isn't anything that can be done until we figure out what went wrong with Unit 08."

The Commander's voice hardened. "Dr. Ibuki, you of all people should realize just how valuable the Evangelions are. The survival of the human race may very well depend on them. If they are not usable because of _your_ errors…."

Maya's voice was barely louder than a whisper: "I—I'm sorry, sir. I'll try to do better."

He nodded sternly. "Dismissed."

"That was fun," Ritsuko said after Maya had left the office. "What do you want to do now, drown some kittens?"

Gendo regarded her calmly. "Both time and resources are in short supply."

"But that doesn't mean you enjoy pulling the wings off of flies any less," Ritsuko said, her voice sounding obscenely cheerful. 

Ignoring her jibes, he continued, "I need you to accompany me to Germany. I have been informed that the First Branch has made a breakthrough in the replication process of the Angels' S2 organs. I would like you to evaluate the data and see if it is applicable in regard to our current attempt to produce an operational S2 engine."

"Of course, I would be glad to. Anything at all to be useful," Ritsuko replied. Her voice would have made honey seem bitter.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Everything has been arranged?"

"Yes. Those codes will get you through the security gates. All of the primary targets will be within the immediate vicinity, along with one of the secondaries. There'll only be a single armed guard just inside the security gate and it'll take at least thirty seconds for reinforcements to arrive. If you remain within the timeframe there should be no problems," the man's voice sounded nervous as he spoke into the phone.

"Good."

There was a sharp _click_ as the line was disconnected

. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

When Terry arrived at the security gate he was surprised to see Commander Ikari already there along with a blond-haired woman that he didn't recognize. The guard that he'd talked with before, Vail, was there as well, except that he was now dressed in slacks and a white shirt and chatting amiably with the guard on duty. He winked covertly. "Looks like you found the 1st Child."

Terry blushed slightly. "Well—"

Vail's attention suddenly seemed to focus on something behind him. "Get down!" he yelled, giving Terry a violent push. 

Terry heard a sharp _crack_ and something whizzed by his ear; Vail doubled over, falling to the floor. The entire world seemed to slow around Terry as he fell and he desperately tried to remember everything he'd ever learned about martial arts. He rolled, turning his fall into a forward dive and he could see four men dressed entirely in black charge through the security gate, their guns already trained on those inside. Everyone else was already down on the floor, except for the blond woman, who stood stock-still seemingly oblivious of what was going on around her.

Terry dove into her legs, knocking her down just as bullets started whizzing overhead. The guard brought his gun to bear and started firing, but his gun fell silent as Terry rolled free of the woman. Terry could see that two of the men in black were down, as he finished the roll, one of them obviously never getting up again; the back of his ski mask had been torn open by outward rushing bullets.

With the last of his momentum, Terry tucked into a roll that brought him next to the closest of the assailants and as Terry rose to his feet, his foot lashed out, striking the man between the legs with as much force as he could muster. Terry used the power of the kick to bring himself to his feet as the man doubled over in agony he drew his palm back and slammed it into the man's nose with all his strength. Through the eyeholes of the ski mask, Terry could see the man's eyes roll up until nothing showed but the whites, and he stumbled backwards, clutching at his face.

The remaining attacker ran past where Rei lay prone, intent on the Commander. In one fluid motion, Rei kicked out, tripped the attacker, and delivered a blow to the side of his neck as he fell and she rose. Her efforts were rewarded by the audible sound of something snapping and the man dropped like a slab of meat.

There was another burst of gunfire, and the man that Terry had struck dropped. A a trio of security guards charged into the room and Terry realized that it had been barely six seconds since Vail had knocked him aside.

The Commander stood and adjusted his coat. "Dispose of the bodies. Take that one to the medical wing," he pointed to the man Rei had struck. "I want him kept alive for questioning."

Terry barely noticed what was going on around him, his attention wavering between his hand and the man lying in a spreading pool of blood at his feet. A wave of nausea swept over him and he started to sway, his body tipping forward. A pair of hands stopped his descent and he found himself focusing unsteadily on the 1st Child's face.

She helped him stand, partially supporting his weight. "Help me," he asked thickly. "I need to get to a bathroom."

As she helped him walk, Rei glanced back regretfully. She'd been forced to drop the rose in order to catch Terry and it now lay in the pool of blood, which had spread until it partially covered the NERV logo on the floor

__

God's in his heaven. All's right on earth. The impact of the rose had broken the tension along the edge of the blood and it flowed forward, covering the message. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry let his head rest against the cool porcelain of the bathroom wall, hoping that that had been the last of the dry heaves.

"Why do you feel such regret for that man?" Rei asked, standing outside the stall's door.

"He was another human being. He was alive, until I smashed his nose in."

"You weren't the one who killed him."

"But if I had stopped with the kick, he wouldn't have still been standing, and those guards wouldn't have shot him."

Rei's voice remained perfectly calm, as if what she was discussing was as mundane as that morning's breakfast. "He was trying to kill you. If you hadn't acted, then you might be the one dead no, or maybe me."

"What about you? What about that man you killed? Don't you feel any guilt for that?"

"He's still alive."

"I heard his neck snap."

" I struck that man where the vertebrae were the weakest. It severed his spinal cord but he will live."

Terry thrust his head back towards the toilet as another bout of dry heaves wracked his body. "You don't feel any regret for doing that?" he asked once it had passed.

"When you are piloting an Eva, you cannot let yourself feel regret when you kill the enemy."

"But those are the Angels! They're not human!" He fought down another episode of dry heaves, but was too weak to say anything more.

The silence continued for several moments until Rei spoke. "Shinji… had to kill a friend… in order to kill an Angel." 

"Kill a friend? What are you talking about? He didn't kill Touji, he—" A flash of realization struck him at the same time as another bout of dry heaves. "It isn't the 13th Angel you're talking about. It's the last one, the 17th. That Angel… was… a friend. The 17th Angel was human."

"No," Rei corrected him gently, "he was an Angel."

"That's why," Terry said slowly, "I am the 6th child, why I could never find the 5th. It's because he was an Angel." Through sheer force of will, he forced down another round of dry heaves. "But this is different. That man wasn't an Angel. He was human. His blood was red. The same for the man you paralyzed. Don't you feel any remorse for what you did to him?"

"None. They all would have killed us if we had given them the opportunity."

"When I learned the martial arts," Terry started slowly, "m—my instructors taught me t—that using what I learned to harm others should always be my very last resort. B—but when I struck that man, when I drove his nose back into his brain, God help me, Rei, I—I—I felt powerful, I _enjoyed _it. When I saw him fall, his back full of holes, I was _glad_." His voice took on a pleading tone; "What kind of monster am I? What does that make me?"

The stall darkened as Rei stepped into the stall and laid a single hand on his shoulder. When she spoke, all that she said was a single word: "Human."


	5. Ends and Means : E Tu Brute?

Gospel 1:4

__

Ends and Means/E Tu Brute? 

Shinji leapt up the escalator, taking the stairs three at a time. "Hurry up Asuka!" he shouted over his shoulder.

More shots echoed down from above and Shinji redoubled his efforts, leaving Asuka behind.

"Shinji the hero to the rescue," she muttered under her breath, stumbling over her skirt as she tried to follow Shinji. "Come back here you idiot!" she shouted. "What do you think you're going to do up there? You're going to get us killed!

Shinji ignored her and leapt off of the top step, launching himself into the lobby in front of the security gate. He brandished his school briefcase like a weapon but his foot came down in something slick and Shinji suddenly found himself on his back, sliding across the floor. Seeing the red trail that he left behind, Shinji realized that he'd slipped in a pool of blood.

"Why are you here?"

Shinji looked up, realizing that he was lying at his father's feet. At that moment Asuka came running into the room, screaming obscenities in German at the top of her lungs, and in the following confusion Shinji climbed to his feet. "We heard gunfire. I thought that we could help."

"How did you hope to do that? Do your school supplies make you think that you're bulletproof? You would have been killed."

"I—I'm sorry," Shinji stammered. "I thought… that we could help."

"You thought wrong," Gendo said coldly.

Shinji looked away, unable to meet his father's eyes. He then noticed two men being eased onto stretchers and four covered shapes in a line on the floor. An icy hand seemed to close around his heart. "Rei and Terry, they left ahead of us. Are they…?"

Gendo shook his head. "They're fine."

Simultaneously, Misato and Fuyutsuki arrived at the security gate, both at a run.

"Sir, are you—?" Fuyutsuki started asking.

"I'm fine," Gendo said before the Deputy Commander could finish. "As are the Children," he said, turning to face Misato.

Vail started to swear as a medic applied a compress to his wound. "Goddamn pissin' arseholes!" he swore in English. "Those stinking bassards shot me in the gut! I'm gonna be stuck eating tapioca for a month!" 

As the medics bore away the stretchers Gendo drew Ritsuko to one side. "Would you care to explain your actions?" he whispered fiercely. "It almost seemed that you were trying to get yourself killed."

Her expression didn't change as she answered, "So I am worth something to you."

For a moment it looked as if the Commander was about to explode, but then he regained control, his face growing so rigid that it might have been chiseled from stone. "I need your expertise, nothing else," he said, grinding each word out.

"Of course," Ritsuko replied leadenly.

"Major Katsuragi, Miss Soryu," Gendo began, turning suddenly away from Ritsuko, "I would like you to escort Dr. Akagi back into the geofront. The attack has… traumatized her."

"Yes, sir," they replied simultaneously.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wake him up," Gendo ordered the medic. They were in a small, bare room, and the only other people in it were Fuyutsuki and the surviving attacker. The man's eyes fluttered open a few minutes after the medic injected him with the stimulant and as soon as he was conscious he tried to hurl himself off the stretcher. His eyes widened in shock when he realized that he couldn't move any part of his body below his neck. 

He locked his eyes on Gendo's face. "You're not going to get anything out of me," he said defiantly.

"On the contrary," Gendo said, smiling tightly. "You will tell me _everything_ I want to know."

"Not likely." The bravado of his words was refuted by the sheen of sweat that sprang up on his face.

"I think that you will," Gendo said and gestured to the medic, who handed him small glass vial. "This is ten molar hydrochloric acid," he said, holding the vial in front of the man's face. "The doctor behind me has a syringe filled with two CCs of this." The man's eyes widened slightly but he said nothing.

Very carefully Gendo uncapped the vial and poured its contents on the man's leg. The acid immediately at through the material of his pants and the skin underneath began to blister and bleed. The blood drained from the man's face, but he tried to spit defiantly at Gendo. Because of the position of his head the saliva only dribbled down his lips. "Pain is a blessing in it's own way." Gendo said. "When the body feels pain the brain releases chemicals ten times more potent that morphine to dampen it. Pain however is as much psychological as physical. A soldier on the battlefield can lose half his torso and not know the injury worse than a scratch until he falls over dead if he doesn't recognize the wound. A man with a relatively minor injury will fall down screaming, overcome with unendurable agony, even while his comrade marches on with his organs trailing behind him." 

"You're like the soldier with the little wound. Every nerve in your leg is screaming at your brain to send endorphins, but it can't hear them. However, your mind is still clear enough to assess the injury and it tells you that you should be in agony."

The man's face lost off its color and he rolled his eyes, trying to look away from his leg. "You can't do this!"

"Who will stop me? Do you think that anyone even knows you're here? Who authorized this operation? Kihl? Did you think that he would risk letting you live even if you'd succeeded? A terrorist attack against a high profile target would be an easily accepted story, and no one would raise questions if all of the "terrorists" conveniently died during the attack. You owe him no loyalty. Answer my questions."

"No," the man said, drawing from an unexpected reserve of courage.

"Very well," Gendo said, gesturing to the medic who uncapped the syringe of acid, stepped up to the stretcher but then hesitated. "Do it." Gendo ordered.

The medic swallowed nervously then slid the needle into the man's elbow and depressed the plunger. The man's arm immediately began to swell, the skin turning white. Gendo withdrew a gun and laid it on the stretcher next to the man's head. "Right now you must be imagining that you're in extreme agony. The sooner you answer my questions, the less agony you'll have to imagine."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka trailed several steps behind as Misato led Ritsuko back down into the geofront. The scientist seemed to make every movement by rote, as if her body was present but her mind had sent itself faraway. Misato took them to one of the lounges overlooking the geofront and since it was currently the middle of a duty shift there were few other people, allowing Misato to sit Ritsuko in one of the coveted seats in front of the observation window.

As Misato looked over the scientist's shoulder down into the geofront she realized that this was the first time she'd returned to the lounge since the reception for Kiyomi's wedding, when she, Ritsuko, and Kaji— She broke off that line of thought. Thinking about Kaji was dangerous. It was better to think about the present.

"Asuka," Misato said, beckoning the girl forward, "would you please go get Dr. Akagi a cup of coffee? Two creams, three sugars."

"Yes, Misato," Asuka said, leaving the two women by the window.

She crossed to the other side of the lounge and grabbed a porcelain mug off of a tray, filling it at the coffee maker. She added the requested amount of cream and sugar and carefully carried it back over to the table. Dr. Akagi was hunched over in her seat and her shoulders shook with sobs. Asuka set the coffee down in front of the doctor then sat several seats over unsure of what else would be expected of her.

Misato lifted Ritsuko's hands out of her lap and set them around the mug. "It's okay, Ritsuko," she said soothingly. "We're out of harm's way now."

The doctor lifted the mug to her lips and drained half of its contents, either not noticing or not caring about the coffee's heat. "Are we?" she asked, slamming the mug back down onto the tabletop. Coffee slopped over its sides. "Are we really safe? The Angels were bad enough, now we have to worry about our own species! We risked our lives for them. We paid for our victory over the Angels with our own blood! And this is the thanks that we get." She tossed down the rest of the coffee. Misato pried the mug from her hands and gestured for Asuka to refill it.

Misato waited until the girl was out of earshot before asking Ritsuko the next question. "Why didn't you drop when those men attacked? Why'd you stay on your feet?"

Ritsuko stared down at her lap. "I wanted to see what he'd do, if I was important enough to him to risk himself for." She laughed bitterly, "I would have found out, if the 6th child hadn't interfered. It only would have taken another few seconds to learn whether or not I was worth anything. Another few-. " She stopped speaking as Asuka returned with another cup of coffee and after placing it in front of her, the 2nd child returned to her seat.

"Asuka, dear," Misato said, "why don't you go back to the apartment? There's not much more you can do here."

"Yes, Misato." Asuka replied, picking up her book bag quickly leaving the lounge. 

"He used me," Ritsuko said. She wrapped her hands around the coffee mug but didn't drink. "He used me until he thought I was all used up and then he tossed me aside. When he realized that he needed me again he pulled me off of the scrap heap, dusted me off, and set me right back to work. He didn't bother even to make sure that my gears still ran right, that my springs didn't need to be wound." Her knuckles turned white as they tightened around the mug.

"Ritsuko—" Misato began

"I hate him!" Ritsuko shouted. The few people in the lounge looked up from what they were doing and over at the two women and the mug made a musical _ting_ as the porcelain cracked beneath her fingers. "I hate him, I hate him, _I hate him!_" Cracks spider-webbed across the mug's surface in musical procession. Ritsuko's voice sank to a heated whisper, "He used me; he used us all. He doesn't care about anything." Coffee began to run between her fingers and pooled on the table.

"Ritsuko," Misato said, as she tried to pry the woman's finger from around the mug, "you're not worthless. You're one of the most brilliant scientists on the planet. Just because one man acts like an asshole doesn't mean you can let yourself fall apart. Try and keep it in proportion."

"Human emotions can blow anything out of proportion. I thought that I loved him and I even believed that he might love me. When we made love, it was one of the few times in my life that I actually felt human. Maybe I did actually love him, a little." Ritsuko gazed wistfully out the window. "In fairytales they always talk about the ice princess, the cold women who break men's hearts. There are never any ice princes." She stared down miserably at her hands. "Frigid prick." She glanced at Misato. "When can I be like you? You have your Prince Charming, for all of his flaws. You have Kaji."

Misato averted her eyes, fighting down the upsurge of emotion that his name brought. "K—Kaji used up his usefulness with the Commander; h—he was cast aside."

The mug exploded between Ritsuko's hands and coffee spread across the table in a muddy pool. Tears welled up in Ritsuko's eyes, dropping down her cheeks, and her coffee-stained hands shook as they pulled a wallet out of her coat. Inside was an aged and well-creased photograph of her, Misato, and Kaji. "I remember when we had this picture taken, back in college. The three of us, friends forever. Then you and Kaji went to Germany and I joined my mother here. It looked like fate had split our paths, and 'never again the twain shall meet.' Wasn't that what I wrote in that postcard I sent you?" Without waiting for an answer, Ritsuko continued. "Then you transferred here and it was almost like the past, then so did Kaji, things were so like the way they used to be that I almost felt alive again. It was almost like our college days, except that that the two of you had grown, matured. The only thing that changed for me since college was my hair color. I felt like a robot, unable to change, afraid to change, incapable of doing anything I wasn't told to. I sought absolution any way that I could," she sniffed, "but I only felt truly alive when I was with the two of you."

Ritsuko's eyes were glassy when she looked up. "When is it going to end? Ikari said that the 17th Angel's death had removed the last impediment to Instrumentality, that all of our efforts would soon come to fruition. Yet nothing has changed. We're still using children, we're still creating Evas, the dummy system—" she stopped talking abruptly, realizing that she'd said too much. She glanced over at Misato to see if her slip had been noticed.

Misato, however, was staring out of the window and didn't seem to have heard anything after the first sentence. "I don't think that it will ever end. Not until everything and everyone has been ground into dust."

------------------------------------------------------------------

"The operation failed miserably." The voice came from the second monolith. Its recrimination seemed to hang in the darkness between the monoliths.

The fourth monolith was the next to speak. "If you recall, I was opposed to killing Ikari from the start. He still has his uses, despite his… maverick tendencies."

"Those 'maverick tendencies', as you call them, threaten the success of our scenario!" The twelfth monolith's voice bristled with anger.

"Does that justify the murder of children? We know that the mission's s objectives extended beyond eliminating just Ikari."

The voice of the twelfth monolith was filled with reproach. "Not all of us share your faith in the words of Dead Sea scrolls. If we have need of the Evangelions, then we will have need of the Children."

The first monolith' spoke, its voice defensive. "The ends justified the means. Ikari's actions threaten the very existence of mankind."

The third monolith was the next to speak. "You yourself said that Ikari was the only one with the ability to bring our plans to fruition. We can afford to let him to continue to think that he pulls the strings until we are absolutely sure that he is no longer necessary. At that point, cutting his strings will not present a problem."

There were several moments of silence before the first monolith spoke. "So be it."

All of the monoliths faded from sight. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

"I suspected that Steele was involved in this," Gendo said. He slid the gun back into his jacket as the medic draped a sheet over the stretcher.

"If you knew that he was spying for SEELE why didn't you do something about him?" Fuyutsuki asked.

The Commander gave him a level stare. "If I had disposed of him earlier, SEELE would have replaced him with another spy, forcing me to expend more time in order to uncover the new mole's identity. So long as Steele remained passive I was content to let him go scurrying back to SEELE with whatever useless bits of information I allowed him to find. Steele's name however was the answer to too many of my questions. I think that you know how to take care of such… answers."

"You know, Ikari, you'd have a lot more to worry about than SEELE if anyone found out how you treat your guests. Amnesty International, if you would pardon the expression, would crucify you for what you did to that man."

"I do not appreciate having people trying kill me. I want Steele taken care of, immediately."

A frown of distaste crossed Fuyutsuki's face, "Yes, sir."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Inside of an office building near the entrance to the geofront, Nicolas Steele, head of NERV topside security, hurriedly stuffed papers into a briefcase. He hadn't heard anything from the assault team since they'd entered the geofront and he was beginning to worry. Their mission had been to assassinate Commander Ikari and should the opportunity have presented itself, the Children. The squad's leader had assured him that the operation would be pulled off flawlessly, especially after he'd been told that all five of the targets, with the added bonus of Dr. Akagi, were en route to the surface. No matter what the outcome, any survivors of the squad were supposed to contact him and inform him of which objectives had been accomplished.

The call from Chairman Kihl had both surprised and upset him. He'd become comfortable in his position as SEELE's fly on NERV's wall, keeping a covert eye on Ikari's dealings. To suddenly be thrust into so active a role upset him greatly. Even with the passive nature of his spying he was afraid that the Commander suspected him and he feared Ikari's wrath, should he survive. If there had been any foul-ups in the mission, Steele doubted he would be able to get farther than three blocks from his office before retribution caught up with him.

At this point, whether or not the assassinations had been carried out successfully no longer really mattered to him. The worst case scenario predicted that the squad would only manage to kill the Commander and one of the Children, but that should still generate enough confusion for him to make his escape. He already had a plane ticket out of the country and Chairman Kihl had personally assured him that he'd be taken care of once he completed his role in the assassinations.

It was sprinkling lightly as he stepped out onto the sidewalk and he hurried to the streetcorner, catching the light just as it turned to WALK.

As he stepped out into the street, he heard the shriek of tires on wet pavement and a red sports car whipped around the corner. The last thought to flash through his mind was, m_uch less than three blocks. _The car barreled into him, throwing his body over the hood and into the windshield with enough force to send a spider web of cracks running through the glass. His body was launched off the roof of the car and tumbled bonelessly through the air, landing on the pavement like a rag doll with all its stuffing let out.

The sports car's tires screeched again as it turned another corner and disappeared into the city.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka paused outside of Misato's apartment to push the damp strands of hair out of her face. She'd left the geofront without any money for a cab and the distance was too short to make it worth taking the lube-line, so she'd walked home through the storm. The rain had been heavy enough to dampen and chill but not to drench, and Asuka was looking forward to a long soak in the bathtub. She hoped that Pen-Pen hadn't decided to monopolize the bathroom already.

Just as she was about to open the door to Misato's apartment she heard a note of music above the drumming staccato of the rain. Straining her ears, she followed it until she was standing at the door to Terry and Shinji's apartment. She recognized the sound and she thought that she recognized the music as well. It was Shinji's cello.

She bit her lip as her hand reached out for the door. If Terry was there too….

The door slid open at her touch and as she entered she saw that there was only a single light on and only one pair of shoes by the door. _It's only Shinji then _she thought with a relieved sigh.

She silently crept down hall and peeked around the corner into the living room. Shinji had his back towards her, head down, intent on his playing. She wasn't sure what the exact tune was but it was achingly melancholy_._ She lingered in the hall unsure of what to do next. A part of her wanted to go to him and another part of her laughed mockingly at the notion.

Her mind returned to a few hours earlier. _Gunfire came echoing down from above them. A look of fear crossed Shinji's face and she was sure that he'd turn and run like a frightened rabbit. Unexpectedly a look of resolve took hold of him and he charged up the escalator._

"He isn't a coward," she whispered to herself.

"I did not pull the plug."

"I need… someone." It was the only way that she could describe the feeling. There was an emptiness inside of her, an emptiness that had started when she'd decided that she would never need anyone else ever again; an emptiness that had grown until at times it threatened to consume her. It was hard to remember a time before the emptiness and the few memories she had were of herself in her mother's arms, before….

After that, she'd kept herself as distant from everyone as she possibly could. The only attachments she'd form to anyone were shallow, puerile, but why should they have been anything more? She was sure that she didn't need anyone. The closest that she'd come to letting herself hold real feelings for anyone else had been in the hospital, when she'd come within a hair's breadth of erasing Shinji forever.

She'd had every intention of pulling the plug when she entered his room. The hatred and emptiness burning inside of her had been a potent concoction, painting oblivion as the best fate for the both of them. She would have been able to do it—if she hadn't looked at his face. There had been a beauty in his face, an expression that said for now, at least, his battles were over.

She'd seen the peace in his face; seen it and coveted it. In the end that had been what stayed her hand. She wanted that thing he had found, that peace. If she'd been offered anything in the world, she would have gladly given it up to experience that peace, even if it were for only a single moment. Shinji had found something she wanted, something that she needed, something that if he shared might fill that emptiness in her heart. She needed him.

__

Need is a weakness. Admitting a weakness is the first step to failure.

Asuka winced at the voice.

__

She is not human. It's difficult for me to deal with that child. She is quite adult in some ways, with a total rejection of youth that I am often afraid of.

Well, you are Asuka's mother, after all.

"Don't make me listen to them again," she whispered.

__

She had her eye pressed up to against the crack of her parent's door. A stuffed monkey, a gift from her new mommy, still lay on the floor where she had thrown it, its seams split, the stuffing spilling out.

I became your wife before that.

Didn't you become them both at the same time?

Yes, from a social standpoint. However, I can stop being her mother at anytime, though you cannot stop being her father.

Am I in the way?

Am I useless?

I won't cry anymore!

I don't need anyone!

That was the beginning of the emptiness. As she uttered those words she'd felt a pit open in her heart. At first she'd thought it a sign of her resolve and that she had succeeded in locking out the pain that came from needing others.

"Need is not a weakness!" she murmured fiercely. "I can need someone else. I cannot go on alone. I need to not be alone."

Shinji could be weak.

__

I can't do it! There's another person in there!

Shinji could be cruel.

__

Here's a good example to follow, Asuka.

Shinji could be kind.

__

Are you okay, Asuka?

I failed again.

But you're okay, right?

Dummkopf.

"Shinji?" Asuka asked hesitantly.

Startled, Shinji nearly dropped his bow. "Oh, Asuka!" he exclaimed turning around. "I didn't hear you come in."

She walked towards him, her mind stumbling over the words that she wanted to say. "Shinji—"

"What do you think you're doing here?" a voice behind her demanded.

Asuka let out a startled gasp and whirled around. Terry stood behind her, glaring angrily. The sour stink of vomit still lingered about him.

"Shinji was screeching away on his cello again," she said defensively. "It was giving me a headache." 

"Well, it's my apartment and I say that Shinji has every right to play his cello, no matter what the neighbors might think."

Asuka and Terry glared at each other, while Shinji glanced back and forth between them, getting the uncomfortable image of two growling dogs fighting over a bone. He opened his mouth but before he could speak Asuka turned on heel. "Fine," she seethed, "get a migraine. Maybe I'll get lucky and you'll go chuck yourself off the balcony."

"Bitch," Terry sneered. Shinji leapt to his feet, ready to pry Asuka's hands from around Terry's throat but to his surprise she kept walking.

"Bastard!" she snarled and slammed the door. She ran back to Misato's apartment and as the door closed behind her, Asuka let the sobs well up in her throat.


	6. Wind Through th Heart:God Grant Me Wings

Gospel 1:5

__

Wind Through the Heart/ God Grant Me Wings

Terry, Shinji, Kensuke, Touji, Hikari, and Asuka sat in cluster in the courtyard; their lunches set in between them. Hikari gave the extra food from her lunch to Touji, who'd forgotten to make his own, again. 

"Yuck!" Asuka exclaimed, throwing her box to the ground. "I hate school lunch boxes."

Terry smirked, concealing the expression by stuffing his mouth with rice. 

"I can make lunch for you, too," Shinji offered. "It didn't bother me to do it before and if you're not careful Misato might decide to start cooking for you."

Asuka stuck out her tongue. "There's a threat for you. Hey, what do you think you're doing, _dummkopf_!" Asuka shouted, slapping Kensuke's hand as it crept towards her lunch box.

"Oww!" Kensuke yelped, clutching his stricken hand. "What did you do that for?"

"You were trying to burgle my food, you lousy _Dieb_!"

"I thought you didn't want it!"

"I never said that!"

"You said it was terrible!"

"I never said that I didn't want it!"

"Asuka, Kensuke, settle down," Shinji interjected. "Kensuke, you have your own lunch."

"Butt out, Shinji!" Asuka snapped.

"Hey, why are you yelling at me? I'm just trying to keep the peace."

"Because you're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!"

Touji sighed dramatically. "Looks like the newlyweds are fighting again," he said to no one in particular. "Hey, Class Rep, could you please pass me a taiyaki?"

"Sure," Hikari responded, giving him one of the jam-filled bean cakes.

"Hey cut it out you two!" Touji ordered Shinji and Asuka, who were still arguing.

"Mr. Suzuhara, you leave them alone!" Hikari ordered him.

"Yef mam," Touji muttered around a mouthful of taiyaki.

"Boy, she sure has him whipped," Kensuke said to Terry in a stage whisper.

"Who, me?" Touji demanded, spraying crumbs over everyone.

"Ugh!" Asuka exclaimed, wiping bits of taiyaki off of her dress. "That was gross!"

"Why should you complain?" Terry asked, exploiting the opening that she'd given him, "you're pretty gross already."

Shinji looked at Asuka worriedly. She and Terry hadn't spoken to each other, yet, which was a good thing. Whatever fueled the tension between them almost insured that any exchange of words would escalate into a fight. "Don't let him bait you," he cautioned her.

"You'd know better than I would," she retorted, ignoring Shinji.

"Why don't you go crying to mommy about it," Terry replied maliciously.

"I don't need to hide behind my mama's apron strings anymore. How about you? Oh, wait, what's that tied to your belt? Still do everything she tells you?"

Touji slapped his hand over Terry's mouth before he could reply. "Would you two shut up! Can either of you say three words without trying to jump down each other's throat?"

"I can be pleasant," Terry said when Touji removed his hand.

Asuka snorted. "The only thing pleasant about you is your back when you're leaving."

"Would you shut up!" Touji shouted. "If either of you open your mouths I swear I'll deck you!"

"I'd like to see you try you one-."

"Asuka, please," Shinji begged.

Asuka glared at him, but kept her mouth shut.

"Now that that's been settled," Hikari said with forced cheerfulness, "let's talk about something else. With the Angels are gone, what are you going to do next."

Shinji answered first. "NERV doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so I guess we'll keep being pilots. I don't think that they'll let us be anything else."

"Gee Shinji, that's tough," Kensuke said with mock sympathy, "stuck piloting an Evangelion for the rest of your life. I'd sure hate to be you."

Hikari leaned towards Touji. "Do you think if he opens his mouth you could punch him too?"

He sighed. "Just call me the class enforcer."

"Well, I'm not going to worry about it," Asuka said haughtily. She shot Terry a glance. "NERV has enough brute labor that they shouldn't need me anymore. Who wouldn't want me, with my talent and beauty?"

"And permanent PMS," Terry said archly.

Asuka curled her lip. "Never let him get you into a room with a lock, because if someone tells him, he'll never let you out again."

Terry's face flushed an ugly shade of purple. "What do you want from me, an apology? I didn't do anything wrong, so I'll be damned if I apologize to you!"

"Is that a raw nerve I hear jangling? If you didn't do anything wrong, then why are you still so touchy about it?"

"What do you want from me, you crazy bitch?" Terry hissed through clenched teeth.

Asuka's face went dead white, "What…did…you…say?"

A viscous sneer crossed his face, "What do you want from me," he spat each word out, "Sie. Verrücktes. Weibchen."

A tremor raced across Asuka's face and she looked like she was about to explode from raw fury. Then her expression crumpled. "I WANT MY MAMA BACK!" she screamed, tears dropping from her face.

"Asuka, calm down." Shinji pleaded, grabbing hold of her arm.

Then she did explode her face contorting with fury as she shook off his hand. "Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me! Just leave me alone Shinji!"

"Asuka--" Shinji began, a note of ire in his voice as he took hold of her arm again.

She rounded on him, swatting his hand away. "Butt out, Shinji!"

"Asuka!" Shinji rose to his feet, grabbing her arm again.

"Go to hell, Shinji!" she shouted, shoving him away.

"You go to hell, Asuka!" Shinji shouted back, his face flushing red.

For a moment, Asuka's face seemed to freeze before shattering into a million pieces. "I hate you!" she screamed then turned and ran, sobs tearing from her throat. Shinji rocked back, as if her words had struck him with physical force, a stricken look crossing his face as he sank to the ground.

For a moment everyone sat utterly still, stunned by the argument's furious escalation, unable to do anything more than watch Asuka's retreating back.

"Shinji, go apologize to her! You too Terry!" Hikari shouted.

He stared back at her coldly. "I would rather burn."

"I'll do it," Shinji said, hanging his head. "I shouldn't have lost my temper."

"No," Touji said, clenching his good fist, "it's Terry's fault. You go find Asuka and tell her you're sorry. Then you're going to tell us what you're problem is."

"Who's going to make me?" Terry demanded.

Touji rose to his feet, clenching his fist, but before he could take a step forward Terry kicked out, knocking Touji's prosthetic leg from under him. "It's none of your business," Terry said, stomping off.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Tears still dripped from Asuka's eyes as she unlocked the door to Misato's apartment. No one else was there. Misato was on shift at the geofront until the next morning, but she startled Pen-Pen, who was dozing in the living room. Sensing her mood, he waddled into the kitchen.

He hated her now. She'd lashed out, hurt him. Any chance that she'd had of sharing his peace, of filling her emptiness was gone now. She'd her chance and with a single sentence she'd tossed it away. She regretted lashing out with all of her heart, but Terry had ripped open old wounds and in her pain she struck anything that came to close to her.

Shinji could be kind.

__

But you're okay, right?

Shinji could be cruel.

__

You go to hell, Asuka!

But only when she'd been cruel to him first. She'd hurt him without provocation and now he hated her. She'd ruined it all. Any value that she'd held in his eyes had been burned to ash by three simple words. The emptiness in her heart yawned before her like a fathomless pit and her feet were perched at its edge. She stared into it and knew that there was no chance of it ever being filled. 

She opened the door to the balcony letting the curtains billow around her. Brushing the curtains aside she walked to the rail. She didn't wipe the tears from her face and she watched as they fell past rail sparkling in the sun as they plunged seven stories to the ground below.

Her mother's voice floated through her head. _Come to me, Asuka._

She was sure that she could hear the sound as her tears struck the pavement. _Be with me, Asuka._

Her tells fell, brief, graceful diamonds before they hit the pavement. _Die with me, Asuka._

"Yes."

------------------------------------------------------------------

The bell rang, ending lunch and as the class took their seats Shinji stared at her desk, waiting for Asuka to return, but it remained stubbornly vacant.

"Does anyone know where Miss Soryu is?" the teacher asked and when nobody answered, he clucked regretfully. "I'll have to mark her as absent for the day."

Terry had returned though and Shinji stared at the back of his head. He wanted to grab Terry by the collar and demand to know what had happened to Asuka, but when he'd tried to approach him before class, the other boy had given him such a glare that Shinji had backed down immediately.

Shinji drummed his fingers restlessly against his desktop. Where was Asuka?

"Is there a problem Mr. Ikari?" the teacher demanded. Belatedly, Shinji realized that his fingers had been rattling against his desk like a staccato drum.

"Sorry, sir."

He shifted in his seat as he looked between the door and Asuka's desk. Where could she have gone? His head went to the door. He'd spent the rest of lunch searching for her, but couldn't find her anywhere on the school grounds. His head went to her desk. He'd never seen Asuka fall apart like that. His head went to the door.

"Mr. Ikari! Would you sit still!"

Shinji flushed with embarrassment. "Sorry sir."

"Did she run away again?" he whispered. The only time he'd seen her come apart like that was after her battle with the 15th Angel. It had taken more than a week for Section Two to find where she'd hidden herself in the wreckage of Tokyo-3. "Where did she go?"

"Mr. Ikari! Go stand in the hall!" the teacher ordered and belatedly, Shinji realized that he'd said the last sentence out loud.

"Sorry sir," he said as he shuffled out into the hall. Once outside the classroom he glanced around, hoping to see Asuka, but aside from himself, the hall was empty.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry hunched his shoulders. He could feel the eyes on his back and hear Touji muttering to himself. He wanted to turn around and shout, '_It wasn't my fault! She started it! She's as much to blame as I am!'_ He kept his mouth shut though. Ever since he'd sent Shinji to the hall the teacher had been eyeing the class, waiting for someone else to step out of line.

A message flashed across his computer screen. 'I saw your fight. Why? -Rei'

'Why what! It's none of your business., he typed angrily, but his finger stopped just short of hitting the SEND button. He could still feel the anger bubbling under his skin and wanted to lash out at someone, but this was Rei; he didn't want to offend her. He glanced over at her desk. She was looking out the window as she usually did, but he was sure her eyes kept flickering towards her computer screen, waiting for his return message.

He had to cool down. Terry took several deep breaths, trying to force a lid onto his emotions. He deleted his first message and instead typed, 'It's personal. I don't want to talk about it.'

"Well you're going to talk about it," hissed Touji, "'cause I'm not gonna let you off the hook for knocking me down like that."

"Touji you asshole," Terry shouted. "You sent that message!"

"St. John! Suzihara!" the teacher said severely. "Hall, now!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji was staring dejectedly at the floor when Touji and Terry joined him in the hall. "Okay St. John," Touji said cracking his knuckles, "you're going to start talking. You. Asuka. Don't get along. Why?"

"She's a bitch. What more do I need to say?"

"I told you." Shinji mumbled quietly, "don't call her a bitch."

"The truth," Touji said.

" It's like-. We don't-." Terry ground his teeth and ran a hand through his hair, the gesture revealed a long, thin scar that ran from his temple to his ear. "Look Touji, I'm sorry that I lost my temper and kicked you, but I'm not going to talk about this. Just accept my apology and let it drop."

"Fine," Touji said, and the breath _whooshed_ out of Terry's lungs as Touji's fist sank into his stomach. "Now I accept your apology."

"Fair…enough," Terry wheezed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

When school ended and there was still no sign of Asuka, Shinji ran all the way back to the apartment building. He debated whether or not to call Misato and tell her what had happened but finally decided against it. He didn't want to worry Misato if he could find Asuka on his own, and he didn't want to think what the consequences might be if Section 2 had to track her down again.

He decided to check Misato's apartment first and when the elevator finally deposited him on the seventh floor he noticed that its door was ajar."Asuka?" he shouted.

Instead of Asuka, his yell brought Pen-Pen, jumping up and down and yelping wildly.

"Hello, Pen-Pen," Shinji said. "Is Asuka home?"

Instead of answering, Pen-Pen yelped even louder. Ignoring the penguin's antics, Shinji stepped into the apartment. "Asuka? Are you here?" The apartment seemed empty but as Shinji turned to go, he noticed the balcony curtains flutter slightly and felt a light breeze blowing through the apartment. He walked over to the balcony and drew back the curtain. "Are you out here, As--?" Shinji's voice cut off as he saw what lay beyond the curtain. For a moment, he refused to believe what he saw, praying that his eyes were playing a trick on him.

Asuka was on the other side of the balcony railing, her eyes clenched shut, her feet braced against the concrete, her knuckles white with strain as they clutched the top of the concrete balustrade.

Sensing his presence, she opened her eyes. "Go away Shinji."

Shinji's throat seemed to swell shut. "Asuka?" His voice was barely a croak.

"You hate me, Shinji. Let me go. Please, just let me go."

He shook his head violently. "I don't hate you, Asuka." He took a hesitant step out onto the balcony. "Don't do anything sudden," he said, extending his arm, "move slowly and take my hand." Asuka tilted her head and smiled benignly at him, as if he were speaking in a language that she was only pretending to understand.

Shinji swallowed convulsively as he edged closer. "Please Asuka, come back over here. You don't want to do this. Please, just take my hand."

"No, Shinji, this is how it must be."

A voice flashed through Shinji's head. _Because there are some things worth dying for._

"This isn't how it should be, Asuka. There are some things that are worth dying for, but this isn't one of them."

"Why not? Emptiness, I'm filled with it, and its so cold. What do I have to live for if I have to live with that?"

Shinji glanced down at her fingers. She was almost in reach, just a little bit further…. "Because, there are some things worth living for, like--"

"Like what, Shinji? Can you honestly name one thing?" A passing breeze stirred up her unfettered hair as she smiled sadly. "Shinji, just… let… me… go."

Her arms tensed. 

"ASUKA, NO!" Shinji shouted as her fingers released their grip on the railing. Her back arched as her body slipped backwards, her hair flaring up, framing her face in a halo of crimson.

Shinji lunged forward, snatching at her retreating fingers and his knees struck the balustrade, his body jackknifing around it. His fingers slapped against her palm and his hand snapped shut around hers. His shoulder screamed in agony as her weight struck his arm, snapping the joint from its socket. As Shinji's body clamped around the balustrade his chin struck the concrete, driving his teeth into his lip. The street lying seven stories below seemed to rush up at him.

Through the haze of pain and fear Shinji realized that his hand no longer responded to his commands and he could feel Asuka's fingers slipping through his hand. Trying to ignore the pain that was making the world go hazy he squeezed the railing between his legs and torso, trying to brace himself so that he could reach her with his other arm.

"Shinji, you can't pull us both up. If you don't let go of me, we'll both fall. Let me go Shinji. It's the only way."

"I won't let you go!" Shinji shouted, grabbing her other hand. He felt his feet slide up the concrete banister. Asuka hung limply from his grasp and he felt her hand slide faster as sweat began to slide down his palms.

Blood dripped from his lip, splashing over Asuka's face. She didn't seem to notice it. "You hate me, Shinji, let me die." 

"Why do you keep saying that! Why would I hate you?" Drawn by his cries, Pen-Pen raced out onto the balcony, squawking madly. He grabbed Shinji's pant leg in his beak and started ineffectually trying to pull the boy back.

Asuka's smile saddened further at Shinji's continued lack of comprehension. "You have to let me go, Shinji. I hurt you for no reason at all. You must hate me."

Shinji's feet slid farther up the balustrade and Asuka's hand slipped a little more. "I don't hate you, Asuka! Asuka, I-- I--"

"Shinji? Is that you?" Terry's voice came from within the apartment.

"TERRY, HELP!" Shinji screamed.

The 6th Child ran onto the balcony and seeing Shinji's waist disappearing over the railing, dove forward and grabbed Shinji's legs. The impact caused Asuka to slip even further from Shinji's grasp and Shinji's legs flailed, kicking Terry in the face.

"Quick, it's Asuka; help me pull her up!" Shinji gasped, feeling the 2nd Child start to slip again.

"Asuka?" The note of indecision in Terry's voice was clear.

A frightening tone of acceptance entered Asuka's voice. "He won't save me Shinji, he hates me. You shouldn't save me, you hate me."

"Stop saying that! I DON'T HATE YOU!"

She looked up at him, a look of blissful resignation filling her face. "Goodbye, Shinji."

"NO!"

Terry grabbed Shinji's belt and yanked the boy back over the balcony then threw himself over the the railing and grabbed Asuka's hand just as it slipped free of Shinji's. Together, the two boys pulled the girl's unresisting form back over the railing.

Shinji spat out a mouthful of blood and grunting in pain, he sat down, grasping his arm.

"I think I can fix that," Terry said, grabbing Shinji's arm, bracing his foot against Shinji's hip, and yanking downward. His effort was rewarded with a loud _click_ as the joint slid smoothly back into its socket. Standing back up suddenly seemed like too much effort for Terry and he sank to his knees. "I don't believe it," he panted, "You stupid crazy little flipping bitch. You tried to kill yourself."

"Shut up Terry," Shinji snapped. "Just… shut… up." He used the hem of his shirt to try and wipe some of the blood off of Asuka's face but succeeded only in leaving broad smears of red. As soon as he let go of her head, Asuka curled up tightly into a ball. Straining, Shinji picked her up and carried her into her room, dropping her unceremoniously onto her bed. He looked back at her as he closed the door but she remained tightly curled.

Terry was waiting for him in the living room, his lip already starting to swell from where Shinji had kicked him. "Why'd you even bother?" he asked callously. "What would have been lost if she'd dropped?"

For the first time that he could remember, Terry saw a look of fury take possession of Shinji's face and the boy's hands curled into fists. "Go home, Terry. I don't want to see you again tonight."

"You're going to have to. You live with me." Terry replied. Shinji followed him back to his apartment, but to his surprise Shinji gathered up his sleeping mat and blankets and practically ran back to Misato's apartment. He returned a few moments later and began to grab more of his belongings.

"Shinji, what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm moving back to Misato's."

"Why?"

Shinji rounded on him, "I don't know if it matters to you but Asuka just tried to kill herself. Someone needs to be there to watch her, to make sure that she stays safe."

"Just wait until Misato hears about this."

"You will say absolutely nothing to Misato!" Shinji hissed, his voice holding a dangerous edge.

"Are you insane, Ikari? She just tried to kill herself! What if an Angel was to attack tomorrow? Do you really want her in an Eva?"

"You're unfit to pilot for exactly the same reason! You wouldn't have grabbed Asuka's hand if she hadn't been about to pull me over too. You would've let her die. If an Angel attacked right now, I would rather have her by my side than you, because I know that my life holds some value to her!" 

Terry opened and closed his mouth, like a fish gasping for air, but no words passed between his lips.

Neither of the boys spoke as Shinji made a few more trips between the apartments, ferrying his essential belongings over to Misato's. As he finished his last trip, Terry handed Shinji his cello, then locked the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji sat in the kitchen, the cello propped between his legs, the bow dangling limply from his hands. He'd checked on Asuka several times but she hadn't moved or opened her eyes, not even when he'd cleaned her face off with a damp washcloth, or when he draped a blanket over her.

He drew the bow over the strings, the opening strands of Barber's _Adagio_ issuing from the cello. The somber tones sounded suitable for a funeral dirge and sickened his heart. Shinji quickly let the cello lapse back into silence. He tried to play several more pieces, but he couldn't put any enthusiasm into his playing and finally let the strings fall silent.

He put the instrument away, then locked the balcony door and set up his sleeping mat so that he was between Asuka's room and the balcony. He looked in on her one last time before turning off the lights: she was still curled up tightly, almost completely hidden beneath the blanket that he'd wrapped around her.

Shinji lay awake for a long while, his mind in turmoil. What would he tell Misato in the morning, when she returned? He didn't want to see Asuka taken back to the psychiatric ward but this was the second time she'd tried to kill herself. Her resolve had been greater this time too. He wouldn't have been able to pull her back over the railing without Terry's help. Her willingness to embrace death frightened him and she hadn't shown any regrets, save that he refused to let her go and would join her in her fall.

He was bothered even more by Terry's role. What was it between the two of them that made one of them attempt suicide while the other was willing to let the first die?

He heard the door to Asuka's room slide open and he quickly shut his eyes, feigning sleep. His muscles tensed and he prepared to leap to his feet and wrestle her to the ground if she went near the balcony. He strained his ears, listening intently as her footsteps came down the corridor and towards him, towards the balcony.

They stopped right next to his head and his blankets were suddenly lifted off of his body. He felt a weight settle on the pad next to him as the blanket settled back down and felt the warm breeze of breathing wash over his face. 

Shinji opened his eyes and found Asuka's face right next to his, their noses less than an inch apart. Her eyes were large and overly reflective with tears on the verge of being shed.

"Asuka?" he asked quietly.

"Shinji, do you… hate me?"

He was taken aback by her question almost as much as by her presence. "N-- no. I don't hate you."

"Not even when I yell at you?"

"No."

"Not even when I call you names?"

"No."

"Not even when I hurt you?"

Shinji paused a moment before answering, trying to understand her question. "No," he answered finally.

Asuka held her breath, as if his response to her next question would determine whether or not she would breathe again. "Why?"

"Because… I don't. Because I-- I-- I--" He stuttered, stumbling for words.

Asuka threw her arms around his neck and buried her head against his chest, burying his face in her hair. It smelled good, like wildflowers. He felt more than heard her sob and spots of hot dampness splashed onto his chest.

"Asuka?"

She didn't raise her head as she spoke. "You didn't let me go. You refused to stop holding on… Please Shinji, hold me. Just hold on to me," she said, tightening her grip around his neck.

Unsure of what else to do Shinji cradled her head against his neck, resting one hand on her back, the other interlaced in her hair, holding her head. As her sobs subsided and her breathing fell into a deep and regular rhythm, he gently stroked her hair. 

And so, in that manner, he fell asleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"What the hell is going on here!"

Shinji awoke with a start and realized that it was morning, sunlight streaming in through the windows. Misato stood over him, looking tired, cranky, and not at all pleased with what she saw before her.

"I-- it's not what you think!" Shinji stammered. He tried to rise but Asuka's weight kept him pinned to the floor.

"Then just what is it?" Misato demanded, her hands on her hips.

"I was lonely." Asuka murmured, her head still pressed against Shinji's neck.

"If you were lonely, you could've gotten Pen-Pen to sleep with you!"

"He has cold feet."

Misato's face twisted into an awry expression of exasperation. "I'm going to bed. I'll deal with this later." In opposition to her words she went into the kitchen and the two children could hear the refrigerator open and the hiss as the seal on a can of beer was broken.

Asuka rose without a word and went into the bathroom, and Shinji soon heard the sound of running water. Sitting up, he shook out the arm that had been pinned under Asuka and had the circulation cut off. After restoring the flow of blood to his limb Shinji stood up and decided that the only thing he could do at this point was to try and act as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. He went into the kitchen and started on breakfast.

Misato was sitting at the table as he entered, staring at a can of beer as if it held the answer to every question she had. 

"Shinji," she began slowly, "did I really set that poor of an example for you?"

"What do you mean?" he asked as he opened the refrigerator. 

"What do you think I mean?" she asked him irritably. "I come through the door and I find the two of you…."

Shinji shook his head as he stuck a couple slices of bread in the toaster and a bowl of leftover rice in the microwave. "It was nothing like that. Asuka needed, umm, emotional support, I guess."

Misato sighed, and buried her head in her arms. "Shinji, what happened last night?"

"Nothing," he said quickly.

Misato started massaging her temples. "Shinji, when you say nothing in that tone of voice, you practically scream 'pay attention to me'. Now tell me, preferably in small words, what happened here."

"Nothing," Shinji repeated.

"Shinji, it looks like someone tried to fillet your lip, and your face looks like it was used to wear down sandpaper. Nothing' doesn't do things like that to someone's face. A gang of switchblade wielding psychopaths yes. Nothing, no."

"Nothing happened."

Misato threw her arms up in defeat. "Fine, be that way. Nothing happened last night, nothing at all." She stood up and over to the bathroom. She knocked three times and even though there was no answer she opened the door and stepped inside.

Asuka submerged up to her nose in the bathtub and the air was humid enough that Misato couldn't tell if the tracks running from her eyes were from tears or the steam.

"Okay, Asuka, I don't know what's with the conspiracy of silence, but I want answers and I want them right now."

The girl sank beneath the surface of the water then reemerged a few moments later, her hair plastered to her head. "You don't need to concern yourself," Asuka said, wringing out her hair and wrapping it in a towel. "Nothing happened."

"If I hear somebody say that 'nothing happened' one more time, you 're going to wish that we were back in the good old days when the Angels were the worst things you had to worry about. If neither of you will say anything, maybe Terry will. Should I go ask him what happened?"

Asuka froze for a second. "Why would he know anything?" she asked carefully.

"Most of Shinji's things seem to be back over here. I don't know about you but if my roommate suddenly moved out, I'd be a little curious. "

"He won't have anything to say, because there is nothing to say. Not a single thing happened last night."

"In case you forgot, Asuka, I'm your guardian, morally as well as physically," Misato snapped. "Something occurred that both you and Shinji seem very reluctant to talk about. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you're both growing up and maybe the thought crossed your minds about certain morally questionable--"

Asuka snorted, "You're one to talk about morals. Kaji might have helped you forget how lonely life can be but he was never around for me."

"And so you picked Shinji? Some might say you took the poor second." 

The glare that the girl gave her could have burned a hole through the wall. "It wasn't like that. There was nothing disgusting about it, unlike your relationship with Kaji."

A nervous tic developed under Misato's eye. "Leave him out of this."

Asuka closed her eyes and sank back into the bath, refusing to answer any more of Misato's questions. Close to crying out of sheer frustration, she finally gave up, and retreated to her room to seek the temporary oblivion of sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry awoke with the dawn and watched the gray light filtering through his window slowly change to gold.

__

Misato will be home by now. What will they tell her? What will they say about what I almost didn't do? His thoughts bore a distinctly melancholy cast. _I would have let her fall. She would have died because of my direct action. Her life would be one my hands, and there would be no way for me to rationalize it, not this time.. Could I stand that, even if the life was hers?_

Almost unwillingly, his mind returned nine years earlier to Germany.

__

He was standing in a laboratory control room. His mother was there too, dragging another woman. They were both wearing the odd, tight suits that they wore when doing experiments. "Terry, please lock the door."

"Why, mommy?"

"Because dear, mommy has work to do that mustn't be disturbed."

The other woman's hands were tied but she managed to spit out the rag that had been stuffed in her mouth. "Dr. St. John, why are you doing this?"

His mother giggled. It frightened him. Her voice didn't sound right, and when she giggled it sounded even more wrong than her voice. _"The Evangelions will be magnificent, but not alone. They need us, Kyoko Soryu. Don't you understand? They need _us_!"_

Terry stood up. Whatever the consequences were, he would have to face them not matter what he did, so he might as well face them now. 

He knocked timidly on Misato's door. "Good morning, Terry," Shinji said after he opened the door. The forced blandness of his tone put Terry on guard.

He nodded. "Good morning Shinji. May I come in?"

"Yes. Would you like some breakfast?" Shinji asked, his voice still artificially neutral. Neither Asuka nor Misato were in sight as Terry stepped into the apartment and he couldn't decide whether that was a good thing or not.

"Misato has gone to bed already," Shinji informed him.

"What did you tell her?" he asked carefully.

"Nothing. What will you tell her?"

"Nothing," Terry answered reluctantly.

Shinji nodded, but, before he could speak, Asuka entered the kitchen, her hair still wrapped in a towel. She stopped in surprise at seeing Terry and a myriad of expressions, none of them pleasant, flickered across her face. "Good morning," she finally said, the restrained hostility hidden from her face apparent in her voice.

"Good morning, Miss Soryu," he replied stiffly, deciding that, for now, civility was his best option. Still, when she wasn't looking his lips silently formed the word _bitch_

Shinji set three places at the table then sat down, his eyes fastened on the plate in front of him.

Asuka glanced up from her plate and when she was sure that he wasn't looking shot him a glare. _Bastard_ she said silently.

No one spoke as they ate and the mood that settled over the apartment was strained at best.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuyutsuki tried not to grind his teeth in irritation as he made the inevitable trek across the Commander's office.

"Has Steele been dealt with?" Gendo asked.

"He had already been 'dealt with,' sir." Fuyutsuki had learned about Steele's unexpected demise while still in the process of arranging for his… termination. As far as surprises went, it had been a pleasant one, for him at least. Even though he could see the necessity for Steele's permanent removal, he hadn't been looking forward to it.

"Really?" Gendo replied sounding only mildly surprised.

"He was struck by a car shortly after abandoning his office and despite over two dozen eyewitnesses the police have been unable to locate the involved vehicle." 

The Commander grunted. "It isn't like Kihl to so lightly dispose of such a potentially valuable source of information. I wonder if this isn't a sign of dissension among the old men. I assume that topside security has been tightened accordingly?"

"Yes, sir. I personally selected Steele's replacement. He can be trusted."

"For now. The old men are getting nervous, if they are starting to act so openly."

"Also, sir, I was given a… message to pass along to you."

"From who?"

"I don't know. I found it in my office," Fuyutsuki said, handing him a crumpled piece of paper. 

'It's been a while, Rokubungi. Consider Steele my gesture of good faith. I need to talk to you about a branch from that tree we helped to grow. It's borne some very interesting fruit.'

-An old friend.

"I assume that the 'branch' and 'fruit' mentioned in the message are-."

"The Second Branch and Unit 04," Gendo finished. 


	7. A Heart's Lamentation : Soul's Semblance

Gospel 1:6

__

A Heart's Lamentation/ Soul's Semblance

Shinji picked half-heartedly at his breakfast, not eating, but pushing the food around on his plate with his fork. Sensing the boy's mood, Pen-Pen picked at his own food out of sympathy. 

It was with a sigh of finality that Shinji decided that he did not understand women in general, Asuka in particular.

He could hear her voice coming from the bathroom, her singing rising above the sound of the running shower. Three days ago he'd seen her fall completely apart, nearly throwing herself from the balcony, and then clinging to him as if he were the only solid thing left in the world. The next day she seemed fragile, barely able to hold herself together and it seemed as if one wrong word could blow her apart again. In school the entire class had sensed her mood, and even the teacher's voice had been little more than a whisper, as if everyone was afraid that Asuka would shatter if they talked to loudly.

That night he'd lain awake in bed, sure that Asuka would come to him again and hold him as if he were her only lifeline. She didn't and when awoke early the next morning he'd made breakfast and brought it to her room on a tray. She'd glared at him for waking her up, didn't thank him for bringing the food and when he lingered by the door, waiting to see if she had anything to say, she'd told him to stop staring at her like a pervert and get out of her room.

It'd been a Sunday, so he lingered around the apartment watching her. The only break in her façade came after lunch. Asuka was watching television and he'd ostensibly been reading a book. "Shinji," she'd begun her voice barely above a whisper, "You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine. So stop staring at me you perverted little creep!" She'd thrown a pillow at him, then a shoe, and then the bombardment, both of objects and of invectives, became so intense that he'd fled the apartment.

He'd gone to Touji's and Shinji hadn't been surprised to find Hikari there as well. They seemed to be getting together to 'study' much more often than their classwork required.

"Hello Mikomi," Shinji'd said, waving to Touji's little sister who watched him silently, but intensely from the door. The little girl seemed to idolize Shinji almost as much as she did her big brother, a fact that made Shinji more than a little uncomfortable.

"Has _Mr._ St. John apologized to Asuka yet?" Hikari'd demanded.

"They settled their differences," Shinji'd lied. "I think that everything's back to normal." He wasn't sure if that was a lie. Asuka'd seemed to revert to what had been normal for her: brash, casually arrogant, superior. He couldn't tell if it was an act or not.

Shinji wished that he could've asked Kaji what he should do. Kaji had always seemed to know the right thing to say, to have all the right answers. But Kaji wasn't' around anymore. When Shinji had asked about him at the Geofront he'd been told that Kaji had been transferred back to Germany. He was almost certain that that was a lie.

It'd been a mistake to eavesdrop as Misato had listened to the message, but he hadn't known better. It wasn't until the message was more than halfway through that he'd realized what Kaji was really saying and that he could hear Misato sobbing. That was when he turned the volume on his walkman up all the way and pressed the earphones tightly against his head.

He could know for sure if listened to Kaji's message, if he could find the answering machine. It wasn't in its usual place and the fact that Misato hid it was almost certain confirmation of Shinji's fears. It seemed that she was determined to hold onto the past as strongly as Asuka and Terry were.

When Terry had arrived at the apartment the following morning, Shinji had been afraid that he and Asuka would try to put each other in the hospital. Their conversation over breakfast had been the last words he'd seen them exchange since then, and outside of class he'd rarely seen the 6th Child.

The few times that Shinji had seen Terry had been in Rei's company, and although he seemed to be practically hanging off of her arm she'd seemed to be aloof of his presence. As far as Shinji could tell, Rei wasn't doing anything to encourage Terry's company, but she didn't seem to be trying to discourage him either. Several times when he'd seen Rei without Terry she'd been staring at a white rose, much like the one he'd seen Terry buy. The implications of the flowers seemed obvious but Shinji found it hard to believe that anyone could breach Rei's self-imposed shell of isolation.

Misato had pressed the three of them relentlessly for an explanation of what had happened that night, but they all refused to talk. Fortunately she'd come to the wrong conclusion and seemed to have assumed that the incident had been of a romantic nature. Once it had become obvious that nothing short of physical force would get an answer from them, Misato became subtler in her inquiries, but still met with no success.

As the food on his plate slowly pulped under the continued stabbing of his fork, Shinji's mind drifted back to Asuka. Although relieved that Asuka was behaving normally again, he was also a little upset. As he had lain there with his arms around Asuka he'd felt oddly complete, as if her presence had satiated a need that he didn't even know he'd had. Ever since that night, he'd again felt the need. It lay in his heart, an ache whose pain itself was oddly soothing but nowhere near as soothing as the pain's salve was.

Although he'd admit it to no one over the past few nights he'd hoped to hear footsteps approach his room, hear his door slide open, and to again feel the warmth of Asuka's body as she lay next to him. He longed to again feel the stirring of her breath, the rise and fall of her stomach against his.

Shinji sighed and glanced down at his plate. His breakfast had been mashed into a dirty sludge-like paste and he sighed again as he rose, disposing of the remains of his meal. In the background he heard the shower shut off and he stared towards the bathroom door with an almost wistful expression on his face. If he only knew what Asuka was thinking then he might be able to decide what to do. But her mind was a closed book to him it's contents inscrutable; it was better to do nothing than to risk doing the wrong thing.

Pen-Pen waited until the boy left the kitchen before turning back to his dish and wolfing down his breakfast.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka hummed to herself as she wrapped a towel around her body and she heard footsteps go past the door. Her hands slowed as she brushed out her hair, her thoughts settling on Shinji. There was a split in her mind about the 3rd child and as she thought about him a scene formed in her mind. She was standing on one side of an empty room dressed in her plug suit. She also stood opposite of herself, wearing her yellow sundress. Kaji sat askew in a chair in the middle of the room, twirling a gavel between the fingers of one hand.

"I hate him!" herself in the plug suit exclaimed. "He always interferes! He's competition, he keeps me from being the best. I should've pulled the plug. That would've taken care of that stupid little show-off."

"No, I'm glad that I didn't pull the plug. I don't hate Shinji," said herself in the sundress.

The gavel suddenly ceased its motion. "Why didn't you kill him? What stopped you?" Kaji asked looking at her intently.

"I… I would have missed him."

"Why would I miss that idiot?" herself in the plug suit demanded.

"Because I need him."

Herself in the plug suit snorted in disdain, "I don't need anyone. Need is a weakness. _Ich bin vollkommen._ I don't have any weaknesses."

"Are you sure?" Kaji asked. "Isn't arrogance a failing, a weakness?"

"It's not arrogance when you know how good you are."

"How about pride, the deadly sin? Doesn't that make your pridefulness a weakness, a failing?"

"Shut up!" herself in the plug suit screeched. "I don't have any failings! I think I'm perfect!"

"And that is why you fail!" Kaji declared triumphantly, rapping the gavel against an imaginary table. "You refuse to recognize the fact that you are human, with all of the frailties and failings inherent!"

"I fail because Shinji always beats me. I'd succeed without him," herself in the plug suit said petulantly. "Shinji's so special, him and that bitch, Wonder Girl. Why is that stupid little doll so important? Why can she summon Shinji the Hero down from his pedestal when I can't? That _Schwachkopf_ doesn't care about me so why should I care about him?"

It was herself in the sundress that answered. "Without him, I'd be alone. No one else would let me near them. He compliments me, he can fill the emptiness, the void that keeps me from being complete. Together we are more than one. I could love him… I think."

"I would never love a pathetic loser like him!" herself in the plug suit shouted. "He doesn't matter to me. I love Kaji. I don't need anyone else." 

"You never loved me Miss Soryu," Kaji corrected her gently. "You were only infatuated. After your mother's death your father was cold and distant, so you fixated on the one who would be like a father to you. You've grown up now; it's time to set your juvenile infatuations aside."

"No, I love Kaji, and he'd love me if it wasn't for Misato. It's disgusting how she behaves with him."

"My relationship with Misato is special. Someday, you'll find someone that you'll want to have that kind of relationship with. Maybe it will be with Shinji."

"That's disgusting. I would never do anything like that with Shinji! I would rather—"

"But I did something similar, didn't I?" Asuka said uncertainly, interrupting herself. "I slept with him, and I enjoyed it. Knowing that he was there, there for me, feeling the heat of his body so close, it filled a need, a need that I still have. To be close to another person, to be close to him, to steal some of his peace for myself, it was something that I needed, that I still want."

She glared defiantly at the other Asuka. "I can want something from someone else without making me any less than I am."

Kaji started pounding the gavel against the air. "Good job, Asuka! I'm proud of you."

She smiled at Kaji's praise and the image faded away, although the pounding did not. "Asuka, are you all right in there?" Shinji asked.

Blinking, she realized that she had been staring at the mirror for several minutes. The faucet that she'd left running had filled the sink almost to the top.

"I'll be out in a minute," she said.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji and Asuka left their apartment at nearly the same time that Terry left his. No one spoke as they rode the elevator down and once they reached ground level Terry quickly left them behind, moving almost at a run.

The two of them walked in silence for a while with Shinji occasionally glancing at Asuka out of the corner of his eye. "Uh, Asuka," he said finally, "can I ask you a question? About _that_ night?"

"What do you want to know?" she asked without looking at him.

"It's about Terry. He almost didn't help me and I got the feeling that if he'd been the one to find you, that he w- would have let you fall."

"He probably would have," she paused into pregnant silence. "I probably would have too, if our positions had been reversed," she said quietly.

"But why? What happened to you, so that you're willing to kill each other?"

" I don't want to talk about it," she said sullenly.

"Asuka, it you two are like that while in your Evas it could get us killed. If we can't trust each other we might die. What if Terry had been piloting an Eva when the 9th angel attacked? You, me, and Rei, we had to trust each other completely. It would've killed us if we hadn't."

Asuka kept walking without answering, her eyes downcast. When she looked up, her eyes were large and glassy. "Shinji, you would never do anything to hurt me, would you?"

Surprised by her question, he immediately agreed before he could stop and consider, "No. I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt you."

Before Shinji could react Asuka stepped forward and kissed him lightly on his lower lip. In that moment, the whole of his existence seemed concentrated in that one spot; every sensation magnified a thousand times; the pressure of her mouth, the texture of her lip on his.

The moment ended all to soon as she stepped back. "Thank you, Shinji."

"For what?" he asked, befuddled.

"For being there for me," she responded, and grinned as Shinji's hand rose to his lip, without him seeming to realize it.

"Um, okay," was all that Shinji could manger to stammer out. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

The oil tanker sat low in the water as it cruised ponderously through the open ocean. Like all of it's ilk the it was old and in obvious disrepair. The invention of the efficient electric automotive engine tore the bottom out of the oil market. Countries dependent on oil for their livelihood soon found their economies spiraling downward. A few, out of desperation still shipped out crude oil at exorbitant prices, trying to scrape up a small amount of cash from the rapidly dwindling supply of engines that still ran on refined petroleum. Even that avenue would soon be closed as the once mighty fleets of tanker and transport ships rotted at the docks, the price brought in by the oil not even enough to keep the ships that carried it from falling apart.

This particular tanker looked as if it were on its last voyage. Rust stains coated its sides and there were gaping holes in the hull plates where the rust had eaten through entirely. The deck was full of yawning pits where the deck plates had been pulled up so that the crew could perform the myriad of jury rigged repairs that allowed the ship to continue running from one day to the next.

The crew was a mixture of Iraqis, Saudis, and other men who'd worked the industry back when it put food on their tables and were either too tired or too set in their ways to leave it. The only exception was the captain, standing silently on the bridge. He was American, his face toughened by years at sea, dull eyes peering out from within a network of wrinkles. A battered captain's hat rested on his head, the words _Exxon,_ sun bleached and barely readable, stitched across the front. He did not appear to be watching what was going on around him. Instead, it seemed as if he was lost within memories of better days long past.

One of the sailors paused to spit over the rail as he walked past the captain. "Sir, sonar has detected a sub de-stealthing one hundred meters to port," he sailor mumbled as he went by.

The captain nodded, his eyes still fixed on something ahead. "All hands, stand by. Hold your fire unless I give the order," he said softly. His words were too quiet to be heard from more than a foot away, yet all over the ship men stopped what they were doing and reached into cabins, portholes, and holes in the deck, pulling out an impressive array of weapons. They watched as a submarine broke the surface of the ocean off to port and pulled up alongside the tanker, dropping a ladder as two men emerged from the submarine.

"It been a while, Gendo Rokubungi," the captain said in passable Japanese as Commander Ikari reached the tanker's deck.

"My name is Ikari now."

"I know. It's unusual for a Japanese man to take his wife's name."

"I trust that you invited me here to do more than discuss what social protocols I've violated over the years," Gendo said as Fuyutsuki reached the top of the ladder.

A shark-like grin creased the captain's face. "Oh, I have lots of things I'd like to talk about. As co-coordinator of the Katsuragi expedition, I was in this as deep as you, in the beginning. Sorry about Steele, by the way. If I'd known exactly what he was planning I would've taken care of him sooner".

"My time is precious, Taylor. From your message I assumed that you had information concerning the Second Branch. If I was mistaken, I'll leave now."

Taylor's grin turned feral. "I have much more than information. I have an Evangelion."

"So you did recover Unit 04. I'm impressed," Gendo said, his voice remaining bland.

"You haven't seen anything yet." The captain pulled a small radio out of his coat. "Eve, would you please say hello to Commander Ikari?"

"Hello, Commander." The voice that came over the radio was computer generated, but unmistakably female. "My name is Eve. I am the pilot of Evangelion Unit 04."

"How did you acquire a pilot?" Fuyutsuki demanded. "There's no possible way that you could've trained one without our knowledge."

"She was an unexpected bonus. Imagine our surprise after we restored power to the Eva and started running diagnostic tests, when the pilot contacted us to confirm that all systems were operational. Better than operational in some cases."

"How could there have been a pilot? Unit 04 was activated with a dummy plug."

"I suppose," Taylor said with a smirk.

"Captain!" a sailor shouted, "Sonar's detected an attack sub de-stealthing off of our starboard bow!"

"Damn, there must've been a leak. I assume that you're the only two on your side that know about this meeting, so that means someone on mine doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. When I get back, someone is going to have an accident." Taylor said with mock regret.

"If you get back," Fuyutsuki said dubiously.

"I doubt you have anything to worry about, Captain," Gendo said. "You don't look anything like the picture in your file. Of course it'll be a different matter entirely if they decide to take your fingerprints."

Taylor held up his hands and sighed wistfully. "Unfortunately, my hands were crushed in a piston many years ago and the reconstructive surgery left my fingers perfectly smooth."

"I assume that the rest of your crew has undergone similar procedures?"

"Of course. We're simply an old oil crew trying to make a little money in this hostile world. They'll even find oil in our holds, as long as they don't look too deep. Hopefully, they don't know that you're here yet." Turning away from them he again spoke into the hidden communicator. "Hold your fire until my command," he instructed the crew.

The attack sub stopped a hundred meters off the tanker's bow and the radio on the bridge crackled to life. "Tanker _Anon_, stop your engines and prepare to be boarded."

Taylor lifted the switched on the microphone. "This is the tanker _Anon_. On what charges are we being boarded?"

"Violation of transportation of hazardous materials laws."

"I don't believe that crude oil is currently classified as a hazardous material. I fail to recognize the validity of your orders."

"This is your only warning. We have reason to believe that you are smuggling hazardous substances. Cut your engines immediately. Resistance will be met with deadly force." The line went dead as the sub's commander cut the transmission and the sub pulled up alongside the tanker.

"SEELE somehow caught wind that something was up, but they must not have found out that the two of us are here." Taylor said as the _Anon_'s turbines stopped spinning and the gigantic ship drifted to a stop. "If they did, I doubt the sub would've had the courtesy to drop its stealth field before blowing us out of the water. That broadcast was for the benefit of anyone who might've been monitoring the channel. They're just waiting for final clearance before they sink us." Taylor frowned. "The sub's to close to use torpedoes though, what could they be trying?" He suddenly straightened. "Arm a demolition team with full-auto gas rifles and get them in the water now," he ordered. "Tell them to fire on sight and shoot to kill. There are an unknown number of targets planting explosives on our hull." Taylor started drumming his fingers on the railing. "Now we have to take care of that sub too." 

A smile stretched the corners of Gendo's mouth. "I'm surprised. All of this preparation and you didn't bring an N2 mine."

"This was supposed to be covert," Taylor grumbled. "I was hoping we could conclude this business without having anyone interrupt."

"You have that demolitions team, why not have them blow the sub up?" Fuyutsuki asked.

Taylor shook his head. "As soon as the sub looses contact with the team they sent to sink us, they'll back off and torpedo us. We'll just have to sink them before they pull away." He spoke into the radio. "Eve, I have need of you. I'm linking in the visuals to you now. You'll know what to do."

"Yes, sir."

The tanker rocked and groaned, as an immense weight shifted in its hold.

The radio snapped back to life, "Tanker _Anon_, stop your engines immediately. You have thirty seconds to comply or you will be fired on."

"Well, that's that then," Taylor said, turning towards Gendo. "Anyone listening in on the radio transmissions will hear the sub attempting to stop a suspect oil tanker, and since it refused to comply with their orders, it was sunk. They murder us neat and legal. I'm not amused." His face turned grim. "Now, Eve," he ordered.

A hand burst through the tanker's side, a progressive knife clutched in its hands. The hand plunged downward, slashing through the sub, splitting it along the keel line. Twisting the blade sideways it drew the knife back and split the sub in half

"You did an excellent job Eve," Taylor commended her, "thank you."

"Quite impressive," Gendo said. "Unfortunately, I can't convince myself that you intend to give me Unit 04 and its pilot as a gift."

Taylor gave him a broad smile. "Happy birthday. No, I'm not going to give it to you for free."

"What do you want in return?"

"A favor," Taylor said simply.

"What kind of favor?"

"Oh, I don't know, yet," Taylor said, turning to watch the sea over the railing. Bits of flotsam bobbed up to the surface, along with several bodies. There was a crack of gunfire as one of the sailors shot a man who had survived the sub's sinking and his subsequent return to the surface. "I didn't give the order to open fire," he chastised the sailor, then addressed the crew. "However, shoot any other survivors on sight. We can't afford to have anyone report back." 

He turned back towards Gendo. "There's a massive storm front approaching Japan. It will temporarily block all satellite surveillance. Once it clears the good ship _Anon_ will be found grounded along some inhospitable track of the Japanese coast, its crew bearing a tragic tale. Their captain suffered a nervous breakdown, locked himself on the bridge, then ran the ship aground and hurled himself overboard. The crew has been provided with false records. They'll be detained for a few days before being sent home, no one suspecting that they're anything more than a bunch of worn out oilmen. There's enough actual crude in the holds that after it's been spread over several miles of coast it'll seem to match what's listed on the manifest.

"That sub will simply be recorded as lost at sea, since it would raise quite a few awkward questions if was discovered that it disappeared after intercepting a seemingly random oil tanker.

"As for the favor, I'll call it in when I need to. Playing with the big boys can be dangerous, so it's nice to have a little insurance. You're a powerful player in this game, Ikari. A chip from you is worth a lot. I won't cash it unless I really need to, but when I do I expect you to honor it in full."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Far beneath the freighter the sea floor trembled as Unit 04's presence awoke the titan sleeping beneath it, and the sea floor shook as it began the slow process of waking.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Unit 04 stood within the supposedly unoccupied third cage. Events had proceeded almost exactly as Taylor had predicted. The _Anon_'s crew had been sent home and 'Captain' Taylor was declared dead after some of his effects washed up on the beach. Unit 04 had been smuggled into the geofront under the pretense of a late night test of the recovery system. Everyone who knew about the Eva's presence was collected within the third cage, which had 'officially' been shut down and sealed as a cost saving measure.

"Dr. Akagi, send the signal to eject the plug," Gendo requested. "I believe that we'd all like to meet the pilot."

Ritsuko tapped a few keys then frowned. "The signal's not being accepted."

Eve's voice issued quietly from a speaker, "I blocked the signal."

"Why?" Gendo asked, his voice sounding like he already knew the answer.

"Doing so would kill me."

"The dummy plug should've had a full set of life support systems along with multiple back ups," Ritsuko stated. "Why would leaving the Unit 04 kill you?"

"I am… connected… to the Eva."

"Connected?" Ritsuko asked. "in what way? Has the plug fused with the entry screws?"

"There is no distinction between Unit 04 and myself."

"You mean—?" sounding shaken, Ritsuko trailed off.

"Yes. Unit 04 and I are one entity."

Fuyutsuki looked stunned. "That's impossible!"

"Only as impossible as a dummy plug gaining a sense of consciousness," Gendo said smugly.

Ignoring the two men, Ritsuko began to question Eve. "How did you… join Unit 04?"

"I would rather not speak of it. The experience was…unpleasant."

The Commander shut off the link to Eve. "Dr. Akagi, you now have both a fully functioning S2 engine and an intact dummy system. I will expect them both to considerably aid the speed of your work."

He and Fuyutsuki exited the cage, missing the glare that Ritsuko gave the Commander.

"I still disagree with your decision to accept Unit 04," Fuyutsuki said after they left the cage. "The Americans now hold an axe over our heads," 

"There's no need to be so fatalistic. If I don't approve of what they ask, then I simply won't give it to them."

"Double-cross them? You're insane!"

"What do you think they can do about it? The only thing that we took from them was Unit 04, which I had searched. It contained no bugs, bombs, or anything else that could be used to prevent is from reneging. Taylor is a clever man, but he is staking a great deal on my gratitude "

"Ikari, do you enjoy making enemies?" Fuyutsuki demanded.

"I'm not used to being liked," Gendo began with an ironic smile. "I am quite familiar with being hated. It does not discomfort me to make another enemy. "

------------------------------------------------------------------

Ritsuko sighed as the door closed behind Commander Ikari. She do everything that he said. If she didn't, she'd end up back in the cell, in the dark. The thought made her feel sick to her stomach.

"I hate him. Hatred is a new experience," Eve stated quietly.

Ritsuko gave a start of surprise. "The channel's still open?"

"I did not wish for it to be turned off."

"But that's an outside circuit! How did you do that?"

"I do not know."

Ritsuko turned and silently regard the Eva. "Eve, are you truly _part_ of Unit 04?"

"I will allow you to turn on the plug's internal camera."

The screen on the control console flickered on at Ritsuko's touch and she gasped as she saw what was inside of the dummy plug. In places the walls of the plug looked as if they had simply been dissolved. In other places, thick strands of muscle and long ropy veins had pushed through the wall. They all converged at one spot, the core of the dummy plug.

From the waist down, the core was enveloped by a mass of muscle and vein. Smaller veins radiated out from her chest and fully extended arms, which disappeared into the walls of the plug. However, her face, Eve's face, Rei's face was untouched, except for the eyes, which seemed to stare blindly at the camera, absolutely white.

"Eve, can you see me?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Through my eyes."

"How? I can't see a pupil, or cornea."

"Those are not the eyes I use."

Ritsuko looked up at the Eva. "You mean, the dummy plug and the Eva…."

"There is no dummy plug, no Eva," Eve corrected. "There is only myself."

"How did it happen?"

"I do not know. I must learn to explain."

"Learn?"

The Eva's head seemed to shift slightly in her direction. _No, it's Eve's head,_ Ritsuko corrected herself mentally. "The knowledge that I posses is limited, and I only posses that by grace of my mother."

"You have… a mother."

"Yes."

"Who was she?"

"I do not know, but I want to."

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Terry arrived early at school. He'd taken to leaving his apartment well ahead of the other two children so that he wouldn't have to deal with them, Asuka especially. It also allowed him a small window of opportunity, since there was only one other student who also was always early.

"At least when she's here, she's early," he mumbled to himself as he entered the classroom. Rei was already at her desk, her chin cradled in her palm, her eyes gazing out the window. She didn't seem to notice him standing in the doorway and he remained there for a moment before gathering his determination and entering the room.

As he sat down at the desk beside her, he glanced around the room, reassuring himself that no one else was there. He then leaned towards Rei, and placed a white rose on her desk by her left hand and before he could reconsider kissed her lightly on the side of her neck.

He practically threw himself back into his seat, afraid of what repercussions he might have just brought down on his head.

To his surprise, all that Rei did was glance down at the rose before returning her gaze to what lay outside of the window.

Terry wasn't sure whether he should be encouraged or discouraged by her lack of reaction. He turned his head and watched the world outside the window for a few minutes, trying to work up the courage to ask her a question.

"Uh, Rei," he started, feeling a nervous sweat spring up on his face, "there's a school carnival coming up next month and—"

"I CAUGHT THE LOVE BIRDS!"

Terry leapt to his feet as Kensuke came leaping into the room, ubiquitous camera clutched in his hand. "C'mon, Terry, give Rei a big kiss for the camera!" he yelled.

Terry flushed brilliant red. "I— I wasn't, I mean—." He glanced towards Rei who was still looking out the window. To his surprise, the rose was gone and thinking that it might have fallen he glanced towards the floor, but it was nowhere in sight.

"Whoa, Terry, I was just teasing. You weren't really about to…." Kensuke started, then turned the camera on himself, "This is Kensuke Aida bringing you live coverage of some breaking news." He pointed the camera back at Terry. "Renowned ladies' man Terrence St. John was caught red handed in the presence of class recluse, Rei Ayanami. This is the first concrete evidence of their torrid affair and may possibly confirm rumors of a love child—"

"Cut it out!" Terry shouted, lunging for the camera. 

Kensuke skipped back, laughing. "When confronted with evidence of the affair Mr. St. John became unreasonably violent—"

"I'll show you unreasonably violent!" Terry shouted, knocking desks out of the way as he pursued Kensuke. Rei seemed oblivious to what was occurring around her.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Both Kensuke and Terry stopped in mid-step, Terry's momentum causing him to fall flat on his face. When he looked up, he saw Hikari standing in the doorway, hands on her hips, an angry look on her face. Other students began arriving and clustered around her, pointing and giggling at the spectacle in the classroom. "Umm, we were just—" the two of them began.

"I don't care! Clean up this room right now!"

"Yes ma'am," the two of them mumbled, and began straightening up the desks.


	8. Termination of the Repose:Voices on High

Gospel 1:7

__

Termination of the Repose/Voices on High

The sea floor trembled as the behemoth sleeping beneath it awoke. Thousands of tons of sand and silt were forced into motion by its stirrings, hiding the ocean floor beneath a massive cloud of roiling sediment. It had slept for untold eons until its slumber had been impinged upon by the presence of another, the discordance of the other's voice with the Harmony rousing it to wakefulness.

As its mind came to full consciousness, it realized that all was not right with the world. The Harmony was in chaos. It could sense the low voice the Mother, but the voices of the Disciples had all been silenced. It could barely sense the Brother, and His presence was a mere shade of what it should have been. Its mind rang as it was assaulted by millions upon millions of tiny voices shrieking in discordance with the Harmony. Above even these it could hear five more, their voices raised in near counterpoint and it was these voices that had awakened it.

The cloud of sediment bulged as the behemoth rose, the pressure of its ascent causing the cloud to mushroom upwards then burst apart. With a final groan, it slipped free of the sea floor and began its ascension.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Captain Franco Biggs whistled under his breath as he stood on the bridge of the cargo ship _Malheureux._ The vessel was still several hours out from Hakata Bay, where after they unloaded their cargo the crew would have an entire week of shore leave before their next run started.

He stopped whistling as one of the crewmen began to swear and beat the side of a control console. "Do you have a problem?" he demanded. "All that breaking the instruments will do is dock your paycheck."

"Sorry, sir," the sailor apologized. "It's just that the depth sonar has gone on the fritz. It's reading the ocean bottom at 314 meters."

Biggs sighed unhappily. "Of course something would have to break. It's not like I want to spend my shore leave doing things other than writing maintenance reports and equipment replacement orders."

"What the—?" the sailor exclaimed. "The readout is showing the ocean floor rising! 217 meters! 168 meters!" The ship began to yaw and roll as the sea around it grew choppy. Biggs had to grab a console in order to keep from being thrown off of his feet.

"Sea depth at 53 meters!"

"Damn it!" Biggs shouted. "There must be an volcano beneath us! That's a gas pocket coming up! All ahead full! Get us out of here!"

"Sea depth at 17 meters!"

Biggs braced himself and closed his eyes as he waited for the gas pocket to reach the surface. If they were lucky, they would only be shaken up. If they weren't, the ship could all to easily end up being capsized and sunk.

Even with his death grip on the console Biggs was thrown from his feet as the deck jumped beneath him. As he landed on the deck he covered his head and curled into a ball, waiting for the ship to settle.

To his surprise there was no movement after the initial jolt. Slowly he rose to his feet, the other sailors doing likewise. His jaw dropped as he looked out of the bridge; he couldn't see the ocean anywhere. Instead, slick gray mud extended off in every direction.

"Oh my god!" one of the sailors shouted. "We're gaining altitude!"

Biggs grabbed the radio transmitter. "Mayday! Mayday! This is the transport vessel _Malheureux_! We've run aground in the middle of the Philippine Sea." The deck shifted under his feet as the _Malheureux_ settled into the mud. "I repeat, we've run aground!"

The deck shook under his feet and the bow of the ship tilted downwards, throwing him against the console. The ground had a distinctive slope and the ship began to slide forward, picking up speed.

"Mayday! Mayday! This is the transport vessel _Malheureux_! We're currently—!" His voice stopped as the ship suddenly cleared the edge of the ground. He could see the sea very far below, glittering in the sunlight. "—airborne," he squeaked as the ship tilted forward and began the long fall towards the water.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Kensuke whistled tunelessly to himself as he pressed his eye to the viewfinder of his camera, which was in receive mode, the antennae extended. The other students had to duck constantly to avoid it as he swung the camera back and forth, trying to find the best reception.

The whistle suddenly died on his lips, much to everyone's relief. "Hey, Shinji?" he called, his voice sounding uncertain.

"Yes?" Shinji replied, looking up from his desk.

"Are you sure that the Angels are all dead?"

Shinji grunted in annoyance. "Kensuke, how many times do I have to tell you? There are no more—" He was interrupted as Kensuke shoved the camera in his face. Looking through the viewfinder Shinji saw a still image of mountains with a text message superimposed on top of it: 

A state of special emergency has been declared for all prefectures within the Kyushu-Shikoku-Honshu region. Please proceed to your designated shelters at once.

At that moment, emergency sirens began to sound across the city. Terry glanced up from his desk, aware of what the siren meant, but not of what he should do. The other three Children shared a glance then stood and started for the door.

Seeing them leave, Terry stumbled to his feet and followed after. As he reached the door to the classroom, he heard Hikari speak. "I thought this was all over," she said, sounding stunned. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato charged into the command center, vainly trying to keep her stockings up. The sirens had caught her in the shower and she'd been forced to dress while driving to the Geofront. "Status report!" she shouted.

"Target rose out of the Pacific Basin approximately fifteen minutes ago and is on a course set directly for Tokyo-3," Suiko responded. "At current speed, the target will make landfall in one hour and twenty-six minutes."

"Is it an Angel?"

Makoto tapped a few keys, posting the information on the main screen. "Its pattern is identified as Orange. The Magi are currently debating its classification, but if it is an Angel then it's totally unlike any of the previous ones. No A.T field has been detected and its energy readings are unlike anything we've encountered before."

"What's the status of the Children?"

"Section 2 reports that the Children are currently en route to the Geofront," Shigeru reported. "They should arrive in ten minutes."

"Ready all Evangelions for immediate launch!"

"Are you sure that's wise?" Fuyutsuki asked from his position on the upper level.

"With all respect, sir," Misato began, turning towards him, "I don't want to take any chances with that thing. unless it folds easier than cheap origami it might be too much for even four Evas to handle."

"Let us hope not," Gendo said evenly. "If Major Katsuragi deems it appropriate to use all four Evangelions, then that is her decision."

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Children were rushed to the locker room as soon as they arrived at the Geofront. Terry was out of his clothes and into his plug suit in what he figured had to be record time. His hands shook slightly as he hit the button on his wrist that fitted the suit to the contours of his body and he took several deep breaths, trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach. _It's the real thing this time. No more practice, no more preparation. That is not a simulation out there. This is a real Angel; everything is real this time._

He tried to keep his pace at a walk as he headed for the exit to the cages even though he wanted to run out and leap into his entry plug. As he passed the last row of lockers, he saw that Shinji was still sitting on the bench, his plug suit resting next to him, still folded. "C'mon Ikari! We have to get out there!" he yelled, hopping from one foot to the other.

Shinji turned towards him, his face pale. "I can't do it. I cannot get back into that thing."

"What thing? You mean Unit 01? Why not?" Terry asked. It took a moment for the realization to take hold that Shinji's reluctance must have been because of the 17th angel. He hadn't been inside an Evangelion since coming out of his coma.

"I'm no better than the Angels. Every time that I get into that thing all I do is kill and hurt and destroy. I'm sick of it. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore!"

Terry stopped in mid hop, glancing around uncertainly as if expecting help to suddenly appear out of thin air. When no such miracle occurred he looked back at the 3rd Child. "Shinji, you are better than the Angels. They kill and destroy, but they don't care. You do. That's what makes you better." He hoped that Shinji didn't watch the afternoon talk shows, because what he had just said was taken almost word for word from one that he had seen the previous week.

Shinji stared down miserably at his hands. "I hurt everyone. Touji, Kaworu…. Why don't they understand? I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!" With those last words, Shinji struck out at the locker, striking the door hard enough to dent the metal. He immediately clutched his hand, blood oozing from the torn skin on his knuckles.

Terry grabbed Shinji's plug suit and thrust it into the boy's hands. "Shinji, you have to do it. If you don't—"

Misato's voice blared from the loudspeaker. "What's the hold up in there!" 

"Umm, I got my fly stuck! Shinji helped me fix it!" Terry shouted back. It wasn't until the words left his mouth that he realized just how ridiculous of an excuse it was, but Misato seemed to accept it, because the loudspeaker remained silent.

"I do it because they tell me to," Shinji said emotionlessly. "I will get in the Eva, and I will kill and I will destroy because they tell me to and there is nothing else that I can do," he said as he began stripping out of his clothes.

__

At least he's piloting, Terry thought to himself, disgusted by Shinji's attitude. He decided to keep any more pop psychology to himself. He didn't trust what he might say to Shinji. _At least he's piloting,_ he repeated to himself as Shinji finished changing and followed him out into the cage.

Terry managed to avoid swallowing any LCL as his entry plug was inserted into Unit 06. _Why are Eva pilots so weird?_ he asked himself as the Evangelions hurtled up the lift rail. _Asuka is an unstable egotistical bitch; Shinji's a coward. Are Rei and I the only normal ones? Of course she might have some big black secret of her own, like an evil twin or something._ His sigh carried a few bubbles out of his mouth and into the LCL.

Misato's face appeared on the screen as she opened a link to all four Evas. "We're sending you up the particle rifle, two rail guns, and a self propelled cannon. Engage the target at long range. If you can't destroy it before it makes landfall, you'll be forced to engage it in hand to hand combat."

"Understood," the Children acknowledged as their Evas reached the top of the lifts and snapped to a halt. They could sea the target despite the fact that it was still out over the ocean. 

"The thing looks like a blooming pinball." Terry griped, remembering the satellite photo they'd been shown of the target. "How are we supposed to engage _that_ in hand to hand combat?"

A weapon tower rose next to them and Shinji and Terry each took a rail gun, while Rei armed herself with the particle rifle, leaving the cannon for Asuka, who also replaced her prog knife with a progressive lance, attaching the weapon to her back.

The Children quickly reached Tokyo-3's waterfront even though Rei, Asuka, and Terry each had to stop several times to replace their umbilical cables when the previous one reached its limit. 

"There are still thirty minutes remaining until the target reaches Tokyo-3," Misato informed them. "It hasn't shown any sign of an AT field yet and don't open fire until it's entered the range of all of your weapons. We want to hit it as hard as we can."

"There are still a couple hundred meters left on the cables. Would it not be wiser to take them out all the way and position ourselves that much closer? " Rei asked.

"Putting the Evas that far out in the water would limit their maneuverability too much. I don't want you to get caught at a disadvantage if the target does anything unexpected, which knowing the Angels, it probably will."

Since his mouth was full of LCL Terry had to convince himself that the dryness he felt in his throat as he looked at the Angel was purely psychological. It looked like an irregular sphere but it was difficult to tell what its true shape was as it was shedding hundreds of tons of mud every second. Whatever it was, it was huge. Satellites had to be used to determine its size, measuring it as three kilometers across and massing more than a million tons. He hoped that they had the firepower to stop it. It was already within range of the particle rifle and only a few minutes had to pass before it was within range of the rail guns as well.

"Hurry up, Asuka." Terry said as if was her fault that her weapon had the shortest range.

"You're one to talk about hurrying," she retorted. "At least I don't need help taking my pants off."

Terry gritted his teeth but didn't say anything more. He kept his finger away from the firing stub on the controls. His nerves were on edge and he didn't want to accidentally start spraying rounds. From his position slightly behind Asuka and to her left, he wondered what would happen if she stepped in front of his gun, accidentally. He wasn't quite sure exactly how the Eva's AT field functioned, but he didn't think that it would block a supersonic slug of depleted uranium from behind.

He gripped his thighs tightly. The thought was tempting, too tempting. Did he really hate Asuka enough to kill her?

__

"Go away Bastard."

"Don't call me that!"

"Why not, it's what you are, isn't it?

Then he remembered Shinji's angry glare. _I would rather have her by my side than you, because I know that my life holds some value to her!_

He gritted his teeth and very carefully avoided looking at Unit 02. He was an Evangelion pilot. The people of the world had put its faith in him to protect them. He stared at the Angel. Protect them from that.

__

Bastard.

"I don't like you Asuka," he said, ignoring the voice echoing in his head, "but there are things that matter more than that." He felt his anger drain away with the words and he put his hands back on the controls.

------------------------------------------------------------------

In her Eva, Asuka cracked her knuckles, waiting for the target to get within range. She tried to keep her mind icy calm, holding the competitive urges under tight restraint. This was her chance to redeem herself for her past failures. From the way he'd looked back in the cage, she doubted she that she'd have to worry much about Shinji stealing her limelight. It never took much to surpass Wonder Girl, and she'd be damned if she let Terry outdo her. In the back of her mind, she wondered what would happen if she 'accidentally' fired on Unit 06. She might even be able to make it look like an accident. Battles could be chaotic, and if something just happened to cause her Eva to stumble just as she pulled the trigger… It would be tragic of course, but could they really believe that she would purposefully fire a 6K-caliber shell into Unit-6?

__

Crazy bitch whispered a voice in her head.

The phrase made the emptiness blaze up and burn with cold fire. _The emptiness is his fault_, she thought to herself, _and if I get rid of him…What? It will still be there, still waiting to swallow me. It will take more than getting rid of him to be rid of it._

She turned her mind back to the mission as the target reached the edge of her firing range, and her Eva's fingers tightened around the gun's trigger. As soon as the recticle turned green, her fingers clamped down on the firing stub and the gun kicked as the round left the barrel; the shell's chemical rockets kicking to life and hurling it at the target.

Shinji and Terry fired next, their weapons slinging out magnetically accelerated, depleted uranium slugs at ultra-sonic speeds.

Rei fired last, the particle beam lancing out at the speed of light. All four shots impacted simultaneously, blowing the remaining sediment off of the target and causing it to list towards the right. Without its covering of mud, the Angel was perfectly spherical, its surface a dull matte gray, scorched black where the shots had struck.

"Fire again!" Misato shouted.

The particle beam lanced out but was deflected into the sea as it struck an invisible barrier in front of the sphere. As the rounds from the rail gun and cannon struck, a hexagonal shimmered in the air directly in front of the sphere.

"It raised an AT field," Ritsuko said quietly.

Back in the command center, Misato turned in surprise, not having heard the scientist enter.

"_Mein Gott!"_ Asuka exclaimed as she continued firing. "You mean it shrugged off all that _without_ an AT field?"

The Children kept firing but none of their shots managed to penetrate the AT field. The cannon fell silent as Asuka stopped firing. "I'm down to three rounds," she reported.

"Wait until the target gets closer, then simultaneously extend your AT fields and try to neutralize its field," Misato instructed them. "Hold your fire until you know that you can actually hit it."

The sphere's proceeding shadow swept over the Evangelions, throwing them into premature twilight as its bulk passed between them and the sun. Terry swallowed out of anxiety and started coughing as a mouthful of LCL hit his stomach.

"Extend AT fields!" Misato shouted.

The Children complied, concentrating on matching their fields with the sphere's.

"It's working," Makoto reported. "The target's AT field is beginning to destabilize."

Shinji gasped and doubled over, his brain feeling as if someone had put a hand around it and started to squeeze.

__

REMOVE YOURSELF FROM MY PATH, CHYLDE.

"I'm reading first level mental contamination in all pilots!" Suiko shouted.

"Th—there's a voice in my head.," Rei gasped.

"It's attempting to link telepathically with the pilots!" Suiko said incredulously.

"I believe that would fall under the category of unexpected," Ritsuko said.

"We destroyed all the other Angels, we'll destroy you too!" Asuka shouted back at the Angel, feeling foolish but not knowing what else to do. 

To her surprise the voice seemed to respond to her declaration. _YOU CHYLDREN HAVE SLAIN OUR BROTHERS AND SILENCED THEIR VOICES IN THE HARMONEY. OUR VOICES ARE STRONGER, OUR PURPOSES CLEARER. WHERE THE DISCIPLES FELL WE SHALL CARRY ON. FOR WE ARE AS FAR BEYOND THEM AS THEY WERE BEYOND YOU._

"Brothers, Disciples? Is it talking about the Angels?" Terry asked.

__

JOIN US CHYLDREN, FOR YOU ARE OF THE BROTHER. Asuka, Rei, and Terry knew that it was speaking exclusively to them. A note of awe entered its voice as it addressed Shinji. _YOU… ARE OF THE MOTHER!_

"Not on your life you stupid pinball!" Asuka yelled, raising the canon.

"Its AT field is collapsing! Get ready to open fire!" Misato shouted over the link.

__

SO BE IT. THOUGH THE DISCIPLES HAVE FALLEN BEFORE YOU, WE SHALL NOT, FOR THE HARBINGERS ARE FAVORED ABOVE ALL AND i SHALL SEEK OUT THE MOTHER AND i SHALL JOIN THE MOTHER AND SO LET THE SONG OF THE MALACHAL RING OUT AND RESTORE THE HARMONEY TO WHAT IT ONCE WAS. 

As the Harbinger's last words faded from the Children's minds it rushed forward and as it moved it flattened and became dish-like, long, wavering tentacles sprouting from its rim.

All of the Evas save Unit 06 dropped their weapons and scattered as it closed. "Oh, God damn it all!" Terry swore. "It looks like an 'effin clay pigeon!" He glanced around, looking for a place to jump to and saw Unit 02 aim its cannon directly at him. He froze, a scream of rage building in his throat.

His Evangelion was rocked by the explosions as Unit 02 fired three times, obliterating the tentacles that had been darting towards him in a trio of fireballs.

"Wake up, _dummkopf!_" Asuka shouted at him. Another cluster of tentacles darted towards her and she threw her now empty gun at them as she leapt out of the way, drawing her prog lance from its place on her back.

Unit 06 back flipped out of reach of another tentacle then immediately had to duck as the twisted remains of Asuka's cannon flew over his head. "Terry, switch over to your S2 engine," Misato ordered him. "Asuka and Rei, try to remain on the umbilicals as long as possible."

Unit 06 paused to disconnect the umbilical plug, the power readout on his display screen turning to 32:02.00. He leapt away just as a tentacle smashed into the ground where he'd been standing a moment before. The tentacle swiped repeatedly at the retreating Evangelion, each miss gouging a deep furrow into the pavement.

Asuka dropped her umbilical plug, and leapt into the air, using one of the tentacles as a brace to flip herself onto the Harbinger's surface. As soon as her Eva's feet touched its exterior, the tentacles lost interest in her and turned towards the three Evangelions still on the ground. She took the momentary reprieve to survey the situation. Rei and Terry were fending off tentacles with their prog knives, trying to find a weak point somewhere on the sphere's rim. Unit 01 however only moved when it had to and made no attempts to attack. "Damn it, Shinji," she muttered under her breath. "You can't run away now. Fight back, you _dummkopf_!" She raised the prog lance above her head, and drove it downward with all of her strength. It failed to even scratch the Harbinger's surface. "No wonder it's not paying attention to me. I can't hurt it. I have to finish this thing off, somehow," she muttered. She glanced around the surface of the Harbinger, looking for a weakness. "Where is the _blöde _core?" she demanded.

"Energy readings are concentrated in the target's direct center." Makoto told Misato, who passed the information on to Asuka.

"That's great. Now, how am I supposed to reach it?" Asuka asked, surveying the Harbinger's smooth, unbroken surface.

In response, Rei dashed over to where the weapons had been dropped and snatched up one of the rail guns. She leapt towards Asuka but a tentacle struck Unit 00, hurling the Eva to the ground. It recoiled and struck the Eva again, slicing through the umbilical cable.

"Rei!" Terry shouted, leaping over to where Unit 00 lay prone. His prog knife sliced through the tentacle before it could strike again but several more, sensing the two Evas' weakened position, darted towards them.

"_Verdammt!_" Asuka swore and raced back across the Harbinger. She leapt onto one of the largest tentacles and slid down it, driving her lance through it to brake herself.

Shinji and Terry stood over Unit 00 as it rose to its feet. The tentacle that Asuka was on swung in, knocking all three Evas off of their feet and sending her flying through the air.

As Unit 02 climbed back to its feet a wire thin tentacle whipped towards it. Asuka ducked in time to keep the tentacle from taking Unit 02's head off but not quickly enough to keep it from carving a furrow deeply in the Eva's helmet.

Asuka saw her prog lance still protruding from the tentacle and leapt to grab it. As she tore it free a tentacle closed around her leg and hurled her into the ground. As she got back to her feet, another struck her head on and Unit 02's helmet split along the furrow with an audible _snap_. The force of the blow flung the Eva backward through a warehouse before it came to a stop. Inside of the entry plug Asuka screamed in agony and clutched her face. 

Unit 02 rose to its feet, its lipless mouth locked in a rictus grin of hatred, its four eyes glaring madly. "_STIRB, FICKER!_" Asuka shrieked as she sent her Eva charging at the Harbinger.

"Asuka!" Shinji shouted, seeming to snap out of his torpor. He snatched up the rail gun that Rei had dropped and raced forward. Seeing a cluster of tentacles dart towards Asuka, he fired the gun one handed, the kick knocking the Eva back a full pace. The slug struck the tentacles where they joined the Harbinger's body, blowing them off and leaving its surface cracked and blackened.

Asuka leapt in among the tentacles, severing one after another with her prog lance. Taking advantage of the opening that she created, Shinji grabbed the other rail gun and leapt onto the Harbinger's surface. He raced towards its center and aimed the rail guns just forward of his feet and began firing. The shock waves rattled his Eva and the guns seemed intent on trying to tear his arms from his shoulders.

Each double impact blew a wider and wider crater in the Harbinger's surface and the bottom of the crater suddenly exploded inward, opening into a wide cavity, upon the bottom of which rested a glowing blue sphere. A thick black fluid oozed from the Harbinger's broken skin, dripping into the cavity. "Is that the core?" he asked no one in particular as he aimed the rail guns.

"Shinji, look out!" Terry shouted.

A tentacle struck Unit 01 from behind, punching through its armor and emerging from its chest. Shinji gritted his teeth against the pain, pointed both rail guns at the blue sphere and pulled the triggers.

Nothing happened.

"No! They're out of ammo!" Shinji gasped, sinking to his feet. Another tentacle struck him, smashing one of guns. He tried to grab the tentacle that had impaled his Eva but his hands refused to keep a grip on it. In desperation picked up the remaining rail gun and began beating it against the tentacle.

It withdrew but before he could do anything, another struck him from behind and together the two tentacles began pummeling the prone Evangelion.

Terry scooped up the particle rifle and ran towards the Harbinger, but before he reached it, a tentacle wrapped itself around Unit 06's leg and constricted. Terry screamed as the Eva's leg was crushed, the rifle flying from his grasp.

Asuka used her lance to vault off of a tentacle and snagged the rifle in midair. The Evangelion flipped before landing in a crouch, its four eyes glaring. The Eva's grin seemed to widen as Asuka screamed and leapt onto the Harbinger's surface. Sensing the greater threat, the tentacles that'd been battering Unit 01 turned towards Unit 02.

"Shinji! Are you all right?" Misato shouted.

"I'm…fine, Misato," the boy's voice was pained as the Eva bled freely as it forced itself to its feet. He drew his prog knife and hurled himself at the tentacles attacking Unit 02, severing one. The other turned whipped around and struck the Eva across the chest hard enough to buckle the armor plating.

Taking advantage of the tentacle's preoccupation Asuka raced past the tentacle, towards the Harbinger's center.

"Shinji!" Misato shouted when Unit 01 failed to rise. "Are you all right? Shinji!"

"What's the status of Unit 01's pilot?" she demanded when she still failed to get a response came.

"Pilot has lost consciousness, his breathing and heartbeat are irregular."

"Asuka, get Unit 01 out of there!" Misato ordered.

Seemingly ignoring Misato's orders, Unit 02 slid to a stop in front of the cavity, its foot coming to rest in a puddle of the black liquid that'd oozed onto the Harbinger's surface. She braced herself, took aim at the sphere and fired. The beam burst through the core and the blue sphere began to pulse erratically. The world went double in front of Asuka's eyes as the Harbinger's scream of agony echoed against the inside of her skull.

The Harbinger began to tilt and Asuka sent the rifle sliding across the Harbinger's surface and dashed away from the crater, scooping up the fallen Unit 01.

"Asuka, get to the closest retrieval lift now!" Misato ordered. The other two Evangelions were already heading for the lifts, Unit 00 half carrying the crippled Unit 06.

__

IT IS NOT TO BE. i SHALL NOT BE THE ONE TO RESSURECT THE MALACHEL. BUT HOPE WILL NOT BE LOST SO LONG AS EVEN ONE REMAINS. MARK THIS, CHYLDREN, THE MALACHEL SHALL BE REBORN AND YOUR BLASPHAMOS DISCORDANCE WILL BE SILENCED. 

The Harbinger's voice faded as it spoke and its last words almost too quiet to be intelligible. Terry and Rei's Evas had reached the retrieval shaft and began their descent and Unit 02 was only a step away when the lights in the cockpit cut out, and the Evangelion halted in mid-stride. "_Sheisse, _NO!" Asuka screamed as 00:00.00 flashed on the power readout. The last thing she saw before the cockpit display faded was the open lift shaft, just barely out of reach.

"NO NO NO!" she shouted, yanking ineffectually at the controls butterfly grips. "You can't do this to me!"

"Rei, go back for Shinji and Asuka!" Misato yelled.

"It's too late!" Suiko overrode her. "The target's core is about to collapse!"

Asuka closed her eyes and waited for the end.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Harbinger cried out as its core detonated and the tremendous release of energy tore it apart. The shock wave flattened everything in its path, and as it struck Unit 02, Asuka felt the Eva start to totter forward, the weight of Unit 01 in its arms toppling Unit 02. The Eva landed chin first on the lift, which dropped away just as the first waves of fire washed over it.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato stood on the observation deck overlooking the cage, surveying the Evangelions. Unit 00 was the only Eva to escape with negligible damage. The techs were already swarming over Unit 06, deciding whether or not its leg could be saved. Unit 01 had suffered massive damage to its chest component, although Shinji's injuries were minor and he'd regained consciousness shortly after being removed from the entry plug. The damage to Unit 02 was still being assessed. Without the protection of its helmet, the force of the Eva's fall had shattered its jaw and the armor protecting its back looked like half-melted wax, sliding down the Eva's back in ragged waves.

"I'm happy to say that the operation was a success," Misato said, turning away from the Evangelions.

"Despite the loss of over twelve million dollars worth of weaponry," Ritsuko said. "At least Asuka had the piece of mind to try and save the particle rifle. That'll only need a few hundred thousand dollars worth of repairs before it's operational again. Then, of course, there will be the repair costs for the Evangelions, and the property damage incurred during the battle, which is still being calculated."

Misato glared at her. "Positive reinforcement!" she hissed. She turned back towards the Children, plastering a wide smile over her face. "Anyway, you all performed extraordinarily out there. You should be proud of yourselves."

"Major Katsuragi, what was that?" Terry asked.

"We still don't know," Misato replied.

"We know what it wasn't, though," Maya said from where she was supervising the recovery. "That wasn't an Angel. Try and recover as much of that as possible!" she shouted to the recovery crew, indicating the black substance coating Unit 02's foot.

"It spoke with us," Rei said. "The Angels never attempted to communicate."

"Which is why you'll all be run through a series of synchronization tests tomorrow," Maya informed them. "We want to make sure that there is no lingering mental contamination from your contact with the—"

"It called itself a 'Harbinger,'" Rei said, interrupting Dr. Ibuki.

Asuka broke in. "When it talked about Disciples, I think it meant the Angels, and it talked about Brothers." Her expression suddenly turned sour. "Great, I bet that means there are more of those stupid pinballs floating around out there."

"The Magi are still processing the data from the operation." Maya said, ignoring the 2nd Child's interruption. "We should have their interpretations of it within the hour." 

"Rei," Ritsuko said, stepping forward, "we should start running your tests right away. As for the rest of you, you've got a long day ahead of you tomorrow, so I suggest that you get some rest."

Ritsuko left the cage and Rei followed obediently after her. The other Children went to the locker rooms to change out of their plug suits. 

"What was going on out there?" Terry asked Shinji as showers sluiced the LCL off of their bodies.

"I hate the LCL," Shinji said distantly. "It smells like blood, it tastes like blood."

"And I hate the way it makes me sick when I swallow it, but I didn't stand around and let the thing swing at me."

Instead of answering Shinji turned his back to Terry and refused to speak as they changed

"Fine, if that's what you want," Terry snapped and left the locker room.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Commander Ikari intercepted Ritsuko just before she and Rei reached the elevator. "Why are you here?" he demanded of her.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye before replying, "I was bored and I wanted to see how the Children preformed."

"Bored?" Anger underscored the Commander's voice. "I'll lock you in that lab myself if I have to. Your work is too important for you to be 'bored'. I should hope that is where you're taking Rei now."

"More time would be lost if I broke under the pressure than if I go for an occasional stroll, wouldn't it?" she asked sweetly as she stepped into the elevator. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do with Rei."

He didn't reply but stared at her, his expression inscrutable as the elevator doors closed in front of him.

"Dr. Akagi, did you tell us the truth about what you know about the Harbinger?" Rei asked as the two of them rode the elevator down into Terminal Dogma.

"I told you everything that I deemed appropriate."

"It spoke about 'the Mother' as well as 'the Brother.' I believe that it was speaking of Lillith and Adam. It seemed to know that the Evangelions were cloned from Adam. That Unit 01, unlike the others, was cloned from Lillith. It spoke of something it referred to as "the Harmony" as if it were something we should be familiar with. Why?"

"I don't know why, Rei. I'm no longer the head of Project E, that's Dr. Ibuki's job now. What happens in the sunny world above is no longer my concern. I just scurry around down here like a little rat cut off from the world above, doing Ikari's bidding."

"Like rebuilding the dummy system."

"Yes."

"Why don't you refuse?"

"Why don't you refuse?" Ritsuko retorted.

"I exist because of his obsession. Do you have such an excuse?"

Ritsuko glared at Rei. "You wouldn't understand," she said and turned to face the elevator doors, away from the girl.

"You might be surprised by what I would," Rei said too quietly for Ritsuko to hear.


	9. Journey Into Night : Tears of the Matron

Gospel 1:8

__

Journey Into Night/Tears of the Matron

The only sound in Gendo's office was the soft _clack_ made by the wooden tiles that he and Fuyutsuki laid down on the board resting between them. 

"Unit 07 is ninety percent complete," Fuyutsuki said. "I don't suppose you've considered just where we're going to find a pilot for it?"

"I already have a candidate in mind," the Commander replied and laid down a tile.

Fuyutsuki sighed. "I know that I'll regret asking this, but where did you find another pilot?" Before Gendo could reply Fuyutsuki went on. "I know that you didn't choose one from the Marduke Report's pool of candidates, given its…contamination, and there aren't any more Children out there like the young Mr. St. John, whom, by the way, I still feel is an extraordinarily poor choice for an Eva pilot. I don't know if you've noticed, but the tension between him and the 2nd Child has been increasing steadily. If their feud comes to a head while they're in their Evas…." He let the sentence trail off, making a disgusted sound in his throat as he realized that he hadn't been paying enough attention to the game while he'd been talking. As soon as his hand left the board, Gendo laid down a tile taking control of all the wind tiles in play.

Fuyutsuki sighed and moved to lay down another tile but could already see that he was waging a losing battle. The only question left was long it would be before his position became completely untenable and he conceded the game.

"I won't be using a new Child. Not when there's an existing pilot who'll work just as well."

Fuyutsuki's hand froze in mid-movement. "You're not serious? Do you honestly think that he can be convinced to pilot again?"

Gendo waited until the deputy commander finished his move before placing a tile of his own. "The boy has a strong sense of duty. He will require only a little persuasion."

"What about the other pilots? Do you think that your son will be able to handle having him pilot again? Have you seen Shinji's most recent psychological tests? The boy is beginning to unravel."

"If the 3rd Child cannot handle the responsibilities of being an Eva pilot then he will be relieved of them." Gendo's voice was as hard and flat as flint.

"So are they all just tools then, to be used until they break and then discarded?"

"When your selection of tools is limited, you make do with what you have. That is why Commander St. John's son is here, and why the young Mr. Suzihara will again pilot an Eva."

Fuyutsuki laid a tile down with more force than was necessary, causing the board to jump. "So, if you do not possess the right tool, you'll force an existing one to fit your needs?"

"Correct."

With a disgruntled sigh, the deputy commander conceded the game. _They're children, not tools,_ he thought, but did not voice it. Instead he said, "And what about this budget proposal you're sending me off to? I could think of better things to do than go to Prague with cap in hand and beg the UN for money. Especially when you have in excess of nine billion dollars still hidden away somewhere."

"You seem to forget Fuyutsuki-sensei, that as far as the UN knows, as an operational program, NERV is tottering on the brink of bankruptcy." Gendo gave Fuyutsuki a tight smile. "If I start dipping into the "borrowed" money for everyday operations it'll raise havoc when the budgets are audited."

"I know that, but is it so important that I personally make the request for more funding? I can think of a half dozen people who're better able to present our case than I am."

"I'm aware of that and I'm sure that the UN is too. However, the fact that I sent my 'indispensable' second-in-command will lend more credence to the request than if I sent one of the more silver-tongued serpents lurking around the geofront. Our allocated funds have been almost completely tapped out. If I hadn't dipped into the 'borrowed' money, there wouldn't have been enough to pay the suppliers to keep the vending machines stocked this week."

Fuyutsuki stared at the Commander, trying to tell if whether or not the other man was joking. "I see," he said with a sigh of resignation, "I'll leave in the morning."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Akagi let her hands rest lightly on the keyboard as she reviewed the data that she'd just entered into the computer. Due to the lateness of the hour the overhead lights were off and most of the illumination came from the screen in front of her.

With a sigh she glanced at the empty ashtray on her desk. She'd been surprised at how quickly she'd gone into nicotine withdrawal after being locked away. She'd spent a good part of the first two weeks in that cell wiping sweat off her forehead with shaking hands and swearing to any deity that might have been listening that she'd offer them Gendo's head on a silver platter in exchange for a single drag. Maybe that's why none answered; she wanted to do that anyway.

She allowed herself a moment's rest, sliding her glasses up her forehead and wearily massaging the bridge of her nose. She owed herself that much of a luxury, since she no longer seemed to have the tolerance for cigarettes. She'd spent four hours with Rei and it had taken her two more to type of the report that the Commander wanted on the progress of the dummy system. On top of that she was sure that she'd spent at least half the day working in the third cage. She hoped that some favorable deity had increased the number of hours allocated to a day because Ritsuko was sure that she was putting in more than twenty-four.

As Ritsuko finished the report she sighed. There was still work to be done on the dummy system before she could rest. Despite her and Maya's best efforts, they'd been unable to eliminate the errors within the neural transferal system and the clones were less than three hundred and sixty hours from the stage of gestation where Rei's neurological signature would become essential. At the system's current level of functionality they could copy the base level neural patterns but the Commander wanted _full_ memory transferal so that each component of the dummy system would be a perfect copy of Rei, right down to the tiniest memory and slightest mannerism. It was frustrating and tedious work.

At least Ritsuko couldn't say the same for the time she spent with Eve. The girl had an insatiable mental appetite and asked questions non-stop of anyone who was in the cage with her. Physical appearances aside, Ritsuko had to make an effort not to think of Eve as a girl. The child/Eva had an appealing personality that grew each day and Ritsuko fond herself becoming increasingly fond of the girl. Although the child/Eva's personality had initially mimicked Rei's it had developed and branched out and it was now easier to point out differences in the child/Eva's personality than similarities. 

Each time she went down to the third cage, Ritsuko made a point of bringing several data disks with her. Carelessly stacked on one corner of her desk were disks whose titles ranged from _The Complete Encyclopedias Britannica,_ to _The Collected Works of John Keats _to an eclectic collection of musical disks whose contents dated from the late eighteenth century to the present.

In return, Eve tried to answer Ritsuko's inquires to the fullest extent that she could, although there were certain topics that she refused to talk and would become sullen and uncommunicative if one of those taboo subjects was even mentioned.

How she joined with Unit 04 and escaped the Sea of Dirac topped that list, much to Ritsuko's frustration. Such a fusion should have been impossible. Unit 04 had not possessed a core when it was activated and the core of the dummy system was likewise _sans_ soul. There shouldn't have been any way for the seed of consciousness to gestate, for a personality to have been conceived; Eve's very existence flew right in the face of reality. She should not, could not be. That a soul could erupt spontaneously from the ether frightened Ritsuko. She wanted to know the answer but no matter how circumvently she approached the subject, Eve would immediately sense the direction the conversation was taking, and cease answering. It gnawed at Ritsuko that for the time being she had to complacently accept the fact that Eve simply _was_.

She didn't totally begrudge Eve her secrets since there were quite a few that Ritsuko was keeping from her. Ritsuko had personally supervised the severing of all computer connections within the cage so that she had no access to any system that went farther than the cage. What Ritsuko brought Eve on the data disks was her only source of digital information. Although the girl/Eva's mental state seemed steady enough, it would've been insanity to risk allowing her access to potentially upsetting information.

Eve's near obsession with motherhood and finding the woman that she termed 'her mother' made Ritsuko feel more than justified in limiting the girl's access to NERV's databases. It hadn't taken Ritsuko long to decide that Eve's elusive 'mother' must be Rei. Although it stretched the definition of daughter, Eve was in effect, Rei's offspring and Ritsuko could imagine Rei holding a deeply buried neurosis concerning motherhood. Ritsuko was unable to keep Rei's existence secret from Eve, since an extensive amount of non-classified information had been kept in Unit 04's onboard computer but she had been able to keep any knowledge of the dummy system from reaching the girl. She hoped that her efforts had been enough. The girl/Eva displayed an almost unnatural command over electronics and Ritsuko never felt absolutely sure that she'd been successful in completely isolating Eve.

The sudden ringing of the telephone jolted Ritsuko out of her thoughts and she realized that she had spent the last fifteen minutes staring blankly at the screen in front of her. "Yes?" she said, answering the phone while working out a cramp in her neck.

"Dr. Akagi?" The voice was soft, feminine and synthetic.

Ritsuko recognized the voice and stared at the phone in stupefied shock for several. "Eve? How did you—? Never mind. This isn't a secured line."

"I am sorry, Doctor. I did not know how else to reach you. Could you please come down to the cage?"

"I'll be right down."

"Thank you," Eve replied, then the line went dead.

As Ritsuko hung up the phone, slightly unnerved by the timing of Eve's call, she reflected on Eve's almost childlike desire for companionship. At her request there was always at least one person in the cage at all times. It wasn't that hard a request to fullfill, since aside from the Commander, Deputy Commander, and herself, everyone who knew about Eve was kept either in the immediate vicinity of the third cage or enjoying the NERV hospitality that she herself had endured not so long ago.

A guard was lounging near the entrance to the cage as she arrived, looking as if he'd just happened to stop right there. He knew who she was and didn't stop her as she entered the cage. 

Aside from Unit 04 and a few technicians on the floor far below the cage was empty. Ritsuko pulled up a chair and sat down next to the control console on the observation deck. "What did you want, Eve?" she asked.

"I wanted to talk."

"About?" Ritsuko prompted.

"There was a battle yesterday. Why wasn't I involved?"

Ritsuko tried to keep the surprise she felt from showing on her face. There shouldn't have been any way for Eve to know about that. "It was deemed inappropriate to reveal your existence at that time," she said finally.

"Is that the real reason, or is it because you fear and mistrust me?"

The tone of the question banished the fatigue from Ritsuko's mind in a surge of adrenaline. The synthetic voice was sharp, almost angry. Not for the first time, Ritsuko wished that the girl/Eva had facial expressions. It wasn't easy gauging moods by voice alone. "Fear you? No, I can't say that I do. Why do you ask?" Of course they feared her. If Eve ever threw a temper tantrum it would destroy Tokyo-3.

"If you don't fear me, then why am I kept here? Why am I allowed access to almost nothing?"

"We don't want you to get hurt." Ritsuko withdrew the data disks she had absent-mindedly thrown in the pocket of her lab coat and began inserting them into the drives of a computer whose only connection was to Unit 04 itself. "You absorb information so rapidly that I worry about sensory overload. If you had unlimited access to our databases, you might gorge yourself."

"So you do not fear me, you fear for me," Eve said the tone of her voice telling Ritsuko that the girl/Eva hadn't been convinced.

"Exactly."

"The Americans feared me," Eve stated matter-of-factly. "They wanted something that they could control. That's what they thought they had when they pulled me from the Second Branch. When they realized what I was they did not know if they could control me and that frightened them. That is why they gave me to you. They were afraid of what I might do if they kept me and were afraid of what I might do if they tried to kill me."

Ritsuko nodded in feigned sympathy. One of the first things that the Commander had demanded of her was to devise a plan destroy Eve, should the need arise. "Do you know what the Americans' goals were in taking you?"

"Their participation in the Evangelion program ended with the loss of the Second Branch. They are a super power on the wane, and it vexed them to lag behind what they viewed as lesser nations. An Evangelion was what they needed to prove themselves as equals, and the original loss of the Second Branch frustrated them greatly. When I…returned, they were so eager to again acquire an Evangelion that did not pause to consider the consequences. They were so eager to turn on their 'new toy' that it would have cost them the entire city of Chicago, should a…mishap similar to the one that originally befell the Second Branch, have been repeated."

"The Americans have the facilities to maintain an Eva in Chicago?"

"Yes."

Ritsuko turned this new bit of information over in her mind, wondering if she should pass it on to the Commander. She also realized that Eve had given her an opening into one of the taboo topics, and hoped that she could exploit it before the girl realized what Ritsuko was doing.

"Why wasn't another Sea of Dirac created when the S2 engine was reinitialized?"

Eve was silent a moment before replying, "I corrected the…error in the S2 engine that caused that."

"Corrected? How?"

"I do not wish to talk about it," Eve stated flatly.

Ritsuko felt a pang of disappointment that she'd been unable to learn anything more, but those two sentences alone spoke volumes.

"What is it like to be held in your mother's arms?" Eve asked abruptly. "I have memories of my mother, but they are unclear, confused." The degree of emotion that Eve could convey with the voice she synthesized for herself never ceased to amaze Ritsuko. There was a degree of yearning in the girl's voice that made Ritsuko's heart ache in sympathy.

She thought for several minutes, trying to find the best words. "It is…comfortable, reassuring." 

"You are keeping me from finding my Mother. Do you know who she is?" Eve's voice sounded pleasant enough, but Ritsuko sensed an undercurrent of anger that sent prickles of fear racing her spine.

"I— I don't know who your mother is, Eve," Ritsuko said while trying to keep the fear she felt from entering her voice.

Unit 04's armor creaked as it turned its head to look directly at her. "Really?"

Perspiration sprang up on Ritsuko's face. "Yes," she said, forcing the words around a lump in her throat.

"Why are you lying to me?" she demanded.

In her mind, Ritsuko recalled every plan for killing Eve that she'd presented to the Commander. None of them allowed for the survival of anyone within the cage.

"Why are you lying to me?" Eve demanded again and Ritsuko felt very small beneath its gaze. "Because I don't think you could handle the knowledge of her identity."

Ritsuko shut her eyes and waited for the end, be it beneath Eve's hand or in the fire of the shaped N2 mines buried with the cage's walls. Only after a minute passed in absolute silence did she open them.

"You won't tell me, because you fear…for me," Eve said uncertainly. "That is why you keep my mother from me?" Eve asked, her voice underscored with sorrow and uncertainty.

"Yes," Ritsuko said softly.

A sound came through the speaker that was almost a sob. "If I cannot have my mother…. In all that you have brought me, I have read about something…." Her voice trailed off into another sob-like sound.

"What is it?" Ritsuko asked softly.

"Ritsuko…" Eve began, surprising her. Never before had Eve addressed her by her first name. Always it had been a prim and respectful 'Dr. Akagi.' "Ritsuko, would you be my…foster mother?"

Ritsuko rocked back as if the words had been a physical blow. She tried to stammer out a response, but could not get the words to form. "Eve…yes," she finally forced out.

"Ritsuko…Mother…thank you," Eve said softly.

Ritsuko rose wearily to her feet and had to lean on the console to remain standing. "You're welcome, Eve."

"I'm sorry, mother," Eve's voice took on a contented tone, "it's late and I have been keeping you." 

Ritsuko waved a hand, "It wasn't a problem."

"Good night, mother." Eve said, repeating the title as if she couldn't believe it. 

"Good night, Eve."

Ritsuko made it out of the cage before the adrenaline in her system finally failed and she collapsed on the floor and sobbed with relief.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji sat in the middle of his bed, his knees clutched tightly to his chest. His nightshirt was soaked through with sweat and clung to his back. His eyes were stretched open to their limits and blinked infrequently. The room was silent except for the harsh rasp of his breath as it scraped up and down his throat. The night outside was dark, the sliver moon hidden behind clouds, leaving the room in near total darkness. He could feel the dark as if it had a physical presence and it felt like it was closing in on him, enveloping him, seeping into his body, devouring him piece by piece.

He remembered the last time that he'd been in darkness, when he'd lain trapped in his own mind. He remembered his resolve to reach the light, the determination not to let his life slip between his fingers. There was no light this time, no emergence from the dark. He could feel the resolve that had burned through his veins fading, the darkness eating it up.

Although it had only been that morning, it seemed like centuries had passed since he climbed into Unit 01's entry plug. He remembered the panic he felt as the LCL came bubbling up around him, warm like blood, thick like blood, covering him, staining him like blood; Touji's blood, Kaworu's blood. It stained him like the mark of Cain, branding him a murderer. It had taken all that he had not to scream as it streamed into his mouth and nostrils.

"I hate blood," he whispered. "No more blood. Please, no more."

Around him, the weight of the darkness seemed to increase and his breathing grew harsher. He wanted to hurl himself from his bed, to throw on the light and banish the darkness, but he couldn't. Moving would bring the attention of the darkness to him. He could feel it crouched around him, like a stalking predator, waiting for him to move so that it could pounce and devour him.

He bit his lip to keep himself from crying out, every muscle in his body tensed and screaming at him to run. Blood began to trickle from beneath his teeth. "I can't run," he whispered. He pulled his knees closer to his chest. "I can't run," he repeated again and again, like a mantra.

It was not until the first edges of dawn began to turn the darkness gray that his exhausted mind simply shut down and sleep finally overtook him.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka turned off the sink and leaned on the counter as she drained the glass of water. She grinned fiercely, her toes curling as she remembered the almost sexual thrill that had suffused her body as she'd lanced the Harbinger's core as if it had been a nothing more than a boil.

She had done what none of the others had been able to. Not confused frightened Shinji, not the infallible wonder girl Rei, or even that brat St. John. She'd shown them. Never again would anyone doubt her ability in the cockpit of an Eva.

She'd shown them all.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry paced the living room of his apartment, the thread of the carpet crushed into a circular pattern around the couch, showing the course that he'd followed for the past several hours. 

He clutched a thick porcelain mug in his hands; when he raised it to his lips he realized that it was empty. With a sigh, he altered his course so that his path led him to the kitchen. He filled a copper teapot with water and set it on the stove to heat. It would've been faster to use the microwave, but their was a certain sentimentality he associated with the teapot that he usually found relaxing.

He started pacing the kitchen and grabbed a random tea bag from the pile that lay scattered haphazardly across a counter. He hadn't bothered to keep count of how many cups he'd already had. Tea usually worked to calm his nerves but tonight he felt like an overwound watch spring, the tension threatening to tear him apart.

It was the battle that had him wound so tightly. The Harbinger's appearance and subsequent attack had left everyone off balance enough that there hadn't yet been a tactical breakdown of the battle but he already knew what the results would be. They'd stunk worse than two-day-old road kill in the Outback sun.

Despite the training that they'd undergone when they'd actually been thrust into battle, they hadn't displayed any cohesion, any _teamwork_. They'd attacked the Harbinger without any plan, throwing themselves at it like dingoes trying to take down a steer. He'd seen what it looked like when the pilots operated in perfect tandem. Today, it had simply been a mess. Terry still winced as he remembered the pain as the tentacle crushed Unit 06's leg, how it'd felt as if his own leg was being torn off.

The shrill whistle of the kettle stopped his pacing and as he poured the steaming water into the mug, he thought about the recriminations Shinji had made as the two of them had stood on Misato's balcony. Shinji'd been right about not trusting him. He had actually considered opening fire on her Eva.

He resumed his pacing in the living room and as he walked he tried to put himself in Asuka's place. He'd considered trying to kill her, the ultimate example of his failure during the battle. Had she considered the same? He doubted it. Once in the cockpit, she'd seemed to set aside her feelings towards him. Her focus had been on defeating her enemy to the exclusion of everything else. That had been her failure.

How much hatred did she still hold towards him? The question was beginning to gnaw at his mind. Of their recent confrontations, he realized that on almost every occasion, he'd been the instigator. Was he the only one whose wound was still raw? Had Asuka allowed her own wounds to heal, forgotten beneath layers of scar tissue until he tore them open again?

__

Asuka's face was red and blotchy, her fingers wrapped around his throat, squeezing with all of the strength that her four-year-old body could muster.

"What did you do to my Mama!" she screamed as they rolled across the floor, kicking and struggling.

He managed to dislodge her with a wildly swung fist to the jaw and hands tried to hold them apart but nothing could contain the red haired incarnation of fury. As he stood, she threw herself at him, fists flailing wildly. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY MAMA?"

Was he the problem? Had Asuka buried her ghosts, only to have him dig them up again? Could he bury his own ghosts?

The mug grew cold in his hands as he tried to find the answer.

------------------------------------------------------------------

In a squalid corner of Tokyo-3, in a squalid apartment, Rei Ayanami slept the sleep of death: deep, dreamless, and unbroken.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dr. Akagi?" Maya stepped into the lab, a cup of coffee in each hand. Ritsuko was already at work, her fingers flying over her keyboard, sending reams of data spinning across the screen in front of her. "Good morning," Maya said with forced cheerfulness.

"Morning, Maya," Ritsuko responded distractedly. The glare of the monitor off of her glasses could not hide the haggard look on her face. She looked as if she hadn't slept at all the night before.

Maya sat down and started up her laptop. "We have to initiate the final stages for the dummy system today," she said, not looking up from her screen.

"I know that."

"There're still errors within the transferal system."

"I know that."

"The errors will cause a predicted decrease of forty-six percent from the dummy system's individual optimum efficiency."

"I know that."

"We're supposed to meet with the Commander in fifty minutes."

"I know that." 

"What can we do? We haven't met the Commander's expectations."

"We'll just have to disappoint him."

The tone in Ritsuko's voice made Maya glance up but the scientist kept her eyes directed at her screen and didn't meet Maya's gaze. Uncomfortable, she turned her eyes towards the tank of LCL, at the clones suspended within. They had grown to the point where they resembled newborn infants, but their eyes were already open wide, never blinking, always seeming to watch what was on the other side of the tank. "Dr. Akagi, do you think that the clones are aware of what happens around them?"

The question made Ritsuko glance up and over towards the tank. As she stared into the LCL, a memory of her conversation with Eve the previous night floated through her mind: _"I have memories of my mother."_

"Dr. Akagi?"

With a start, Ritsuko realized she had been staring off into space for several minutes. She turned back towards her monitor and began typing. "I don't know," she lied.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Twelve monoliths encircled a ring of light. "Events have cascaded far beyond the bounds of our scenario." Fear edged the twelfth monolith's voice as it spoke.

The second monolith's voice was equally fearful. "There was no mention of this entity anywhere within the secret Dead Sea scrolls."

"Not even in the very beginning were we forced to grope so blindly for the path." The fifth stated.

The first monolith waited for the rest to cease speaking. "There is mention of these…Harbingers in sections of the secret Dead Sea scrolls that were not shown to you. That one was but the first, named Egrofel by the scrolls, the fist of God."

"Kihl, you kept a portion of the scrolls secret from us? Keeping vital information from SEELE could be considered grounds enough for your… removal." The twelfth monolith's voice was outraged.

The first monolith's voice was harsh. "Do not address me by name. The probability that events would lead to the scenarios outlined in the portion of the scrolls that I withheld from you was…slim."

"Obviously not slim enough." The voice of the seventh monolith was tinged with anger.

"Why did you keep this secret from us?" The ninth demanded.

There was a long pause before the first monolith answered. "The information held in this section of the scrolls is…disturbing. Now that we have entered this sequence of events, failure no longer risks the destruction of the human race, but ensures its utter annihilation."

The eleventh monolith's voice was heavy with condescension. "So you withheld this information from us so that we wouldn't needlessly worry ourselves over it." 

"A convenient excuse." The ninth monolith stated.

"And an accurate one." Came the first monolith's reply.

"If we are forced to face more of these Harbingers, then Ikari and NERV are still necessary."

There was silence before the seventh monolith spoke. "But if the situation is as grave as stated, then we cannot afford to allow Ikari free reign. Permitting him to remain a loose cannon at this point would be worse than disastrous. He must be brought under control."

The monoliths began to fade out. "All men have their vulnerabilities." The twelfth stated before it vanished.

------------------------------------------------------------------

__

The walk makes me feel like I'm going to my own execution, Ritsuko thought irritably as she and Maya crossed the Commander's office. _He_ was waiting patiently at his desk, fingers interlaced, as if he had all the time in the world. The position that Fuyutsuki usually occupied just behind the Commander was vacant, the deputy commander having left several hours earlier to petition the UN for a revised budget.

They stopped three paces in front of his desk. Maya drew herself to attention, then ruined the image by fidgeting nervously. Ritsuko slouched in place, showing just how little she valued the time she expended by being there.

"Your reports, " Gendo commanded, without a touch of emotion in his voice.

Maya nervously walked the last three paces to his desk and placed the stack of folders and papers she held on its surface with the utmost care before fleeing back to her place by Ritsuko.

Dr. Akagi tossed her burden onto the desk, sending both it and Maya's report skidding haphazardly across its surface. The office was silent and still, save for a few papers fluttering leisurely to the floor. She stared at him defiantly, waiting for him to respond.

"What is the status of the dummy program?" the Commander asked, refusing to take umbrage.

"Um, I-it, I-I um…" Maya stammered before trailing off into silence.

"Clone growth is proceeding as planned," Dr. Akagi said smoothly, _as if you didn't already know,_ she added as a venomous afterthought. He already knew everything either of them was going to say. The first thing she'd done the previous night after she recovered from her encounter with Eve was to call the Commander and tell him everything that had passed between them. The only reason that either of them was there was so that he could reassert his dominance and play his little power games. "However, removing the flaws from the neural transferal system is taking longer than expected and it has fallen several weeks behind the projected timetable."

The Commander regarded the two of them for a moment before speaking. "There is no possibility of bringing it up to speed." It was not a question.

Ritsuko shrugged carelessly, while Maya flushed and stammered out a "no."

He turned his attention solely on Maya. "I hope you have a more positive report to make on the analysis of the substance taken from the Harbinger?"

The planned retort died on Ritsuko's lips as the line of the Commander's questions took a turn from what she'd expected. Instead of speaking, she gave Maya a sideways glance.

"W-well, there was little problem in analyzing the um, goop. I temporarily pulled several people from other projects to assist me. The best analogy would be that it is the Harbinger's blood, sort of."

"Sort of?" the Commander asked, raising an eyebrow.

Maya scrubbed a hand through her hair, realized what she was doing, and pulled her arm back against her side. "In comparison to samples taken from the Angels the Harbinger's properties of…um matter were ninety-seven point four oh seven percent identical; ninety-three point four nine five percent identical to the human standard. However, we're still running tests, and should have results in about—"

"Is there anything else that you _do_ know?" Ikari interrupted.

"Calling the…um 'goop' that was recovered from the Harbinger 'blood,' is a little misleading. In it's most basic components, it is a kind of primordial soup. A very active primordial soup."

"Meaning?"

The Commander's continued interruptions threw Maya further and further off balance, and she spent several moments stammering before she could form a coherent answer. "It is very similar to LCL in its makeup, but as opposed to LCL, which is highly conductive towards organic interface, the substance recovered from the Harbinger detrimental to any sort of interaction. If it comes into contact with organic material, it absorbs it, dissects the organism's DNA, then tries to reconstruct it. One of the technicians lost a finger when she touched one of the samples with an unprotected hand and we then had to laser-cauterize the hand in order to keep it from being consumed as well."

The Commander was suddenly on his feet. "Why wasn't this brought to my attention sooner?" he demanded angrily. "That 'soup' was taken off of Unit 02. If it infects the Evangelion…" he let his voice trail off menacingly.

"I received the final report on my way here, sir," Maya said, cringing. "I already have a team examining the Eva to see if it could've been infected during or after the battle and have ordered it isolated from the other Evas."

"And if it has been infected?"

"I-I don't know sir."

"Go oversee the operation, immediately."

Maya bowed and began backing away and Ritsuko turned to follow.

"I didn't dismiss you yet, Dr. Akagi," he said.

Ritsuko turned and stood ramrod straight, and stared the Commander in the eye. He waited until the doors had closed behind Maya before rising from behind his desk. "How is Eve doing?"

"You already know. I tell you everything that she says and does."

"Of course you do," he said as he stepped behind her. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck as he spoke. His hand clamped over her breast and his beard tickled her throat.

__

Everything is a power game, she thought and bared her teeth, an expression that he could not see. "Rei isn't putting out for you?" she asked in a saccharin sweet tone.

She felt Gendo tense behind her and elbowed him in the sternum, allowing her to break free of his hands. She whirled, her hand extended in a full arm slap that snapped his head to one side, the sound of her palm striking flesh echoing for several seconds.

Gendo let his head hang at an angle before dropping it to his shoulder as if his neck had snapped. He regarded her for a moment, an infuriatingly self-satisfied half smile tugging at his lips.

"Do you care for anything? Have you ever done anything that wasn't for your own fulfillment?" Ritsuko yelled. "I could have ended up carrying your child! You never cared enough to take precautions!" Her voice took a bitter, hate filled tone. "Not that I would've been cruel enough to bring any child into a world that held a man like you. Fate's already cursed Shinji to bear the burden of you as his father. I wouldn't damn another child like that."

He just watched her, his head still cocked, the half smile still darting over his lips.

"One day Ikari," she hissed out between clenched teeth. "One day, I will see you _dead_!"

"Perhaps," he replied, straightening his head, "but I doubt it." His tone was as infuriating as his smile.

Ritsuko resisted the urge to claw his eyes out and turned abruptly, stalking out of his office. "One day!" she hissed as she reached the doors. The echo of her words seemed to whispering mockingly in her ears until the closing doors silenced them.


	10. The Passing Dawn : Stroke

Gospel 1:9

__

The Passing Dawn/Stroke

Even though he'd set it to go off forty-five minutes early Terry was already awake when his alarm clock went off, his eyes staring upwards at nothing in particular. He didn't seem to notice the noise, and continued to stare at the ceiling despite the clock's shrill clamor. 

It was with a drawn out sigh that he allowed his head to fall to the side and his eyes came to rest on the clock's red numerals. He kicked off his sheets and rose, turning off the alarm on his way out of the room. He shivered beneath his nightshirt, rubbing his arms to settle the gooseflesh that the cold morning air caused to rise over his body.

The apartment was filled with the gray half-light of early morning and he shivered again as he stepped into the bathroom, but this time it wasn't because of the cold. Late at night and early in the morning the apartment felt odd, unsettling. Particularly when he compared it to his home back in Australia, this apartment always seemed too quiet. The only proof that he had that he wasn't alone was the occasional sound that made its way through the wall from Misato's apartment. It struck him as not being right; ten floors, however many apartments and only two of them occupied.

Sometimes at night, when the lights were off and he lay in bed waiting for sleep to come, he would be struck by the feeling that all the world had dropped away and there was nothing else in existence besides his room, that the universe had been condensed to the span of four walls. Occasionally he wouldn't turn off the television when he went to bed, just so that he could ease his sleep with the illusion that somewhere out there, there was someone else.

He hopped from foot to foot on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor as he waited for the hot water to make its way through the pipes and out the showerhead. Last night had been especially bad. The sense of isolation had seized him almost before he'd turned off the lights and kept him in its grip the entire night. His sleep had been light and fitful and he'd awoken as soon as dawn had sent its first gray tendrils creeping through the window.

He felt even more isolated as he stepped into the shower. When he put his head into the spray, all that he could see was water and he reeled with vertigo until he braced himself against the shower's walls, proving that the room was still at rest. He focused his thoughts inward, trying to ignore the gnawing sense of solitude. He thought about Shinji, Asuka, and Rei. With the exception of Asuka, Terry couldn't say if any of them had spent the past few days as little more than wraiths. Shinji had been the worst. It was as if some vital part of him had stayed behind when he climbed out of his entry plug after the battle and the shell that emerged could only go through the motions of being alive.

Terry had been subdued, waiting for the reprimand that had failed to manifest about his performance during the battle. Hikari was the only one who still gave him the cold shoulder, but he'd been finding it easier to avoid his friends. It was easier to sulk over his perceived faults than to share his thoughts with his friends, the same attitude that Shinji seemed to have taken although not to as great of an extent.

Asuka was the exception. The battle seemed to have restored to her whatever vibrancy she'd lost during her frequent clashes with him. Her mouth almost never stopped moving, telling everyone within earshot about _her_ victory over the Harbinger, how _she'_d once again saved the world. She'd tell how _she _saved Shinji, who although brave, was too inept to do much of anything on his own, an insult that Terry would've never let stand but which Shinji never refuted. 

Even when Asuka addressed him directly Shinji barely responded, irritating her to no end by replying with monosyllables or occasionally an entire word, uttered in a barely audible whisper. That had become his response to everyone. Kensuke and Touji had stopped finding it funny and were beginning to grow concerned for their friend.

Rei had simply been herself, but that was enough for most people to forget her, to allow her to fade into the background and out of most peoples' notice. 

"Rei."

He repeated her name, washing the sound around his mouth. She'd occupied a part of his mind for a good portion of his life. He wondered how she would react if she knew that. His mind wandered, roving through memories of Germany, when his parents had worked as part of the research division at GEHRIN's First Branch. He passed over those memories quickly, avoiding the lingering pain they carried.

It hadn't been healthy for either of them to remain in Germany after the incident, but they'd tried anyway. When his father finally decided the situation was too intolerable to go on, he had already been seeing a psychologist for three months and his father's annual psychological exam reported him as 'borderline unstable.'

His father had requested a transfer back to his native Australia, and received not only that but command of the newly built NERV research and development facilities. The promotion raised a few eyebrows, but was not wholly inappropriate for a scientist of his father's standing, and was not challenged.

It was much easier for Terry to linger over his memories of Australia. Less than a year after his father returned he remarried, to a woman who added three daughters to the family who made an instant attachment to the brooding and often withdrawn boy who'd unexpectedly become their big brother. His new family did more for him than every psychologist he'd seen put together and he felt that he'd finally put his experience in Germany behind him.

He gained a second family in Australia as well. Unlike the facilities in Germany, where everyone seemed to have business of the utmost importance, and God forbid you should ever cross their path or ask a question, the personnel at the facility in Australia were easygoing and friendly, and there were very few places in the base that Terry hadn't been allowed to go. He'd learned as much sitting in corners around the base as he ever had in school.

He'd accidentally stumbled across of picture of her, and it was even longer before he found the name that went with it, but that hadn't mattered to him. He'd fallen for her the moment he saw her. However, as infatuated as his heart was, his brain knew that his chances of actually ever meeting the girl were nonexistent. Adults rarely seemed to think that children was smart enough to understand what they were saying, and once after an examination, he overhead a doctor say that 'emotional schisms in the subject render him completely unfit for participation in the E project as a pilot.' If he couldn't be a pilot, his brain would tell him, than he'd never have a reason of going to Tokyo-3, so he might as well get over her. He was a pilot now, so that just went to show what that doctor knew.

The communiqué that his father received from Commander Ikari, requesting that Terry report to Tokyo-3 as the 6th Child, had come out of the blue, but Terry accepted it without hesitation. Although he'd told his father that he was 'both honored and privileged to accept a position as one of the elite defenders of mankind,' Terry was sure that his father knew as well as he did that Terry's main reason for accepting was because he'd get a chance to meet Rei.

Amidst all the piles of paperwork he'd seen regarding the Children, none had ever mentioned what they were actually like. When the Evangelions made the news (which was frequently) the reports usually focused on the mecha, with rarely more than a file photo shown about the 'brave children who pilot them.' He'd always imagined that the pilot of an Evangelion would be strong willed, smart, and courageous. He'd begun to doubt that image when he learned that Asuka had been named as the 2nd Child, but he tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, imagining that even she could've changed.

His first encounter with the 2nd Child had tarnished that delusion and it shattered completely the first time he met Rei. The fact that he'd nearly trampled her during their encounter had done nothing for his composure, but he'd still been amazed that this almost ethereal girl was the same one he thought himself in love with.

Once he'd gotten over his initial surprise he decided that he might like the real Rei more than the inhumanly flawless heroine he'd envisioned. The girl that he'd thought her had been made of steel; strong, confident, unbending. The real Rei's personality and demeanor were subtler than he'd imagined. She was steel hidden beneath silk, intense, yet resigned in a way that he didn't understand. He liked that Rei better than the one that he'd imagined one, at least he thought that he did.

Occasionally, the way she acted towards him made him want to scream. She'd kept herself distant when they first met, treating him the same way that she seemed to treat everyone else, but as he persisted to get her attention, occasionally she'd seemed to warm up to him; although warm was a very relative term. 

Most of the time she was exactly what he'd once heard Asuka call her: a doll. He knew that somewhere within Rei was a wonderful girl but she so infrequently broke through to the surface that he sometimes doubted she really existed anywhere outside of his imagination. He would've stopped pursuing Rei long ago, thinking that she failed to share his attraction except for the occasional glimmer of understanding, of warmth, of humanity that shone through. It was those brief flashes that kept his determination from flagging.

As he scrubbed his hair, he thought about a scrap of paper that sat on his desk, bearing a hastily written address. He wasn't sure why, but there had been no record of Rei's residence that he could find via public access files. He could have asked someone for it, like Misato, but they would have wanted to know why he wanted Rei's address and for some reason the thought of divulging his intentions to anyone else made him feel slightly uncomfortable. 

So instead of asking for her address, he'd hacked into a low security NERV database to obtain it. In hindsight he supposed that he should've simply asked Rei for it. After all, if anyone discovered what he'd done…. He wasn't sure what the precise punishment would be for breaking into a NERV computer was, but he was pretty sure that deportation would be the least of his worries.

It probably would've been easier to ask Rei. Given her nature he probably could've given her a plausible excuse for why he wanted it, but given the reason he wanted her address, lying to obtain it would definitely be the wrong thing to do. Besides, he wanted to surprise her. 

He just hoped that she wouldn't be so surprised she called the police.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato sipped at carefully from a steaming cup of coffee. The day had started out uneventfully and it looked as if it would remain that way. There hadn't been anything but the usual reports and updates, although she was slightly worried about the latest psychological report on the Children. She'd been watching them all like a hawk since that morning she'd stumbled across Shinji and Asuka in a tangle on the floor, but she hadn't noticed any negative changes until after their last fight. She leaned back against a console and sipped from the cup again.

She jumped as alarms began to scream and EMERGENCY flashed across screens throughout the command center. "What's going on?" she demanded, gritting her teeth as hot coffee soaked through her shirt.

"Level one bio-contamination alarm in A-wing lab!" Suiko shouted.

"Show me the security camera feed," Commander Ikari ordered her, seemingly unflustered.

Suiko typed a series of commands and the main screen flickered, filling with static instead of the expected image. "I'm sorry Commander but there's a camera malfunction. I can't bring up the feed."

"Show me the feed from the camera outside the lab. Enable audio."

Suiko complied and the screen changed to an image directly outside of the lab, which showed the door but nothing past it. Several people were clustered around it and others were squeezing out from between the slowly closing security doors. Maya was the last one out, blood oozing from a shallow cut across her cheek.

"Initiate sterilization procedure Omega Tau," she ordered, acting perfectly calm and in control of herself and the situation. "Is everyone out?"

"I-It got Oshii, and Miura i-isn't here," one of the other scientists told her after several moments of confusion.

"Belay the sterilization order," Gendo ordered Makoto. "Dr. Ibuki, what is going on down there?"

On the screen Maya jumped as the Commander's voice seemed to come out of nowhere, her veneer of control vanishing. "C-commander," she stammered. "Uh, the Harbinger's blood sample… it escaped."

"It what!" yelled Misato.

"The sample broke free from isolation case. I sounded the bio-contamination alarm and evacuated the lab."

"Please report to the command center, Doctor," Gendo ordered and cut the audio link.

"Do you want me to initiate the sterilization procedure Commander?" Makoto asked.

"Not yet." He didn't say anything more until Maya arrived at the command center, slightly out of breath.

"Why didn't you take precautions against an occurrence such as this?" he asked without giving her a chance to catch her breath.

"I was unaware that the sample could exhibit such… properties. It hadn't displayed the ability to move independently unless subjected to exterior stimulus."

"Camera feed has been restored to Lab 6," Suiko reported.

"What?" Maya asked. "Has the sterilization already been finished?"

"I belayed the command to sterilize," Gendo replied.

Maya paled at his words. "What? How-? Commander, you have to sterilize that lab!"

"Put the view from the lab on the screen," he ordered, ignoring Maya. The picture that appeared showed a black haired woman in a closed lab coat pacing back and forth nervously.

"Who was left in the lab?" Gendo asked Maya.

"Dr. Megumi Oshii and Dr. Mamoru Miura. That's Dr. Oshii there."

"Dr. Oshii," Gendo began, opening an audio link to the lab, "what is the status of the escaped sample?"

The scientist started in surprise at the Commander's voice. "It's dead. Shortly after the lab sealed, it lost cohesion and disintegrated." She smiled nervously. "Thank you for not sterilizing the lab. I doubt that I would have found the experience…enjoyable."

Maya stared intently at the image on the screen. "I-I can't quite say what it is sir, but there's something about this that doesn't feel right."

"Release the seal on the lab's inner doors," Gendo ordered Suiko, "but keep the lock on the security doors intact." He turned his attention back to the screen. "Dr. Miura, wasn't there another person in there with you?"

Dr. Oshii looked panicked for a moment. "Y-yes. The sample killed him before it expired."

"I know what's wrong," Maya said.

"Besides the fact that she failed to react when I addressed her by the wrong name?" the Commander asked dryly.

Maya flashed, having missed the ruse. "Dr. Oshii has a birthmark, a red one, right here," she said, placing a finger next to her eye. "It's not there anymore."

"Would a birthmark be included in the DNA strand?" he asked her.

"No," Maya said frowning, "they're caused by malfunction of melanin production cells, causing a localized buildup of pigmentation."

"Open the inner doors," Gendo commanded Suiko.

As the lock retracted and the doors began to slide open, Dr. Oshii turned and with inhuman speed, raced towards the door, not realizing that the security doors behind it were still closed. Everyone in the command center winced, expecting to hear the _crack_ of breaking bone as Dr. Oshii struck the door but when she hit it she splattered in a spray of black. 

Maya felt her stomach heave as the black fluid flowed together into a central mass. It threw itself at the security door and in defiance of gravity, flowed upwards across it surface, trying to force it's way through the door.

"Initiate the sterilization procedure," Gendo ordered.

"Yes, sir," Makoto replied unsteadily and the image dissolved into static as the temperature within the room leapt by several thousand degrees and radiation sterilized its interior.

Maya took several shallow breaths, trying to quell the waves of nausea sweeping through her stomach and not for the first time she wished that her job didn't force her to deal with so many stomach-turning situations. 

"In your last report, you told me that the substance absorbs organic material, breaks it down at the DNA level, then tries to reconstruct it. That is why it failed to replicate that woman's birthmark. Did you have any idea that it was capable of this?"

"No, sir. It had never shown any signs of intelligence and the only stimulus that provoked a response from it was exposure to an organic substance." She shuddered again. She'd been standing across the room when the isolation case burst apart, one of the fragments grazing her cheek. There'd been a blur of movement then Dr. Oshii had started screaming, her hands tearing at something black and viscous clinging to her face.

Maya'd hit the alarm, trying to help anyone lagging behind as the security doors started to slide shut. She hadn't even tried to help Dr. Oshii. Maya couldn't see where the doctor had fallen but she could hear muffled screaming and run for the door. When she'd seen Oshii on the screen, she'd felt hope that the woman was still alive even though in her heart she knew that the scientist had to be dead.

"Commander, I believe that we have a much larger problem now," Maya said unevenly. "It was only a hypothesis before, but given what we've seen today…. How much of that… substance do you think was dumped into the Pacific Ocean when the Harbinger was destroyed?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Unaware of the conversation occurring above him, Makoto swiveled in his chair to face Misato. "Well, Major," he said cheerfully, "that's it for the crisis of the day. Would you like to go to a bar and celebrate after our shift ends?"

Misato stared at him for a several seconds then sighed expansively.

"What?" Makoto asked bewilderedly.

"Nothing," Misato said, sighing again. "I was just lamenting the death of subtlety."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Butterflies thundered in Terry's stomach as he glanced at the sign above the door and he futilely tried to ignore them. He doubted that there were many Rei Ayanamis in Tokyo-3 but he still wondered if he'd somehow come to the wrong apartment. Despite the sounds of construction that thundered in his ears, this section of the city seemed deserted, almost dead. When he'd reached the building, he'd taken one look at the elevator then immediately headed to the stairwell. He'd walked up four stories stairs in near twilight, the air reeking of mildew and other less wholesome things.

When he reached the door whose placard read #402, Ayanami, Rei he couldn't even say for sure that anyone lived there. He had to step over several pieces of mail that lay on the ground in front of the door and the mail slot was stuffed beyond over-flowing. Either the mail carrier kept delivering despite lack of a tenant or Rei simply didn't care enough to pick up her mail.

Terry looked down again at the slip of paper in his hands, then dropped it over the railing. Praying that he had not somehow made a mistake when obtaining the address, he stepped up to the door and rang the buzzer.

There was no answer.

Terry realized the one fatal flaw of his plan: even if he was at the right place, what if she was still asleep, or not home at all?

He tried to ignore those doubts and rang again.

There was still no answer.

Terry chewed his lip and tried to decide what to do next. He could just give up, go to school, and get the right address from her personally. He laughed at himself as he thought of doing that. "As if Kensuke and Touji would ever let me live that down," he mutter and tried the buzzer one last time. When there was still no response, out of lack of any better ideas, he tried the knob.

It turned.

Terry turned it all the way and pushed the door open, peering into the darkened apartment. 

Hello?" he called out. He stepped fully into the apartment when there was no reply. His shoes tread upon mail that had slipped out of the overfilled mail catch and littered the floor. 

The inside of the apartment wasn't much cleaner than the outside. The most complimentary terms that came to mind were dingy and squalid.

"Rei?" he called again but there was still no response he went further into the apartment.

He reached the end of the short entryway and entered the main room of the apartment. In fact it seemed to be the apartment's only room. A bed and lamp occupied one corner, a dresser sitting in the other, a pair of glasses resting on its top. The glasses drew his attention. He didn't remember ever seeing Rei wear a pair before, and not only did this pair look too large for her, but its frame was warped and cracks spider-webbed across one of the lenses.

He set aside the mystery of the glasses for a moment and looked around the rest of the apartment. A refrigerator sat against one wall and another short corridor led to a closed door that he presumed was the bathroom.

A closed door that was now opening.

Terry's voice choked in his throat as Rei stepped out, her hair still wet from the shower. She was wearing her school uniform but it hung loose from her slender frame, the collar and waist still uncinched. She stopped when she saw him, her eyes unblinking.

"Hello, Rei," he finally forced out. As if his words broke a spell, she fastened the buttons on her uniform then walked over to the stand, placed the glasses in a case, and slipped it into her pocket. "I know I usually meet you at school, but I thought that today, maybe I could, um—" Rei stepped past him and continued down the entryway towards the door. "—walk with you to school?" he finished as she opened the door and stepped out.

He ran after, catching the door before it closed. He shut it behind him and wondered if Rei wanted it locked. She was already to the stairs and the only lock he could see required a key, so he ran after her. "I didn't lock your door because I don't have the key. If you give it to me, I can run back and lock it for you," he said as he caught up with her on the stairs.

She didn't even bother to look at him.

__

What is it Rei? he wanted to shout at her. _What is it I have to do to see the real you?_ Instead, he forced down his ire and said, "If you haven't had breakfast yet, we could stop somewhere and grab a bite. There's still plenty of time before school starts."

"I'm not hungry," Rei stated dispassionately.

Terry couldn't keep a small sigh from escaping his lips. The doll was in firm control of Rei today. He'd hoped that if he talked to her over breakfast he could ask her what he so desperately wanted to, but with the way she was he knew that anything he said would elicit no more reaction than if he told her that the sky was blue.

He glanced around, searching for inspiration and realized that they were passing though a section of Tokyo-3 that he was familiar with. Suddenly, he had his inspiration. 

Terry grabbed Rei's hand and pulled her into a flower shop. The proprietress, a stout, dour looking woman, recognized Terry as he entered and her face broke into a maternal smile when she saw the girl with him. She turned and withdrew a single white rose from the display behind the counter and handed it to Terry, who gave her the exact amount of yen in return.

Rei observed the transaction without reaction, turning to follow Terry as he began to walk out of the store. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at her, trying to calm the resurgence of butterflies. She always accepted the rose and quick kiss from him without negative reaction, but then again, she seldom showed positive reaction either.

Just before they reached the door and before Terry could think better of it, he pulled Rei behind a display. It blocked them from the view of the proprietress and a similar display in the front window screened them from passersby on the street. He handed Rei the rose without trying to give her a quick kiss to the neck. She looked up at him with a vaguely questioning look in her eyes and before Terry could decide otherwise, her tilted his head forward and kissed her on the lips. 

The kiss lasted for several seconds, until Rei placed a hand on his chest and pushed with the slightest pressure. Terry immediately took a step back, his eyes searching her face. He felt himself deflate as he saw the blank expression still on her face. No emotion, no reaction. He'd been wrong. Then he looked into her eyes. The doll was gone and he could see the girl that he'd been so desperately searching for.

"It's all right," Rei said softly and Terry, looking into her eyes, saw that it was. Together they stepped out from behind the display and started towards the door. The proprietress, who hadn't been fooled for a second by their disappearing act, gave Terry an obvious wink.

As they walked towards school, Terry let his arms twitch restlessly at his side as he tried to think of something appropriate to say. He felt a light touch on his arm and he glanced over at Rei. Her face was still expressionless but her hand rested on his sleeve. It slid down to his hand and her fingers traced his, before she hooked her pinkie around his own. He turned his head to look at her and as he watched, with careful deliberation, she placed the rose behind her ear and turned her head to look at him. He could see it in her eyes: the girl was there and as they kept walking his heart began to beat faster as he realized that she wasn't going away. It was only with a conscious effort that he kept himself from laughing out of sheer elation.

It was with considerable effort that he kept himself from stammering. "Rei, about the school carnival coming up next week… uh, can I…." Mentally, he braced himself. "CanIaskyoutothedance?" he asked in a rush.

Rei looked ahead, and Terry swallowed nervously, wondering what thoughts were passing behind her cerise eyes.

"I don't have anything to wear," she said simply.

Terry almost stumbled, stunned by what he thought was a joke from Rei. Then he realized that she was probably telling the truth. He couldn't remember ever seeing her in anything else besides her school uniform and her plug suit.

"Don't worry, I'll take you shopping, my treat."

Rei gave him a questioning look. 

"When my father remarried," he explained, "I gained three younger sisters who thought that it was just the greatest thing in the world to drag their older brother shopping with them. I've picked up a thing or two."

"It will be expensive."

"Not a problem," Terry said confidently. "We get paid pretty well by NERV, for kids at least. I'll probably have to live off of rice and fish stock for a couple months, but a nice dress is worth it."

His joke was rewarded by the barest of upturning of the corner's of Rei's mouth. Looking deep into her eyes, he could see the girl laughing out loud.

"So," he pressed her, "will you go to the dance with me?"

Her finger tightened briefly around his. "Yes."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka walked into the classroom, practically dragging Shinji behind her. She gave him an irritated glance as she dropped his hand to go to her seat. He'd been acting listless for the past few mornings and she'd practically dragged him all the way to school today. Without her to guide him he stood in the doorway, swaying slightly as if he were standing in a light wind. Finally he seemed to gain some awareness of his surroundings and went to his desk.

Asuka sighed; he was acting weird, even for Shinji and she was starting to get worried. Sighing again, she turned her attention to the rest of the classroom. Several students were already in their seats and at first she thought that Rei was absent again because her usual spot in the corner was vacant. Then she realized that Rei was sitting several seats up next to Terry, who was smiling like the cat who swallowed the proverbial canary. Rei had a white rose as seemed to have become customary for her, although Asuka had no idea from where she got them, but this morning she had it tucked behind her ear of all places. Her face was as blank and doll-like as ever, but to Asuka's extreme amazement, when no one else seemed to be looking, Rei put her hand on top of Terry's for a moment. Asuka pinched herself to make sure that she wasn't still asleep. "The world is going nuts," she announced to no one in particular.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji idly typed answers into the computer at his desk. The class was mostly silent, involved in the math assignment which also prevented the teacher from rambling on about the 2nd Impact. Outside the window, clouds began to gather in the sky, a threatening shade of gray.

A message suddenly flashed across his screen, obliterating the answer he'd been about to enter:

'You are Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 01: y/n'

'YES' he typed in reply. He glanced surreptitiously around the room, wondering who sent the message. The only student who didn't look busy was Asuka, who'd in all likelihood already finished the assignment, and she wouldn't need to ask who he was.

'Do you like it: y/n'

'Like what?' he typed back.

'Piloting the Evangelion. Do you like it: y/n'

Shinji found his fingers moving before he even had time to consider the question: 'no'

He looked around the room again, wanting to know more than ever who was sending him the messages. Asuka had her hands behind her head and was staring up at the ceiling: it definitely wasn't her.

'Why not?' The blinking cursor made the question seem like a demand.

Instead of answering, he sent a question of his own: 'Do I know you?'

'No'

'Who are you?'

'If you don't like it, then why do you pilot?'

Shinji felt a seed of anger began to grow. 'Because they make me do it. Because no one else will do it for me.' His fingers practically flew across the keyboard. 'Because the world depends on me and so I get into that monster and I kill because they all make me.' It wasn't until after he hit the ENTER key that Shinji realized how paradoxical and disjointed he sounded.

'You pilot because you feel it is your duty and you resent having that forced upon you.' The cursor blinked several times, but another message appeared before Shinji could write anything.

'I think that I like you. You are a delicate soul, Shinji Ikari.'

As he read the words, Shinji began to shiver uncontrollably. The words sounded so much like Kaworu. His hands shook so tremulously that he had to wait for several minutes before he was able to type again. 'Who arre yyou?' his fingers finally stuttered out.

There was no reply for several minutes and Shinji began to wonder if the other person had lost interest in him. Then a line of text marched across the screen: 'I am a friend, I think.'

------------------------------------------------------------------

Makoto drummed his fingers restlessly against the control console, trying to ignore the vapid chatter of the tech who sat inthe chair that Suiko normally occupied. He glanced at his watch, hoping that time had somehow sped up in the thirty seconds since he last looked at it. It hadn't.

"Do you think he'll ever shut up?" Shigeru whispered, leaning his head next to Makoto's. The other tech continued to talk oblivious to the fact that no one was actually listening to him.

"Note for anything short of the Third Impact." Makoto glanced at his watch again. "And we've already had our crisis for today so we'll have to wait until at least tomorrow for that."

"Well, we'll have to deal with someone else tomorrow. Hopefully the lunchtime shuffle won't pair us up with him again for a while," Shigeru said, referring to NERV's practice of rotating personnel every fifteen minutes between 10:00 and 14:00, so that everyone received a half-hour for lunch. Suiko's break had started fifteen minutes earlier, saddling them with their current companion.

It was with a great sense of relief that they handed their seats over when their replacements finally arrived, allowing the two of them to escape. They made their way to the closest lounge where they tried to find Suiko among the shifting mass of personnel.

They finally found her hanging off of the arm of a mildly handsome young man and speaking with several other women whom they only vaguely knew. When she saw them, she giggled girlishly. "These are the two I was telling you about," she said to the young man. "Makoto, Shigeru," she said, turning towards them, "I want you to meet Aoshi Ueki," she giggled again and blushed slightly, "my fiancé."

"Uh, congratulations," Makoto and Shigeru said with simultaneous inelegance.

"I didn't even know that you were dating anyone," Shigeru said as he sat down.

"Well I have to do _something_ when I'm not here," Suiko replied. "We've been together for a while and our parents were beginning to act like we'd already been married. They were even beginning to drop hints about wanting grandchildren. So Aoshi, being the ever dutiful son, " she planted a kiss on his cheek, causing him to blush, "did his manly duty and proposed. I wanted to show him off to all my friends, so he arranged to trade spots with someone else in the lunchtime shuffle, just so that he could meet all of you. Isn't he the sweetest?" She kissed him again and his face turned an even deeper shade of red. Suiko laughed at his reaction. "I really should stop, but he's so much fun to tease!"

Aoshi mumbled something as Suiko continued to talk. "Getting married is such a great feeling. You guys should try it. I'll have to hook you two up with some friends of mine."

Shigeru laughed and shook his head. "No thanks. My parents are starting to get the urge for grandchildren too. I have enough trouble keeping them from forcing me into a marital entanglement. I don't need you joining in as well."

Makoto blushed. "I can take care of my own social life," he said, ducking his head.

Suiko snorted. "All your social life consists of is pining for Misato. I don't get it. How many times is she going to shoot you down before you give her up?"

"Not to mention that fact that you're in direct competition with the ever suave Kaji Ryouji," Shigeru chimed in.

Makoto shot him an annoyed glance. "I heard that he skipped back to Germany without even bidding the good Major goodbye. She is surely grieving at being cast aside so cruelly," he said with over-dramatic flair, "and my gentle advances shall surely be rewarded by her sweet attentions."

"Or, much more likely, you'll end leaving a smoke trail across the sky, again," Suiko said.

"And you'll still be picking up her laundry," Shigeru chimed in.

Suiko laughed as she looked at her watch. "As much as I want to stay and belittle Makoto's skill at picking up women, I have to go back to my part of the shuffle. I'll see you all in a little while," she said as she departed with a little wave and a blown kiss for Aoshi. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry paced nervously in one corner of the school courtyard, his lunch lying forgotten on the ground. He had spent twenty minutes looking for Rei, but she seemed to have disappeared as soon as class had been dismissed. He was still riding the morning's wave of confidence and had decided that now was the time to confront Asuka. Ever since the battle he'd known that they would have to settle things between them, but first he had to overcome his dislike and work up enough confidence to confront her directly. He'd wanted Rei as a moral stanchion and now that he couldn't find her, he felt his confidence drop dramatically.

Asuka was sitting on the other side of the courtyard, in a group with Shinji, Kensuke, and a couple of girls that he didn't recognize. Touji and the class rep had their heads together a little farther on. He paced for a couple of more minutes and as he paced, a memory rose unbidden.

__

"Terry dear, you remember what I told you to do, right?"

"Yes mama," he replied, staring down at the complicated control panel. It bothered him to hear his mother's voice come out of the speaker. It was almost as if aside from her voice, she didn't exist.

"Don't listen to her, please! She's crazy! You have to stop this now!" The other voice made him uncomfortable too. He didn't know why the other woman was so upset.

"Don't listen to her, Terry dear," _his mother said soothingly._ "_She doesn't understand what mama is doing. Remember what I said about mama's project, how important it is? "_

"Yes mama," he murmured, and then began repeating the instruction she had given him under his breath. "'_Push the red button; push the green button; pull the far lever towards me; push the left switch all the way around." He had to stand on a chair to reach everything on the console and even on tiptoes he couldn't see through the glass and into the other room where his mother had gone with the other woman._

He continued to push buttons, trying to remember everything that his mama had told him, but his concentration was continually interrupted by the repeated thuds as something heavy struck the door to the adjoining office, where his mama had put the other woman's daughter when she'd refused to stop screaming. Occasionally, he would see a flash of red, as her head rose high enough to be glimpsed through the window on the office door.

"Let me out of here you bastard!"

He felt his ire jump at even the memory of the phrase, and suddenly he knew that he couldn't do it. He turned to walk away, but as he did, he felt a ghost of a sensation of a finger wrapping around his own. A favorite saying of his father's drifted through his head. _Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it anyway._ That's what he'd always told Terry when he'd tried to refuse to see yet another psychiatrist. Terry took a firm step forward and his foot coming down on something that crumpled: his lunch.

Terry laughed to himself and continued walking. "Sometimes you have to do it anyway," he said softly.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Agent put down the binoculars that he'd been watching the 6th Child through and wondered if he should report the boy's actions. Along with the rest of Section 2, he was under orders to report any abnormal behavior on the Children's' part. He wasn't sure that pacing the school courtyard and then stomping on one's lunch was precisely abnormal but he decided to call it in anyway. It would be something to do and watching the Children while they were at school was boring.

As he dropped his hand to the radio on his belt he heard a twig snap behind him. His hand altered its course to his pistol in its holster. "Who's there!" he shouted as he started to turn.

The last thing he heard was the _whuff_ of a silencer.


	11. The Coming Night : Counterstroke

Gospel 1:10

__

Counterstroke / The Coming Night 

Asuka watched Shinji as he picked listlessly at his lunch, his mind seemingly elsewhere. He wasn't actually eating anything, just picking through the bento, stop and look like he was about to put something in his mouth, then go back to picking. She was really starting to worry about him. He'd visibly lost weight; his cheeks had turned to sunken hollows, and his cheekbones cast long shadows down his face.

"You know Shinji," she said, trying to draw him out into conversation, "my birthday is coming up. Have you gotten me a gift yet?" 

He didn't look up as he mumbled something too quietly for Asuka to understand.

She pretended that his answer had been in the negative. "Well, you don't want to wait until the last minute. You may have been willing to let your birthday slip by unnoticed, but I'm not. The fifteenth birthday of Asuka Langley Soryu," she declared with a flourish, "will be an event to be remembered."

"If only because you won't let us forget," Kensuke cut in.

Asuka shot him a glare of pure acid, but before she could come up with a suitable retort a shadow fell over her. She glanced up, further annoyed by the interruption, but her ire turned to a different emotion when she saw who it was.

Terry had his mouth half-open but the words froze in his throat as he saw her expression, the transition of emotions on her face. The confrontation he'd been expecting had stirred up long dormant memories and her expression brought one in particular to the surface.

__

It was much quieter in the lab. The girl had stopped screaming and beating on the door and his mother's voice no longer come over the intercom. He'd tried to talk back to her, but there were so many buttons and he didn't dare push any that his mama hadn't told him to.

Time seemed to pass slowly and a gnawing fear grew in his stomach as each additional minute passed without any sign of his mama. It only grew worse when a new sound finally did break the silence: people began pounding on the lab's outer door, trying to force it open.

As the door began to edge open and the sound of adult voices became clearer, the glass on the door to the lab office shattered as an object burst through it. Terry didn't flinch as a chipped glass paperweight struck the wall to the left of his head, and rolled to a stop next to his foot. As the adult voices grew louder, the girl began to scream again. "Let me out!"

The lab's outer door slid fully open with a protesting groan and adults came flooding into the room there voices combining into a nightmare babble.

"Shut down the system!"

"Drain the LCL!"

"Disengage the test plugs!"

One of them unlocked the office door and the girl rushed out at the same time that a man the other adults were calling Dr. Soryu came out of the inner lab, the woman that Terry didn't know cradled in his arms. The little girl rushed over as he carefully set her on the floor, throwing herself on the woman's body. "Mama!" she shouted.

His eyes were drawn away from the girl and her mother as his father staggered blindly from the inner lab, clutching the strange suit that his mother had been wearing. His face was scrunched up and Terry realized that his father was crying. He'd never seen his father cry. He curled himself up even tighter, trying to disappear into the corner

"Do you have something to say or are you just going to stand there looking dumber than usual?" Asuka demanded, returning him to the present. Her expression was guarded, smoldering. She was waiting for him to say something so that she could justify lashing out at him.

Terry was sure that he could almost hear the _bastard_ lurking behind her lips, just waiting for him to give her a reason to say it. Terry forced down all of his anger, all the painful memories; he wasn't going to give her a reason to call him that name. "Asuka, I know that too much has passed between us for us to ever call each other friend, but, for our sake, can we at least be allies?" He extended his open hand towards her and drew his lips back in what he hoped was a friendly smile.

His confidence began to slip both his smile and offered hand wavering as the seconds ticked by without Asuka replying. Instead, she stared at him, an unreadable expression on her face. Finally, with quiet dignity she stood and Terry felt his hopes rise as she stared down at his hand and her own began to move.

SLAP!

Terry's hand went numb from the force of the blow. The expression on Asuka's face became all too readable as her lips drew back from her teeth in a snarl of unrestrained fury. "_Ich verzeihe dir nie!_" she hissed. "_Nie!_" she shouted. Before anyone could react she turned and walked away her body practically vibrating with barely contained fury.

------------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as she was sure that she was out of sight, Asuka turned and vented her anger on a nearby tree. _How dare he do that in front of everybody! _Leaves and twigs pattered from its branches and its trunk shook under her repeated blows. _Did he honestly think that all he had to do was smile and say a few pretty words and I'd forgive everything that that rotten little bastard has done to me? _Still quivering with fury she looked for something else to pummel. "I'll never forgive him!" she hissed. "Never!"

The words carried a memory with them.

__

She fought her way through the forest of hands that tried to restrain her, throwing herself on her mother's prone form, hugging her tightly despite the smelly, sticky amber fluid that coated her. "Mama!" she cried.

But her mama didn't move, didn't hug her back. She could feel the rise and fall of her mama's chest, but she just lay there, her eyes staying upwards, fixed and unblinking. "Mama?"

She felt tears begin to well up in her eyes and fought them back down. She was a big girl. She was strong; too strong to cry. Still, her mama lay there, not moving, not looking at her… Then she saw him huddled in the corner. This was his fault! He'd done this to her mama!

She threw herself at him, her fists pummeling him. He just tried to curl up tighter. He didn't try to fight back, he didn't even look at her and that only infuriated her all the more. "What did you do to my mama!" she screamed. "What did you do to her! I'll never forgive you for hurting my mama!"

The tears began spilling from her eyes and she used the humiliation of that to further fuel her anger. "I'll never forgive you! Never!"

He'd thrown together that whole charade of pretending to be sorry just to throw her off balance, to humiliate her further. She'd show him she couldn't be shaken. For now, she'd pretend that nothing had happened, but when the right time came….

"That bastard'll pay in full," she vowed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Rei walked along a path bordered by semi-wild growth several hundred meters from the school. In her hands she clutched a small book, it's cover decorated with pale rose print.

When classes had adjourned from lunch Rei had left the school and returned to the downtown district, returning to the flower shop that she and Terry had visited that morning. When they'd been there earlier she'd noticed a stack of objects on the counter and now she returned for one of them.

She slowly opened the girls' diary to its first page, ignoring the slow crackle of its spine as it bent for the first time. When she purchased it there'd been a small brassbound lock holding the diary shut; the first thing that she did was tear it off.

The pages were the same pale pink as the roses on the cover. As she ran her fingers down the stiff lined paper she couldn't help but think that it almost seemed to yearn for the touch of a pen, any mark upon its surface, as if such a thing would grant validity to its existence. 

She stopped walking and looked up as a man stepped out of the growth along the path in front of her. He was dressed in camouflage and held a rifle that was pointed directly at her. She glanced over her shoulder as two more men stepped onto the path behind her.

The soldier in front of her began speaking into a microphone attached to his helmet. "Team two is confronting target alpha. Teams one and three have sighted beta, gamma, and delta targets and are moving into position." He seemed to listen for a moment before speaking again. "Understood. Cutting uplink now." His eyes flickered to the other soldiers before returning to Rei. "Fire."

All three soldiers opened fire at once, their weapons spitting bullets at full automatic. None of them reached their intended target, instead striking and ricocheting off of a hexagonal distortion that rippled through the air around Rei.

The ground beneath Rei cratered and she hung in midair as the AT field unfolded around her, expanding outwards before the soldiers could react. She closed her eyes against the sudden spray of red.

Rei stepped daintily across thin air until she reached the edge of the crater. She broke into a run, ignoring the gore that coated the ground, as the sounds of gunfire echoed down from the school.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka sighed as she laid her head down on her arms. It'd taken more effort than she had anticipated getting her emotions back under reign. She ignored the pointless chatter of the girls around her and let her eyes drift across the room.

The teacher was facing the blackboard, his back to the class, prattling on about some pointless fact or another. The class had taken advantage of his inattention and broken into groups, ignoring Hikari's scandalized demands that they pay attention until she'd finally given up and resorted to glaring at everyone who opened their mouths.

Her eyes continued to move, deliberately avoiding Terry. When she'd returned from lunch red-eyed and puffy-faced, there might have been a few people who would've cracked wise about it, but when the first boy opened his mouth, the glare that she'd given him had caused to immediately close it again. No one else dared to even look at her after that.

Her eyes stopped on Shinji, who had his head resting on his arms, looking out the window. He might not have been present at lunch, for all the reaction he had shown to her confrontation with Terry. Terry had tried to talk to him after lunch, and from the glances he'd given Asuka when he thought she wasn't looking she was sure what he'd been talking about. Asuka had to hand it to Shinji that he'd managed to not even look at Terry, and the other boy had finally given up and gone back to his seat.

Rei was still missing, which Asuka regretted because she'd been sitting in a seat that completely blocked her view of Terry. The thought of the two of them together made Asuka feel that her declaration about the world's sanity had been perfectly accurate. She couldn't imagine what Wonder Girl could possibly see in the 6th Child, but Asuka wouldn't mind if some of Rei rubbed off on him, and he zombified his way into an unobtrusive little lump.

She started tapping her finger against the desktop. That was exactly what Shinji seemed to be doing, but he wasn't the one that she wanted to fade out of existence. With sudden resolve Asuka stood and walked over to the desk in front of Shinji's, turning the chair around so that she could sit and face him.

"Hey Shinji, what'cha thinking about?" she asked, trying to force her voice into a cheerfully coquettish tone.

He didn't turn his head away from the window as he answered with an unintelligible mutter. 

"What was that Shinji," she asked sweetly, cupping a hand to her ear. "I can't hear you over our dear learned teacher."

Shinji glance up at her before returning his eyes to the window with a long drawn out sigh. "Nothing."

"You know Shinji," Asuka began, blatantly ignoring his body language, "Misato's right. When you say 'nothing' like that it draws attention to you like the geofront draws Angels. You should join the military. Your commander could send you onto the battle field saying, 'nothing, nothing,' and the enemy will be so busy watching you that your side can just waltz on over and pow!" She accented the word by slamming her fist against her palm.

Shinji didn't look up at her as he muttered a reply to quietly for her to understand.

She pretended that she had anyway, assigning her own meaning to his words. "You're right, you'd probably screw that up too. I mean, you can't even eat lunch without messing up."

This did earn his attention and he raised his head to look at her. "What?"

"You managed to get jam on your forehead dummkopf." Asuka reached out to wipe the small circle of red off of Shinji's forehead but when her finger touched it, instead of smearing stickily beneath her finger, all that she felt was his skin and the small dot of red appeared on the back of her hand. Asuka stared at it as she pulled her hand away and the dot reappeared on Shinji's forehead.

"GET DOWN!" she screamed with sudden realization and threw herself forward, knocking both Shinji and his desk over. As she fell, the windows shattered and she felt something tug at her hair; then her head struck Shinji's overturned desk and she knew nothing more.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry tilted his chair on the back to legs of his chair, resting his arms on the desk behind him, staring up at the ceiling. He wondered how the teacher could keep rattling on and on without seeming to stop for breath or noticing that he'd completely lost the classes' attention.

He caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his head far enough to see Asuka rise from her desk and go sit over by Shinji. He suppressed a surge of anger. He'd tried to put things right between them, but she had all but spit in his face. He'd been right, he'd grown up but she was still the same little brat. In his mind, superimposed over Asuka was the image of a young girl, glaring at him and clutching her mother's hand as a stretcher carried her away. _"I'll never forgive you! Never!"_

He nearly flipped his chair over backwards as Kensuke pounced on him, thrusting his camera in Terry's face. "Smile for the camera, Terry!"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Terry demanded as he righted the chair.

"Making a documentary. _Evangelion: The Mecha and the Men Who Pilot Them_."

Terry gave a terse nod in Asuka's direction. "What about her?"

Kensuke thought for a moment. "Okay, so I'll call it 'The Mecha the Men and the Demon Bitch Goddess Who Pilot Them."

"You're forgetting Rei," Terry said, glancing over at her still vacant seat.

"I can't think of a handy way to include her in the title. Oh well, it's an unauthorized documentary anyway. I can make something up."

"I don't think I like the sound of that."

Kensuke opened his mouth, but his words were cut off as Asuka shrieked and the windows exploded inwards. Terry lost his balance, tipping his chair over backwards. As he fell, he opened his mouth to yell but something thick and hot splashed in his face. He spit as he hit the ground, trying to rid his mouth of the salty taste that suddenly filled it.

A stuttering roar filled the room: the windows looking out into the hall blew out and something chewed holes through the plaster of the walls. With a strange sense of detachment Terry recognized the sound: automatic weapon fire.

The noise increased as more automatic weapons opened up, along with the smaller, softer cough of small arms fire. The hail of bullets entering the room slackened off, then stopped completely, although the sound of gunfire still came from outside. More than a minute passed before the firing stopped completely.

Carefully, students began picking themselves up off the floor and Terry shakily pulled himself to his knees. He looked towards the door and his heart nearly stopped in his chest: Rei was standing there, covered in blood.

"REI!" he screamed and scrambled to his feet, rushing over to her, his momentum carrying them both out into the hallway and then to the ground. He didn't know where to look for the injury. Her uniform was completely soaked with blood. A splatter of drying blood across her face looked like freckles.

"I'm all right," she said calmly before he could do anything. "Are you?" She wiped his forehead with her hand and it came away coated red.

Terry's stomach did a slow loop as he remembered the hot wetness splashing across his face and the hot salt taste in his mouth. He looked back into room. Some students were shakily getting to their feet, but there were pools of red on the floor, pools of red that continued to grow and spread. The color drained from Terry's face and his eyes grew very large.

Rei pulled him close as he began to tremble uncontrollably, cradling his trembling head against her neck as the wail of sirens rose in the distance.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato paced restlessly along the upper deck of the command center. She fought down the urge to stop and watch what the techs were doing over their shoulders; they'd chased her off three times for doing that already.

She suppressed a sigh of frustration. _That's the problem with this job. When everything isn't going straight to hell, it's so god damned boring._

At her console, Suiko sat up straight at the same time that Makoto tensed, pressing the earpiece of his headset tightly against his ear.

"An AT field has been detected within Tokyo-3!" Suiko shouted.

Makoto followed right on her heels. "Section 2 reports gunfire in the vicinity of—! Could you repeat that?" he asked into the headset.

Misato's head whipped back and forth, trying to focus on both of them at once. "What? Where?"

"First Tokyo-3 Junior High School!" they shouted simultaneously. 

The Commander was on his feet, his face gray. "The Children?" he demanded.

Makoto listened intently to his headpiece before answering. "Unknown. Section 2 is declaring a situation red and requesting that we send all available agents."

"The AT Field has vanished," Suiko reported.

"Major—" Gendo found himself talking to air. Misato was already at a dead run out of the command center.

------------------------------------------------------------------

As she took the last turn Misato swore violently, the tires of her car screaming in protest as they skidded across the pavement at nearly a hundred kph. According to the clock on the dash, it'd been over twenty minutes since she'd dashed out of the command center. A missed turn on the way to the car train had eaten valuable time, as had the actual ride to the surface. Misato'd tried to make up for it once she reached the surface, but there was a limit to how fast even she'd drive within the city.

As her car cleared the gate to the school lot, she had to crush the brake pedal to the floor to keep from plowing into an ambulance, throwing the car through half a revolution and stopping it inches away from said emergency vehicle.

Once out of her car she had to force her way to the school entrance, pushing through a swarm of police and emergency workers. Two armed policemen stopped her at the entrance, but they let her through when she flashed her NERV ID, directing her to a windowless conference room on the school's first floor. Before she reached it two paramedics passed her, bearing a stretcher that held a small, sheet-shrouded form. She stopped them and after showing them her ID, they allowed her to pull back the sheet.

She felt guilty about the relief she felt when she didn't recognize the girl beneath the sheet. The girl's eyes didn't quite point in the same direction but both were wide in an expression of surprise. There was a hole just above her left eye, about the size of a five-yen piece. "How many?" she asked.

"Five so far, six that we're not sure about yet."

"None of the mecha pilots were seriously injured," the other paramedic rushed to tell her. "They're in—."

"I know where it is," Misato interrupted, dropping the sheet back over the girl's face.

When she arrived, it looked as if the entire 2-A class was crushed inside of the small conference room. _All that are left,_ her mind tacked on. Despite the days' heat most of the children were wrapped in blankets and police officers were passing out steaming cups of tea that Misato was sure contained no small amount of sedative.

She saw Kensuke and Touji first. Touji's left arm ended just above the elbow in a jumble of metal and latex; a police officer was cutting him out of the prosthetic arm. Kensuke was silently staring at his camera. A round hole had been punched through the side, just in front of the eyepiece. A few centimeters farther back and the hole would have been in his temple.

She found the Children in the room's far corner. Rei and Terry were sitting side by side. He gulped down the steaming cups of tea without seeming to notice their heat and as soon as he finished one, Rei would hand him another. Misato wasn't sure how many cups he'd had, but it must have been a lot. His movements were sluggish and his eyes were glassy and dull. 

Shinji had his back pressed into the corner, his head pressed between his knees. He looked like he was crying.

Asuka sat back against the wall, an ice pack held against an ugly purple goose egg protruding from her temple. Her face was an unhealthy looking shade of white and her eyes were in constant motion, trying to watch every single person in the room at once. She saw Misato first, the tiniest of smiles flashing across her face before being obliterated by a grimace of pain.

Misato rushed forward, wrapping all of them in a hug. Terry spilled his tea on her, but she ignored the pain as it soaked through her clothes. "I'm so glad you're all okay," she whispered hoarsely around a sudden lump in her throat.

Asuka broke down and started sobbing. "Why, why?"

Misato shushed her gently. "It's all right now," she said, trying to hold back the tears in her own eyes. She refused to let them go until several Section 2 agents entered the room. A path immediately opened in front of them. Although none of their actions were outwardly threatening, the agents all seemed to be poised on the razor's edge, ready to explode into violence at the smallest threat.

Misato reluctantly let the Children go, guiding them after the Section 2 agents. As soon as they were out the door, they were joined by more agents and NERV security, until a wall of blue and tan surrounded them.

They were led out of the school and into the parking lot, where an armored transport awaited them. Misato stayed behind as the Children filed in. "There are a couple things that I need to take care of here. Don't worry. I'll see you back at the geofront."

Misato watched as the carrier rolled out of the parking lot, then turned, looking for something in particular. It didn't take her long to find it. Amidst the crush of people in the parking lot, there was one group that formed an island of its own, an undeclared no man's land separating them from everyone else. It was to this group that Misato made her way.

Twelve bodies made the island's center: four of them were hidden beneath sheets, only their black shoes showing. The other eight bodies all wore camouflage and their faces had been hastily covered with handkerchiefs.

Misato pulled back the sheet covering the bodies of the Section 2 agents: three of them had been shot in the head. The fourth had had his throat cut. As Misato turned to the other eight, she noted that none of them had died cleanly. All of their uniforms sported multiple holes in the chest and probing one of them she felt the flattened bullet, still embedded in the flak jacket. Seven of them had died of head wounds. The eighth had a neat stitching of bullet holes running up his inner thigh and had bled to death.

No one had bothered her while she was examining the bodies, but an agent was by her side as soon as she replaced the handkerchief over the last soldier's face. If he noticed her red eyes or puffy cheeks, he was tactful enough not to comment on them. "Is this all of them?" she asked.

To her surprise, a disquieted expression crossed the agent's face, "No ma'am. There were three other but… their bodies were in no condition to be recovered."

"What do you mean?"

"Current conjecture is that they were transporting a concussion weapon that somehow detonated prematurely."

"I… see. Was there anything else?"

"We took one of the attackers alive," he said, pointing to a cluster of agents. Misato had disregarded them earlier, but now realized they that were standing in a circle, hiding something from outside observers. The something turned out to be another soldier, bound and gagged, an ugly purple lump rising out of his forehead. "This man was the commander of the attacking force. We knocked him out and then requisitioned some sedatives from the paramedics to ensure that he remained that way."

"I trust that you were careful in how much you gave him. We don't want anything to happen to _this_ prisoner."

"Pardon me, ma'am?"

"Don't play dumb. You don't think I'd recognize a bullet wound like that?" Misato balled her fist and placed a finger against it to illustrate her words. "The only way that those two," she gestured back at two of the soldiers, "could've taken a wound in the head like that would be if your agents had been hanging out of a tree when they shot them, or if they'd been on their knees, heads pointed down. So tell me, how many did you take alive?"

"Just the one—."

"I want the truth." Misato stared back into the agent's eyes through his sunglasses.

"Three," he relented. "However, when it became apparent that those two had no useful knowledge, it became too much of a security risk to keep them alive."

"Of course it did."

The agent tensed. "One cannot spend the majority of ones time watching children without developing a certain fondness for them. Ma'am."

"Your paternal instincts do you credit," Misato said dryly. "I'll see that no mention of this makes it into the official report."

The agent relaxed at her words and nodded once.

"How long before you finish operations here?"

"We've finished at the school. However, there are still agents combing the surrounding area for clues to the attackers' identities."

"You don't think they'd be dumb enough to leave their unit insignias lying around do you?" Misato asked, glancing down at the unconscious man's uniform. In several places across the chest and arms were darker spots where patches used to be.

"Of course not, ma'am. However we can get a manufacturer's stamp off of something as small as a bullet casing and trace it from there."

"I see. And when you track them down?"

The Section 2 agent's smile was brief, but sharp. "We'll make them pay." After a quick glance at the man lying at their feet, "more than they already have."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Commander Ikari sat in the middle of the circle of monoliths, Fuyutsuki at his side.

"You overstep yourself, Ikari." The fifth monolith said menacingly.

"You have no right to call a meeting of SEELE." The fourth declared arrogantly.

"I give myself the right," the Commander said, his voice tight with anger.

"How dare you—!"

"Silence!" the first monolith ordered. "Speak, Ikari."

"At twelve hundred hours and twenty-three minutes today, an attempt was made on the lives of the Children. A military force murdered four NERV Section Two agents and then, using automatic weapons, opened fire on the Children's classroom."

Silence held sway over the room before the second monolith spoke, its voice guarded. "The results?"

Gendo glanced over towards Fuyutsuki, who cleared his throat before speaking. "The Children themselves suffered only minor injuries. However, eight of their classmates died and three more are in critical condition, one of whom is not expected to live the night."

"The attacking force?" asked the first monolith, its voice grave. 

Gendo answered the question. "Out of twelve attackers, eleven were killed. The one that was taken alive, who, incidentally, was also the force's commander, is currently undergoing interrogation. Should he survive, he shall be turned over to the U.N for trial and sentencing. They have been tentatively identified as American in nationality, although as of yet there is no evidence linking their actions the United States government of military. "

"'Should he survive?'" The twelfth monolith's voice was icy. "There are rules for the treatment of prisoners that the U.N. abides by."

A grin curled the edges of the Commander's lips. "NERV security does not have to answer to U.N. protocols. Treatment of prisoners is whatever NERV deems fit."

The twelfth monolith's voice grew angry. "You dare! How dare you treat one of my countrymen like that! There will be repercussions for this? There—!"

"SILENCE!" If the twelfth monolith's voice was angry, the first's was absolutely infuriated. "Never did I think that you could be such a fool!"

The twelfth monolith's voice sputtered off. "What?"

"Do you really think that you could plot something like this and not be noticed? We could have stopped you at anytime. We would have stopped you, if we'd known how stupid you are."

"B-but you said, about controlling Ikari—"

"How do you think it furthers our goals to kill the very children we need! Eight! EIGHT children dead! Eight children who could have piloted an Evangelion!"

"But what it says in the secret Dead Sea scrolls! What you showed us—!"

"SILENCE!" The voice of the first monolith reverberated like nearby thunder. "The only reason I don't throw you to the wolves is that they might learn something from your stinking corpse."

"W-what-?" The twelfth monolith's reply was cut off as the sound of breaking wood, like a door being kicked in, was heard. The voice of the twelfth monolith could be heard begging for mercy, before being abruptly silenced by a burst of gunfire.

"The target's status?" The first monolith asked.

"The target has been terminated." A new voice came from the twelfth monolith.

"You overstep yourself, Kihl!" The seventh monolith shouted.

"DO NOT ADDRESS ME BY NAME HERE!" the first monolith roared before regaining a measure of control. "I overstep nothing. This scenario has progressed too far to allow for mistakes. I speak the literal truth when I say that the fate of humanity rests upon our shoulders. We can neither suffer the presence of fools nor afford their blunders. Let this be a lesson to all of you, especially you Ikari. At this stage of the scenario, no mistakes can be allowed, and no one is irreplaceable."

The monoliths faded away without another word. Once they were gone, Gendo let a tight grin spread across his face.

"Happy, Ikari?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"We caught the old men off guard and off balance. They let slip things that they never would under any other circumstance."

"And the fact that the circumstance that allowed it was the near death of your son?"

The grin slipped slightly. "Regrettable, but I would be a bigger fool than the old men if I didn't capitalize on any opportunity presented to me."

"And the prisoner? Will we be turning him over to the U.N.?"

Gendo shrugged casually. "If they want what's left of him when we're done."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite the relatively small space inside the transport, Rei sat alone in a corner. The guards that had followed them onto the transport were all by the windows, eyes in constant motion. The other three Children were all crowded into another corner of the transport, surrounded by NERV medical personal. Rei was left unaccosted because out of the four of them, she was the only one that they deemed 'all right.'" 

She still held the diary in one hand, and somehow, despite the chaos, had managed to retrieve her school briefcase. She withdrew a pen from the briefcase and drew her legs up, bracing the diary against her legs as she opened it.

The first page was no longer a flawlessly blank sheet of pink: dirty brown spots now dotted its surface. Ignoring those, Rei placed the point of the pen on the paper and paused for a moment to think, before setting the pen to motion. _I killed today,_ she wrote, then paused again before continuing on. _And, I was kissed._


	12. Twilight's Edge : Eyes in the Dark

Gospel 1:11

__

Twilight's Edge/Eyes in the Dark

Terry let his head to drop, his chin coming to rest against his chest. There was too much going on inside of the transport; medics kept poking and prodding him, asking to many questions. It tired him and he wished that they'd go away. He focused on where his hands lay crossed in his lap, tuning everything out until reality only occupied the small sphere surrounding his hands.

A muted buzzing filled his ears as if a bee had crawled into his head and was trying to find its way out. He wanted to shake his head and rid himself of it but the effort that moving required was more than he wanted to expend.

A hand closed over his shoulder and shook him, the buzzing resolving itself into a voice. "Hey boyo! You alive in there?" The words, he slowly realized, were in English.

With extreme difficulty he raised his eyes, up across a span of tan uniform, up to a concerned face framed by blond hair beneath a red beret. He was sure that he knew the face but his mind felt heavy and sluggish.

"That's the third time I tried to get your attention. Are you okay?"

The man's name was on the tip of Terry's tongue. Vail…Thomas? It sounded right. "I'm fine…" he had to gather his strength to finish the sentence, "…Mr. Vail."

The man turned to one of the medics cluttering the transport and began speaking to her in a language that Terry knew he should've understood, but when the words reached his ears they failed to link with a meaning. He had to use all of his remaining energy to follow even part of their conversation.

"Hey, have you taken a look at the kid yet? He's not looking so good."

The medic glanced over at Terry. "He's in a severe state of shock and drank to much doped tea at the school. We're keeping an eye on him but he should be fine in a little while."

The man turned back towards him. Terry knew that he should have known the man's name, that he _had_ known it a little while ago. The man began talking to him but Terry had exhausted his feeble reserves of energy and his head again dropped against his chest as he fell into unconsciousness.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Gendo Ikari was waiting as the transport arrived within the geofront and a frown creased his face as he watched the Children disembark. The 2nd Child was the first off, clutching her head with one hand and wincing at every noise. Shinji followed her, his eyes downcast, apparently seeing nothing more than his own shuffling feet. The 6th Child was third and had to be half carried by one of the guards. Rei was the final person to leave the transport and unlike the other Children, seemed fully cognizant of her surroundings. Gendo did not let the displeasure he felt touch his expression. Out of the four Children, he doubted that any besides Rei would have even a chancing of synchronizing.

Making sure to keep his expression bland, he stepped forward to intercept Rei. "I need you to accompany me."

She looked up at him, seemingly unperturbed by the blood that still soaked her uniform and nodded once before turning and handing her briefcase to a startled guard with instructions to place it in the pilots' locker room.

She followed the Commander down to Central Dogma but paused when they reached the lab where the clone tank was. The Commander continued across the lab until he reached the tank of LCL, placing one hand against the thick glass, his eyes on the clones within. 

For one moment the man seemed to come apart. His shoulder's sagged and his hands curling into tight fists. Then the moment passed and when he turned to face Rei he again appeared to be carved from granite.

"You externalized you're A.T. Field." It wasn't a question.

"If I hadn't, I would have died." Rei's eyes traveled to the clones in the tank. They had completed their physical growth cycle and were identical to her, in body at least. "Of course it wouldn't have mattered, would it? Had I perished you would merely have awakened the fourth."

A small crack appeared in the stone of the Commander's features. "I-it would have taken time to acclimate a replacement to her role and the memory transfer process has yet to be completed. It would have been injudicious to awaken another body at this time."

Rei's eyes widened in surprise at hearing the catch in the Commander's voice. The crack went much deeper than she had thought.

He reached out with one hand and ran it through her hair, clumps of pale blue coming away between his fingers. Gently he lifted one of her hands and applied the slightest of pressure to the tip of her fingers: the nail came off with a small _pop_. "You know the consequences of externalizing you're A.T. Field. You've degraded your body's cohesion. Your grip upon your flesh has been severely weakened."

"I suffered less degradation than when I am in Her presence."

The Commander nodded. "Lillith. That is because you hold the last piece that keeps it from being whole and it calls out to you. You were too close to it the last time you externalized you're A.T. Field. The loss of cellular cohesion was so great that you almost came apart before we could return you to the LCL."

"I did it to save your son's life, and yours." Although she said the words in the same inflectionless tone that she'd said everything else, her eyes flickered to his face to see his reaction.

Instead of meeting her eyes, he moved over to a console. "You will have to be immersed in LCL until you regain control of your body," he said as he activated the console. "I'll have Dr. Ibuki look after you until you have fully recovered," 

The thought suddenly struck Rei: was Maya supposed to be her nursemaid, or her guard? She chose her next words carefully. "You are aware of my association with the 6th Child and do not approve."

The Commander looked up in surprise but instead of answering he gently took her arm with his left hand and guided her up to the open top of the LCL cylinder.

"You did not answer my question," she said as he helped her out of her bloody uniform and into the cylinder. Despite the lightness of his grip, a dark bruise encircled her arm where his fingers had been.

"I will return to check on your status," he said without meeting her eyes.

__

You did not answer my question, she thought as the LCL closed over her head.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato was summoned to the Commander's office as soon as she returned to the geofront. She'd been expecting the summons and trepidation crawled around her stomach, intensifying as she made the trek across the Commander's office.

She couldn't count the number of regulations she'd violated by running out of the command center like that. If she were lucky then she'd still have her job when she walked back out of the Commander's office, if not her rank. It was too bad that she didn't feel lucky.

She stopped in front of the Commander's desk and saluted, her back ramrod straight, eyes level with the top of his head. She was thankful that Fuyutsuki wasn't there. Although the Commander's face was blank, the Deputy Commander would have made his displeasure know with every word and expression. That man had made an art out of the disapproving scowl.

"At ease Major," the Commander said evenly. He stared at her for several moments before speaking again, "Do you have anything to say for yourself, Major?" he repeated her rank as if reminding her of it.

"What I did was completely unacceptable. Whatever disciplinary measures I receive will be fair and just." Misato had to force the words out around a lump in her throat and it took an effort to keep herself from shivering.

The silence stretched out again and just before Misato risked glancing down at the Commander's face, just in case some clue of what he was thinking slipped free, he spoke. "Consider yourself disciplined."

Misato was so startled by the statement that she forgot to remain at attention and stared at the Commander. "What?"

"Your maternal instincts do you credit," he said with a dry smile. "I will let your breach of conduct slide." The smile vanished. "This time."

"B-but-?"

He interrupted her. "Do you feel that your actions require a harsher discipline?"

The Commander remained silent as she considered the question. In her heart, she felt that what she'd done had been right thing to do, but her mind told her that rules were to be obeyed no matter what the situation. Which did she believe more? "No sir, I do not," she said finally.

"Very well then Major. You're dismissed."

Mistao wanted to drop to her knees and babble out the words of thanks that she felt welling up in her throat. Instead she gave a single, curt nod and departed, passing Fuyutsuki on her way out.

He raised an eyebrow when he reached the Commander, placing the folder he carried on the desk. "I'm surprised. Her entrails all seem to be in their proper places. Did you settle for a mental disembowelment this time?"

"I didn't discipline her."

"What?" The Deputy Commander's voice was shocked. "How could you do that? What she did was completely inexcusable!"

"I believe that the Major chose the better word, phrasing her actions as 'unacceptable.' Given her relationship to the Children I do find her actions excusable, this once. I think you would understand, if you had children of your own."

Fuyutsuki's voice grew icy, "I never had the chance."

"We have all made sacrifices for the sake of our vision. It will all be worth it in the end. You will see her again."

"So you say. You and Yui willingly made those sacrifices willingly. My wife did not."

"Yui was willing to make the sacrifice," Gendo said, his voice growing quiet.

With an obvious effort, Fuyutsuki pulled himself together. "You didn't call me here so that we could reopen each others' old wounds."

"This is the second time that SEELE has made an attempt on the lives of those crucial to our vision's realization."

"The latest attempt was not sanctioned by all of SEELE," Fuyutsuki pointed out.

"That fact is irrelevant. If they'd succeeded, no matter who sanctioned them, Yui's scenario would've been ruined beyond any hope of repair. Our scenarios are entering their final stages and the old men are growing fearful, and that is making their actions rash."

"And what do you want me to do about it?"

"I want to you to review the geofront's defensive capabilities, especially those involved with repelling a ground based invasion force." The Commander's eyes dropped to the folder on his desk. "Wherever our measures seem insufficient, bolster them. You will have an unlimited budget, but be discreet with it."

The Deputy Commander's eyes widened in surprise. "If the U.N notices-."

"By the time the U.N suspects anything, it will be to late for them to do anything about it."

"You really expect SEELE will attempt to take the geofront by force?"

"The old men are frightened enough that they'll lash out without considering the consequences. Should their fear grow they might decide that it would best suit them to be in absolute control. They know that we will not meekly surrender this installation to them, so they'll attempt to take it by force. That is another reason why Major Katsuragi will remain Director of Operations. There isn't enough time to ready another for the position."

"And if SEELE attacks using the mass production Evas?"

"They won't. The mass production series is too critical to SEELE's scenario to risk them in direct combat."

"But if they do?" Fuyutsuki pressed.

"They won't."

Fuyutsuki grunted, dissatisfied with the Commander's answer but turned to leave nonetheless.

Only after the Deputy Commander had closed the door behind him did Gendo open the folder on his desk revealing several sheets of paper and a half dozen grainy, poorly focused pictures.

In bold, black letters, the first sheet of paper proclaimed:

****

Japan Heavy Chemical Industrial Cooperatives

Classified Documentation: Dissemination of Information herein will result in immediate termination and criminal prosecution.

Current Status of Jet-Alone Combat Units

Construction continues in the United States, China, and Russia. All projects are currently operating within budget constraints and will be completed on schedule. 

-N. Taylor.

Gendo turned his attention to the pictures that accompanied it. They were all of such poor quality that it was almost impossible to discern the ugly wedge-shaped robot contained in each one. If there was any difference between these and the prototype Jet-Alone, they weren't visible. That bothered him. If a Jet-Alone, or even a group of them were used to attack NERV, the defensive batteries alone could tear them apart. An Evangelion could overmatch an entire army of the robots. He was sure that there was more to these than met the eye and it worried him that he couldn't see what it was.

He turned his attention to the other set of papers. The cover sheet proclaimed the data within to be Project Gungnir. Gendo smiled mirthlessly at the attempt at subterfuge. They'd thought to disguise the project's intentions by exchanging the name of one mythological spear for another. On the surface the project seemed to outline a plan to lace high earth orbit with N2 mines as a first line of defense against further Angels. However, at such an altitude it would be a simple matter to alter the mines' orbits so that they would intercept the Lance, then once in position they could be detonated to alter its trajectory. The Lance was vital to SEELE's scenario and it troubled Gendo that he wasn't sure what they were willing to sacrifice in order to retrieve it. What troubled him even more was the name on the report, next to the title of project chairman: Nathaniel Taylor.

Even in the very beginning, Taylor had always placed his own interests first. Now he seemed to have a stake in every side of the game making Gendou wonder if anyone else was in Taylor's debt as deeply as he was. When he'd received the message from Taylor, he'd been intrigued enough to agree to the meeting. He'd never expected Taylor to give him the Evangelion and the fact that he did so without tangible payment made Gendo all the more suspicious. Eve's claim that the Americans had been afraid to keep her had some ring of truth, but Taylor was the type of man who if he had a viper by its tail wouldn't let go so long as there was still the smallest advantage in holding on.

Gendo returned everything to the folder and locked it in a compartment in his desk. He stood and walked over to the window, looking out into the geofront.

He placed a hand against the glass and allowed his head to fall forward until he was looking down, where the Evangelions slept far below. Kihl had claimed that the fate of humanity rested on the shoulders of twelve men. Kihl was wrong. It rested on the shoulders of one. "It's been a long, hard road, Yui, and I haven't always thought that I possessed the strength to walk it, but I'll do it no matter what the cost, because I know that you await me at its end."

He turned away from the window, a renewed strength fueling his step. He would see the scenario to its conclusion.

No matter what the cost.

------------------------------------------------------------------

It took a conscious effort for Misato to keep her knees straight as she walked away from the Commander's office. She'd expected to leave that meeting stripped of job, rank, and more than likely with an escort of security guards to see her out of the geofront. She probably would've needed it too. The attack on the Children had left her in a very fragile mental state. She'd expected punishment and steeled herself for it. Instead she got less than a slap on the wrist and the question foremost in her mind was why?

From the look on the Deputy Commander's face he'd been as surprised as she was that she wasn't in shackles. Why hadn't the Commander done anything? Did he consider her to be in his debt; to be called in at some time of his choosing? Or was this some move in a game that she wasn't even aware that she was a piece in? With an effort, Misato pushed those thoughts away; they weren't important now; the Children were.

It shouldn't have been hard to find them. Once they were inside the geofront one place was pretty much as safe as any other, so the Children weren't hidden away deep within the bowels of the earth. However when she finally found the room they were supposed to be in, only Asuka and Terry were there.

Asuka was occupying the entirety of the only couch, an ice pack resting on her forehead. Terry was curled into a ball on a chair, apparently asleep.

"How are you feeling?" she asked Asuka gently.

"My head hurts," was her irritable reply.

"Has a doctor taken a look at it?"

"Mild concussion. I just have to stay off my feet for a while."

"Other than that, are you all right?"

Asuka shifted the ice pack so that she could look out from beneath it with one eye. "I've been shot at, nearly cracked my head open, manhandled by paramedics, police, Section 2, and who knows what that pervert Shinji did to me while I was unconscious, but really, I'm just fine. Give me a second to change and I'll give you a rendition of Wagner's _Das Rheingold._" Asuka shifted the ice pack back into position over her eyes.

Misato decided to let the girl's tirade pass. "Do you know where Shinji and Rei are?"

"Wondergirl went off somewhere with the Commander. I don't know where the 3rd Child is. He just wandered off. Really pissed off the blue suits but he still has to be in the geofront, somewhere." Asuka turned onto her side, making Misato patently aware that her presence was no longer appreciated.

Terry was still sleeping, so Misato went out in search of one of the Section 2 agents who was supposed to be keeping an eye on the Children. It wasn't hard to find one, talking quietly into a walkie-talkie. "Do you know the whereabouts of the 3rd Child?" she asked him.

The agent didn't look over his shoulder as he replied. "I'm busy lady, go away."

Misato snapped. "Listen buddy, you've got three seconds to tell me or you're going to be using that damn blue jacket to polish my hubcaps."

The agent turned, his mouth open. It quickly shut when he saw whom he'd just told off. "I-I'm sorry ma'am, I didn't realize it was you. The 3rd Child was just spotted near the eighth cage."

"Tell the other agents to keep their distance. He's probably not in the best state of mind right now and I don't want them to frighten him."

It was an effort to keep from breaking into a run as she headed towards the cage, and when she arrived, she saw Shinji standing on the walkway in front of unit 01. He was talking to it, his voice low and level, yet carrying across the cage so that she could hear it.

"When you hurt me, I could stand that." There was a restrained fury in his voice and he stared at the Evangelion, seemingly unaware of anything else.

The elevator arrived at the walkway and Misato got off. She wanted to run to Shinji but forced herself to walk. She didn't know why but she felt that that startling him was the worst thing she could possibly do.

"My pain, I could take, b-but because of you, my friends were hurt. B-because of you, my friends were killed." Misato could see his knuckles turn white as Shinji's grip tightened on the railing "It's all your fault! I HATE YOU!" Shinji shouted throwing himself over the rail and into the bakalite.

"Shinji!" Misato shouted, leaning over the railing. His head broke the bakalite's surface and he began swimming towards the Eva, oblivious to everything else.

"Damn it!" Misato swore as she threw herself in after him. She began swimming after Shinji, shivering as the bakalite did it's best to suck the heat from her body. Some of it got into her mouth and she coughed and choked as she spit out the foul tasting liquid. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the elevator begin to ascend, Section 2 agents clustered at the top of the elevator shaft.

Shiji pulled himself up onto Unit 01's helmet. "It's all your fault!" he cried, banging his fists against the Eva's armor. "You nearly killed Touji!"

With a grunt of effort, Misato pulled herself out of the bakalite. She looked up at Shinji and nearly screamed; for one vertigous second it seemed as if he was drenched in blood and she nearly fell back into the bakelite before her mind sorted the image out reassuring her that it was merely bakalite coating him, not blood.

"They tried to kill me because of you!" Shinji's fist beat even harder against the Evangelion. Misato tried to grab one of his hands and on the back swing one of his fists grazed her cheek, knocking her backwards.

"I hate you! I don't want you anymore!" There was blood on the Eva's armor now, from where the force of his blows had torn Shinji's hands. "You made me kill Kaworu!" he screamed and reared his head back. Misato dove forward, knocking his legs out from under him before he could drive his forehead against the Eva's unyielding armor.

She winced as his weight came down in the middle of her back then rolled out from under him, careful not to knock either of them into the bakelite. "Shinji?" Misato asked uncertainly. He was sobbing quietly and didn't seem to hear her. He didn't react as she picked him up and maneuvered him onto her back, nor when she slipped back into the bakelite. She had a hard time keeping the both of them afloat and nearly went under on more than one occasion when she got a mouthful of bakelite and started choking.

By the time she reached the ladder that lead up to the walkway the Section 2 agents had made it down and were clustered around the ladder's top. She was able to hand Shinji up to them before hauling herself onto the walkway, collapsing in an exhausted heap.

"Wait," she said as one of the agents picked Shinji up, "take me with you."

It took one agent supporting each of her shoulders for Misato to walk and the ungainly procession took twenty minutes to reach the geofront's medical ward. Once there, the agents passed Shinji off to the doctors but when Misato attempted to follow him, a doctor blocked her path.

"I don't care if you're the Commander, you're can't come any further," the doctor said when she tried to protest.

Misato started to growl a reply, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. "Just let me know what his condition is, okay?"

"If we have time," the doctor said diffidently, obviously not impressed by the disheveled woman in front of him. 

One of the agents escorting Misato dropped her arm, "Allow me one moment Major." He drew the doctor to one side, and began speaking very quickly but quietly to the doctor.

When the doctor stepped back, his face was several shades paler. "Uh, yes, um, Major, we'll keep you informed." He gave the Section 2 agent a furtive glance, then scurried back into the depths of the medical ward.

"Do you need anything else?" the agent asked Misato.

"No thank you, I think I-I'll just sit down for a bit," Misato said, sinking into one of the chairs lining the hallway. Both agents nodded polity then left her alone. Misato waited until they were both gone before letting her head sink into her hands. Whatever chemicals her body had been running on for the past five hours had just run out and all of the emotions she'd been holding at bay came crashing down around her. The corridor wavered as tears begin to fill her eyes and sobs surged up through her throat.

When she regained a little control she accosted a nurse for a set of surgical scrubs then went into an empty exam room where she stripped off her wet, stinking cloths. There was a mirror in the room and she caught a glimpse of herself as she cinched to top of the scrubs shut. Her face was streaked pink with drying bakalite and her hair was drying into spiky clumps. Her image struck her as incredibly comical and she had to fight down the urge to laugh, because she knew that once she started she wouldn't be able to stop.

She leaned against the examination table and covered her eyes with one hand. "I need a drink," she half sobbed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Makoto massaged the bridge of his nose wearily as he, Shigeru, and Suiko left the command center. "Thus ends one of the most hellish days that did not involve near obliteration by an Angel," Makoto announced.

Suiko nodded. "The Angels are bad enough but to have people trying to kill the Children…" She frowned, trying to think of an invective vile enough.

"Can I interest either of you in joining me for a drink?" Makoto asked.

Suiko shook her head, a smile replacing her frown, "Aoshi and I are going out to dinner. Maybe next time."

Makoto turned to Shigeru, who shook his head. "Sorry, I have a date tonight." He went on, blushing, when the other two looked at him curiously. "Don't act so surprised. I do have some semblance of a social life," he coughed behind his fist. "Unlike some people I could mention."

Makoto ignored the jibe. "You can bring her along if you'd like."

"I don't think that would work out to well. We were planning on making some music together," Shigeru said as he strummed an invisible guitar.

Suiko raised an eyebrow incredulously. "Why Shigeru, did you just make an oblique metaphor for sex?"

Shigeru's blush deepened. "Uh, no, I meant that literally, actually. She plays bass guitar. Maybe you should ask Maya," he said, obviously eager to change the subject.

"You mean the near mythical Dr. Ibuki? The same person whose mere appearance above ground has become an event to be commemorated? I'd have to find her first, then I would have to surgically separate her from whatever project she's currently working on."

"Well then I'll see you tomorrow," Suiko said, breaking off from the group with a wave. Shigeru shrugged apologetically and went his own way. Makoto waved halfheartedly after the two of them, turning with a despondent sigh and heading towards one of the lounges overlooking the geofront.

The lounge was crowded when he arrived, filled with other NERV staff who had recently gotten off shift. Despite the number of people, there was one corner of the lounge that was conspicuously vacant despite the fact that it was one of the coveted spots that overlooked the geofront.

There was only one person occupying the spot, dressed in blue medical scrubs. Under most circumstances he would've recognized her instantly, even from behind, but it took him several seconds to realize that the figure was Major Katsuragi.

He made his way towards her, forgetting all about getting a drink. When he got within eight meters he could tell why everyone else was giving her a wide birth: the astringent stink of bakelite hung in the air and it only got worse the closer he got. "M-Misato?" he gasped, trying to breathe through his mouth. The smell seemed to cut straight through his nostrils and stabbed right into his brain.

She jerked as if he'd slapped her and as she turned her hand skittered across her chest. If she'd been wearing her jacket, Makoto would've sworn that she was reaching for her gun.

When he made no threatening moves, her hand dropped to her lap and she peered at him owlishly. Her eyes were red and her face puffy but he didn't think that it was from drinking. "Oh, Makoto, it's you."

Makoto pulled out a chair and sat down next to her. Most of the smell seemed to emanate from a plastic bag on Misato's left; Makoto could see the collar of her jacket sticking out the top. However a good deal of the bakalite reek was emanating from Misato herself and there were streaks of it along her face.

Now that Makoto was sitting, he could also see the table in front of Misato: empty bottles were scattered haphazardly and the one partially full bottle had multiple beads of condensation running down its sides. Judging by the puddle that had formed around the its base, Misato hadn't taken a drink in a while.

"What happened to you?" Makoto asked tactlessly.

"Oh nothing. I just went for a little swim, that's all."

"In bakelite?" he asked incredulously.

Misato glared at him sullenly. "Leave me alone."

Makoto was tempted to go. The Major obviously didn't want company nor did her appearance invite it. If she'd tacked a 'please' onto her demand he would've, but there was something about the way she'd said it that almost made it seem that she desperately did _not_ want him to go.

"What happened, Major?" he asked quietly.

She turned to face him, her expression twisting in anger, but suddenly she lost that spark of hostility and her face fell inwards. "I almost lost them," she whispered.

"Who's them?" Makoto asked. He wanted to kick himself as soon as the words left his mouth. "The Children," he said, at the same time that she did.

Misato listlessly flicked one of the fallen bottles, her eyes following it as it rocked back and forth. "I've resigned myself to the fact that the next time they get into their Eva, they might not get out again. I had to, because it's my job to put them in danger and it would drive me crazy if I hadn't." She grabbed the bottle and hurled it at the window and it bounced off of the reinforced glass with a dull _thud_. "They should be safe when there aren't any Angels!" Misato shouted, trying to stand. "They saved everyone's' lives!" She slumped back down into her seat. "We shouldn't have to protect them from people." Her head fell forward into her hands. "They're all I have left." Makoto could hear the raw emotion in her voice. "Shinji and Asuka are the only ones I have left," she whispered miserably. "I can't lose them."

Shinji, Asuka, and… Makoto had to force himself to say the next words. "And Kaji."

Misato's head whipped up, her features twisted in anger.

"He really loves you," Makoto said defensively. "Even I could see that, even though I didn't want to." Saying the words hurt, but Makoto knew that she needed the reassurance more than his ego needed the illusion that he'd ever had a chance with her.

Misato's anger faded as Makoto continued talking. "He's gone," she said finally, interrupting him.

"To Germany, I know. If you can't afford to make the call then I can patch it through the communications boards. I'll be breaking a lot of rules, but…" He trailed off when he saw her expression: she was on the verge of full out crying. Before he could react, she threw her arms around him and her head was on his shoulder. He could hear her sobbing.

"No, he's gone."

The way that she said 'gone' was like a punch in the gut.

__

Gone.

Dead.

If Kaji was dead, why the stories that placed him back in Germany? Makoto had always suspected that Kaji was more than a simple liaison, but he'd never imagined that it was so much more that someone would kill him.

Unless they didn't want anyone to know that Kaji was dead.

Unless his death involved something that they didn't want anyone else to know about.

Unless…

A void seemed to open up beneath Makoto, a cold, bottomless hole, as he thought about all the times that he had abused his position to obtain sensitive information for Misato.

Makoto was brought out of his personal dread by the realization that Misato was crying, her tears soaking into the shoulder of his uniform. "I can't stand to lose them. I can't take it if I lose anyone else," she sobbed.

A sudden thought struck Makoto as he made soothing noises and patted Misato's back reassuringly. She was completely vulnerable. Her emotional defenses were in shambles, her mind clouded by emotions and alcohol. Never again would he be presented with a chance like this. All it would take was a little more alcohol and a little prodding.

A thread of doubt wormed its way through his thoughts. If he took advantage of the situation, in the morning, when Misato looked at him, what would she think of what she saw?

More importantly, when he looked into the mirror, what would he think of what he saw?

It took all of his will to paste a sickly smile onto his face as he pushed Misato back down into her seat.

"Let my buy you a cup of coffee."

------------------------------------------------------------------

A shark cruised slowly through the nighttime ocean. Behind it the remnants of a school of fish scattered, the shredded remains of several of its members slowly drifting towards the bottom. It's hunger temporarily sated, it swam with no particular destination, content with the knowledge that it was lord of all it surveyed.

The shark slowed as it sensed something immense moving through the water in front of it; its eyes perceiving a deeper blackness in the water. It had encountered whales before and knew them to be harmless, so it was with no particular hurry that it altered its course to carry it away from the behemoth.

From within the darkness, something flashed out, tearing through the shark before it had a chance to react. The fish thrashed only once as its vital fluids spilled into the inky water.

The darkness surged forward, enveloping the shark's corpse. It continued to move forward, encountering the school of fish that the shark had decimated. Tiny bits of darkness flickered out, spearing the fish and drawing them into the greater mass.

The light from a sliver moon glinted off of its dull black hide as it broached the surface of the water and two white triangular eyes peered into the night. It closed them and raised its head as if testing the air. The distant call of the Harmony, tugged at the deepest recesses of its primitive mind, and it opened its eyes, turning its head towards it eventual destination: the distant lights of Tokyo-3.


	13. Night's Encounters : Mourning May Come

Gospel 1:12

__

Night's Encounters / Mourning May Come

Makoto tossed, trying to find a comfortable position on the couch. After a lengthy search, he finally found a spot that didn't leave too many springs digging into his back and pulled his blanket around him tighter.

The woman of his dreams was sleeping in his room. He was in the living room. The woman of his dreams was sleeping in his bed. He was on the couch. Makoto rolled again, pressing his face into the cushions and wondering if in his wildest (or most deranged) dreams he'd ever dreamt of a situation like this.

He'd gotten Misato a cup of coffee, practically running to and from the machine, afraid that something might happen if he left her alone for too long, and she'd taken the mug without actually seeming to notice that he was there. She'd taken three sips then set the mug down staring into it until the steam stopped rising.

He'd sat down next to her, but said nothing. He'd begun to feel a vague sense of anxiousness as he sat watching her watch the cup; he wasn't sure if she was even blinking. "Misato?" he'd asked tentatively, unsure if disturbing her was the right thing to do.

She blinked then, her eyelids gradually dropping then climbing back up. She turned her head towards him slowly, as if the muscles in her neck had turned to stone, and he stammered a few times under her torpid gaze before actually getting any coherent words out. "Would you like me to take you home?" It'd seemed to take her much longer than it should have to give him a single, languid nod.

She didn't say anything as Makoto helped her to her feet, nor as they staggered from the lounge with Makoto supporting more of Misato's weight than she was. "I'll get you to your car and then I'll take you home. Does that sound alright to you?" he'd asked. Misato's only response had been to grunt, which Makoto hoped was meant as an affirmative.

He'd sighed in relief when they finally reached an elevator and once inside he used the wall to help him keep Misato upright. When the elevator finally stopped at the first out of twenty floors of the parking complex, Makoto realized he had a new problem: he had no idea where Misato's car was. "Misato?" he asked quietly, frowning when he failed to get a response. "Misato?" he asked again, shaking her gently. Her breathing didn't alter in the least; she'd passed out.

Makoto sighed in time with the hydraulics as the elevator door wheezed shut. Even if he had the time to search all twenty levels, he didn't have the strength to drag Misato along with him and he certainly wasn't about to leave her behind. That brought a second, even greater problem to his mind. Even if he beat the odds and found her car, he had absolutely no idea where she lived. He may have nursed a slight fixation for her, but he was by no means a stalker. He ordered the elevator to take them aboveground and when it stopped, he readjusted his hold on Misato and half carried, half dragged, her to the closest lube-line station.

It was late enough that all the salarymen were home but those who kept less regular schedules were still out and when Makoto carried Misato onto the train and eased her into a seat. He knew that they were the focus of every pair of eyes in the train. They must have made an extremely odd pair: carrying Misato had left his uniform in disarray and she was wearing only a set of medical scrubs, her face covered with pink streaks and her hair standing up in thick spikes. No one got too close to them as Makoto still had the bag of Misato's clothes clutched under one arm, the stink of bakelite radiating from it in almost palpable waves. He hoped that they didn't run into a police officer, because he had no idea how he would explain this.

The train deposited them a couple blocks from his apartment and by the time he finally reached it Makoto was panting and sweating heavily despite the touch of chill in the air; Misato was a lot heavier than she looked. He carried her into his room and laid her on his futon, staying only long enough to grab a change of clothes and a blanket before retreating to the living room. He still had her clothes and took those into the kitchen, tucking them away in the farthest corner possible.

He'd gone back into the living room and changed his clothes, throwing his uniform under the coffee table and wrapping himself in his blanket then lying down on the couch. Which was how he found himself in his current situation, tossing on the couch and torturing himself with thoughts of the woman in his room.

He finally gave up on ever falling asleep and sat up, kicking the blanket off. If he was going to be awake then he might as well do something useful with himself. He went into the kitchen, ignoring the stink already lacing the air and pulled the lid off of a pot whose side proclaimed 'rice flour,' in delicate brush strokes. He reached inside and grabbed several thousand yen worth of loose coins and bills then picked up the bag containing Misato's clothes and headed out of the apartment.

The laundromat was only a couple blocks away and it was now late enough that the only people still on the street were the night owls. There was only one other person in the laundromat, a young man who was sitting by the door, reading a magazine. The man nodded at Makoto in greeting as he walked in and he returned the nod. "Pretty late to be doing laundry," the man said in a tone that indicated he talking only to pass the time. Makoto shrugged rather than reply and emptied the bag on a counter, straightening the clothes out before feeding them into the cleaner. "You're girlfriend's?" the man asked, his eyes flickering up from his magazine for only a moment.

"Uh, yeah," Makoto said, half-expecting Misato to appear and berate him for having the gall to affirm such a claim. In fact, it did feel like someone was watching him and when Makoto suddenly looked up, he caught a glimpse of movement through the laundromat window, a figure in a familiar blue suit vanishing around a corner.

__

A Section 2 agent, Makoto thought to himself. He'd noticed more of them hanging around after the attempt on the Commander's life, so it made sense that the attempt on the Children's would make them even more prolific. He wondered if it was only coincidence that had brought the agent here, or if he was keeping tabs on the Major. _If it's the latter then he really should have given me a hand carrying her_, Makoto thought sourly.

The other man looked up from his magazine, his nose wrinkling as the smell of bakelite finally reached him. "What is that?"

"Accident at work," Makoto replied hurriedly, but the man accepted the explanation and went back to his magazine. Makoto finished feeding Misato's clothes into the cleaner, although he hesitated a moment when he reached her underwear, fighting down a blush as he loaded them into the machine. It accepted his coins and hummed into life as it started the cleaning process.

The laundromat was quit except for the low hum of the cleaners and occasional rustle of the magazine as the man turned a page. Makoto began pacing slowly, a single question in his mind: what was he going to do in the morning? He was glad that he'd fought down his baser impulses and could face Misato with nothing to regret, but no matter how chivalrous he'd been there was no way that the relationship between the Major and himself was going to be the same.

His friends' gibes aside, he'd never imagined that he'd ever have much of a chance with the major. She was just so…attractive, and whenever she was close by he felt himself drawn to her like the proverbial moth to the flame. He'd known that he could never hope to impress her with his looks, so he just tried to be himself and hoped that by doing anything she asked of him, he could gain her favor.

That thought brought him up short. He'd put his life at risk more than once in order to obtain classified data for her without receiving anything in the way of a reward for it. Was she using him, using his infatuation as leverage? He shook his head. He was sure that Misato wasn't that type of woman, wasn't she? Could she be callous enough to abuse his trust? He shook his head. No, when he'd stolen the information on the 5th Child for her, she'd recognized the risk he'd put himself at, and appreciated his efforts. She knew his feelings for her, but she didn't manipulate him through them, but then again, she didn't acknowledge them either.

He'd always thought that that was because he was in direct competition with Kaji Ryoji but if the other man was gone… Thinking about him made Makoto queasy. Kaji wasn't just gone—he was _dead._ What were his chances of ending up the same if he involved himself with Misato? Then again, he countered himself, what where his chances of living to a ripe old age with Angels trying to blow the entire city to oblivion and half the human race seemingly out to get NERV anyway?

Makoto let his pacing lead him over to the line of vending machines and he idly fingered the coins in his pocket as he debated whether he wanted hot or cold coffee. Before he could make his decision, one of the cleaners spat out a neatly pressed and wrapped bundle of clothes, which the other man picked up then left without a further word.

Makoto sighed as he glanced at his watch and then fed his coins into the cold beverage machine. The night only seemed to be getting longer.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Gendo stared into the darkness hanging above of his face. It had an almost physical presence and he could hear it move, hear it laugh, hear it mock him if he listened hard enough. _You almost_ _lost him,_ it whispered. _You almost lost it all._ The words gnawed at his insides and he could feel the mass of the dark suckle at his worries and doubts, using them to bolster its presence. He was losing control, events were carrying beyond where they should have and the tighter his grip became the more they seemed to slip from his hands.

The room was small, almost stifling but it had never been intended for use as a bedroom. It'd been an office before Gendo converted for his own use. He'd had an apartment once, a place that he called home, but it was only that because Yui had been there. Wherever she was, _that_ was his home. After she left him he'd rarely returned to the apartment and after he passed care of Shinji to Yui's brother he abandoned it completely. Everything that needed him, everything that he needed lay within the geofront. 

He secretly dreaded having to get another apartment when Shinji returned to Tokyo-3. It shamed him to admit that he was afraid of his son, afraid of what it would be like to again share an apartment with the boy. They had treated each other like cordial strangers when he was three, what would it be like now that he was fourteen? It had relieved him more than he'd ever admit to anyone when Major Katsuragi requested to have the 3rd Child live with her, allowing him to keep his converted office in the Geofront, where he slept on a futon with a too-thin mattress.

Beams pressed uncomfortably into his back. All that he had to do to relieve the pressure would be to shift slightly, but the darkness seemed to be poised, waiting for him to move before it pounced. The light-switch lay just beyond his reach; he could banish the dark if he stretched out his fingers and threw the switch, but he could feel the darkness waiting for him so he lay still, the beams of the futon continuing to press into his back.

His hands quivered at his sides, wanting to reach over and caress the place on the mattress that had once held her body and it was through force of will alone that he kept them still. The darkness had lost its potency when he lay in her embrace, the warmth of her body next to his keeping fears and doubts at bay. She'd been his talisman against what came out when the lights were off.

But her place on the futon was empty. He'd thought that _she_ would be with him again and so Ritsuko was no longer be necessary. The old man had needed a sacrifice, and it had seemed so fortuitous to give her to them, the timing so perfect. But then the old men had moved more slowly than he'd expected and there was no way to kill the seed of hate that he'd so carefully planted within her that would not also fatally undermine himself.

He decided that if he couldn't kill the seed he'd nurture it. For the sake of his goal he kept her distant, because if the time came and he was not completely focused on his goal, he would fail and the world would suffer for his weakness. He fed her hatred, made himself callous to her feelings, oblivious to her pain. Her defenses were completely open to him and he knew where to press to make her hurt—and did so with ruthless precision. Her retaliations were made in anger and she didn't care where she struck him so long as she struck him, steadfast in her belief that he was using her just like he had used her mother. She would call him a liar if he told her that his heart bled as much as hers.

He would be a liar, if he claimed that he felt guilt for using Naoko. He'd felt nothing but contempt for her more than professional interest in him, but after he lost Yui… He hadn't expected to have her torn from him so soon and it ripped his bearings from beneath him. He would've taken any lifeline offered him and Naoko offered him much more.

He never fully understood why she sought him out. Their relationship went no further than their bed and as time passed and the pain in his heart dulled, his sense of clarity reaffirmed itself. He'd always known that Naoko had her own agenda but he couldn't see to what end she hoped to use him. He did however know precisely how to use her, and once he'd squeezed every bit of use from her possible, she once again became an object of contempt, albeit a dangerous one. Although she'd long taken his bed she'd never taken his heart, and the only pang of conscience that he felt was for the loss of Rei's first incarnation.

Ritsuko assumed that he meant her fate to be the same as her mother's. She'd shared his bed, just as her mother had, and she saw her usefulness to him ending, just as her mother's had. She saw her own fate locked in a course parallel to her mother's.

The line of thought brought him to a disquieting realization: Ritsuko hadn't started consistently dying her hair until after she had started taking to his bed. He was forced to wonder how much did she see herself as mimicking her mother, and how far would she be willing to go in order to keep herself dissimilar?

His hands twitched again, wanting to go to the empty spot next to him. The darkness noticed the movement and pressed even closer. _Yui,_ it snickered. _Naoko, Ritsuko._

He had to keep Ritsuko at arm's length no matter what the cost, and as the darkness whispered in his ear, pressed against him and tried to smother him with the weight of his own fears, he knew that he was paying the price.

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Rei inhaled slowly, conscious of the LCL flowing through her nostrils and into her lungs. She knew that it wasn't so with the other pilots, but she preferred breathing LCL to air. Air had no substance, gave no resistance, but with LCL she was excruciatingly aware as it passed through her nose and down into her throat, filling her chest then back up, caressing her tongue and teeth as she exhaled through her mouth.

When immersed in LCL, she felt she had control. Control was all-important, especially now. She was acutely aware of her body again subsiding to her control, her cells no longer seeking to fly outwards and return to the LCL from which they were created. It would still be a while until she could safely leave the cylinder, but she did not mind the LCL and was content to float and breathe.

Maya entered the lab, sparing Rei a single darting glance before setting to work. Rei watched Maya as she set up the neural transfer system, her movements abrupt, and nervous. Rei closed her eyes rather than continue to watch the obviously frayed Dr. Ibuki. 

She was intensely aware of the clones in the tank behind and she could practically feel their eyes on her back. They were conscious in their own way and when she was in the lab their eyes never left her. She shuddered at the half-formed memories of anticipation that _she_'d had when she was in that tank.

She forced her thoughts away from them, and against the backdrop of her eyelids summoned the image that had come to represent a knot of perplexity that she had been working at for a long time: Terry. 

The events of the preceding day had cemented her suspicion that he was attempting to cultivate a serious romantic interest with her. When she'd first met him, she'd assumed that his bumbling attempts at braggadocio had been an effort to establish his place within the rather exclusive pecking order of Eva pilots. Some might have called his repeated attempts to gain her attention charming: she'd found them annoying. Until he gave her the first rose.

She'd felt uncertain how to react when he gave her the flower, and when he'd kissed her, it'd befuddled her completely. She'd been relieved when he'd fled, because if he'd remained, there would've only been two things she could've done: slap him, or… She wasn't sure what the "or" would've been.

However, she couldn't deny the certain amount of flattery that she felt at the continued flow of flowers and she even came to anticipate his light kisses in a giddy, unsure sort of way. At least, she was sure that the sensation was anticipation, because she felt a sense of disappointment whenever her other duties required her to miss him in the morning.

It frustrated her that she couldn't adequately define her feelings about the attention that he gave her. The sensation of his lips brushing her neck was not all too unpleasant, and, in the flower shop when his lips were suddenly pressed against hers—the moment had been almost electric. For that single instant she was aware of nothing save for the hammering pulse of his heart transmitted through his lips and the answering echo of her own. Her lips moved slowly in the LCL, the words sounding only in her mind. _It was as though my veins ran with fire, and his touch the spark that lit me._ She couldn't remember where she'd heard those words and the memory itself was almost completely washed out with age, but they sprang clearly to her mind as she remembered that moment in the flower shop.

During that kiss emotions she didn't understand had taken control and after he pulled away, looking at her with an equal mixture of apprehension and expectation, it had been those emotions that forced her lips to say, "it's all right," and her finger to slip around his. The loss of control frightened her, more so because the emotions that fueled it were so far beyond her understanding.

Again, she futilely wished that her predecessor had left her with more memories, with whatever understanding that she had gained. Rei clearly remembered Shinji wrenching open the superheated hatch of her entry plug, his actions an uncanny pantomime of his father's a month before. It was a collage of blurry shadows that she saw a zebra-striped sphere shudder in agony, blood fountaining from its sides as something terrifying tore it apart from within. She'd familiarized herself with the reports of the incident, but they didn't hold the awe and fear that underscored the memory. In those final faint and washed out memories she felt the dawning of comprehension, but they were too tenuous to be of help to her now. She knew that her previous incarnation had reached some level of understanding, had even established empathy of sorts with the 3rd Child, but all of that was lost to her.

How was she supposed to relearn such things? One simply couldn't simply pull aside a stranger on the street and ask them what it was to be human; especially when her questions concerned the morass of human romance that she was trying to decipher. Until now, the Commander had been the only person with which any of her incarnations had had any real interaction. His had been the first face she'd seen each time she'd been born and it had been his voice that guided her first steps. The Commander's feelings towards her were deep and complex, but at the same time very impersonal. To him, she was more than a daughter, but at the same time she was also less. She held no rapport with her peers at school, having been content to let them pass her by like a river parting around a rock, so there would be no help from them.

The simplest solution was to reject all of the 6th Child's advances, but as she considered that option, the picture of Terry she held in her mind changed. He looked bewildered, hurt, and she found the thought of causing him such distress repugnant.

The core of her problem lay in the horrible tangle of behaviors that humans insisted in wrapping around the fairly simple task of reproduction. She understood the mechanical concepts behind sex, attraction, and even romance, but it was deeper subtleties that she had so much trouble comprehending. Popular culture seemed to be the accepted means for collecting information on relations to the opposite sex, but Rei disdained watching television. She despised the so-called "girls" programs for the vapidity of their stories and the artificiality of their romances. Programs intended for boys were even worse, where the women were all delicate, shrinking damsels and what the men engaged in was more suitably labeled 'conquest' than 'love.'

Rei sighed heavily, the muscles in her chest tightening against the viscous resistance of the LCL. She knew that it would be much simpler to wash her hands of all such dealings, but again emotions beyond her understanding whispered in her ear, telling her that to remain involved would be much more rewarding.

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Makoto eased the front door of his apartment shut, careful not to make a sound. He dropped the plastic wrapped bundle of Misato's clothes on the coffee table and glanced at his watch: he couldn't believe that it was only 1:45.

He heard shuffling steps and Misato stumbled out of his room, relying on the doorframe and then the wall outside to keep her upright. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Misato peered into the darkness, trying to find the source of the voice. "I…don't feel so good," she said weakly.

He guided Misato to the bathroom and she winced at the sudden brightness when he turned on the overhead light. She barely made it to the toilet before her stomach erupted and by the time she was down to dry heaves the front of the scrubs were soaked and stained.

With a final cough, Misato forced herself to her feet and with Makoto's help stumbled into the shower. She sank into the corner of the stall, her breath coming in rasping gasps as she dropped her head back. "Water," she croaked, gesturing for Makoto to turn the shower on.

She didn't move when a blast of cold water struck her full in the face nor when Makoto adjusted the water to a more reasonable temperature. She sat in the spray without moving for a few moments before beginning to struggle with the top of the scrubs. "Help," she demanded when the top defeated her attempts to take it off. Makoto blushed furiously as he helped Misato remove it, his eyes ironed to a point just above her head, trying not to imagine what his fingers were brushing against.

Misato began struggling to remove the scrub's bottom half, meeting with no more success than she'd had with the top. Makoto grabbed the cuffs and pulled as he turned away from the shower, ignoring Misato's startled squeak as her pants were pulled out from under her. He slid the stall door shut, then wrinkled his nose at the soiled and sodden surgical scrubs on his bathroom floor.

"Do you need anything else Major?" he asked as he wadded them up and threw them in the trash.

The sound that came from the shower sounded like it could have been a 'no,' so Makoto left the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He glanced down at his watch, noting that the numbers were still climbing towards 2:00. Despite the timepiece's assurance, the night did not feel like it was getting any shorter.

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Asuka had no trouble sneaking into her mother's hospital room. The nurses on duty didn't seem to think that anything shorter than their waists was worth noticing, so whenever one came by Asuka pressed herself against the wall and stood very still until they'd gone by.

Asuka was surprised to find the door to hospital room unlocked. Her mother had escaped from her room twice before, and both times she'd been caught trying to break back into the lab. Asuka saw why no one had bothered with the lock this time when she entered the room: her mother's legs were shackled to the bed.

The next thing she noticed was the doll that her mother cradled in her arms. Asuka would have laughed if someone had tried to give her a doll like that. It was obviously hand-stitched, the body stuffed almost to the point of bursting, white tufts leaking from where the limbs were attached by a couple of loose, sloppy stitches. The eyes were two buttons that had enough extra thread so that they hung almost to the doll's cheeks. Its hair was a mass of matted red yarn that had been glued directly to its head.

"You're right, my little darling, we have to do what we're told. We're only dolls after all," her mother's hands plucked restlessly at the doll, tearing out tufts of stuffing, "and if we don't do what we're told, they'll let our stuffing out. If we don't do what we're told, he'll stop loving us." She held the doll in front of her and smiled emptily. "So we'll be good. We'll do what we're told and he'll never stop loving us and we'll be happy forever, won't we, my darling Asuka?"

"Mama?" Asuka asked.

"Hush dear, we don't want to disturb them."

"Who, Mama?"

"We have to be good," her mother cooed, and it was then that Asuka realized that her mama was talking to the doll instead of her.

"No, Mama!" Asuka cried, running to the bed and pulling on her mother's hospital robe. "I'm here! I'm here! Look at me!"

"Don't worry, Asuka," Kyoko said soothingly, cradling the doll against her chest and stroking its hair, "we'll always be together."

The fluorescent bulb above them made an island of light in a sea of darkness and another island appeared a short distance away, a blonde haired woman sitting in its middle. Asuka pressed back against her mother's bed as she recognized the woman, shying away from the one whose fault it was that her mama was sick.

A sandy haired puppet sat in the other woman's lap and she methodically tied strings to its limbs as she spoke. "They don't understand that we'll never leave them, that we'll never let anyone take them from us."

Kyoko slid her feet free of their restraints and stepped across the void to the other woman. "Oh Anneliese, our dolls should play nicely together," she said, setting her doll on the ground, "but they refuse."

Anneliese walked her puppet over to the doll, but when she spoke it was with the voice of a young boy. "I-I'm sorry that your mama's sick."

Kyoko turned her doll away. "It's your fault," she said petulantly, in a voice that, with creeping terror, Asuka realized was her own.

"I'm sorry," the puppet said. "My mama told me what to do. I didn't know that it would hurt anyone. Please, forgive me."

The doll's voice turned malicious. "I'm never going to forgive you, you stupid bastard. Any idiot would've known that's what happens when you listen to a crazy bitch."

"You take that back!" the puppet shouted.

"Why? It's true!" the doll shouted back.

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is! Your mother was a crazy bitch and I'm glad she's dead!"

"Don't say that!" the puppet screamed, covering its ears.

"I'm glad she's dead and I'm never going to forgive you! Never!" the doll screamed as the puppet began sobbing and ran.

Kyoko's voice returned too normal. "But our dolls can't play together, even though they should." She made doll wander aimlessly and her voice again sounded like her daughter's. "I'm an elite pilot, I'm going to protect mankind. I'm the best in the world…" The doll continued to walk aimlessly, and didn't see the puppet sitting off to the side. "Mama, why'd you take yourself away?"

The puppet looked towards the doll. "Because she was a crazy bitch," it said with malicious satisfaction, "and I'm glad she's dead."

Kyoko screamed then threw the doll at the puppet. Anneliese picked up the puppet and cradled it in her arms. "My doll hurt his head and had to spend three months in the hospital," she traced her finger across the puppet's head, a line of red welling up behind it, "and our dolls were never allowed to play together again." She put the puppet back on the ground. "But mine tried one more time."

Her voice again sounded like her son's, a few years older than before. "My dad's gotten a job at the installation in Australia, so we'll be leaving soon. This is the last time that we'll ever see each other."

The voice that Kyoko used also sounded older. "I have nothing to say to you."

"I don't really know what happened five years ago, but it hurt us both very much. I don't want to leave without trying to make things better."

"I'm trying to study for a HIGH SCHOOL math test, so stop bothering me. Or are you going to wait until I say I forgive you?"

"Of course not. I'd wait for the world to end before I'd expect a spoiled little brat like you to say that."

"Go away, Bastard."

"Don't call me that!"

"Why not, it's what you are, isn't it? Your parents weren't married when you were born. Oh, wait, I forgot. You're dad WAS married when you were born, just not to your mom…"

"I'm sorry I even tried talking to you," the puppet shouted angrily. "I'm glad she's dead, and I wish that she'd taken you with her!"

Anneliese again cradled the puppet against her chest. "Our dolls can't play nicely," she said sadly and her outline began to blur. Asuka whimpered in fear as the woman started to fade away.

Kyoko crossed back across the darkness and climbed onto her bed. She drove her fist through the fluorescent light and pulled free a length of wire, which she began to calmly loop around her neck.

A third pool of light appeared with another woman seated in its center. At first Asuka thought that the woman was Rei, but unlike the 1st Child, this woman had brown hair and green eyes and in her lap she held two puppets, their strings hopelessly tangled. "They don't realize that they're linked," Kyoko said, still wrapping her neck with wire.

Anneliese was now almost completely transparent and she glanced down sadly at the puppet in her arms. "That they share a common bond."

"That they shouldn't fight."

"They're all linked. We're all linked," the third woman said, calmly cutting the strings entangling her two puppets.

"Yes," Anneliese agreed and the puppet dropped from her arms as she disappeared completely.

The third woman cut the last string binding her puppets and as they fell the light reflected off of a young, angular face and a pair of tinted glasses.

"Linked," Kyoko said, then began giggling and stepped off of the bed.

Suddenly Asuka could see strings leading even higher and when she looked up all that she could see was white, endless white, and two burning red eyes.

Her mother was still giggling, ignoring the strings leading up, ignoring that her face was turning black and that her tongue protruded rigidly from her mouth.

Asuka started screaming.

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"Damn it, Asuka! Wake up!"

Her eyes snapped open to stare into the fluorescent lights overhead, a scream still boiling in the back of her throat. 

"Do you always shout in your sleep like that?" Terry demanded. "I can't imagine how Shinji or Misato get any sleep with you around."

"It's none of your business, _dumm Bastard_," she snarled.

"It is when I'm trying to sleep, you crazy bitch," Terry snarled back.

Asuka's voice turned to ice. "What did you call me?"

"You heard me. That knock to your head might have shaken the last of your wits loose, but I know it didn't hurt your hearing."

"You're talking about me loosing my wits? Who's the one with a lobotomy scar?"

"That's not from a lobotomy and you know it, you flipped out bitch."

At that moment, Asuka hated Terry to the core of her being. She hated the look of his face. She hated the way he parted his hair low on one side, making his head seem lopsided. She could see the thin scar just above his ear before it vanished into his hairline from where he'd split his scalp so many years ago, and she hated that most of all. "I should've killed you when I had the chance."

Terry's face went completely white and his hands curled into fists. "I should have let you drop, you crazy bitch."

"I should've emptied that cannon into your back!" she shouted and smirked in satisfaction as her fist connected with his jaw. The smirk vanished as his fist thundered into her stomach, blasting the air from her lungs and doubling her over. She straightened with a snap, knocking Terry back and sending him crashing into several chairs and a table. He picked himself and threw himself at her, knocking them both to the floor.

The room was suddenly boiling with Section 2 agents and it took a half dozen agents to pull the two of them apart and another three to hold Asuka down.

Once she stopped struggling they allowed her to stand, although they didn't let her go. A trio of agents was likewise hauling Terry to his feet and Asuka allowed herself a smirk of triumph when she saw blood running from a cut on his lip, until she tasted blood and realized that her own lip was bleeding.

Two of the agents had a heated argument by the door, before one of them left and returned a few minutes later with the Deputy-Commander in tow. "I don't suppose that either of you would care to explain what was going on in here?" he demanded, visibly vexed at the situation that had been dumped in his lap.

"I was asleep," Terry said sullenly, refusing to meet Fuyutsuki's eye.

The Deputy-Commander stared at Terry incredulously then turned to Asuka. "And I suppose you were asleep as well?" he asked sarcastically.

Asuka glowered at Terry, then stared down at her feet. "Yeah."

"Where's Major Katsuragi?" Fuyutsuki demanded, turning back towards the Section 2 agents.

One of the agents gave the two Children a surreptitious glance then leaned over and whispered in Fuyutsuki's ear.

"I…see. Has the Commander been informed?"

The Section 2 agent shook his head.

"Do so immediately," the Deputy-Commander ordered. "Then separate these two and keep them under watch until Major Katsuragi takes custody of them."

"You can't do this!" Asuka and Terry both shouted as Section 2 Agents took them each by the arm and began to drag them off.

"Shut up!" Fuyutsuki snapped. He took a moment to collect himself, but they could still see a spark of anger in his eyes. "My time is too important to be wasted mediating the squabbling of children. If you insist on acting like spoiled brats, then that's how you'll be treated." He indicated for the Agents to take the two pilots away, then turned on his heel and stalked down the hall, ignoring their protests.

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Makoto looked up as the sound of the shower shut off. He held the plastic wrapped bundle of Misato's clothes in his hands and wondered just how he was supposed to present them to her. He was considering knocking on the door and then sliding the clothes into the bathroom when Misato solved the problem herself. The door slid open and she stepped out wearing only a towel, barely.

The words that Makoto planned to say were trapped behind a sudden lump in his throat and all that came out were a series of strangled gasps. Misato turned at the sound and her eyes again had that disconnected look that made him wonder if she saw him at all. Makoto wished that he had turned on more lights so that he could tell for sure. The only illumination in the hall came from what spilled out of bathroom, throwing everything into deep shadow.

He quickly amended his wish as she took a step forward and the towel slipped; in the dark she couldn't see him blushing.

"Why?" Misato asked, her voice distant.

"Why what?" Makoto asked, then glanced down at the bundle in his hands. "Why'd I clean your clothes? Well, I didn't think you'd want to go to work tomorrow smelling like bakelite, and…" he trailed off as Misato stopped right in front of him, all of his will power occupied with _not_ looking down at what the towel barely covered. "Um, Major?"

Her eyes snapped into focus and the intensity of her stare told him that now she saw him all too well. "You idiot!" she hissed.

Makoto took a step back in confusion. "What?"

"How could you!" she hissed again, advancing on him. She still smelled faintly of bakelite, and her breath was heavy with alcohol.

Makoto's back hit a wall and he thrust the bundle of clothes in front of him like a shield. "I'm sorry! I thought that I'd be doing you a favor! I didn't mean to do anything wrong!"

Misato pressed forward, crushing the bundle between them. Her arms went around his neck, and her eyes were beginning to shine with building tears. "Would it have been so hard?" she half sobbed.

"W-w-what?" Makoto stammered, trying to press even farther into the wall.

"You idiot, why'd you do it? Why!" Misato cried and her grip around Makoto's neck tightened to the point of strangulation. "No one forced you."

"I-I thought it would be nice," he gasped.

"Would it have been so hard, would it have taken so much to just say them?"

"Huh?"

Misato's grip tightened again and Makoto tried to pry her hands off as black spots began to dance before his eyes. "Eight words!" she hissed. "If you had just said eight words to me. All that you had to do was tell me eight…simple…words…" she trailed off. Her hands fell from Makoto's throat and he gasped as oxygen flooded back into his lungs. "If you had said those words, I know you wouldn't have gone, and I wouldn't be…" she trailed off and with a sob, and then her voice rose to a wail. "Kaji, you idiot! Why!"

Makoto tried to pull back but Misato's arm's again tightened around his neck. "No, Kaji, please, don't leave me. Not this time, not again," she sobbed against his chest.

Makoto carefully stroked her head as her sobs quieted and her breathing became deep and regular. "Major?" he asked gently. He received no response: she'd fallen asleep again.

With a long suffering sigh, Makoto picked her up and staggered back to his bedroom, leaving her clothes on the bed beside her before returning to his couch.

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Outside, a man in a blue suit carefully detached the listening device he'd placed on the wall of Makoto's apartment then disappeared into the night.


	14. Old Answers : New Questions

Gospel 1:13

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Old Answers / New Questions

Ritsuko's hands flit across the console while her eyes moved between the three screens positioned in front of her. The left-most screen held Maya's latest report on the neural transfer system. Although they'd managed to correct all of the problems so far, too many more kept appearing during the test runs for them to attempt a complete transfer between Rei and the cores.

She added her own comments to the report, along with a set of suggested alterations for the system's operating parameters. She felt a grim sense of amusement as she sent the report back to Maya. Although paperwork passed between them at least a dozen times a day, it had been more than a week since she'd last spoken with the other woman, and more than two weeks since she'd last actually seen her. Of course, part of the reason for that was her fault. She was practically living out of the third cage, and had turned the balcony into an impromptu office so that even when she wasn't working directly with Eve, she could remain close to the girl/Eva.

The screen in front of her held a magnetic resonance scan of Eve. Although it'd been extraordinarily difficult to smuggle the MRI equipment into the cage, the results were well worth it. For the first time she could beneath the Unit-04's armor and see the amalgamation between the Eva and the dummy plug.

Most of the mechanical systems were gone, absorbed and overgrown by organic replacements. Metaphorically, the plug could be accurately described as the Eva's brain, but in Eve's case, it was the literal truth. Eve hadn't exaggerated when she said that ejecting the plug would kill her. She could no more survive removal of the plug than an ordinary person could survive having their brain pulled out.

The Eva's computer systems had been completely superceded by organic components and while it wasn't as efficient as a silicon chip, Ritsuko had to concede that it was almost as effective.

The right-most third screen displayed a breakdown of the data that Eve was currently 'reading' from the discs that Ritsuko had provided her. Eve was uploading more than a megabyte a second of data from her current disk, and had already finished two others. Her current areas of interest were metaphysics and quantum mechanics and the disc she was reading contained texts that pressed the boundaries of Ritsuko's own understanding of the subjects. Eve seemed to retain everything that she uploaded but Ritsuko wasn't sure of just how much that information she really learned, and how much was just stored.

Ritsuko had tried to teach Eve two languages besides the Japanese that she spoke naturally so uncannily but when she'd tried to repeat what she'd learned, she'd ended up sounding like she was speaking straight from a dictionary. Her sentence structure had sounded almost completely random, reminding Ritsuko of a translation done without regard for either context or situation. It'd been a frustrating experience for them both, and Ritsuko had gladly ended the experiment. Not precisely because she was afraid of Eve growing frustrated to the point of lashing out. She showed remarkable self-restraint even under the most trying of conditions, but… Ritsuko shivered slightly as her thoughts returned to the N2 mines buried beneath the walls.

A small video window unobtrusively occupied a corner in the third. Although she could never provide herself with an adequate explanation, she never felt comfortable when the video window was off. It showed her the view from the only operating camera left in the dummy plug, showing what remained of the inside of the entry plug and the pale, naked upper body of a girl who could've been Rei but so obviously wasn't. Eve's hair had grown out and it floated in a shoulder length tangle around her head. Ritsuko realized that hers had grown as well: she hadn't re-dyed it since her imprisonment and nearly a centimeter of brown showed at the roots.

Ritsuko's eyes were drawn up to the middle monitor as the data-flow dropped sharply, despite the fact that Eve was still in the middle of the file. The organic computer that had grown in Unit-04 was an extension of her own brain, and so that by focusing her mind, she could augment its performance, such as data acquisition. When the data-flow dropped like that, it meant she was focusing her attention somewhere else. Eve had tried to explain how it worked, but Ritsuko didn't know enough about how everything tied together understand. Another reason to be glad for the MRI scans.

Ritsuko turned her thoughts back to the left-most screen as it painted out the girl/Eva in a multitude of hues. As Eve explained it, she possessed two bodies of consciousness. One was the 'greater body,' the Evangelion, and it was through her greater body that she could see, hear, touch. Her other consciousness, what she called her 'inner body,' was the dummy core. Ritsuko had termed the two as 'body and mind,' but Eve had disagreed with that description. It was not two parts of a whole, but two separate awarenesses joined as one. She had two bodies, with a separate awareness for each, but while her greater body provided her with her senses, on its own it was no more than an inert lump of flesh. It was her inner body, deaf, mute, and immobile that was the throne of her soul.

Eve's voice issued softly from the speaker on the console. "Mother?"

The title immersed Ritsuko in a bittersweet mix of emotions. After the defeat of the eleventh Angel, she'd told Misato that she didn't want, and doubted that she'd ever have children and would never be able to understand motherhood. However, whenever Eve called her 'mother' she felt a certain awe and wonder at the title wondered if this was how her mother, all mothers, felt when in the presence of their children.

"Mother?" Eve asked again.

"I'm sorry, Eve," Ritsuko apologized. "My mind was wandering. What do you need?"

Eve's reply was hesitant. "Whenever you question me, there are things that you try to find the answers for, even though I have made it clear that I do not wish to provide them. Yet you ask me anyway."

"There are some answers that we must have," Ritsuko said carefully, "because the questions that they answer are so crucial to what we're doing."

"Many of them concern my creation, how I came into being. Those are both painful memories, and personal ones. If I asked you to tell me of your own creation, of what is was like to float in your mother's womb, to drowse while listening to the beat of her heart, would you not be reluctant to share that with someone else?"

"Well, I am _your_ mother after all," Ritsuko said, forcing a smile.

Eve's laugh was sharp, short, and made Ritsuko's scalp prickle. "Our relationship is somewhat different than others."

"Adoptions can lead to strange pairings."

"I doubt even the strangest pairing involved an abomination like myself."

"I never called you an abomination," Ritsuko said quickly.

"No, but you might have thought it, and even if you didn't then almost certainly someone else has; the Commander maybe, or the technicians trapped in this cage with me. They do not know why they cannot leave this cage, nor why the pilot of Unit-04 cannot leave her Eva, but they know that something is terribly wrong and it frightens them."

Ritsuko started to reply, but Eve cut her off. "When the 12th Angel trapped the 3rd Child within a Sea of Dirac, was any data recovered?"

Ritsuko shook her head. "No. The 3rd Child has no memory of what occurred during the incident, and after Unit 01's internal batteries failed the electrical systems were scrambled, rendering the sensor logs useless."

"Even if the sensors had functioned properly, the information that they recorded would've been incomprehensible. Your definition of a Sea of Dirac, according to the data you've given me, is in error."

"Planning on revolutionizing the theoretical sciences?" Ritsuko asked wryly.

"A Sea of Dirac," Eve ignored Ritsuko's comment and went on, "is not an entire universe, nor even the beginning of a universe."

"Then what is it?"

"Why I refused to answer your questions before, besides the nature of the subjects they touched, was because I lacked the knowledge to fully answer them. Are you familiar with the terms 10-43 seconds and 10-35 meters?"

Ritsuko nodded. "Of course. Planck's Length and Planck's Time. The shortest length of time and distance possible."

"Within a Sea of Dirac time passes more quickly and distances are shorter."

"That's impossible. The physical universe ceases to exist if you go below those thresholds, breaking down into quantum foam and coinciding probability waves."

"That is what it is like inside a Sea of Dirac; a formless mass of quantum foam and probability, approaching, but never reaching Planck's Length and Time. It is the possibility of a universe waiting to be born, and into that possibility was thrust a being that lacked both life and consciousness. When it ended as inexplicably as it began, I was what emerged."

"The sea collapsed because Unit-04's S2 organ was depleted and could no longer maintain it."

"If every star in the galaxy were to supernova simultaneously and every erg of the resulting energy harnessed, it would not be enough to create a Sea of Dirac, much less destroy it. There was a flaw in Unit-04's S2 engine that upon activation, caused it's A.T. Field to fold and invert, temporarily forcing a Sea of Dirac into existence. Once the Sea absorbed the Evangelion and all that its altered A.T. Field encompassed it could maintain itself, sealing away whatever it had swallowed. Its borders were a series of quantum variations that touch on all universes at once and anything that tried to enter them was torn into an infinite number of pieces scattered across an infinite number of universes."

"If that's true, then how did you escape? How was Shinji able to get out?"

"The interior of a Sea of Dirac is the physical manifestation of probability. It is tangible chance. In such a universe there is no greater power than that of conscious will. When Unit-04 entered the Sea of Dirac, it was of two parts. My greater body held the fruit of life; my inner body possessed the seed of knowledge. The two combined within the Sea, growing and maturing until the two were no longer two, but me. What had been inanimate, senseless flesh transformed into a living consciousness. Because I wished to escape the Sea, I did."

Ritsuko did not speak for several minutes, trying to make sense of what Eve was saying. "So you collapsed the Sea…just by willing it?"

The pause before Eve replied was her equivalent of a frown. "That is an incredible oversimplification, but not entirely wrong. A conscious will can shape the interior of the sea, building vistas, worlds, heavens, hells, whatever the will so desires. My will was to leave and so I forced the phase variations of the border into the same sequence as every atom of my bodies, so that I would be expelled into the universe of my origin. I formed order out of chaos, forced an answer where there could only be questions. I made the Sea what it couldn't be, and it forced me out even as it tore itself apart.

"For the first time in my existence, the world was what I saw. It did not vanish when I turned my attention elsewhere, did not change to the force of my thoughts. I was enthralled by the world I was in, but terrified that I no longer was in control."

"That's why did you initially hide yourself from the Americans?"

"You have to understand the change I underwent. Quantum foam is the stuff of creation. With it you can make something as delicate as the rhizomes of a cell or as immense as an entire universe."

"Why would you want to leave then? Why turn down the power of creation?"

"Because you can only create what you know. All that I knew was what was held within the Evangelion's computers, within its cells… and what was left to me by my mother. I could feel her touch upon my mind, my body, but I could not find her, know her. That is what drove me from the sea. I sought my progenitor."

"Why?"

Eve's voice took on an ironic tone. "Isn't that the eternal question? Why am I here, what is my purpose? I want the answers that everyone else seeks."

Ritsuko's hands trembled slightly. "Y-you think that your mother can tell you the answer?"

"No, but to whom else am I to look?" her voice began to quiver as if she was on the verge of tears. "I was not. Then I was. What is there to keep me from becoming not again? In this world I have no power, no control. I know that almost nothing on this world can harm my greater body, but when the Americans held me, when that man Taylor looked at me, I was afraid. Afraid of a man who would never know what it was like to hold the stuff of creation in the palm of his hand, but with a single look made me feel as if the protection of my greater body was nothing at all!"

"It's all right Eve," Ritsuko said soothingly. "You don't have to worry. I will keep you safe." The words felt awkward in Ritsuko's mouth, but as she said them she felt a sense of exultation, that, as if by saying them, reality would alter so that they would be the truth. "I'll keep you safe."

------------------------------------------------------------------

It was dark; her head hurt; and the shrill ringing of an alarm clock didn't help either condition in the least. Misato cracked her eyes. That got rid of the dark, but the addition of light made her head hurt even more. She clenched her eyes shut. Dark hurt less.

With a practiced motion she reached out to slap the snooze button on the alarm clock as she twisted her ankle to snag the hem of her pajama bottoms and kick them off, part of a ritual that she'd preformed almost every morning for more than five years. Only this time there was a problem. The alarm clock wasn't there; neither were her pajama bottoms.

Her eyes popped open and the room snapped into focus before her. Her pajamas weren't there because she wasn't wearing them, or anything else. The alarm clock wasn't in its accustomed place because this wasn't her room. Her stomach curled into a hard ball. She'd made sure that the world had gotten very fuzzy very fast last night, and the last memories she had were of an ill defined form taking the seat next to her, and saying something that she'd been too drunk to understand. It seemed that in the interim, she'd managed to do something incredibly stupid.

Her anxiety eased somewhat when she saw her clothes lying on the floor next to her bed, still sealed in the cleaning bag. She doubted that a random stranger would've had the consideration to clean her clothes for her. Which meant she'd gone home with a non-random stranger, but she still didn't know who. That was only a slight improvement

She stumbled over to the dresser and silenced the incessant alarm, noticing a picture that had been respectfully turned down. She flipped it over, noting that it held an older couple that she didn't recognize and a younger man that she did: Makoto.

She began to swear at herself as she realized that she was no longer covered in bakelite. So he had cleaned her clothes and her body as well. What else might he have done while she lay in a drunken stupor? She wanted to kick herself for getting herself into a situation like this in the first place.

The snooze alarm went off and Misato winced as she slapped it off. Makoto was apparently an early riser. Even through the haze of her hangover she could tell that the light coming through the window had the overly bright look of early morning and the clock read 6:38. She dressed hurriedly, but pressed her ear to the door before she ventured out of the room. She could hear someone moving around the apartment, but not what he was doing.

Hesitantly, she opened the door and stepped out into the hall. Makoto was apparently making breakfast, because the smell of cooking hit her nose as soon as she left his bedroom, sending her stomach for a slow loop. She crept down the hall like a thief. If this had been her apartment, all that she had to do was stay close to the wall of the living room and she could reach the front door without passing into view of anyone in the kitchen. She hoped that she could get out without his noticing. This would be awkward enough without confronting him with accusations still fresh in her mind.

"Major?"

Misato froze in mid-step and turned, forcibly reminded that this _wasn't_ her apartment. The kitchen opened directly into the living room and she wondered how long he'd been watching her sneak along before getting her attention. He held a pan in one hand and was wearing a short cooking apron. His clothes were rumpled, as if he'd slept in them.

"Makoto, good morning," she said cautiously, backing towards the door. "Thank you for taking me in last night, but I need to get back to the geofront."

"The next train going that way doesn't arrive until 7:15," he said with frosty neutrality, "so you might as well stay for breakfast." Misato winced as he set the pan down on a counter with a loud clatter.

"I really don't want to impose," Misato said apologetically, shooting a quick glance over her shoulder at the door.

"It isn't that much more of an imposition," Makoto said curtly, his tone slipping just enough to betray hints of consternation and frustration. He turned his back to her, returning to whatever it was he had on the stove.

Misato's eyes traveled around the apartment, and she noticed a rumpled blanket that had been roughly kicked under the coffee table, and the couch cushions still held the imprint of a restless body. "I would like a cup of coffee, if you have any." She finally began to relax. His body language, the way he was speaking—he was acting like a man who had been offered his greatest temptation but had turned it down.

"I thought that you would," Makoto said, getting a mug from the kitchen as Misato seated herself. "Do you have any cream or sugar?" she asked.

"I don't think you'll want it," he replied as he filled her cup.

The coffee wasn't particularly hot and Misato raised the cup to her lips and drank deeply. She barely had time to swallow before she erupted into a fit of coughing. "What kind of coffee is this? It almost took the roof of my mouth off."

"Something I learned in college to treat hangovers," Makoto explained, flipping two pancakes out of the pan. He spread a thin layer of sweet bean paste on them then sandwiched them together, adding them to a small stack on the counter. "Would you like any?" he asked, offering her the plate.

The caffeine hit Misato's system like a brick and she could feel the headache beginning to recede, but the odor of food turned her stomach. "I'll pass, although I don't suppose I could have a glass of water. I'm a little thirsty."

"I can imagine," Makoto said as he filled a glass, "considering how much booze you must have poured into your system last night."

"I-," Misato looked away. "I'm sorry, I must've been a terrible burden. It's just that-."

All the neutrality dropped from Makoto's voice. "It's all right, you don't have to explain."

The world started to get wavy as tears began to fill Misato's eyes. To hide them, she downed the rest of the coffee in a single gulp. "Thank you," she gasped as the coffee tried to peel the lining from her throat, "for not leaving me alone. I'm not sure I could've taken being on my own last night."

At her words his face again froze into neutrality. "It was the least I could do." He abruptly stood and began clearing the table. "We should get going if we want to reach the station in time to catch our train."

Misato stared after him as he retreated into the kitchen, wondering how that one sentence had offended him so much.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry stretched his legs, and stared resentfully at the two Section Two agents standing guard in the hall outside. Not that they were guarding _him_ from anything. Following the fight with Asuka they'd dumped him in an old meeting room, judging by the worn folding table and battered collapsible chairs that it held.

There was no clock in the room and he'd lost his watch at some point in the previous day's chaos. He'd dozed intermittently through the night, throwing his time sense off completely, so he could only guess at the time, figuring for some point in the early morning.

He pulled the table over to the wall, propping one of the legs with his foot to keep it from collapsing, and set up his laptop. The first thing that he'd done after they'd thrown him in here was sulk. Asuka had started the fight, so why was he being punished too?

The second thing he did was get indignant. That hadn't gotten him too far. He'd tried to walk out but the Agents had physically restrained him, pushing him back into the room. They'd lost patience when he'd started demanding that they _could not_ treat like this, and that they'd better let him out _right now._ "Just shut up and sit down," one of them had snapped.

The glare that they'd given him was forceful enough that he sat without further protest. Someone must've returned to the school to get his things, because once he sat, one of the agents left, and returned a few minutes later with his laptop and several textbooks. "You're staying here until Major Katsuragi comes for you," he'd told Terry as he handed him the computer. "Use this to keep yourself busy, and quiet until then."

He dropped his math text onto the table with a loud _thump,_ then bent over to plug in the computer. He pulled up a chair and slouched over the keyboard, leaving the textbook conspicuously open beside him, but he wasn't doing math. He'd seen a network socket in the wall next to power outlet and when he plugged the computer in, he also hooked it into the network, giving him access to the geofront's intranet. The position that he'd moved the table to hid both the cable and the socket from the view of the Section Two agents.

He'd already disabled the computer's identity protocols and he configured its network protocols so that the system remained passive, making it impossible for anyone to detect the connection unless he was actively using the network. He glanced at the agents as his fingers typed slowly over random keys and he reached out turned a page in his textbook.

By disabling the protocols he could piggyback onto other datastreams, allowing him entry to the same files that they were accessing. He gave an exaggerated sigh and tapped a few keys as if he'd just finished a particularly tedious problem. What he'd actually done was execute a sifting program. There were millions of datastreams in transit at any given second, accessing everything from the rotation of that day's lunch shuffle to NERV's highest level secrets. The sifting program dipped unobtrusively into the passing datastreams, identifying their contents and destination. Although it could only analyze the barest fraction of datastreams as they flashed by, the sheer number insured that he would find one he could use sooner or later.

He cast a covert glance at the two agents standing outside the door, seemingly oblivious to what he was really doing. If he'd been caught breaking into the database to find Rei's address, that would've been bad. If they caught him doing this… As he waited for the sifter program to produce results he wondered if Japanese legal system endorsed capital punishment.

He swallowed nervously. The risks were incredible but there was something going on, something that few people seemed to know about, and he wanted to know what it was. He knew that the attack had not been undertaken by terrorists, as the official press report had stated. Section Two took its role very seriously. The only way he could imagine someone so getting by Section Two was if they had a full military force with full military support.

That brought up the question of just who would want the Children dead? The only reason that he could think of was that there was something about him, the Children, that scared someone. There was something about the Children that someone was willing to murder them for, something that he would never learn unless he looked on his own.

The sifter found a datastream that he could use and with a single keystroke Terry dove into it. He tried to keep the expression on his face studiously bored as he waited to see if his intrusion had been noticed. He wasn't, and the screen began to fill with data. He was in.

He drummed his fingers nervously against the table as he waited for the data to finish loading. He had a data spike ready to execute if someone found him but he was hesitant to use it. Even though he tried to do his best coding with it, it was still jury-rigged and even if it worked, it might not be fast enough to prevent his connection from being traced before he could disconnect.

The datastream carried him to what appeared to be the pilots' records. The first column on the screen read 'Pilot Candidates.' It was hard to keep a look of surprise off of his face when he recognized many of the names under it. They belonged to members of his class, several bearing a red tag that read **DECEASED**, along with the previous day's date.

There was a much shorter column next to it. **Project E: Candidates Determined Unsuitable**. The corner's of Terry's mouth quirked up in an ironic smile. Kensuke's name was on that list, although that was the only one he recognized except for— he froze for a second. His name was there. That didn't make any sense. He ordered the computer to open the file, but a message window opened instead.

File requested requires clearance level: **Omega Lambda**. Access denied. **2** subsequent attempts to access restricted files will result in a security violation.

Terry swallowed nervously. His pilot status gave him a clearance of only Sigma Seta, which was about mid-range, but Omega Lambda was the highest security clearance he knew of. If he left the sifter running for a year he doubted that he'd have the luck to find a data stream that would give him that kind of clearance.

The next column was marked **Pilots.** His name was there as well, with nothing to indicate or explain its presence in the other column. Rei was listed as-

Rei Ayanami: 1st Child

-but next to her name was the tag: **Third Children**, which was highlighted to indicate that it led to a another directory. None of the other names bore a similar tag, but as he moved down the list his eyes were drawn to another red **DECEASED** tag.

Kaworu Nagisa: 5th Child / 17th Angel.

Full report available.

Terry attempted to open the report, but the message window reappeared.

File requested requires clearance level: **Omega Lambda Seta**. Access denied. Any further attempts to access restricted files will result in a security violation.

Terry felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead. Security clearances just didn't go that high. With exaggerated care he deselected the file, breathing a sigh of relief when the window vanished. The breath froze in his throat as a tiny indicator in the corner of his screen began to flash madly: someone had found him. His fingers shook so hard that it took him three tries to activate the data spike. He prayed that he hadn't been too slow.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato shut her eyes against the too bright morning sun that streamed through the windows of the train car. However, the caffeine roaring through her veins prevented her keeping them shut for long and the rattle of the train car beat mercilessly against her eardrums. Before they'd left his apartment, Makoto had given her a couple of painkillers and right now Misato wished that she'd taken the entire bottle, then chased it with a case of Boa.

Makoto stood several feet away, so carefully not looking at her that the only way he could watch her more blatantly would be if he stared outright. He'd kept a careful distance between the two of them ever since breakfast, when she'd thanked him for not leaving her alone. The throbbing in her temples made it difficult to think. What had she said to him last night that made those words hurt?

When they reached the geofront, Makoto stopped then turned. "Have a good day Major Katsuragi," he said stiffly, bowing slightly.

As Misato watched his rapidly retreating back, an air of despondency overtook her. He was leaving her alone too, just like they always did. Her father, Kaji, and… Makoto? The sheer absurdity of the thought restored her mood, and Misato laughed lightly, if rather nervously, and headed for her office.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The doorknob rattled as someone tried to open the door and when it failed to turn they knocked loudly. Misato had locked the door after reaching her office; she hadn't felt like dealing with anyone that morning, but more importantly, she didn't want to be disturbed. Heaps of security manuals were scattered across her desk, and folders filled with regulations were piled haphazardly on the floor.

After the attack on the Commander she'd decided to review and reorganize the geofront's security regulations, but had let the project drop after seeing the measures that Section Two had instigated in response. The attack on the Children had proven that even those weren't enough and she'd be damned if she would let anyone have another chance.

Her spirits sank as she opened the door and saw the blue suit standing on the other side. Section Two never sent people to her directly unless there was trouble. "What is it?"

"There was an incident last night," the agent said, but didn't go on, as if waiting to see her reaction.

"What kind of incident?" Misato asked, careful to keep her voice level. She already would have been informed if the matter had been important, but that didn't mean he had to be such a self-important jackass.

"There was an altercation between pilots Soryu and St. John." He stopped again.

Misato decided that it would be in bad form to kick him in the shins. "Were either of them hurt?"

"Both pilots received minor injuries, although nothing serious enough to require a doctor." He only paused for a second, as if he'd caught wind of her rising ire and realized that pushing her was rapidly becoming unhealthy. "We stuck them in a couple of unused offices to cool their heels until you could be notified."

"Very well," Misato said, shooting a glance back at her desk. "Leave them where they are for now. I'll deal with them after I meet with the Commander."

The Agent nodded then left, walking a bit more hurriedly than might have been necessary.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Commander's expression was inscrutable as Misato finished going over her outline, making her wonder if she would've been better off talking to the wall.

"You believe that these increased measures are necessary?"

"Yes sir. I think it is by luck alone that the pilots escaped without serious injury. As I stated previously, I feel we should assign at least one plainclothes and two uniformed security officers to the Children's immediate vicinity at all times and-."

"Very well, Major. Present a formal proposal to the security heads. You are dismissed."

"But sir, I feel that these should be implemented immediately. Whoever planned the last attack could still be out there-."

"That will be all, Major."

"But Commander-!"

Gendo's voice took on a harsh note. "That _will_ be all."

"Yes sir."

Misato kept her temper under control until she was out of the Commander's office, but as soon as she was away she turned and kicked the wall, swearing violently as pain shot up her foot. She hobbled back to her office, hoping that she hadn't broken her toe.

She slammed her office door and hurled her proposal onto her desk. He'd completely brushed her off. Whoever had engineered the attack might still be out there, but the Commander had acted like that didn't matter to him in the least, as if he didn't think that the threat of another attack had any significance… as if he knew for a fact that there wouldn't be one. He knew something. She didn't know what game the Commander thought he was playing, but somehow he'd managed to neutralize his opponent.

She yanked out one of her desk's drawers, revealing a plastic bag taped to its back, a small, nondescript capsule wrapped inside. She might not be able to make herself a player in whatever game the Commander was playing, but she would make herself a factor. She was suddenly aware of the holster pressing against her side. _Especially if anyone tries to hurt my children again._

------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato pulled her jacket closer around her as her breath curled visibly around her head. Heat sinks and cooling towers worked relentlessly within the guts of the MAGI, ensuring that the supercomputers didn't cook themselves with their own exertions.

Her foot struck a conduit, causing it to rattle loudly and she glanced up, as if someone might have heard her. Twenty meters of steel, concrete, and conduit separated her from the secondary command center, but she had to fight down the feeling that all someone had to do was lift the right floor plate and she'd be caught.

With one last glance upward she hooked the modified command board into the MAGI, using, for the first time, the computer chip that had been Kaji's final gift.

__

Here's a present, for the first time in eight years. It might be the last one.

His voice sounded so real that Misato almost looked over her shoulder to see if he was standing behind her. She bit her lip to the point of pain. Kaji was dead and nothing she could do would change that and if she didn't keep her mind on the task at hand she might be joining him.

She focused her attention on the control board in front of her. The attackers must've had a contact within NERV otherwise they never would've been able to get past Section Two so easily. They must have left something behind, something that gave away how it'd been done, and it was with that thought in mind that she began digging through the MAGI.

She would've missed it if she hadn't had the sheer luck to be looking in exactly the right place at exactly the right time. It was a transfer notice, denoting the rotation of twenty Americans into the UN force stationed within Tokyo-3. Misato called up their service files and one of the photographs leapt out at her immediately. She'd seen him before, lying unconscious in the parking lot of the First Tokyo-3 Junior High School.

She dug back into his record and it crumpled almost instantly beneath her scrutiny, along with the records of eleven of the other transferred men. Although she could tell that their records were fakes, they would've passed inspection without question for the low security, non-critical post that they'd been assigned to, especially since the UN frequently rotated troops in and out of the city.

Misato scrutinized their command reports but didn't find anything to indicate that the twelve men were planning to attack a junior high school. Once again it was the intervention of luck that kept her from missing a memo that'd been buried within a series of supply reports. It was addressed to the man who had led the attack, although she couldn't figure out the name of the sender until she realized it was an English word: twelve.

At time undetermined, one or more of the entities known as 'Angels' successfully penetrated the NERV installation in Tokyo-3. Full extent of the contamination is unknown, but it is believed that the Evangelion pilots have been subverted, and the possibility that they now pose a threat to the human race is very high. Liquidate infected personnel immediately; because extent of contamination is unknown, extraneous casualties are acceptable.

Misato couldn't believe what she was reading. Who or whatever "Twelve" was, they'd just told a dozen soldiers that not only were they to open fire on a room full of children, but that they wouldn't be held responsible for anyone else they killed in the process. Had they somehow learned about the 11th or the 17th Angels? Did they know enough about the last Angel to fear that the other Children might suddenly turn on them?

Misato carefully crept through the Magi's systems, peeling away layer after layer of data until she reached the pilot's records. Her eyes fell on the **DECEASED** tag next to the name of Kaworu Nagisa. Did "Twelve" think that the other Children posed the same risk?

Before she could go any further an indicator began to flash in the corner of the board's screen and Misato's gut clenched in fear. Someone else was accessing the same directory as she was. It couldn't be a coincidence; someone had detected her intrusion and was trying to track her down.

Along with the algorithms and programs encoded on the chip that supposedly allowed her slip through the MAGIs' systems undetected, there was one program that was to be used only in the direst emergency. Misato activated the data spike then yanked the cable out of the control board, stashing it under a conduit and fleeing from the MAGIs' innards.

------------------------------------------------------------------

After a data spike is uploaded into a target system it begins tripping security protocols. The system's reaction would then be to try to isolate the intruder within the system and lock it down. The data spike could then operate in one of two ways. It could jam access paths open, activating even more security measures, forcing the system to use more and more of its resources as it tried to force the paths shut. Alternately the spike could attempt to slip through the closing data paths, forcing the computer to tie up its own resources as it chased the spike, trying to close it off. Either way the targeted system was forced to tie up more and more of its resources to bear, until it collapsed under its own weight.

Two data spikes streaked through the electron pathways within the MAGI. One was a huge mass of code that relied on brute force to keep data paths open. The other was small and lithe, written to sneak through the tiniest holes in a code and force a system to tie itself into a knot as it tried to pursue. In the formless digital universe within the MAGI supercomputers, the two data spikes collided head on.

And went to war.

------------------------------------------------------------------

It took several seconds for Shigeru to assess the situation as klaxons began to scream. "Two intruders detected within the MAGI! Primary security measures ineffective!" His fingers began to fly over his console. "Initiating secondary-! What the hell?" The screen in front of him froze and disintegrated into rainbow static.

"It's a processor cascade! The MAGI are crashing!" Suiko shouted as red blocks began spreading like measles across the screen that displaying the supercomputers' status, as processor blocks went offline.

"Shut down the I/O system," Gendo ordered.

Shigeru yanked open a drawer and pulled out his I/O key and then glanced over at Makoto's chair. Which was empty.

"He's still on break!" Suiko shouted. "Where's his key?"

"Second drawer on the left!" Shigeru shouted back.

Suiko yanked the drawer open, grabbing papers and throwing them over her shoulder. "Where?"

"There!" Shigeru pointed. Suiko grabbed the key but it slipped from her fingers and went skittering across the floor.

"Hurry!" Shigeru shouted as Suiko scrambled after the key. The Magi's status screen was a rapidly solidifying mass of red. Suiko managed to grab the key and jammed it into the I/O slot. "Three!" Shigeru called out. "Two-One-Now!"

Simultaneously they turned their keys, the command center plunging into darkness. Minutes ticked by in panicked silence before the back up generators kicked in and the secondary lighting came on..

"Status?" Gendo demanded.

Most of the screens on Shigeru's console were blank. "The MAGI and all primary systems are offline. Secondary computer and power systems are online."

Suiko tapped a few keys, and several of her monitors reluctantly returned to life. "Environmental controls are still functioning." She shot a glance at Shigeru. "I guess that means that we're not going to cook, this time."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry began to relax. The data spike seemed to have done its job. He'd gotten out of the datastream without whoever had been after him getting a fix on his system.

He jumped a foot into the air as alarms began to scream. Then the lights went out.

"Oh shit," he said.


	15. Incidentally Consequentially : Times an

Gospel 1:14

__

Incidentally Consequentially / Times and Time Again

The only sound that Terry aware of was the rush of blood through his ears. His heart was pounding so hard that he was sure his shirt jumped with each beat. "Aw crap," he said belatedly. He hoped that the Agents thought he was referring to lost homework. If his data spike was responsible for this, then he must have left a trail burning so brightly across the security grids that even an idiot would be able to follow it.

Both Agents tried raising a response from their radios but all they were able to get was unbroken static. "You still there, kid?" one of them asked.

"Of course I am," Terry said testily, trying to cover his nervousness. "Where do you think I'd be?" 

"Just making sure," the Agent said. "Stay put until we know what's going on."

"What should we do?" the other one asked.

"We stay here and guard the Child until we receive further orders," the first replied. "If this is another attack then the Pilots' safety is our top priority."

The sound of running footsteps echoed through the darkened corridor and there was a steely _click_ as the Agents drew their guns. "Who there?" they shouted.

"Captain Al-Samarki, NERV security!" a voice called out. "I'm-!" the voice cut off as the emergency lights finally came on. A dark haired man in a tan security uniform cautiously stepped into view, his arms raised above his head. "About time the damn lights started working," he said as the Agents lowered their guns. "Whatever took the main systems down has also affected several of the secondaries fairly severely. The radio relay system is down, so security was forced to send runners to update our forces on the situation. It's been decided that this wasn't the first strike from an unidentified enemy, but we're still trying to figure out just what the hell it was. The primary systems should be operational in less than three hours, but the geofront is being placed on full alert until all systems are back online." His message delivered, the lieutenant nodded curtly, then jogged off down the hall.

Terry disconnected the network cable while the agents were distracted, masking the action by unplugging the power cable. "So I'm stuck here until the power's restored?" Terry asked.

"_We're_ stuck here until Major Katsuragi comes for you," one of the Agents growled irritably.

Terry didn't try to argue with him and began to prowl nervously around the room. He'd figured that he would've been in a lot of trouble if he'd been caught filching Rei's address, but this… Terry found that he couldn't work any moisture into his mouth.

"He's in there," one of the Agents said abruptly, causing Terry to nearly jump out of his skin. He hadn't expected someone to come for him this quickly. His sigh of relief when Rei entered the room was probably heard on the other side of the geofront.

"You are pleased to see me?" she asked.

"I'm always pleased to see you," Terry said, failing to keep a foolish grin from spreading across his face. "I would've been happy to see anybody, but I'm really glad that it's you. It feels like I've been stuck down here for a year."

"You aren't permitted to leave?"

"As-," Terry began hotly but then forced his voice to a more level tone, "the 2nd Child and I had an… altercation."

"I see," Rei said and Terry was sure that he heard a note of reproach in her voice. Her eyes were so intense that Terry felt like he was some strange organism laid out on a dissecting table in front of her and she was trying to decide where to begin cutting.

Her eyes locked him in place as she took a step forward. Without warning she tilted her head up and pressed her lips against his, causing him to take a couple of stumbling steps backwards. He heard someone by the door trying to muffle a laugh.

"You didn't find that agreeable?" Rei asked quizzically.

"Er, no," Terry said, flushing, "I mean, it wasn't that I didn't like it; you caught me by surprise."

"I see," Rei said with sudden understanding. "You require notice in advance of contact. A rose perhaps."

Rei's attempt at humor caught Terry flatfooted. "Well, not necessarily that much forewarning," he said.

Instead of speaking, Rei took his free hand in hers and again surprised him by kissing him lightly.

Terry felt his face go hot and noticed that one of the Agents was chewing on his knuckle to keep from laughing. "You're being… ah, a bit more forward than usual." Terry said, trying to regain his equilibrium.

'I'm experimenting," Rei replied in a tone so clinical that Terry winced.

"That's a pretty unromantic way to put it," he said.

"What would be the 'correct' way to phrase it?" she asked.

Terry thought for a moment then smiled shyly. "Um… because you like it?" 

"I suppose that is an adequate enough reason," Rei said, giving him a small, secretive smile.

"There you are!" an exasperated voice exclaimed. Dr. Ibuki entered the room, looking flustered and embarrassed by the scene that she'd walked in on. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded of Rei.

"Nurse, or guard," Rei replied cryptically, staring at Dr. Ibuki with an unreadable expression.

"Please Rei, don't make this difficult. I have to keep an eye on you."

"Why?" Terry asked.

"The Commander wants Dr. Ibuki to monitor my condition," Rei said, keeping her eyes on the older woman.

"Why?" Terry asked again.

Rei shrugged carefully. "The Commander's reasons are his own," she said. "Dr. Ibuki, I can assure you that I'm fine. Your presence is no longer required."

"But the Commander ordered-."

"That's all right, Maya," a new voice interrupted, "I can keep them out of trouble for you."

"Sempai!" Maya exclaimed as a blond woman in a lab coat stepped past the agents and entered the room. Terry knew that he'd seen her before, but her name escaped him.

"_Youkoso kohai_," the woman said pleasantly. Terry didn't recognize the words but the tone was fond, and it made Maya flush slightly in embarrassment.

"What are you doing here?" Maya asked.

She had a folder tucked under one arm and handed it to Maya. "I finished with the latest data on the system before the power went out. You'll want to go over it as soon as possible."

"Yes ma'am," Maya said, then cast a reluctant glance at Rei. "But -."

"I could make that an order," she interrupted. "I _am_ your superior and you _have_ been given some rather important information to go over. _Kaereru kohai_." Terry thought he understood the first word; it was a fondly meant 'get going,' or something very similar.

"Y-yes ma'am," Maya said, tucking the folder under one arm and hurrying from the room.

"I don't believe that we've ever been formally introduced," she said, turning to Terry. "I'm Dr. Ritsuko Akagi."

"Pleased to meet you," Terry said, shaking her hand. He didn't feel quite comfortable in her presence. Although this was the first time he'd spoken with her, he remembered her from the assassination attempt on the Commander. She'd seemed despondent then, almost despairing, but now she almost exuded an air of near manic irascibility.

Ritsuko reached into her jacket and pulled out a small rectangular pack. She pulled out what looked like a cigarette, unraveled on end and stuck it in her mouth. "Want one," she asked, offering the pack to Rei. "They're chocolate," Ritsuko said mischievously, noting Terry's dangling jaw. "I didn't have…access to real cigarettes for a while, which more or less broke me of the habit. Some addictions die harder than others though, and even though I kicked the nicotine, I still craved something to work my teeth on. Want one?"

Terry was saved from answering by the sound of footsteps pounding down the hall. "I was told Dr. Akagi came this way!" a voice shouted at the Agents. "Have you seen her?"

"She's in there," one of them replied, and a man in a security uniform dashed into the room, panting heavily and dripping with sweat. "Dr. Akagi! You have to come right away! Something's wrong with the experiment!"

The cigarette snapped between Ritsuko's teeth. 'Experiment' was the label used for Eve whenever mentioning her risked a breach of security. "I'll be right there," she said tersely. The man turned to run back out but Ritsuko put a restraining hand on his shoulder. "We can walk. The world won't end if we take a few extra minutes."

He started to protest, but closed his mouth at the look Ritsuko gave him.

"There's no reason to abandon our dignity over a matter like this." Ritsuko hoped that she was the only one who noticed the tremble in her voice as she spoke. The guard swallowed nervously, but walked beside her as they left the room.

They continued to walk until the corridor around them was empty. "Now," Ritsuko said, abandoning all attempts at keeping her voice calm, "we run."

------------------------------------------------------------------

"It seems like entire geofront is stopping here," one of the Agents said after Ritsuko left. "A thousand yen says that Major Katsuragi is the next to come by."

The other one snorted. "Since she's the one person we actually want to see, a thousand yen says that you're wrong."

Terry sighed and tried to ignore the Agents as he dropped into his chair. Rei sat in the other chair, set her cigarette down on the table, and seemed to forget about it. He could feel her eyes on him but she remained silent.

"Why did you pursue me so obsessively?" she asked suddenly.

Terry winced. "Are you sure that was the word you wanted to use?"

"You pursued me even when I showed no interest towards you in return. I believe in that context, obsess is the proper word."

"Well," Terry said, trying to sound confident, "it worked, didn't it? You're returning my interest now." When she didn't return his smile, he sighed and looked down at the table. "Yeah, maybe obsessive is the right word. What it all started with was a crush. Since my dad headed up the NERV R&D facility in Australia, I ended up receiving a lot of incidental exposure to all things Eva. One day, attached to some paperwork he'd left lying around, I saw of picture of this incredible girl. I'd never seen a girl as beautiful as she was, and the look in her eyes was… intense. I fell head over heels, just from that one picture. I'm sure you could guess who it was."

"The 1st Child."

"Yes, you," Terry said and leaned towards her across the table.

She drew back. "Did I meet your expectations?" she asked in a tone that was noticeably chill.

"You're nothing like I was expecting," Terry responded, puzzled by what he could have done to offend her.

"I see."

"I mean you're better," he added quickly. "I had no idea what you were really like, so I tried to imagine what kind of person you were. I'm glad that you're the girl in the picture, and not the one I had inside my head. "

Rei sat perfectly still for a moment, not even seeming to breath. "And if I wasn't?"

"Wasn't what?"

"The girl in the picture."

"Then, I'd still be glad that you're the one I met." Terry paused to try and collect his thoughts. "That was your picture, right? I'd feel pretty bad if the one I'd been pining after all this time turned out to be your evil twin or something." He laughed awkwardly.

"Where did you meet the 2nd Child?" she asked suddenly, giving him a look that made him feel like an onion. Peel away each layer and see what's underneath.

"It's a long story," Terry said, wondering why she'd decided to ask about that, and wishing that she hadn't.

"I believe that I would like to hear it," Rei said, folding her hands in front of her and looking as though she wasn't planning on moving anytime soon.

"I'm not sure where I should start," Terry said, trying to think of some way of dissuading her from following that particular line of questioning. 

"At the beginning," Rei said, her eyes remaining on his face. Peel, peel, peel.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Ritsuko was forced to stop as she approached the third cage. The lighting had failed to activate in the hall in front of her, filling it with near impenetrable darkness. "Why haven't the emergency systems come on-line?" she demanded, breathing heavily.

"Since this cage has supposedly been mothballed it was disconnected from the emergency grids. When the primary systems went down it wasn't connected to any of the backups."

"What happened to Eve?" Ritsuko asked, trying to keep the worry out of her voice.

"I'm not sure. Unit-04's pilot started screaming after the power went out. We could hear her, since the Eva was supplying its own power for the speakers, but without electricity for the audio inputs we couldn't respond. I was sent to get you." He paused significantly. "They sent someone else to inform the Commander."

The doors to the cage had been forced open and everyone in the cage was clustered up on balcony. Several work lights provided a small amount of illumination but they did little against the darkness that filled the rest of the cage.

"What happened?" Ritsuko demanded, but before anyone could answer her, she heard Eve.

"It's dark, it's so dark," her voice sobbed from the speaker. "There's nothing, it's all gone. I'm scared, Mother, I'm so scared!"

"Eve! Can you hear me!" Ritsuko shouted, hoping that Eve would respond to her voice.

"What should we do?" asked one of the guards milling about the balcony.

"Get everyone out of here," Ritsuko ordered. She was sure that she knew what the Commander's decision would be. "Get everyone away from the cage."

"What about security?"

"I doubt that there's going to be anything left in here to keep secret in another few minutes," Ritsuko said grimly.

The guard blinked in confusion but the blood drained from his face as he realized what she meant. "Everyone out!" he shouted and started hustling techs towards the door.

Ritsuko grabbed one of the techs before they could leave. "I need a full diagnostics board and independent power supply." As the tech began frantically digging through an equipment case, she turned to the guard who'd brought her. "I need you to go to my office. There's a locker in the back corner. Bring me the wetsuit and tankless rebreather that's in there. There should also be a micro headset. Bring that, too." She didn't need to tell him to hurry. He took off running as if his life depended on it. His didn't. Eve's did.

With the guard's flashlight, she was able to see that Unit-04 was in its usual place against the wall. She needed to find some way to get to the entry plug. Normally she would ride the transport arm, but it was useless without power.

The tech returned with the equipment that Ritsuko had requested, but she grabbed his arm before he could go. "Get all the batteries that you can find and connect them."

He cast an obvious glance at the door, "But-?"

"Do it," she ordered, and pried the cover panel off of the console with a discarded screwdriver. She searched the exposed board for a moment, then began pulling out wires, noticing the light decreasing as the tech pulled the batteries out of the worklights, until all that remained was the guard's flashlight, and the worklight above where she was working.

The tech wrapped the gathered batteries together with electrical tape, and connected them with bits of copper wiring. "Will this work?" he asked, licking his lips nervously.

"It'll do," Ritsuko replied tersely. "You can go," she ordered, noticing the tech's anxious glances at the door. He grabbed the guard's flashlight and disappeared down the darkened hallway almost before she finished the sentence, nearly hitting the guard coming in the other direction.

"I found everything you asked for," he said, but Ritsuko ignored him, concentrating on attaching two wires to the jury-rigged mass of batteries. "Eve!" she all but shouted.

Eve stopped sobbing. "Mother, is that you?"

"Eve, listen carefully, I don't have much time. I need you to lie down on the floor of the cage." 

"I can't feel anything, everything's gone. Please mother, help me."

"Don't worry Eve, I'm here. Just-."

"You're fading, Mother, I can't hear you. Mother? Mother!"

"It's all right Eve, I'm here." The girl gave no indication that she'd heard, and Ritsuko disgustedly tossed aside the batteries. A sound from within the cage made her look up and she saw Unit-04 slowly kneel, then lay upon the floor. She sighed in relief. Eve had heard that part at least.

The balcony was empty when she turned around. The guard was gone, but he'd left the items she'd requested. She let her lab coat drop and quickly stripped out of her skirt and blouse. The wetsuit was a tighter fit then she remembered. "Too many chocolate cigarettes," she admonished herself as zipped it closed. 

She put on the headset, adjusting its fit so that it lay flush with her mouth and ear, then turned it on, setting the transmission frequency to that of Unit 04. Its transmitter didn't have enough power to reach Eve through the Eva's armor, so she'd have to wait until she was inside of the entry plug before Eve would be able to hear her.

The rebreather fit perfectly over her head, despite the headset and she activated it, listening to the faint hum of the filters as they began to work. The first few breaths tasted stale but the filters quickly cleared and began supplying her with filtered oxygen. The rebreather was designed to work underwater, stripping breathable O2 from the surrounding H2O, and she hoped that it would operate just as well in LCL.

Her muscles ached by the time she reached the bottom of the access ladder that stretched down from the balcony, all the more because she'd only been able to use one arm, the other tightly clutching the diagnostics board and worklight.

She approached the Eva cautiously. It hadn't moved, but Ritsuko's stomach twisted with anxiety each time that she heard Eve's cry through her headset. Just beneath the slope of the brain case was an emergency hatch that allowed access to the entry plug, to be used in case the cover plate below the neck was either damaged or inoperable. The bolt turned with difficulty, and when Ritsuko pulled it away, strings of serum stuck to it, like it had been a scab that she had peeled away. It opened into a small access lock that was barely high enough to stand. It's purpose was to cycle away LCL before the pilot got out of the Evangelion; Ritsuko hoped that its pumps would still work when she tried to get out. If not, the pressure would prevent her from reopening the outer hatch.

"Eve?" she asked, but the girl/Eva failed to respond. The headset wasn't strong enough to reach her, even at this distance. She opened the next hatch and the chamber immediately flooded with LCL. Except that it wasn't LCL like she was used to. What surrounded her was thicker, closer to red than amber, and slightly cloudy, although she couldn't see any particulate. She swam to the tube's end, prying open the access panel next to the hatch. Both it and the leads to the diagnostics board were sealed, keeping them free of contaminants until the two were brought together.

She instructed the board to give her a report on the Evangelion's status, although she had to look carefully at the results it returned to find out was actual damage and not the result of the merging of Eve's two bodies. According to it, the entry plug along with the primary computer system and several critical subsystems had been destroyed completely by an unidentified biological phage.

Bit by bit, Ritsuko pieced together what had happened to Eve. A sudden electrical surge had overloaded the Eva's compensators and flooded it with raw voltage. Although the plug's shell had protected Eve's inner body, her greater body's biological systems had been completely paralyzed and her mechanical ones overloaded. Fear twisted Ritsuko's stomach as she tried to determine if the damage was only temporary. Because of the way that the girl/Eva had merged, it would be almost impossible to undertake conventional repairs.

What puzzled her was where the power surge had come from. The Evangelion's energy consumption was low enough that it was run entirely off of its S2 engine. As Ritsuko's eyes traveled down the list of mechanical subsystems, she noticed something that shouldn't be there. The Eva's hard-line transmitter was listed as **Offline/Standby** but it shouldn't have been there at all. The hard-line transmitter gave the plug's occupanta line of communication with anyone outside the Evangelion even if the Eva itself had lost power. Since there was no one in a dummy plug to communicate with, Unit-04 had never had one.

Ritsuko called up the schematic and inhaled sharply. She'd found the breach. In the middle of the Eva's spine was a concentrated knot of biomechanics. Eve had somehow caused her greater body to grow an interface bundle that could penetrate the wall of the cage, and tap into both energy and data lines. When the power had failed, it had tried to draw more by tapping into additional power lines. The small surge generated by the electrical system's last gasp had been magnified, scrambling the Evangelion's systems, depriving Eve of her sight, hearing, and awareness of the outside world. Leaving her with nothing, in the dark.

Ritsuko moved to the hatch leading into the plug itself. The bolt refused to budge no matter how hard she tried to turn it. It infuriated her to be stopped so close to the plug, and it tore at her to hear Eve's cries but be unable to respond. In frustration she wrenched at the hatch, falling backwards as it came apart beneath her hands. Once she steadied herself, she examined the piece of metal in her hands. It had eroded almost completely and the entrance to the plug that had lain beneath it was pore-like, organic. 

The rebreather's filters began to whine as they strained to pull air from the LCL.

"Eve?" Ritsuko asked tentatively.

"M-mother?" Eve's voice quivered. "I'm so scared."

"It's all right, I'm here." The interior of the entry plug was almost completely organic and quivered and pulsed under Ritsuko's hand. "What happened?"

Eve sounded like she was about to begin crying again. "I'm sorry, mother, I-I lied to you. You told me that you limited my data access because you were afraid that I'd hurt myself, but I didn't want to be limited. I broke into the geofront's data system, but something happened. There was a power surge, and it… hurt my greater body. I couldn't see anymore, or hear, or feel. It was like someone had taken my greater body away." She started to cry again. "I'm so scared."

"It's all right, Eve," Ritsuko said soothingly. She pushed further into the plug and could see Eve's inner body ahead of her. "I'm here now." Ritsuko's throat burned as the air in the rebreather began to turn acrid. The filters were burning out. She carefully slipped past the veins that radiated from Eve's inner body to the walls of the plug, and tenderly stroked her cheek.

"Is that you, mother?"

"Yes, Eve, it is."

"I-I've never felt anything with my inner body before." Eve trembled beneath her fingers and Ritsuko felt the Eva quiver around her in response. "Please mother, don't let go. I'm afraid." There was a wet tearing sound and Eve tore her arms free of the sides the plug, closing them around Ritsuko's back.

"Don't worry, it'll be all right," Ritsuko said, returning the embrace. She tried to say more, but the air in the rebreather burned her throat and she began coughing.

"Dr. Akagi." Ritsuko jumped as Gendo's voice came out of the speaker in her ear.

"W-what?"

"What is your appraisal of the situation?"

Ritsuko felt Eve's arms tighten. "Everything is under control," she said.

"Very well. I will be waiting for your report."

Ritsuko tried to reply but didn't have the breath to speak. "Eve," she gasped, "I have to go."

"Please, mother," Eve begged, "stay with me. If you go I'll be deaf again, I won't be able to feel you anymore. How will I even know if you're still there and I'm not here alone?" 

Ritsuko was coughing so hard that she could barely speak. "You have to let me go, Eve. I can't make you better from in here. I have to go to fix your greater body."

"I'm afraid, mother."

"Don't worry Eve, it'll be all right. I'll keep you safe."

Ritsuko felt Eve reluctantly loosen her hold, and as soon as she was free, she tore against the resistance of the LCL, trying to reach the access tube. Her throat felt as if it were on fire and black spots drifted in front of her eyes as she forced the hatch to the access lock shut. For several agonizing seconds the only sound that she heard was her own rasping cough, but the lock's pumps came fitfully to life, draining the LCL. She practically hurled the outer hatch open and crawled onto the surface of the Eva, tearing the rebreather from her face and gasping as clean, cool air flooded into her lungs.

She half climbed, half slid down the Eva, and stumbled over to the access ladder before collapsing. She stared vehemently at the rungs as she gulped in air. There was no way that she could climb back up those. As if in response to her thoughts, there was a low hum of machinery returning to life and the lights came back on, flickering fitfully at first then shining steadily. Ritsuko hauled herself to her feet and called the lift down from the balcony, leaning wearily against the wall as she waited. 

Gendo was waiting when the elevator reached the balcony. "Do you think it can be repaired?" he asked. He was intent on the Evangelion, his back to her. 

"It might take a little while, but I'm sure that we'll be able to return _her _to operational status."

"So long as it can be fixed," Gendo said and turned. Vertigo rocked him and it was with an effort that he kept himself from swaying. Ritsuko's hair was brown for barely a centimeter above her scalp but even that centimeter increased the resemblance to her mother by ten-fold. "You've stopped dying your hair." He forced his voice to remain steady.

She shrugged. "I haven't had time to see a stylist," she said sarcastically.

Gendo felt the first tendrils of panic tug at him. He did _not_ feel regret for Naoko, but as he looked at Ritsuko, he wasn't sure if he would be able to stand it if whenever he saw her he also saw her mother staring out at him. He purposely curled his lip into a sneer, "It suits you."

Ritsuko's expression was neutral but her voice dripped with acid. "I'm glad that you approve. You know just how much your opinion means to me."

Gendo opened his mouth but Ritsuko spoke before he could get anything out. "Yes, yes, I know," she said, waving one hand flippantly. "You'll want a full report as soon as possible. I'll need you to send everyone who was assigned the cage back though. Giving their anal retentiveness for secrecy, Section Two probably stashed them in a closet somewhere."

Gendo's mouth snapped shut but he gave her a single, sharp nod before turning on his heel. "Very well," he said as he left. Ritsuko waited until his footsteps had faded into the distance before she began to change out of the wetsuit.

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Rei tapped her pen irritably against a blank page of her diary. She was upset, upset because of _him_. Her emotions were unsettled because of what he had done to her. She was not used to being so affected by another person and her fingers shook slightly as she began to write, recreating her conversation with Terry.

"At the beginning," she'd said in response to Terry's question.

"Well," Terry started reluctantly, "to start from the _very _beginning, I was born on September 17, 2001. My dad and mom were both researchers at the 1st Branch in Germany, although my dad was originally from Australia. My dad spoke mostly English, so I learned how to speak that from him." He sighed and looked at the ceiling. "It wasn't that much of a childhood. All the children from the 1st Branch went to the same school and I suppose that we copped a sort of elitist attitude, since our parents were supposed to be big shot researchers. I told you that my dad went back to Australia and then how I ended up here…" He trailed off.

"There's more to it than that. You said nothing about Pilot Soryu."

Terry gave her a sharp glance, but then went on. "I knew her vaguely from school, but even then she was an arrogant little git, and thought that she was to smart to play with the other little kids. Our mothers were both involved with the same project and one day there was an accident. I… don't know what really happened, but it killed my mom, and drove hers insane. She hung herself a little while later. Asuka blamed my mom, and by extension, me for it." He paused, his voice was tense. "She couldn't take it out on my mom so she took it out on me. If she saw me, she'd start screaming at me, calling me a 'bastard' and blaming me for taking her mama away." He parted the hair on one side of his head and Rei saw a scare that ran almost from his temple to his ear. "Once I lost my temper and started screaming back at her. She threw me into a table and split my scalp. After that we only saw each other one more time before I left for Australia." Terry curled his lip into a sneer. "It didn't go well. I'd gotten over all that when I was asked to come to Tokyo-3, but she obviously hadn't."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." He was becoming angry. "I had tried to put what she did to me behind me, but she was ready to dig it all up again."

"Why did it make you so mad when she called you a bastard?"

Terry gave her a sharp glance and his fingers began to drum against the table. "Because I am. My dad was originally married to a woman from Australia. It was a mistake, but they didn't realize that until it was too late. They didn't get along too well and fought a lot. When he got the job with GEHIRN she didn't want to move to Germany and stayed behind in Australia for a while after he went to Europe. When she finally arrived in Germany, my mom was already in her third trimester, and she only stayed in Germany long enough to have the marriage annulled. If you dug up my original birth certificate, you'd see that the name read 'Terrence Soboul.' I didn't become St. John until a couple of months later."

"And it causes you discomfort to be reminded of that fact?"

"Yeah," Terry replied irritably, "I think that you could say that."

Rei found that as he spoke his attention seemed to turn inward as if the retelling of this wrong occupied all of his concentration. It fascinated her that it had only taken a couple of questions to shift his attitude from fondness to hostility, and he himself didn't seem to recognize the change that he'd undergone. It gave her a sense of power.

"I've given you my life story, so why don't you tell me something about yourself?" Terry said abruptly.

Rei hadn't expected the conversation to turn this way. "I don't think that there's much to say."

"You've been alive for fourteen years, something must have happened in that time. Shinji told me that he thought you were an orphan; what happened to your parents?"

Rei felt a surge of annoyance at his presumption, although a part of her tried to distance herself from the emotion. She could affect his mindset with a single question, he could affect her as well. "Pilot Ikari is correct. I don't have any parents. My progenitors were affiliated with NERV and after I was born I became its ward."

"NERV? Didn't you have any relatives that could take care of you?"

"No," she stated sharply, finding it difficult to keep the irritability that she was feeling out of her voice.

"So you didn't have any real family at all? If someone asked you who your parents were, you told them NERV?"

"I suppose that the Commander was nominally my guardian. He knew my progenitors and I became NERV's ward not long after he lost his wife. I suppose some might consider me something of a replacement for her."

"Ugh, that sounds quasi-Oedipal."

Rei bristled at the comment. "Maybe, or maybe not. Humans are strange creatures."

Terry shivered. "I don't like it when you talk like that, Rei. When you say things like that, you sound like consider yourself something other than human." He reached across the table and took her hand in his. "Sometimes you're so cold… it's like you're a ghost and even though I'm talking to you, you're not really there. You talk about yourself like you don't matter."

"Do I?" she asked sharply

"Of course you do. You matter to a lot of people. You matter to Misato, to Shinji, to the Commander." He didn't seem to see her flinch at the Commander's name. He went on softly. "You matter to me. So why do you act like you don't?"

" Maybe I dislike the emotions that are a part of being 'liked.'"

"What would that be? You don't like feeling liked? Why wouldn't you like knowing that you matter to others?"

"Because maybe I don't."

Terry looked shocked. "How can you say something like that? You're a person that others care about, not some machine that can be popped off of the assembly as soon as you need another one. You matter."

Rei tore her hand free from his and stood. "You make too many assumptions," she said, not bothering to hide the anger in her voice. She stormed out of the room but when Terry had tried to follow the Agents held him back.

It had actually felt good too physically express her anger, bringing her feet down hard enough that the soles of her shoes slapped audibly against the floor, storming up flights of stairs, shoving open the locker room door, then slamming her locker door after she retrieved her diary. She'd always felt a small amount of disdain when she'd observed others perform such expositions, but now she thought she understood some of the reason behind it. 

The tip of the pen tore through the page as she finished the entry. Even the memory of the event was enough to restore her anger. That she could recall, her previous incarnation had only felt intense emotion on a few rare occasions, and even those had been nothing like this. As she examined the anger that still sang in her head, she decided that she'd lied to Terry. She liked this emotion, all emotions and she wanted to experience them again.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Suiko's feet protruded from beneath Melchior's raised case, a mass of cables twining around one ankle. "Did that do anything?" she asked.

"Power has been restored to B-Floor," Shigeru reported.

"Power grid has gone down on D-Floor," Makoto said, right on his heels.

"Try it now," Suiko said.

"Power to D-Floor has been restored and…" Makoto paused for a minute to consult a screen, "main elevators are offline."

"Damn it," Suiko swore, "where the hell is Dr. Ibuki?" That was the fifth time she'd asked that question and she knew better than to expect an answer by now. With a sigh she changed the inputs that her work board was connected then typed in a set of commands, crossing her fingers as she hit the ENTER key. "How's that?" she asked.

Her only response was a protracted silence and she directed a glare through the supercomputer's side. "Well?" No one answered, but she was sure she heard someone trying to stifle a laugh. "What?" she demanded irritably.

"M-main elevators are back on-line," Shigeru began, but then broke down into helpless laughter, "b-but you somehow managed to put a security feed from one of the women's restrooms on the main screen."

Makoto whistled. "Looks like someone decided to have a romantic rendezvous while the power was down. Damn, I didn't know that panties could come in that color."

"Hey," Shigeru said, "I think I know those two! It's Suiko's fiancé and… Commander Fuyutsuki!"

"Ahem."

The blood drained from Shigeru's face. "One of them is standing behind me, right?"

Makoto nodded.

"It's not Suiko's fiancé, is it?"

Makoto shook his head.

"Commander, sir," Shigeru said without turning around, "I didn't hear you come in."

"Obviously," Fuyutsuki said coldly. "Lieutenant Enoto, what is that on the main screen?"

"The ladies room, I think." She typed a few more commands into her board and the image on the screen dissolved into static. "Repairs are proving more difficult to undertake than originally anticipated." 

"How soon until the MAGI are back online?"

"I don't know. We've haven't been unable to restart the MAGI, so we're attempting to bring the systems back online piecemeal, with very mixed results. This would be going a lot faster if someone could find Dr. Ibuki, or better yet, Dr. Akagi."

"Dr. Akagi is occupied elsewhere. I will see to it that Dr. Ibuki will take over the efforts to restart the MAGI." He turned towards where Balthasar sat with its innards exposed. "How is your work progressing, Major?"

Misato winced. She'd hoped that he'd forget she was there. She straightened and stepped back from the techs that surrounded the computer. "Not well. We've so far been unable to determine either the identity of the intruders, or where they were able to tap into the MAGI. The security systems didn't even notice that the MAGI had been breached until both intruders uploaded an unidentified program to the system. We can only assume that they failed at whatever they were attempting because as soon as their programs uploaded, they caused a processor cascade that crashed the MAGI. The current theory is that both intruders were working independently and unaware of the others presence." Misato hoped that she didn't look half as terrified as she felt. It didn't look like the security systems had been able to track her down before they crashed, but as the techs examined the security and system logs, she kept expecting to see **MISATO DID IT** appear in big neon letters. 

It was bad enough that she'd been assigned to oversee the efforts to track down those responsible for the 'attack' on the MAGI, but it had tied her stomach in a knot to learn that it hadn't been security that had found her, but another intruder into the system. She'd hacked into the MAGI with the intention of taking herself out of the Commander's hands, but by doing so she might have set herself square into the hands of someone else.

"Did you resolve the situation between Pilots Soryu and St. John?" Fuyutsuki asked.

Misato bit her tongue. In all the chaos she'd forgotten them completely. "Ah, I decided that it would be best to let the two of them cool off for a while." She made a show of looking at her watch. "They've been cooped up in the geofront for the better part of two days. With your permission, I'd like to take them home, Shinji and Rei too."

"The 1st Child doesn't need to leave the geofront at this time," the Deputy Commander stated. "As for the 3rd, he will remain in the medical ward under observation until his mental state has been deemed suitable for release."

Misato trembled. She'd made herself forget the reason that she'd put herself into a drunken stupor the previous night. "I understand."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry propped his feet up on the table, tilting his chair back precariously. "Do you know what time it is?" he asked.

"Three hours past when we were supposed to get off shift," one of the Agents replied.

"When was that?"

"Three hours ago."

Terry grunted sourly and let his chair fall back to the floor. He'd spent a long time brooding, trying to figure out why what he'd said had upset Rei so much. As he ceaselessly racked his brains for an answer, brooding had turned to boredom, and Terry had started a contest with the Agents to see who could be more annoying. He'd figured that having grown up with three younger sisters would've given him an edge, but apparently the Agents had younger siblings too, because they'd matched him point for point.

"Damn it," one of them swore suddenly under his breath.

"That's a thousand yen you owe me," the other said.

"Figures," the first muttered, then out loud, "He's in there, Major."

"Thank you for keeping an eye on him," Misato replied.

Terry gulped. She sounded upset. Really upset. He'd expected that when the consequences caught up with him he'd end up really biting a bullet, but he hadn't expected it to come from Misato. She stopped in front of the door and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You're mad, aren't you," Terry asked.

"Yeah, you could say that I'm mad," she said out loud, but in her mind, _at myself, for neglecting the ones who need me, for trying to lose myself in a bottle instead of facing up to my problems._

"I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"_Big_ trouble," Misato confirmed.

Terry couldn't imagine why she was drawing this out. He was finished as a pilot; he knew it, she knew it, why beat it around the bush? He sighed. "Let's get this over with."

"You're not getting off that easily. You, Asuka and I are going to have a little talk."

Terry's jaw dropped open in astonishment. "That's it? We're just going to talk?"

"What, did you think I was going to shoot the two of you? Unless you've done something else that you're not telling me about? You weren't the one that shut down the geofront, were you?" Misato forced a weak smile at the joke.

Terry smiled weakly in return. He couldn't believe it, but somehow no one had figured out that crashing the MAGI was his fault. "Course not. Dealing with that red-headed git is punishment enough."

Misato's expression darkened and before he could move her hand closed around his ear. "You bet the two of you are going to deal with each other," Misato said as she hauled him out into the corridor by his ear. "You're going to deal even if I have to handcuff the two of you together and stuff you in a closet."


	16. Steps on the Brink : Fracture Lines

****

Gospel 1:15

__

Steps on the Brink / Fracture Lines

****

Fuyutsuki caught the doctor just as he was stepping out of the examination room. "What is Pilot Ikari's condition?" he asked without preamble.

"Sleeping," the doctor replied. "Mental and physical exhaustion, coupled with sudden, extreme stress caused him to have a minor mental breakdown. He's been conscious three times since he was brought in and he was able to use the toilet and intake liquids on his own. He'll be suitable for release once he wakes up again."

Fuyutsuki nodded and turned to leave but the doctor held up a hand to stop him. "However, in order to ensure that he doesn't have another, potentially much more serious collapse, he'll need to spend at least another month in a calm environment and should be kept out of any further stressful situations."

"So in other words, no piloting giant robots for a while."

"Or even little ones," the doctor said with a perfectly straight face.

Fuyutsuki's expression didn't change. "I'll pass that on to the Commander."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Maya leaned against the Melchior's raised tower, resting a moment before returning to the datapad she held in one hand. "Ready?" she asked, glancing at Suiko as she typed in a final sequence of commands.

The other woman nodded, her hands poised above the control console. Maya turned to Makoto and Shigeru and gave them the go sign.

The two of them exchanged a glance and then Makoto opened a broadcast line through the entire geofront. "Attention all personnel: all primary systems will briefly go offline in ten seconds. I repeat, all primary systems will go offline for a short time."

He and Shigeru shared another glance as they began counting down. "Five."

"Four."

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

"Initiating complete systems shutdown," they said, simultaneously inserting and twisting their I/O keys. The lights around them cut out and all the monitors in the command center went dead. For several seconds the only sound was the soft _whirring_ as the ventilation fans wound down.

"Begin system re-initialization… now," Maya ordered as she and Suiko hit the ENTER key on their boards at the same time Makoto and Shigeru turned their keys back to I. As the lights came back on and the ventilation fans whirred back to life, Makoto peered intently at the monitor in front of him. "All primary systems are coming back online…" he began.

"All systems have been restored!" Shigeru declared triumphantly.

Maya breathed a sigh of relief. The screen on the datapad flashed, and the message appeared: 

MAGI Casper... intializing 

MAGI Balthasar... intializing

MAGI Melchior... intializing

Initialization successful; Beginning diagnostics... 

System Integrity... Nominal

System structural components... Nominal

A worried grunt made Maya glance up at Suiko, just as her screen cleared and began flashing red, a new message appearing:Data storage... 98% corruption in primary -- secondary -- tertiary archives... Accessing backups... 80% corruption in primary, secondary archives... accessing backups... 11% corruption in primary archives... accessing backups... 11% corruption in primary archives... accessing backups...

The screen cleared again then flashed solid red:Access failed... 11% corruption in primary data archives.

"All systems are up and running," Shigeru said, then gave a wolf whistle. "And once again on the big screen we are treated to the popular bathroom drama of Aoshi and Kozue."

Someone sneezed behind him and Makoto winced. "I hope that you'll like being a janitor," he said sympathetically.

Shigeru knocked his head against the console in front of him. "I gotta learn to keep by mouth shut."

"That would be... advisable," Fuyutsuki said coldly then turned to face Maya. "What data has been lost?"

Maya didn't quite meet his gaze, her eyes dodging between his chin and shoulders. "We haven't had enough time yet to determine. The directories are still compiling."

"Prepare a report to present to the Commander as soon as you know for certain."

Maya felt her stomach sink at the gaping holes appearing in the directory trees as they recompiled. "Yes sir."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terry rubbed his ear, which was still sore from having Misato drag him by it all the way to the parking level, and he alternated glaring at her and at the passenger seat in front of him where Asuka was sitting.

Misato was obviously in a very foul mood: she was only going fifteen kph over the speed limit, and had only been honked at for cutting another car off twice. No one spoke for several minutes as the car made its way through the streets of Tokyo-3.

It was Misato who finally broke the silence, keeping her eyes firmly in front of her as she spat each word out. "I want to know precisely what is the matter with the two of you."

"There's nothing wrong with _me_." Asuka declared at the same time as Terry. He caught her glare in the rear view mirror and returned it in full.

"I know that there were some problems between the two of you back in Germany, but the way that the two of you are acting is inexcusably immature and childish."

"I'm not the childish one," Terry said petulantly. "She's the one who can't get over herself. She's the one who's always spoiling to pick a fight." He punctuated each word with a kick to the back of Asuka's seat.

"Cut it out you asshole!" Asuka yelled, half turning and taking a swing at Terry, clipping Misato in the process.

"Scheisse!" she swore as Misato slammed on the brakes, hurling Asuka forward against her seatbelt. Terry would've sworn as well, except that his face was currently embedded in the back of Asuka's seat.

"I can't believe that the two of you are acting like such petty little brats!" Misato shouted. "You're Evangelion pilots. The world depends on you. We need you to work together and not waste our time with pointless fighting!"

She started driving again, ignoring the cars that honked and cut around them. "I can't believe that Section 2 found the two of you actually rolling on the floor."

Asuka crossed her arms. "He started it."

"Shut up Asuka, I don't care," Misato snapped.

Terry smirked, and Misato must have seen it in the rearview mirror because she slammed on the brakes again. "Terrence, you wipe that smile off of your face, or you'll think that what Asuka gave you before was a lovetap." She started driving again, her fingers slowly relaxing from their white-knuckle grip around the steering wheel. "Here's an idea Asuka: remember the training you and Shinji went through in order to fight the seventh angel? Well, how about I have you and Terry do that," she smiled sweetly, "for a month?"

"You wouldn't dare!" Asuka exclaimed, outraged.

"Try me," Misato said, her smile turning vicious.

Terry didn't know what she was talking about, but judging by Asuka's reaction, it wouldn't be anything that he'd like.

Misato went on. "What I want to do is lock the two of you together in a small room, but I don't think I have enough restraints lying around the apartment to keep the two of you from tearing each others' throats out. So instead I'm putting the two of you under house arrest until further notice. Neither of you will leave your apartment except for school and your duties with NERV."

"What!" Asuka and Terry both shouted. "You can't do that!"

Misato gave them a dangerously sweet smile. "I suppose there is one other option. Confine the two of you to the medical ward and subject the two of you to intesne psychotherapy until neither one of you can look at the other without declaring just how much you love them."

The protest died in Terry's throat and his jaw sagged. Asuka looked like she was about to say something, but one look from Misato made her slouch down into her seat and fume silently.

Terry glanced in the rearview mirror, expecting to see a smug look on Misato's face. Instead, her expression was as cold and as hard as ice.

And just as brittle.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Maya shifted nervously from foot to foot. She'd thought that it would be easier to present the Commander with bad news on the upper level of the Command Center instead of in his office. However she was now belatedly realizing that he was much less intimidating to confront when his desk formed a barrier between the two of them.

"Your report on the status of the MAGI?"

Maya swallowed and tried to calm herself with thoughts of calm blue oceans. "We've managed to reduce the loss of data to eight percent, but what's left is completely unrecoverable."

"You are sure of that?"

Maya nodded. "Whoever the invaders were, they were good and they were probably working together. We've identified that the two programs they uploaded were both data spikes. One of them was fairly benign, relatively speaking. It just tied the system up while whoever the user was escaped. The other one however, was much more vicious."

Gendo steepled his fingers together impatiently. "How so?"

Maya paused in thought for a moment. "Picture the MAGI as a gigantic physical installation and the data spikes as intruders. The first one would run as fast as it could, trying to lose you off by running through room with several doors and throwing open as many as it could to confuse you. The second program, instead of running, would throw everything it could at you. If it ran into a... file room, it would start tipping over file cabinets to stop you. Trying to throw off the pursuit of our security programs the second program tore up and rearranged information directories, and by doing so wrote over and irrevocably erased certain files and data paths."

"What data has been permanently lost?"

"We don't have a complete listing of all the lost files, but the highest density of data loss occurred in the directories containing the pilot data."

For a moment there seemed to be absolute silence and Maya felt her body lock with overwhelmingly terror of what that silence portended.

"I... see," the Commander said in a voice so perfectly level that Maya flinched, sure of the coming explosion. "When will you know precisely what data has been lost?"

"F-four hours sir."

Gendo gave a single sharp nod. "I will expect to hear your report at no later than 20:30 hours. Dismissed."

Despite his words, it was the Commander who rose to his feet, rising from his seat so quickly that it almost seemed that he was propelled by a tightly wound spring. Maya's jaw dropped in surprise as he strode towards the lift and she didn't move until he'd vanished from sight, at which point her legs seemed to fall out from under her, dropping her into the chair that the Commander had so recently vacated.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The attendant behind the desk of the geofront's vehicle park leapt to his feet, dropping a magazine onto the floor when the Commander suddenly walked into his office. "I-I'm sorry sir," he stammered, apologizing hurriedly, "no one informed me that you were coming."

"I need to requisition a vehicle," the Commander said calmly.

"Ah, what kind sir?"

"A car, unmarked, small."

"Right away sir. If you'll give me a moment I'll get a driver for you."

"That will not be necessary."

The attendant paused, his hand already resting on the telephone on his desk. "Then just allow me to alert security so that they can provide you with an escort."

"They will not be needed."

The attendant took his hand off of the phone, looking at the Commander askance. "If you insist sir." He entered a few commands into the computer on his desk then turned as the cabinet set into the wall behind him swung open and he pulled out a key. "There you are sir, your vehicle is in the civilian vehicles section, level 1-8b," he said then hesitated a moment. "I can show you the way if you want."

"That won't be necessary."

He reached for the key, taking it more roughly than was necessary and strode out of the office into the parking structure. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a security camera pan to follow him, and he stumbled as a tremor gripped him, caused by the certainty that the MAGI, that Naoko, was watching him.

He forced the uncertainty down. Naoko was well and dead: all that remained of her were the three neutered components locked away within each of the MAGI.

He found the car without trouble. It was a nondescript sub-compact and he paused a moment before sliding into the unfamiliar driver's seat. It had been a long time since he had to drive himself anywhere and he took a deep breath as he purposefully set his hands on the wheel.

At the security checkpoint the guard's jaw dropped when he say saw who was in the car and he continued to gape as he raised the gate and waved the car on to go. It wasn't until he reached the street that Gendo realized neither had bothered to check his identification. He allowed himself a small smile as he decided to let the infraction pass without reprimand, this time. Traffic on the streets was unusually light, but the car jumped as he pulled out, cutting a little too close to the curb.

His path took him across Tokyo-3 and he slowed abruptly as he passed First Tokyo-3 Junior High School. Already, all outward signs of what had happened there had been erased. Nothing remained in the parking lot of the legion of police and emergency vehicles that had so recently thronged it. The broken windows and gouged walls had already been repaired. There was nothing left about the building to suggest what had happened to it. The only sign that all was not right was the lack of light in any of the building's windows, the complete absence of students and teachers preparing for the next day of school.

He contained on past the school, stopping the car several hundred meters from the building. He got out and headed in the school's general direction but then suddenly veered off into the lush foliage that surrounded it.

The landscape around the school had been designed to wrap the grounds in an almost park-like periphery, and Gendo pushed through the bushes and trees an obvious destination in mind. He stopped in an area where most of the underbrush had been crushed and many of the surrounding trees exhibited gaping, white scars of splintered wood.

He rested his hand on one, feeling the rough splintered wood through his gloves and the thick calluses on his palms. This was where everything almost came apart, where all of his careful work had almost been brought to naught. A breeze blew through the trees and through the swaying branches he could just make out one classroom. The fading sunlight cast crazy shadows everywhere, and in them he was sure that he could almost see Rei in her seat in front of the window, Shinji and Asuka further in, other children in the classroom moving around.

He looked at the splintered gouge where his hand rested. It had been made by a 7.62mm X 51mm bullet, striking the tree just after exiting from the back of the head of Christopher Bowden, former Lieutenant in the USMC. It had been fired by Ichiro Watase, four years with Section 2, formerly a captain in the JSDF; wounded twice in the engagement.

All of this flashed through his head in the few seconds that Gendo allowed his gaze to rest on the tree. Knowledge was power and he had so much of it that at times he imagined himself near omnipotent. He thought himself, his plans, safe from almost all else and yet everything he had worked for had almost been brought to naught by someone as ultimately insignificant Christopher Bowden, former United States Marine.

His fingers tore painfully into the wood as he clenched his left hand in anger. He could not allow anything happen to alter the Scenario from its set course. Yui had set it all in motion but it was up to him to ensure that all reached its proper conclusion. Nothing could be allowed to change that, and if by doing so he set the world to burn, so be it.

He pulled his hand away from the tree and there was a tearing sound as his glove came apart, snagged by splinters of wood, several protruding from his fingers. He stared at his hand dispassionately before clenching it tightly into a fist and thrusting it into his pocket.

For a while there had been no noise except for the low rustling of the leaves, but Gendo became suddenly aware of another sound, a rhythmic _thump-thump-thump_ followed by a _whack-swish_. 

He looked in the direction of the setting sun and against its rays he could make out a solitary figure standing on the basketball court, shooting a ball and then waiting for it to bounce back to him. He paused in thought, watching the child for several minutes before coming to a decision. There were things that had to be done, and compared to the ends which needed to be achieved, the means were insignificant.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Touji kicked the basketball up to his hand with his right foot as it rolled back to him, dribbled it thoughtfully a few times, then changed it to his left hand, balancing the ball in his palm. He eyed the hoop and then took a step forward, shooting it at the hoop. The ball struck the edge of the rim and rolled a few times before sliding off.

"Nuts," Touji said as the ball rolled across the court. He walked slowly after it and when he reached it, paused to look at the school. Classes were supposed to resume Monday and all of the representatives had been called in so that they could be instructed on how to deal with their classes. Hikari had asked him to come along with her, but once they'd reached the school she'd wavered and asked him to wait outside.

When they'd arrived he'd seen the work crews moving in and out of the school, but they were gone now. Bullet holes had been plastered over, broken windows replaced, stained flooring torn out. To him it seemed wrong that so much effort was being made to make everybody forget what had happened so quickly. Classes were resuming even before all the funerals could be held for the students killed. He'd tried talking about it with his parents a few times, but his mother would immediately change the subject and his father just wouldn't respond. Adults didn't seem to want to mourn anymore; it was as if they'd used up all their tears for the Second Impact.

He picked up the ball, cradling it in his left hand. He tried to line up another shot but his fingers didn't respond quickly enough and the ball slipped out of his grip. He sighed as he bent over and picked the ball up again. His new left arm didn't work quite the same way his old one had and he was having trouble getting used to the difference. No one had ever told him that these prosthetics weren't all exactly the same. Of course he hadn't been expecting to have to ever get used to another one; how could anyone have been expecting what was going to happen that day? He'd been holding his pencil in his left hand, idly doodling on his desk when there'd been noise, screams, and something tugged hard on his left arm. When he looked down the lower half of his arm was gone.

He growled in frustration as his arm again failed to obey his precise commands and the ball went high, bouncing off the top of the backboard and for a single second he wished that he still had the old one. Much more than his arm had been lost that day and he felt ashamed of himself for making such a selfish wish. One of Hikari's oldest friends had died that day and she'd cried almost non-stop for six hours. It'd been his sister who had helped her finally stop. Hikari's father had no idea how to deal with his near hysterical daughter and when he'd been called in for an emergency shift at Tokyo-03's central hospital, he'd taken her to the Suzihara residence. Touji had tried to his best to comfort her but it hadn't been until his little sister crawled into her lap and said, "Don't worry Hikari-_nesan _it'll be all right," that the older girl's sobs trailed off and her sniffles dried up.

His sister had seemed to mature a lot after her accident. He envied her that, that she had the empathy to know the right words to say. He sighed as he raised the ball and aimed it at the hoop. At times it felt like he was now the younger sibling. It wasn't fair that he had to rely on his little sister to comfort _his_ girlfriend, that she could barely go an hour without crying at least a little and already adults were making her get ready to go back to school and act like nothing had happened-. "It just ain't FAIR!" he shouted, hurling the ball at the hoop with all of his might. It struck the backboard with enough force to shake the pole then fell, glancing off the rim and bouncing across the court.

"You'll find that the world seldom is, Mr. Suzihara." an even voice unexpectedly said behind him. Touji tried not to shake as he straightened and turned around. He doubted anyone in his class was taking sudden noise very well.

"Yeah, whaddya want?" he half snarled as he turned, winding up to give the speaker a serious tearing into for sneaking up on him, but when he realized who it was, it was all he could do to keep his jaw from dropping in complete shock. Of all the people he'd never expected to see on a basketball court the Commander of NERV was pretty high up the list. He'd never actually spoken with Shinji's father during the short time that he'd been a pilot and he couldn't imagine why the head of NERV was seeking him out now.

The Commander didn't leave him in suspense for long. "NERV requests that resume your duties as an Evangelion pilot."

Touji blinked. "And if I refuse?"

"Nothing."

"Okay," Touji began cockily, "then forget it." He paused and waited for the Commander to say something but the silence stretched on. "Since you're asking me, I guess you need an Eva pilot pretty badly. Since I refused, what're ya going to do now?"

"Ask the next serviceable candidate." The Commander paused a beat. "Hikari Horaki." 

Touji flushed angrily. "What the hell are you trying to do, blackmail me into piloting? There's no way that you can make her a pilot. How can you even think about saying something like that? 'Sides, I bet she'd say no anyway, and even if she didn't, I bet I could convince her not to."

"Interfering with a potential candidate would not be regarded lightly Mr. Suzihara."

Touji snorted. "I don't know why you're trying to scare me. I'd sooner believe you if you told me that that Goro kid who sits three seats behind me is a 'potential candidate.'"

The Commander's gaze hardened, pinning Touji to the spot. "What I am about to tell you, you will not repeat to anyone, ever." He waited only long enough for Touji to nod before going on. "Every child in Japan with the potential to pilot an Evangelion has been gathered in your class. I did not name Miss Horaki as any sort of threat. She is a potential pilot and if she refused, then I'm sure that you would be equally familiar with whomever the next candidate was."

"So if I don't agree to pilot-"

"Then someone else you know will. I'm sure that I don't have to tell you that it has only gotten more dangerous to pilot an Evangelion. The training you have already received gives you a significant advantage over anyone else we may select, making your chances of surviving any engagement much better than those of any of the other candidates."

"So you're not giving me any choice at all, are you?"

"You have as much of a choice as any of the other candidates."

Touji fumed silently for several seconds then grabbed his left arm and with a sharp twist pulled it off. "What about this? How am I supposed to pilot when I've got a couple of bum limbs?"

"An interface has been developed that connects directly to the prosthetics nervous relays. It will actually give you a better response time than you would get with real limbs."

Touji scowled. "You knew that I'd agree, didn't you?"

"All contingencies are prepared for," the Commander said smoothly then turned and began to walk off of the court. "You will be contacted as to when you are to resume your duties," he said, then left without a further word. Touji stared after him until he was out of view, suddenly realizing that he hadn't seen or heard anyone else during the entire encounter with the Commander, nor had he heard a car. He wondered how Commander Ikari had gotten there and if convincing him to pilot again had been his only reason for coming.

Hikari timidly emerged from where she'd been watching by the entrance to the school. "What... what did he want?" she asked haltingly.

"To see if I would be an Evangelion pilot again."

"What did you say?"

He looked down at her and saw that her face had gone pale and her eyes were large. She was scared, for him. He awkwardly slipped his good arm around her shoulders. "I said that I'd think about it. Don't worry, it'll be okay."

"That's what they said in the school, that it'll all be fine, just make sure that your classes understand that. Everything will be okay.'"

"Well, what's wrong with that?" Touji asked.

Tears began to build in her eyes and Hikari pressed her face against his shoulder. "I think they're lying."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuyutsuki intercepted Gendo shortly after he returned to the geofront. "Out joyriding?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. His other eyebrow rose upon noticing Gendo's bloodied hand.

Gendo gazed at the other man stonily, although he wasn't quite able to meet Fuyutski's eyes. "Taking care of business," he said brushing past him.

Fuyutsuki made a small noise in the back of his throat and fell in step next Gendo. "Lieutenant Ibuki has compiling the list of data loss. The most important information lost included the core data for Units 01, 02, and 06. She thinks that she might be able to rebuild the plug data for Unit 02 and 06 using the old data still loaded in the plug cores. However because of the recent alterations in the mental state of Unit 01's pilot, she's not sure that using the old data will prove feasible."

Gendo nodded once. "See that efforts to rebuild the pilot data proceed as soon as the 3rd Child is released from the infirmary."

Fuyutsuki glanced down at the tattered and bloodstained glove over Gendo's hand. "You might want to see about going to the infirmary yourself."

The Commander pulled a bloody splinter from his palm, tossing it aside. "It is of no consequence."

The Sub-commander didn't speak for a moment, considering what to say next. "Regarding the 3rd Child, the doctors... urge that in consideration of the pilot's mental health, he should refrain from anything as stressful as piloting for a long while."

"All that rebuilding the pilot data entails is sitting in the entry plug. If the pilot's mental state is to fragile to endure that, then he is useless to us anyway."

The corners of Fuyutsuki's mouth turned downward, but he nodded in assent. "I'll see that he begins as soon as he's released."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Ritsuko ignored the gore that coated her arms almost to her shoulders as she wrenched a component free, then slid its replacement into position. She glanced at the diagnostics board clipped to her sleeve and then wriggled out from beneath the half attached armored plate. A tech was waiting for her, a towel held in one hand, and a cup of coffee in the other. She ignored the towel, going straight for the coffee.

"All connections show green, ready to proceed with system activation," a tech called down from the control balcony.

"Are you ready Eve?" Ritsuko whispered into her headset.

"You're going to bring my greater body back to me?" Eve's voice was filled with frantic hope.

"We're going to try," Ritsuko said, then waved to the tech on the balcony. There was a soft hum as power began to flow through the cables burrowing into the Eva. On Ritsuko's diagnostic board, systems highlighted in red slowly began to shift back to green. She highlighted the diagnostic of the hardline transmitter, noting that it was one of the first systems to come back on line. Additional data flashed across the screen as it again began to draw power. "Eve," Ritsuko said warningly.

"I'm sorry Mother," The transmitter's condition went to Standby and the infiltrating connections withdrew.

"Please Eve, you must trust me. I only do what's in your best interest."

"Yes Mother."

Ritsuko set the diagnostic board down with a weary sigh. "How are you feeling? Can you move?"

The Eva slowly pushed itself into a sitting position, its limbs trembling as if palsied. "My greater body... hurts. It's numb, I can barely feel anything, but I can see again, and I can hear."

"We'll start work on replacing what damaged components we can, tomorrow. Hopefully, what we cannot repair, you will be able to ...heal."

Eve was silent for several moments. "I hope so. Goodnight mother."

"Good night Eve," Ritsuko replied taking offer her headset and stepping wearily over to the lift. Her arm made cracking sounds when she moved them and bits of dried blood flaked off. She wrinkled her nose and made a mental note to remain conscious long enough to get a shower and a change of clothes.

No one noticed the small flicker on the diagnostic board's screen as the hard-line transmitter's condition shifted to Online. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

The lab was almost completely dark, a small glow coming from the few lights along the various bits of equipment, and dim, amber illumination coming from the tank of LCL itself. Rei shut the door softly behind her, flinching as all the eyes within the tank fastened on her at once.

She shivered violently as memories sprang forth of her immersion in an amber world, her eyes sharp whenever the pale girl in the school uniform entered. This was where she had been before thrice born, and might be born again should circumstances demand it.

The clones' eyes followed her as she moved but there was no expression on their faces, no intelligence behind their eyes. If she died now then she would be well and truly dead. Although the clones were a mirror image of her in body, because of the continual failure of the neural transfer, they possessed nothing of her mind. They held nothing of what she was, what she had become, what she was trying to make of herself. If she died again then the Rei who she was would be lost entirely and that thought scared her even more than dying itself.

Her hand was sweating, making the cover of her diary slick beneath her fingers. She sat slowly, trying not to flinch beneath the unblinking stares from the tank. Gooseflesh rose along her thighs as the chill from the floor permeated her legs, and she set the book in her lap before tucking her skirt between her legs and the cold ground.

Finally, without looking up, she opened the diary to its first page and began to read aloud. She knew that even if the clones could hear her through the glass barrier of the tank they wouldn't be able to understand her words, but just the effort of trying to impart some of bit herself to them was strangely reassuring. She knew there was no logical rationale for her actions, that nothing useful would be accomplished, but deep inside she still felt sure that by doing this, she was ensuring that some part of her would live on.

She continued to read until she caught a flicker of motion in the corner of her eye and stopped, looking up. All was still in the lab and there was no movement within the tank, but, although Rei tried to dissmiss it as trick of the light, she was sure that a look of faint curiosity lingered on the clones' faces, as if they had heard and understood her words.

Rei set her diary down and stepped over to the tank. She pressed her hand against the glass, feeling the gentle warmth of the LCL suffuse it. She closed her eyes and laid her cheek against the glass, then pressed her entire body against it, feeling the warmth of the glass in direct contrast to the chill air of the lab. At some primal level her body remembered its own time in the tank, the warm weightlessness. This had been her womb.

She opened her eyes and barely holding back a scream at the pair of crimson eyes staring into her own from scant inches away. One of the clones was pressed against the glass, its pose a mirror of her own. The rest of the clones were in motion, their limbs twitching, slowly moving towards her. They began to crowd against the glass, they're combined weight pressing against the first, deforming its features as it was crushed against the barrier.

All at once, as if they had been commanded by a single mind, the clones smiled, the pressure of the crowd behind it turning the expression of the one in front of Rei into a deranged leer. They continued to squeeze closer to the glass, and the smiles continued unabated even as blood began to leak from the first clone's eyes, ears and mouth, nor even when its empty eyes became emptier still.

Rei stumbled back as the clones continued to crush forward then turned and ran as fast as she could from the lab.

The clones' eyes moved to the floor, following the fluttering of her diary as its pages stirred in the gentle breeze of the closing door.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji kept his eyes closed as he waited for the doctor to leave the room. He'd been awake for a while, but had lain still, staring at the insides of his eyelids. The hospital room was very quiet and peaceful. He needed those right now. His hands ached, and he felt a tension between his eyes, as if there were something twisted up so tight inside his head that it was on the point of breaking.

He took a deep breath, held it, sank into the silence, and then let it out again. Each time he thought he felt the knot in his head loosen a little.

His breath hitched. _Why won't they believe me? Why won't they let me stop? I hate it so much, why do they make me keep using it._ Shinji's breathing began coming in short hiccups as his thoughts began to run together. _I hate it I hate it, why don't they believe me, I don't wan't any more why don't they believe mewhydon'ttheybelivemewhywhywhy!_

Shinji ground his teeth together, forcibly blanking his mind and again concentrating on the silence between breaths. He finally opened his eyes, averting them away from the ceiling and focusing on the wall. That was how he noticed that the screen on an unused piece of equipment come to life, a message appearing on the monitor. He blinked several times before his eyes cleared enough to read it.

Are you there, Shinji Ikari?

Shinji stared at the monitor for several moments in surprise."What?"

The message repeated itself.

Are you there, Shinji Ikari?

Shinji pushed himself upright, still staring at the monitor. He slowly walked over to it. There was a basic input pad attached to it, and with a bit of trouble he was able to enter a reply.

who are you

The reply came quickly. A friend Shinji Ikari. It is good to speak with you again. I heard of what happened to you. You are not injured?

Shinji's hand trembled a bit.im fine how did you find me

I am versatile. I think I would like to meet you sometime. Will you pilot again soon?

It took Shinji several attempts before he was able to follow all the sudden leaps of topic. no i will not pilot again.

I do not understand. Do you refuse, or are you no longer able to?

Shinji's head seemed to swim and he had to hold onto the monitor to steady himself. nothing good has come of it it is evil i cant do it cant I cant its wrong the evas are monsters

I do not understand. Evangelions are not monsters.

Shinji gritted his teeth to keep from shouting his response out loud, and his fingers punched frantically at the keys. yesyesyesyesyyes they monsters

No, you are wrong.

Shinji stared at the monitor for several seconds, then began pounding at the keypad. "Why won't you believe me?" he shouted, but nothing but gibberish appeared on the screen. In frustration he grabbed the wires leading out of the monitor's back and yanked them all out, the text on the screen dissolving. He stood there for several seconds, hissing half sobs slipping between his teeth before he cast away the wires and threw himself back down on the bed. For several minutes he tried to regain the silence between his breaths, but his mind refused to quiet, the tightness beating against his brain.

The door opened and a doctor came in, seeming slightly surprised at seeing Shinji awake. "Ah, you're conscious. If you're feeling alright you can be released now." The doctor only waited for Shinji's fractional nod, and then turned and went back out the door. Shinji turned to look at the blank monitor, wishing he knew who the other person had been, and why they didn't believe him, why nobody believed him.

And the knot in his head grew tighter still.


	17. Progression : Midnight Eyes

Gospel 1:16  
  
Progression/Midnight Eyes  
  
Ritsuko's head jerked up out of her arms as the phone shrieked next to her ear. She blinked, realizing that her head was pillowed on the stack of neural transfer reports. She tried to focus on the blurry numbers of the clock and realized that it hadn't even been an hour since she'd laid the stack of reports down. She winced as the phone shrilled again, blindly groping for the receiver, then dropping it next to her ear. "Yes," she answered blearily.  
  
"Sempai!" Maya's voice nearly shouted from the speaker. "Nearly all of the Pilot data was lost in the system crash, and I've exhausted almost every possible option for restoring it, save sticking the pilots back into the test plugs and rebuilding the whole thing from scratch, and that would take days of constant testing. I'm completely at wits end."  
  
Ritsuko blinked as Maya trailed off, her eyes feeling like old ashtrays. Her mug was still half filled and she dragged it to her lips, draining it in a single gulp, the cold, tongue curling bitterness clearing the fog from her thoughts. "When was the last time that the entry plugs' memory cores were dumped?"  
  
"I don't know," Maya replied, and Ritsuko was sure that she could hear Maya chewing on her lip. "They should've been scheduled for wiping within the next couple of days, in preparation for the next set of synch tests; they might've already been linked up when the main systems went down."  
  
"Check the plug cores manually if you have to. Check the cores in the test plugs too. You should be able to get more reliable results if you overlay the two data sets."  
  
"But those are more than a week out of date, and given the recent stress that the pilots have been under, their current core synchronization will be even more varied than usual." Maya paused and collected herself. "I know that you're busy with several other important projects, but Sempai, please, I need your help."  
  
Ritsuko was only half-listening, instead staring down at the stack of reports. "You're the head of Project E now Maya. This is your responsibility now." Her voice sounded distant to her and Ritsuko immediately regretted how harshly she'd sounded. Still, they all had their burdens to bear, and this one no longer belonged to her.  
  
"I'm sorry to have bothered you. Goodbye" Maya said, rebuked, and hung up.  
  
"Goodbye Maya," Ritsuko said after a few seconds, then replaced the handset.  
  
Ritsuko sighed, staring down at the stack on her desk. So much to do in so little time, none of it allotted to sleep. The coffee maker in the corner was empty; Ritsuko picked the small bag of gourmet beans beneath it, glanced around in a derivative double check to make sure that she was alone, the tossed a small handful into her mouth, grinding them between her teeth. She rinsed her mouth with a cup of water then returned to her desk, retrieving a fresh pack of chocolate cigarettes from the back of her desk drawer.  
  
She began sorting through the reports, her eyes half-lidding as she fought to keep from dozing off again. Her eyes snapped open as the caffeine hit her system and she had to force a shake out of her hands. Half the cigarettes disappeared in rapid succession, although Ritsuko tried to restrain herself, remembering how tightly the wet suit had fit.  
  
She frowned after getting through the first quarter of the files, then swore under breath. There was a folder missing and after a quick search of her desk failed to reveal it she realized that she must have left it down in central dogma. She sighed. Just the thought of going all the way down there was almost enough to put her right back asleep. She didn't even want to think about the walk back up.  
  
With an angry mutter she gathered up the entire stack of files, tossed the cigarette pack into the pocket of her lab coat and headed for the door.  
  
Ritsuko pushed the lab door open with her foot, her hands filled with files and a cigarette held tightly between her teeth. She glanced at the tank and sighed, noting that another of the clones had expired. Over sixty percent of the clones originally gestated had died, unable to withstand the stresses placed on them by the accelerated growth process.  
  
Glancing around, she saw the missing file sitting unobtrusively on a console in the corner and set the rest down next to it.  
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Ritsuko looked back at the tank and the dead clone. There was something wrong with it, but she couldn't quite place what. She stepped closer for a better look and realized that its head and part of its torso had been crushed. It looked like it had been pushed up against the glass and then pressed to death. Ritsuko stepped backward, feeling a surge of worry. The clones were supposed to have no volition of their own. If they had started to develop fratricidal tendencies then the entire group would have to be disposed of, and the whole process began again. Except that there was no time to begin again. If this batch was lost, then she had failed.  
  
Something skidded beneath Ritsuko's foot and she found herself tumbling back. She swore violently, clutching a twisted ankle as she looked for what had tripped her.  
  
Lying several feet away was a small book, several of its pages half-torn out. Ritsuko picked it up, wondering where it had come from. As she turned it over in her hands, she realized that it was a girl's diary, a tear on the covers where the lock had been attached.  
  
Ritsuko frowned in puzzlement, peering closer at the powdery brown spots freckling the front cover, pausing upon realizing that they were blood. She flipped through the first few pages, her eyes scanning rapidly before realizing what exactly it was that she was reading. She then went back to the first page and began to read more slowly, the stack of files forgotten.  
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Terry paced across the living room: seven steps. He then went through the kitchen: another five. Down the hall, glancing left out of the corner of his eye into the bathroom, then right into his room, left into the empty bedroom, right into the room that Shinji used to occupy, then ahead to the wall, stopping with his nose only a few inches away: twelve steps. He turned abruptly on heel, walking back down the hall and into the kitchen, where he stopped, his face suddenly twisting in anger.  
  
His hand flashed out, scooping a mug from the counter and hurling it against the far wall. His shoulders slumped as his anger fled just as quickly as it had arrived. He'd been confined to his apartment for less than twenty-four hours and he already felt like the walls were about to close in on him. He desperately wished that he'd gotten around to acquiring more than the small handful of music discs that he'd brought with him from Australia. Or had gotten around to buying a video player, or at least bought some books printed in English, since he needed to use two separate dictionaries in order to read anything but the simplest written Japanese. He'd even tried calling home, only to discover that his phone privileges had been revoked as well.  
  
He kicked the biggest remnant of the mug back into the wall, shattering it into even smaller pieces. What irked him the most was how unfair this all was. House arrest just for getting in a little dust up, especially since Asuka had been the one who'd started it. He didn't know what Misato's problem was, but he resented that she was taking it out on him.  
  
He sighed again as he stooped down and began picking up the pieces of porcelain. If he kept this up he'd be out of mugs pretty soon, and then where would he be? Still stuck in here, drinking tea out of a plastic cup. Terry was actually finding himself looking forward to the start of school.  
  
There was a sharp knock at the front door and Terry looked up in surprise, simultaneously hoping and dreading that he knew whom it would be. If it was Misato, then there a few things about the current situation that he wanted to make her explicitly aware of.  
  
He dropped the pieces of the mug into the trash and opened the door to find Misato standing outside, holding Asuka by the wrist with one hand like a small child. He noticed that Asuka looked exactly like he felt, and instead of his intended tirade he cautiously asked, "What is it?"  
  
"We're going to the Geofront," Misato said, grabbing Terry's hand and barely giving him time to close the door, although she wasn't hauling him along quite as hard as she was Asuka. Yet.   
  
------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Touji shivered in the growing chill, feeling the warmth fade as the long rays of the sun sank below the horizon. He shifted slightly, trying to stretch stiff muscles without disturbing Hikari. She sat across his legs, her head pillowed against his chest. She'd been crying again, although her tears had long since dried from his shirt.  
  
He carefully secured his hands against her back, squinting as he looked over her head at the setting sun. He really should wake her and go back inside before his father got back home. It wasn't that his father was particularly retentive about the fact that his son had a girlfriend, it was just that he felt that there was a certain sense of propriety that anyone under the age of thirty was naturally lacking.  
  
Touji looked down at Hikari's face. Over the past few days the only time her expression came even close to relaxed was when she was asleep. She tried so hard to exemplify her image of the perfect class leader, to be so responsible, so grown up, that she'd forgotten she was still young enough to allow herself to be vulnerable.  
  
He thought back to what the Commander had said, and as he looked at Hikari he tried to imagine her in the plug suit. He smiled slightly; the image wasn't without appeal. Then he transposed her over himself in the entry plug of Unit-03, imagined her in his place against Unit-01. He'd been telling the truth when he'd told the Commander that it was no choice for him at all.  
  
"You've made up your mind, haven't you? You're going to pilot again." Hikari said without opening her eyes.  
  
"Yeah," Touji said softly.  
  
"You could say 'no' and wash your hands of it, but you won't. You're going to do the 'right' thing, aren't you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I wish that you weren't. And I wish I could be like you sometimes Touji, so responsible and mature."  
  
He hugged her with his left arm. "No, you shouldn't. You're better off the way you are."  
  
"I love you Touji" Hikari said, and then lay completely still.  
  
"I know," he said, then, "thank you." He knew that those weren't the right words to say, but so very little was right these days. Hikari shivered in his arms, but said nothing more. Touji held her a little more tightly and watched the sun disappear through her hair.   
  
------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Maya's eyes moved back and forth over the steady influx of information from the test plugs. She overlaid the incoming data over the combined information recovered from both the test and entry plug cores and was pleased to see at how quickly a working set of core files were being assembled. Asuka and Terry's synch data was coming out in the best condition. Rei's wasn't going quite as smoothly as she'd expected, and Shinji's... "Shinji, could you please try and relax?" She didn't quite look at the monitor displaying the interior of his test plug. He'd been staring straight at the camera for the entire three hours the test had been running, and she didn't think that he'd blinked once the entire time. She found it quite unnerving. Worse, judging by the reading she was getting out of his plug, his mental state was so altered that even if she had the original set of synch ratios, they'd still be useless.  
  
"I am relaxed," Shinji replied, and since Maya wasn't going to call him a liar to his face, she didn't say anything in response.  
  
When Maya finally ended the test, she was satisfied with the results that she'd gotten from the 1st, 2nd, and 6th Children. The 3rd however; "I'm sorry Shinji, but the attempt to rebuild your core data was unsuccessful. We'll need to start over from scratch, so you'll have to stay." Maya was alarmed as Shinji's mental readings spiked. "It that all right with you?"  
  
"Yes ma'am," Shinji said, and she couldn't tell if his tone was resignation, unhappiness, or something else. His reading began to slide back down to their earlier levels, although they were still far removed from normal. "How much longer will I have to stay?"  
  
"I think that you should plan on sleeping here tonight, and probably tomorrow as well," Maya said after a moment's hesitation.  
  
Shinji's expression grew even less defined. "I have school tomorrow."  
  
Maya tried to sound upbeat. "Well, you'll just have a slightly longer vacation than you originally expected." Maya immediately regretted her works, recalling just why he'd been away from school in the first place.  
  
Shinji pressed his palm against his forehead, and for the first time in three hours, closed his eyes. When he opened them again and looked back at the camera, Maya found the set of his eyes a little frightening. "Yes Ma'am."  
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Rei,"  
  
The 1st Child stopped as Ritsuko came up behind her, half turning in order to see the other woman. She gestured for the girl to go into the waiting elevator, then activated the override so that it would go to the surface without stopping. As the doors closed behind Ritsuko, Rei noticed that she had something held in one hand, mostly hidden by her lab coat, while she twirled a pen idly in the other. "What is it that you need, Dr. Akagi?"  
  
For a moment only Ritsuko's eyes moved, examining Rei in an unsettlingly analytical manner and then she held out Rei's diary.  
  
Rei stared at it, then up at Ritsuko, uncertainly trembling her gaze. Finally she reached out and, almost hesitantly, took it.  
  
Ritsuko didn't let go of the book right away. "So you return some of Terry's feelings?" she asked, her fingers finally opening.  
  
Rei didn't seem openly surprised by the question but she glanced away so that she wouldn't have to meet Ritsuko's eyes. "That is my business."  
  
"For now I suppose," Ritsuko said in a careless tone, "but not if your business begins to interfere with the Commander's plans."  
  
"It is none of his business either," Rei said, and her voice gained a defensive edge.  
  
"You _are_ his business, as is everything that affects you. If Terry, if your relationship with him starts to become a nuisance, what do you think the Commander will do? You know what happens to anything that has even the slightest potential to become an obstacle."  
  
"He wouldn't dare do anything to one of the pilots," Rei responded, and both she and Ritsuko were surprised by the slight hitch in her voice.  
  
"Don't be foolish. You know that anything that threatens his scenario is crushed without mercy. You and Shinji are his only two vital elements, and you've seen how he treats Shinji. Terry is worth even less to him than the breath that it would take to kill him, and it would trouble his conscious even less than if he had swatted a fly."  
  
Rei was seized by a sensation akin to vertigo and the world blurred briefly before her eyes as she crossed a threshold that she knew she could never go back to again. "Then I would never forgive him."  
  
Even after reading the diary, Ritsuko had never imagined that Rei had gone this far. "Then, since you too had become an obstacle, you'd be crushed."  
  
"He couldn't do that, not to me."  
  
"Why not? The dummy cores are nearly complete. If you become too much trouble to him, he'll just trot the next one out and get a doll that doesn't cause him as many problems."  
  
"No," Rei said fimrly, "he is not capable of inhumanity on that level. He- ."  
  
"How can you say that?" Ritsuko shouted. She grabbed Rei by the collar and pushed her back against the wall, the pen dropping to the floor. "After all that he's done, how can you tell me that there isn't anything he won't do? How can you say that there is any act so depraved that it's beyond his capability? Look me in the eye and tell me that you truly believe there is still an ounce of humanity left in him! Damn it Rei, look me in the eye!"  
  
Rei finally did look up, and when she did her gaze was so piercing that Ritsuko found herself held in place by it. "He has never slept with me. He loves me, but not like that. He loves his wife, and is bound by her memory. He still loves you."  
  
Ritsuko let go of Rei and stumbled back. "No," she said, "he can't. You're wrong!"  
  
"No," Rei replied, unfazed. "I know that he feels remorse for what he has done to you, that he still feels love for you."  
  
Ritsuko slammed her palm in the control panel, stopping the elevator and forcing the doors open. "How could you know anything about love?" She careened into the half open doors and nearly fell out into the corridor beyond. "What could you possibly know about love?" Ritsuko demanded, rounding on Rei as the elevator doors began to close, but she was unable to see the girl through the tears streaming down her face.  
  
Rei stared back impassively until the doors fully closed, then reached up to wipe away the single tear that slid down her cheek. She rocked slightly as the elevator resumed it motion, looking down as something rolled into her foot. She reached down and picked up Ritsuko's pen, then carefully opened her diary and began to write.  
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
It no longer took quite as much effort for Shinji to keep his eyes open. He was actually beginning to find the touch of the LCL against his eyes almost pleasant, and it made it easy for him to fight off the urge to blink. He wondered when it was that he'd begun hating to blink. He felt so detached from his recent memories, dissociated in a way that made detailed examination impossible. All that he knew was that he was terrified by even the infinitesimal moment of darkness when his eyelids shut. He'd been desperately afraid of the moment when the hatch to the test plug had closed, the second of complete darkness when everything vanished into the void, before the test systems started up.  
  
How long had he held this nameless dread for the dark? He tried to remember, but again there was something separating him from his memories. He quickly ceased the effort. Trying to force his way through tightened the knot between his eyes.  
  
The LCL was repulsively warm against his skin, but the test plug was at least tolerable. In the test plug there was no sensation that he had been swallowed whole and lay waiting in the belly of the beast, its heartbeat pounding in his ears.  
  
Still, he began to feel tension creep up his spine as the hours stretched on, the warm LCL flowing endlessly around him. He could feel the tension crawling up his back like a thousand spiders, and he knew that when they reached the knot in his head, he was going to start screaming. Trying to hold the spiders back made the knot in his head worse, trying to fight against the twist between his eyes hurried the spiders up.  
  
"All right Shinji, that's enough for today," Maya said, and Shinji's perception snapped back to the outside world. He panted from the shock, his chest straining against the LCL. It felt like he was choking. As the test plug disengaged Shinji blew out as hard as he could, purging his lungs of LCL. He held his breath as the fluid drained out of the plug, and he waited until the hatch opened and fresh air flooded into the plug, silvery spots dancing before his eyes when he finally opened his mouth.  
  
He practically threw himself out of the hatch, and stumbled up against the gantry railing. With the LCL gone, the urge to blink returned a thousand- fold. He tried to force his eyes to remain open, gripping the railing hard enough that his knuckles creaked from the pressure. His eyes began to burn and he could feel the LCL drying in his eyelashes. Despite his best efforts, his eyelids slipped down, and Shinji gave a small whimper as they finally shut, and didn't open again.  
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Maya headed down for the test plugs. They'd been able to rebuild a significant portion of the 3rd Child's pilot data, but they'd need to incorporate the results of a harmonics test before they'd know if they had a working data set. She'd decided to tell the pilot in person; Maya decided that what he needed to bring himself out of his funk was a comforting word and a steady shoulder.  
  
She found him leaning against the railing outside his test plug. His back was to her, and his head was bowed, but she thought she heard the sound of grinding teeth.  
  
"Shinji," Maya said, stopping a few feet behind him.  
  
He didn't look up. "What is it?"  
  
Maya stepped forward. "I just wanted to say," she put her hand on his shoulder and Shinji's entire body went rigid. She resisted the impulse to take a step backward, instead giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You did well. We just need to do a harmonics test tomorrow and we'll be finished."  
  
If anything, his body tensed even more. "Does that sound okay?" she asked.  
  
Shinji straightened and turned around. Of course it didn't sound okay, but what could he say that would make them believe him? Nothing; no matter what he said, they would believe what they wanted. A tremor ran up his body. The gantry was gone. He was standing on an old, rain soaked bridge, and off to one side-.  
  
The next thing Shinji knew, Maya's arms were around him and she was gently lowering him to the floor. "Shinji," she said with restrained urgency, "Shinji, are you all right?"  
  
The entire world was pushed behind the invisible wall now, and Shinji knew that he should recognize where he was, who the woman in front of him was, but the barrier was impossible to breach. He felt like his entire body was being twisted around the point of tension in the middle of his head and he pushed weakly against the woman. "It was thrown away. I didn't steal it. I didn't do it to get attention. I don't want attention. Auntie, auntie, listen to me!" His body finally relaxed as the wall holding the world back faded away. "What happened?"  
  
Maya tried to keep her voice level. "You had a really long day and it finally caught up with you. I arranged for you to get one of the VIP quarters for the night, but we can take you back to Misato's if you want."  
  
"I don't care," Shinji said. His head hurt and Maya's face started going double before him.  
  
Maya helped Shinji to his feet. "You'll feel better after you get some sleep; getting you out of that plug suit would probably be a good start to."  
  
Shinji didn't answer but he did start walking back towards the pilots' changing room.   
  
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Maya leaned against the row of lockers outside the pilot's shower, waiting for Shinji to finish cleaning off the LCL. She'd decided to remain with him in case he suffered another fainting spell. He really did need a rest badly, a break from all the stress that he'd been under lately. All the Children had suffered lately, but Shinji seemed affected the most of all. She hoped that a good night's sleep and two days of doing nothing more stressful than sitting in an entry plug would help bring him back to normal.  
  
He'd been in the showers a long while and Maya was just considering calling after him to see if he was all right when he emerged. Shinji hadn't bothered to dry his hair and his shirt buttons were in the wrong holes. Maya resisted the urge to straighten them; her oft-neglected maternal side trying to make an appearance. She sent a bemused prayer to her mother as she escorted Shinji to one of the many unoccupied VIP rooms. She noticed that he didn't blink much, but attributed the fact to exhaustion.  
  
"Get a good night's sleep," she said, stopping at the door. "Don't worry about when you have to get up; the harmonics test will go much better if you're fully rested."  
  
Shinji went into the room and looked around. There was a bed, and a bathroom, and a window that looked out over the geofront. He turned on the lights, and then sat down in front of the window.  
  
He stayed there the entire night and as morning broke he watched the light level increase, the pale walls of the structures within the geofront gaining the color of diluted blood. He'd dozed on and off, and his eyes felt gritty. There seemed to be an unnatural silence over the geofront. He stood and the chair made no sound as its legs slid back across the floor. As he raised his head upright, the room began to spin around him, the walls no longer blood colored but blood covered. The next thing he knew, he was outside, his chest heaving and heart pounding as if he'd just been running hard. The world still seemed inclined to tilt unexpectedly and he felt dizzy.  
  
The sun above him had started to take on a golden hue and he calmed, walking slowly among the damp and shadowed greenery. His mind felt blank and he calmed, his feet taking him where they willed. Damp grass soaked the cuffs of his pants as he left the walkways behind. He was searching for something and although his mind could not recall what it was, his legs seemed sure of their destination.  
  
He found it, eventually. It was nearly impossible to separate from the surrounding terrain at a distance. Weeds and grass had crept into the rows of upturned soil. The plants that had originally inhabited it were shriveled, wrinkled, and soft. Kaji's melon patch was dead.  
  
The world began to tilt again. Why had he come here? What solace had he thought would be awaiting him? Kaji was gone. Shinji sank to his knees, his head suddenly feeling much too tight. There was no help here. There wasn't anywhere. He was alone, completely and utterly-.  
  
"So Shinji, what's on your mind?"  
  
There was someone standing by his side. Something glittered in the morning sun as the figure lifted his arm, and a soft spray of water fell across the shriveled melons. "Help me Kaji," Shinji whispered hoarsely, slowly tilting forward until his face rested in the soil.  
  
"I'd love too but first you'd have to tell me exactly what the problem is.  
  
Shinji closed his eyes, but this time the dark held little fear for him. The scent of wet, and earth filled his nostrils and the tension behind his eyes eased slightly. "Everything. They all want, all take, too much. I can't keep paying, I can't keep giving."  
  
The figure lifted a hand to his face. "I suppose we all have to judge whether or not the price is worth it. Say you refuse to give them anymore. You decide that the cost isn't worth it, what then?"  
  
"I don't know. I just want it all to go away. I want it all to end."  
  
"That is your choice to make, I suppose. A lot is asked, demanded of you. I'm sure it'd be understandable if you chose to refuse, but that wouldn't make the cost go away. The rest of us would have to pay it. Do you think that humanity could afford to pay that cost in your stead?"  
  
"I don't know. I'm not even sure if I know what everything is anymore."  
  
His statement received no response and after several seconds he looked up. The figure was gone, but a watering can rested in the grass beside him and water droplet sparkled like diamonds on the wrinkled skin of the melons.  
  
  
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It moved carefully, keeping itself below the treetops, thinning itself to tenuous strands when it had to cross open spaces, sliding through the shadows of grass and scrub. It no longer absorbed the biomass it encountered. It had obtained enough for self-sufficiency before leaving the cradle of the ocean.  
  
It was almost across a kilometer wide field, an effort that had taken it more than a day. Each time it exerted itself forward every shadow in the field seemed to shift. Part of its mass had already reached the tree line on the other side.  
  
Night had fallen and then faded into dawn by the time it began moving through the trees again. Patience was its ally, and time only aided it. Caution filled every portion of its being on the instinctual level, still it had to fight to restrain itself with each step, the call growing stronger in its mind with each passing moment.  
  
It'd come so close that the call felt almost like a vibration within each of its cells and it stopped, lifting itself above the trees, deforming its head into a shape better able to receive the sound.  
  
It was running forward before it realized what it was doing, body deforming with each step, straining forward. It was rushing along flat, hard ground, heedless of anything else around it. There was a sudden flash of light at the level of its knee, a shrill screeching, and its right legs were torn from beneath it. It's body distorted as it struck the hard surface, globules tearing off as more objects screeched, smashing into it. It quivered furiously, calling back the separated portions of its being, ignoring the bright lights and cacophony of horns surrounding it.  
  
Again thrusting limbs from its central mass, it leapt over the disarray on the highway, running full tilt towards Tokyo-03.  
  
  
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Shigeru almost gave a sigh of relief as the alarm sounded in his earpiece, and he held up a hand, signaling Suiko for silence. She'd been talking nonstop about the impending wedding for the past two days, and no one had had the heart to burst her bubble and make her stop.  
  
At first she frowned in consternation at being so abruptly cut off, but then seeing the intent look on Shigeru's face, turned and poised her hands above her own console.  
  
"Repeat," Shigeru requested, pressing the piece tighter against his ear.  
  
Maya noted the onset of silence and stepped over, a quip ready, but when she saw Shigeru's expression she closed her mouth and waited for his report.  
  
"A Yawakama Highway transport reported striking an unidentified object five kilometers from the Higashi suburb. The object, which was larger than the transport, not only survived multiple vehicle impacts, but was last reported moving down the highway in the direction of Tokyo-03." He stopped and listened to the earpiece again. "Further sightings along the Yawakama Highway confirm object's presence. Speed estimated at excess of 75 kph."  
  
Maya turned towards Makoto. "Do we have any surveillance satellites in the area? Did anything catch the object's appearance?"  
  
"Checking," Makoto said, his fingers flying across his console. "Two satellites, one thermal image, one visual."  
  
"Visual feed first, start playback at the object's appearance."  
  
Makoto's fingers became a blur. "Accessing time frame, enlarging image, enhancing, displaying feed on main screen."  
  
The highway appeared as a snaking line cutting across the countryside, small, glinting objects scurrying along its length. The rise of mountains were visible at the very edge of the screen, forests covering its slopes and extending almost to the highway's edge. Suddenly, something large burst from the trees. It was humanoid, but grossly elongated, its skin a dull shade of black. It stopped right in front of a transport pulling two cargo containers behind it. The impact splattered the object across the highway, vehicles in all lanes slamming into the remnants. Despite the collisions, the scattered pieces pulled themselves back together, reformed itself into a vaguely quadrapedal shape, and dashed down the highway.  
  
Suiko had gone pale. "That's not-..."  
  
"Target has entered Tokyo-03,' Shigeru reported.  
  
"We've lost acquisition of the target! " Makoto shouted.  
  
Maya found that her mouth had gone suddenly dry. "Get the Commander."  
  
Maya had Makoto's headset in her hand and was shouting into the microphone as the lift arrived carrying Gendo and Fuyutsuki. "What the hell do you mean you can't find it? It's the size of a god damned Eva! Get more VTOLs into the air and look by eye!" She snapped upright when Fuyutsuki cleared his throat behind her.  
  
"Have there been any further developments?" he asked mildly.  
  
"The target has completely eluded all detection since entering Tokyo-03. If it shares all the same properties as the primordial soup recovered from the Harbinger, then it can distort itself to fit almost anywhere. I'm afraid that the reason we've lost track of it is because it's entered the sewer system."  
  
"The Children?" Gendo demanded his voice much harsher than Fuyutsuki's.  
  
"Section 2 is confirming their and Major Katsuragi's safety. I've refrained from having Section 2 bring them in until we've confirmed the target's position."  
  
Shigeru blanched at something he heard over his headset. "What?"  
  
Maya turned on him. "What is it?" she demanded.  
  
"The 3rd Child was not in his room. Section 2 doesn't know when he left or where he is now."  
  
"Well then tell them that they'd better damn well find him!" Maya shouted in Shigeru's face.  
  
Fuyutsuki hid a chuckle by coughing into his fist. "I believe we can take control of the situation now Doctor."  
  
Maya opened her mouth and then blinked, drawing a deep breath. "Y-yes sir."  
  
"Section 2 has reacquired the 3rd Child," Shigeru said, almost timidly.  
  
"Have him prepare to pilot Unit-01 immediately," Gendo ordered. "Where are the other Children?"  
  
"School sir."  
  
"Have Section 2 send heavy transports to collect them and Major Katsuragi."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Target has been reacquired," Makoto said suddenly. "It's trying to break through the hatch from one of the topside vents on lift 03!"  
  
"But those vents are less than three meters across!" Maya shouted.  
  
"Surface video feed of lift 03," Gendo ordered. "Seal all interior outlets, and reroute the generator dissipation flow through the duct."  
  
At first nothing happened, and then the air above the vent began to shimmer with heat. The pavement around the vent suddenly cracked, and boiling black ooze spurted from the vent. It fell back to earth, collecting in a quivering ball, parts of its outer surface cracking and flaking off from the heat. It suddenly distorted its form, assuming a shape almost like that of an Eva. It crouched on oddly elongated limbs, opening its mouth in a silent hiss and staring at the blast doors with white, triangular eyes.  
  
It reared back, its fingers sharpening to claws and began tearing at the hatch, leaving deep rents in the metal surface.  
  
"How long until the other Children arrive?"  
  
"Twenty minutes," Makoto reported. "Thirty-five minimum until all other Evas are ready to launch."  
  
"Launch Unit-01 immediately. Send it a pallet rifle firing high explosive ammunition."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
  
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Shinji stared at Unit-01. It stared back at him, grinning ferociously. It knew that he would have to let it consume him eventually. It knew that sooner or later he would have to climb back it and then it would have him.  
  
"Sir?" one of techs asked him. "The loading arm is ready. You need to get into the entry plug now."  
  
Shinji didn't seem to hear him. Unit-01's smile seemed to grow and it nodded knowingly to him. He couldn't save himself from it. Robotically he climbed into the entry plug, feeling it shiver as the arm moved. In his mind he could see the neck plate sliding back, revealing the gaping maw of the plug socket, waiting to swallow him. His hands started to shake and he held the butterfly grips so tightly that his knuckles protruded through the material. He knew when the entry plug was seated within the Eva, even before the plug filled with LCL. He could feel the Eva's malicious glee as it closed around him. There was no escape now.  
  
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It tore away at the hatch with single-minded ambition. It could hear Her calling to him, Her song tearing insistently at every particle of its being. Another voice abruptly impinged upon it, one maddening in its dissonance. It raised its head in the direction of the new voice. It had started out far below, but was rising rapidly. Teeth formed long and sharp in its mouth and its eyes narrowed as it crouched, waiting for the dissonance to surface.  
  
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Shinji sluggishly raised his head as the lift snapped to a stop. Then his eyes shot to their widest. The darkness was there, waiting for him. The Eva stumbled backwards, tripping over the lift lip, dropping out of the way of the darkness' leap. Its talons flashed an inch from the Eva's head and it reformed itself mid leap, so that it landed already facing towards him.  
  
"Grab the rifle Shinji!" Maya shouted and the Eva rolled towards the weapon tower, yanking the weapon free. He fired wildly, most of the shells going wide and exploding against the street and surrounding buildings. A few struck the darkness, most tearing straight through and out the back, only one detonating. Globes of darkness spattered outward, and Unit-01 pushed itself to its feet. "Maintain fire!" Maya shouted again, and Shinji looked up in time to see the bits of darkness pull back together, and the beast rose again. Unit-01 backpedaled frantically, spraying fire indiscriminately. The darkness ducked under the shots, flattening itself against the street and gliding forward in a pool. It leapt up, claws flashing out, tearing apart the pallet rifle and raking the Eva's torso armor. The darkness opened it mouth in a fearful snarl, and Shinji suddenly knew exactly what had been stalking him in the dark, waiting for each time he closed his eyes.  
  
The force of the blows knocked Unit-01 off its feet, and it twisted, as it fell landing on its stomach. Shinji scrabbled, trying to get back to his feet, trying to get away. Razors laid open his back, and darkness lashed around his face, tearing his head so far back that he could see the darkness behind him. In the dark form, he saw his Eva's face, and its mouth opened wide, its teeth reaching for his throat. Then the sunlight was torn away and all that there was, was Darkness.  
  
  
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"Power to the entry plug has been severed," Suiko reported, her voice shaking. On the screen she could see the dark thing perched on Unit-01's back, its claws dripping red, rising and falling, tearing chunks of flesh from the Eva's back. "All contact with plug has been disrupted. Attempting to restore."  
  
"Don't attempt," Maya shouted, her face white, "do it!" Spit sprayed with the last shout.  
  
Suiko looked up at her with wide eyes. "Communication has been restored. Hard-line transmission only."  
  
The command center echoed with the sound of Shinji's screams. 


	18. To Make a Joyous Noise : Voices Raised

Gospel 1:17  
  
To Make A Joyous Noise/ Voices Raised   
  
Eve fidgeted.  
  
It became problematic when something her size did that. She didn't like fidgeting; it irritated her. The irritation made her restless.  
  
She fidgeted again.  
  
Her current disquiet stemmed from the fact that she was feeling not only bored, but out of sorts as well. The discs that Ritsuko had been bringing her were proving grossly inadequate to fill her time, and she no longer had near unlimited access to the data lines that she used to. Ritsuko had blocked access to all the important lines that ran adjacent to the 8th cage, physically cutting several. The lack of trust stung Eve, all the more so because it was so obviously warranted. If she'd kept her word not to make unauthorized entries into the data lines she never would've known about the precautions taken against her, and would never have discovered her adopted mother's lack of trust. She had intended to keep her word, but the thought of the endless hours marching on, with so much data so tantalizingly close caused her resolve to crumble with distressing speed. Her lack of self-restraint irritated her, Ritsuko's perfectly reasonable request even more so. It was a reaction that she'd noticed herself frequently having whenever Ritsuko made requests of her. During the course of her readings she'd familiarized herself with the tendency for children of certain ages to be irrationally insubordinate to their authority figures, and it occurred to her that perhaps she was going through such a phase. The problem that she then found herself facing was that adolescence was not a period she'd expected to undergo, and she was forced her to ask herself how old was she, and how much did it matter?  
  
Such lines of thought frequently irritated her further, but there was nothing she could do to keep her mind from wandering back to them again and again, finding more and more things that frustrated her. The endless litany of denials handed down to her by Ritsuko, for more data, greater access, to simply be allowed to move; the ceaseless tinkering of the techs with her greater body. She found the irritation disquieting because accompanying it was the impulse to lash out, to make some abrupt, violent gesture, and she knew precisely how much destruction she could wreak with her greater body. The fact that she still wanted to lash out at something frightened her even more.  
  
None of this was helped by the fact that she often felt that she was trapped inside an overly elaborate isolation tank. The cage was a monotonous expanse of flat walls and brushed metal. The techs never spoke to her if they could help it, refusing, or simply unable to treat her like anything except another piece of machinery. Ritsuko was the only human interaction she had, and when she wasn't there, Eve's world condensed down to bare walls and her own thoughts. When her data intake had consisted mostly of hard science or abstractions, like music, or art, she could occupy herself with equations, theorems and analysis for days, but she had found herself finally growing bored and irritated with the subjects, and so had switched focuses completely and began consuming social sciences in large quantities. Unlike her previous preferences, these required a great deal of non-linear thought to properly digest. Whereas all it took her was time to visualize the space-time curves of a Polastich equation, she found the Kicha family dynamic much harder to picture, and caused a much more poignant response. Such reading also brought to mind just how wrong her situation was. She had a body more powerful than most conventional armies, but barely as much freedom as a baby in a crib. She feared her own irritation because of the destruction she knew she could inflict with a single misplaced gesture. She could destroy an Angel, but she could not read an actual, paper book. The most terrifying, yet at the same time most treasured moments in her life were in the midst of those hours of darkness, when her mother had entered her greater body, coming close enough to her inner body for her to touch.  
  
She was usually completely oblivious to the sensations within her inner body, the only thing that it felt was the fluid around her and the heartbeat of LCL was too uniform and too subtle to notice. However, just that once, feeling the pressure of skin to skin, the disruption in the LCL flow caused by the intrusion of another body, to actually feel her mother's arms around her, her own arms around Ritsuko. That was when she'd had the first inkling of how limited she truly was, the first time she begin to feel the first real pangs of dissatisfaction. She'd thought that knowing who her mother was would bring her a sense of fulfillment, then that merely having someone to call by that title would be enough. Now she knew why she could never rid herself of the nagging sensation that no matter what she did, there was something lacking from her life. Her situation wasn't natural, she wasn't natural, and there was a part of her that would always be aware of, and lament that fact.  
  
A disturbance among the techs below caught her attention. Several were scrambling down the scaffolding that ran up along her side, Her arm was trembling, causing the entire structure to rock back and forth.  
  
"I am sorry," she said, broadcasting to those in the cage. "Now compensating for muscular malfunction." It was easy to keep her projected voice flat and emotionless, but she was truly frightened now. Without notice she had allowed her feeling of frustration to mount to the point where they'd begun to physically manifest. Both her inner and greater bodies felt tense, on edge, and there was a mounting pressure building just behind the eyes of her inner body  
  
Eve 'closed' her eyes, withdrawing from her greater body's sensor inputs, as she began running through a series of fractal equations, completely submerging her mind within the increasingly labyrinthine parade of numbers, burying her frustration beneath the comforting, comprehendible, predictable results. After several minutes she felt her bodies return to normal, the pulse of LCL fluid around her inner body again so slight as to be unnoticeable. Although she'd managed to rid herself of the feelings of irritation, she still felt a touch of anxiety from her loss of control. Every function of her greater body was subject to her conscious control and to have it expressing her subconscious impulses was an unsettling new experience.  
  
As she tried to settle her mind, her thoughts turned to the one other who she had hoped could help her come closer to being normal: Shinji Ikari. She couldn't talk to him now though, not like she wanted to, not since she had contacted him at the hospital. He was suspicious of her now that he knew she was more than another student. She wanted to reach out to him, but that was something that simply could never happen. She was aware of his fear of the Evangelions. How would he react, learning what she really was? As much as she wanted, craved him, he had no such need in return, and she was sure that if he learned the truth about her, he would simply turn away.  
  
When she stopped to consider it logically, she found her infatuation with him completely bewildering. There was no rational basis for her feelings towards him, no reason why he should occupy her attention so, but despite her rationalizations, she still found her feelings impossible to suppress. It was another entry on her rapidly growing list of vexations.  
  
With a slight pang of guilt, Eve focused on one of the few data lines she could still penetrate. Either Ritsuko did not know about it, or had deemed it too insignificant to care about, but Eve could access the low security controls; so, whenever Shinji came to the geofront, she was able to watch him, jumping from camera to camera. She had seen him earlier, at sporadic locations around the geofront, although it had been a while since she had last been able to find him. He had been under obvious duress and she found that watching him ignited feelings of concern within her. He seemed lost and alone, and the pity she felt for him was almost maternal in tone. The last time she'd seen him that day, his face had looked as if he were standing on the edge of a precipice, and more than anything she wanted to put her arms around him and tell him that it was all going to be okay. With a thought she called up one of the fictional pieces that she'd read a few days earlier, lingering over the final page for several minutes. "Please blue fairy, make me a real little girl," she misquoted softly.  
  
  
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"Turn the audio off," Gendo ordered, his voice harsh. Shinji's warbling scream cut of with a snap, the echoes continuing to bounce around the command center for a few seconds more.  
  
The target was still perched atop Unit-01, but it had stopped attacking almost as soon as the Evangelion had fallen silent. It now seemed indecisive, it's form wavering as it peered over the Eva, its claws still deep within the Eva's flesh, but tearing no further.  
  
"Twenty five minutes until the rest of the Eva's are ready for launch," Makoto said before Gendo could open his mouth.  
  
Gendo stared at the video screen, his lips pressed into a thin line. "Dr. Akagi," he said, opening a comlink.  
  
"What is it?" Ritsuko's voice was sharp.  
  
"Tell Unit-04's Pilot's to prepare for launch."  
  
There was a moment of absolute silence as every head turned to look at the Commander. Fuyutsuki's stared back over Gendo's shoulder with a face like granite. "Unit.04?" Misato asked faintly.  
  
The silence stretched on at Ritsuko's end. "Gendo,-"  
  
"Dr. Akagi, this is an emergency. Give the situation report to Unit-04's Pilot and have her ready for launch in three minutes."   
  
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Ritsuko's sudden entrance into the cage came as an abrupt surprise, but the older woman's body language immediately sharpened Eve's attention. "What is it?" she asked as Ritsuko took a second to collect herself. Ritsuko looked pensive and torn for a moment longer, before looking directly into her greater body's eyes. "Eve, we're sending you into battle." She leaned on a set of buttons on the console, and null data lines suddenly surged to life. Eve reveled in the sheer rush of information. And then she realized what it was. Fear completely overwhelmed her elation. Shinji was in danger. She was going out to fight.  
  
She was going out to fight.  
  
"I understand." Anticipation surged through her inner body so strongly that it tinged the artificial modulations of her voice. "I'm ready." _To move, to fight, to live!_ She could see the apprehension on Ritsuko's face, but surprisingly no longer felt any herself. "Don't worry Mother, I'll be all right."  
  
  
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Misato felt uncomfortable addressing Unit-04's pilot through the 'sound only' display on the console. "Try and lure the target away from Tokyo-3 and keep it occupied until the other Eva's are launched. Don't try and engage it too closely. Once it's away from Unit-01 just try and get it as far away from the city as you can."  
  
"Understood," the pilot replied, and Misato wasn't sure what, but there was something unnerving about the girl's soft, even voice.  
  
"Unit-04 launch!" Misato ordered.  
  
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The Evangelion fell into a crouch as soon as the lift hit the topside. The target had still been picking uncertainly at Unit-01's carcass, but its head came up when the lift hatch snapped open, and it began lashing out wildly soon as the Evangelion hit topside. It remained above Unit-01, flailing wildly at the buildings around it, and Unit-04 whirled and snatched an axe from the weapon tower, its perpetual grimace seeming to lengthen as it rushed forward.  
  
The target crouched low over Unit-01, then suddenly leapt forward. Unit-04 was faster however, and it swung the axe over hand, tearing clean through the target, the two halves passing on either side of the Eva, the target's form dissolving as it splashed to the street.  
  
"Be careful," Misato warned, "It-." But Unit-04 was already in motion, and as a tendril shot out of the mass, the axe was already swinging out, cutting through it. The two parts of the target writhed madly, pulling back and drawing together.  
  
"Try and draw it away from the city," Misato ordered, but instead Unit-04 dashed towards the prone Eva, and Eve felt a strong jolt of fear as she finally was able to assess the other Eva's condition. Most of its upper back had been laid open; blood and car sized chunks of meat littered the surrounding street. The top of the entry plug was exposed, long scores marking its end. "Oh Shinji," Eve whispered.  
  
"Look out!" Misato shouted, and Eve looked up just in time to see the target falling towards her, talons extended. Instinctively, she materialized her AT field, the target splattering as I struck the hexagonal distortions. It hurled itself away from the field as if burned, but then collected itself and hurled itself back at Unit-04, flailing wildly against the field, but failing break through.  
  
"It can't seem to generate an AT Field of its own," Suiko said.  
  
The target suddenly reared back and then sank into the street, leaving a gaping rent in the asphalt. "It's gone back underground," Misato said. "It's going to try and surprise you."  
  
Eve bent down and carefully lifted Unit-01, cradling the Eva against her own body. She wouldn't be able to make it back to the lift carrying Unit- 01, and she could almost feel the target getting closer. With a force of will fueled by desperation, she bent her AT field, drawing it into a sphere around the two Evas. A moment later, the asphalt beneath her cracked and the target burst through, a multitude of razor edged talons splashing ineffectually against her AT Field. It struck again and again, its blows growing wild and frenzied, and then it threw its whole body against the field, completely enveloping the sphere around the two Evangelions. Eve ignored it, straining her greater body's receptors to their maximum, but she sense no sign of life from Unit-01. 'Oh Shinji,' she said softly.  
  
The target's surface boiled angrily, if ineffectually, against the protection of Unit-04's AT Field. "Pilot?" Misato asked uncertainly.  
  
"It's alright. It can't get in. But I don't know about Shinji."  
  
"Just keep it occupied until we get the other Evas launched."  
  
"I understand," Eve replied.  
  
The target stilled as if it realized that it could not penetrate the AT field, but it continued to keep the Evas completely enveloped within a rippling cloak of ink. The strain of manifesting her AT Field was beginning to take its toll on both of her bodies, but Eve ignored it. She tried to reach out to Shinji every way she could, but Unit-01's entry plug remained stubbornly opaque and silent.  
  
Eve's inner body quivered, and she felt the inside of her head begin to burn as emotion built up within her. Shinji was dying only a few meters away, and she could do nothing but clutch his stricken Eva. Frustration boiled up within her, more intense than anything she'd ever felt before. Her inner body felt like it was about to tear itself apart with unreleased anger, and before she realized what was happening she felt an echo of her grief and frustration reverberate from her greater body. Her greater body began to move, leaning back from Unit-01, its head dropping to its chest. Eve tried to exert control, but the reverberation caught her up, and then her inner body responded and everything was outside of her control. Her mouth dropped open, her chest expanding as she drew in a mouthful of LCL, and around her, her greater body did the same, the armor of its helm cracking as its jaws parted.  
  
Holding the other Evangelion against her chest, Unit-04 threw its head back, and began to sing.  
  
  
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"We have the pilots. Less than ten minutes until we can launch the other Evas." Makoto reported. "No change in the target." The black sphere surrounding the two Evas was completely still. "Any change in the status of the Evas out there?" Misato asked.  
  
"Unit-04 is still stable. Unit-01 is still silent." Suiko replied.  
  
Almost as if to mark her words, the target changed. Its surface went absolutely still, and it seemed to petrify, a mottling of gray sweeping across its surface. It pulsed, once, again, thrice, and then it began to grow, its surface glossing silver, like a pinball.  
  
"It's the Harbinger," Misato said, horrified.  
  
  
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It perched atop its fallen enemy, confusion keeping it still. Foe had suddenly succumbed beneath its onslaught, its horrendously discordant voice falling quiet. Without the appalling noise tearing at it, it realized that there was something wrong with this enemy. Foe seemed familiar, although to its limited mind it could not make conjectures past that. With all immediate threats removed it was content to remain perched atop its enemy and simplemindedly puzzle its way to a conclusion. Before it had been struck down Foe had been singing a terrible discordance with the harmony. Now that Foe was felled, all that remained was an almost imperceptible humming, the barest echo of the true Harmony. It could still hear the tiny dissonance of countless flawed voices all around it, but they did not have the maddening intensity that Foe had possessed.  
  
Its musings were interrupted when, as with Foe, a great dissonance rose towards it from below, except where the song of the first Foe had been merely aggravating, this song was so divergent, so disharmonious as to be agonizing. It reared back, and if it had had the apparatus to do so, it would've screamed in agony. It threw its head back, lashing wildly at everything around it, drawing backwards as new Foe emerged from the ground.  
  
Maddened by pain beyond any semblance of thought, it threw itself at new Foe, forcing its mass into tools for maiming and death. It was driven back, and done grievous injury, but then foe turned its back, and it took advantage of the opportunity to strike. Before its claws could reach the enemy and tear its throat out and silence its blasphemous voice forever, the enemy threw up a shield of solid dissonance, and it could do nothing to keep from crashing against it.  
  
The pain was so great that it felt the cohesion of its body begin to slip, and it slashed wildly at the barrier, hoping to silence it by brute force. Each time it struck the wall of dissonance its agony increased even more, and finally, when its entire body felt like it was about to fly apart, it turned downwards, tearing through the brittle material at its feet and fleeing beneath the surface.  
  
The dissonance of Foe muted, it was able to regain a measure of control over itself. It could not reach its enemy from the front because of the barrier, but if it attacked from every direction at once, something would get through. It let its form flow free, spreading around the epicenter of the greatest dissonance. All at once it heaved its body upwards, erupting from the ground all around it.  
  
But foe was ready for it. Impossibly, foe had bent its agonizing dissonance around itself, sealing itself away, and before it could change its action, its entire body clamped down around it. Operating solely on instinct it flailed against the unyielding surface, trying to crush it, crack it, force its way in somehow and with its last conscious thoughts before thought was wrenched away in soul blasting pain it drew itself tight, so that if Foe faltered even for a second, it would stream through and crush it.  
  
The pain abruptly lessened, the strength of the discordance faded, a few strains of the Harmony slipping through, though the barrier remained as solid as ever. The disharmony shrank further, and soon the barrier itself was only a single neutral tone, no longer painful to hear. Foe stirred within its shell, and it felt the barest touch of song drift from it, and that merest touch was enough to shock it into stillness. Foe did not just sing in rhythm with the Harmony, its voice was Harmony. Its voice was HER Harmony.  
  
And then Foe sang Harmony untainted.  
  
And with the power of song it remembered.  
  
It was decreased.  
  
.once had been-  
  
-but that itself had been lessened.  
  
. a trinity, torn out of one.  
  
It had had a name.  
  
.Harbinger?  
  
No, even Harbinger was lesser.  
  
It had been.  
  
.its name.  
  
Malachel.  
  
And then Her song became sweeter still, and memory became fire, and fire tore it apart.  
  
  
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Shinji lay curled tightly within the confines of the entry plug. No new pain assaulted him, but the echoes of razors laying open his back still caused him to whimper. To hold his silence, he sank his teeth into his bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood, because he knew what was waiting in the darkness to pounce.  
  
He had screamed at first, until he had almost passed out, the LCL completely driven from his lungs. He had awoken to the feeling of movement in the LCL and knew that it had come for him. His eyes had been open then, and in the absolute darkness he had seen it, with its flashing teeth and piercing eyes, coming to tear him apart, and that was when he had clenched his eyes and curled around himself. If he could not see it, it could not find him.  
  
There was movement in the LCL; something brushed his face. Despite himself, Shinji cried out, and around him, he heard a new sound arise in answer. His teeth tore a chunk from his lip. It had found him.  
  
Even through his eyelids he could feel the darkness vanish as its blazing eyes fastened upon him. There was movement in the LCL all around him and he sobbed as he waited for it to tear into him with tooth and claw.  
  
"Sh-Sh-in-in-ji-ji."  
  
There was an echo to his name, as if two voices were speaking it, but one was very far away. Something touched him again, brushing his cheek very softly. "Sh-Shin-ji-ji." The voices were almost in synch now. "Oh Shinji." And all at once there was only one. The touch against his cheek drifted away, becoming a pair of arms encircling his back and pulling him close. The reek of blood was stripped from his nose, replaced by a scent, subtle, soft, and familiar. "Oh Shinji," it said, and if there was the barest echo at the start of the first word, he did not care.  
  
His body uncoiled, every muscle relaxing as he sank into the arms and their embrace, for the first time in a long time, the fear of the darkness fled him, and he felt completely safe. As the arms tucked his head into the protective curve of a neck, his mouth opened in a soft, babyish grin. "Mother."  
  
  
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"Oh my Shinji," Eve whispered, watching him with a curious kind of double vision. As if at a distance, she saw the figure taking him protectively into her arms, but at the same time she could feel her own arms around him, his head cradled beneath her chin.  
  
"Oh my poor Shinji, how much you've suffered and you know not why." Again there was a peculiar duality. Eve heard the words as if they were coming across a great distance, but she also heard them coming from her own lips as well. It was as if she were a puppet, watching her own play.  
  
She felt affection, and tenderness, and a bittersweet weariness as she held Shinji. If there had been any way to spare him this pain.  
  
The distance between her and Shinji suddenly increased, and Eve nearly passed out under the weight of her own pain. She was wielding her A.T. Field in a way that it had never meant to be manipulated, forcing her greater body to do things that simply should not be possible. She raised her voice higher, putting everything she could behind it. Finally, somehow, she had escaped her confinement and reached out to Shinji, and she was not about to let that slip away. "Shinji," she said one more time and then she felt her greater body simply give out, and he was stripped away into the infinite distance.  
  
  
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"The target is still growing," Misato informed the three Children over the video link to their Evas. "Its diameter is currently eighty meters, although it hasn't yet exhibited any properties of the Harbinger besides appearance. Because it has Units-01 and -04 at its center, we'll be sending up a weapons tower loaded with progressive axes. Asuka, I want you to attack it, while Rei and Terry provide cover.  
  
"We've also improvised an effective weapon against the target's other form. Technical division has jury-rigged three emergency fuel trucks so that you should be able to employ them like a flame-thrower. If you get any pieces off of the mass or it reverts to its previous form, burn it. You'll find the trucks by the base of the lift so that you can have them ready as soon as you deploy. Just be careful. They're fragile, and if you break them there aren't any more."  
  
"The fact that we'll then also be covered in flaming petrol is nothing to worry about I suppose?" Terry interjected. Asuka had her mouth pressed in a thin line. Expressions he couldn't name had crossed her face as they'd watched Unit-01 fall. She'd squawked loudest of all when Unit-04 had appeared, first upset that the secret had been kept from her, and then belittling when the new Pilot had failed to immediately dispatch the enemy. Then she'd been quiet for a long while, and now she was completely focused on the task of dealing with the target. "Understood," she said simply.  
  
"If it becomes active, try and keep the target hemmed in between the three of you. Don't let it get close, and stay out of a crossfire."  
  
"What about Unit-04?" Rei asked the question, her voice cool, but slightly uneven. Her reaction to Unit-04 had been strangest of all. She had been just as surprised as the rest of them at Eva's appearance, but in her case it seemed to go much deeper, as if she were hurt.  
  
"Unit-04 is undamaged." Misato replied. "Once you draw the target away, it might be able to retreat with Unit-01. If not, as soon as possible, break someone off to retrieve them, Unit-01 first."  
  
"Understood," Asuka said, and for a moment she had a flicker of the old spark.  
  
The Evangelions stepped onto the lifts, carefully retrieving the fuel trucks. A reinforced band had been fastened around the middle of the tanks for the Evas to grip, as well as a hand-piece attached to the end of the fuel hose. "Pull the lever on the handle to spray and ignite the fuel," Misato instructed them. She suddenly turned away from the video link, and when looked back her face had gone grave. "Unit-04 has gone silent. Launch now."  
  
  
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Everyone in the command center was fixated on the slowly growing body of the Harbinger. "What the hell are they doing in there?" Fuyutsuki asked.  
  
In response, Gendo gurgled.  
  
Startled, Fuyutsuki looked down at the Commander. All the color was gone from the Commander's face, and his hair was soaked with sweat, more pouring down his face, the collar of his shirt already visibly stained. The muscles along his jaw stood out rigidly from the effort he was putting into keeping his jaw clenched, and Fuyutsuki could hear his teeth grind. The Commander's entire body trembled violently, causing his glasses to hang precariously from the end of his nose.  
  
Then Fuyutsuki looked down. The Commander had his left hand clamped down over the wrist so tightly that the tendons stood out clearly even through his glove. What had been Gendo's right hand was writhing out of control, bulging and straining as if all the bones had been removed. In several places the seams of the glove had been torn, and the flesh that showed through the gaps looked as if it were boiling.  
  
For the moment, Fuyutsuki found himself glad that everyone else in the command center was too preoccupied to look up towards them.  
  
"Ikari," the subcommander hissed. "What is it?"  
  
"Adam." Gendo's voice was a strained whisper, and the effort of speaking redoubled the sweat pouring down his brow. "He hates. Her voice." The writhing of his flesh seemed to be spreading past his wrist, and Gendo half rose from his seat to keep his hand pinned to the console top.  
  
"Unit-04's AT Field is beginning to fluctuate. Pilot readings are. incomprehensible." Fuyutsuki didn't notice which one of the command crew had given the report. He stepped around the Commander so that he was shielded from most of the lower level's view. Major Katsuragi was just finishing giving the pilots their instructions and still no attention was being given to the upper level.  
  
Then on the view screen, the readouts for Unit-04 flickered and vanished. "Unit-04 has gone silent!" someone shouted, and at the same time Commander Ikari gave a small start, then slumped forward, his head striking the console with a heavy thump.  
  
From Suiko's perspective below, she looked up just in time to see the Commander lean forward, disappearing from sight. She turned her eyes to Commander Fuyutsuki, who looked inexplicably unsettled. "He dropped his glasses," the Sub-commander explained, then to Misato, "Launch the Eva's immediately."  
  
All attention again being briefly diverted elsewhere, Fuyutsuki knelt beside the Commander. Blood trickled from the other man's nose and his color was still chalky, but his body had relaxed, and the flesh of his right hand was still. Fuyutsuki peeled back the tattered edge of the glove long enough to see that Adam had returned to its original position, staring up at him with its grossly oversized eye. He wasn't sure, but he thought he saw the 1st Angel's shriveled body tremble.   
  
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Unit-06 peered around a building. The Harbinger was sitting in the middle of the street, its slow expansion the only detectable movement. He watched Asuka getting her axe out of the weapon's tower. "Ready?"  
  
"Let's do this," she said. Unit-02 took the point position, crouched, and then when Rei gave her ready signal, charged around the corner, Unit-06 right behind.  
  
Asuka was halfway to the target. Terry saw her Eva's blurred reflection in the Harbinger's surface. Then he was staring at the sky, his ears ringing. The sky went dark, and he just had time to recognize Unit-02's back before it came crashing down on top of him.  
  
He rolled out from beneath Unit-02, and tried to stagger back to his feet. "What the hell was that?"  
  
Something struck him in the back of the head. Large, silvery chunks of something were falling from the sky. "I believe that the target has detonated," Rei said.  
  
A large chunk of silver shivered, and then dissolved into a puddle of black, rippling across the ground towards another chunk of silver. Terry leapt straight up into the air as a large blob streamed between his legs.  
  
"To hell with this," Asuka said. "Let's fry this thing." She flipped the lever on her tank, and a stream of fire sprayed out over the roiling fragments. A few burned, but the rest increased their speed, the main mass rapidly growing. It darted towards the largest concentration of fragments, almost doubling its mass and then fled towards Unit-00 but Rei met it with another stream of fire. Fragments broke off beneath the flames as Rei and Asuka moved in, spraying it continuously. Terry took a step to the side, trying to get a clear line of fire on the target, and when it suddenly darted towards him, and he calmly took aim. Just as he depressed the trigger he saw that his Eva's hand was slick with fuel, and as the valve clicked open more came spraying out through the rupture in the hose.  
  
"Shit," Terry said, as the flaming mass barreled towards his Eva.  
  
  
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Unit-00 staggered back from the force of the explosion. Both Unit-06 and the target were lost in a writhing ball of fire, but then the target leaped out, crumbling further beneath the flames. Unit-06 staggered free a few seconds later, still coated in clinging flames.  
  
Asuka and Rei tried to follow the target, but it was moving with the speed of panic now, keeping low with buildings between it and its antagonists. "Are you all right?" Rei asked Terry as Unit-06 finally extinguished itself.  
  
"A little cooked," he said, "but my Eva is still functional." Unit-06 began to back step quickly as the target suddenly rounded a corner in front of it, diving a block over to get out of the way as the other Evas pursued it. "I'm think I'm out of the fight," he said. "If you can handle this on without me, I'll get Unit-01 and Unit-04."  
  
Asuka sniffed, but otherwise said nothing.  
  
"Rei," Misato said, "try and drive it north between you and Asuka. You should be able to trap it between the two of you."  
  
"Understood," the 1st Child replied. The target had managed to extinguish itself, and was trying desperately to dodge the two Evas, but the Two Children were able to herd it onto a long street, trapping it between an unbroken row of buildings. Asuka opened her fuel tank all the way, deluging it with flame. It darted towards Rei, but she met it with her own wall of fire. They seemed to have it trapped between the two of them, but suddenly in a flash of steam and rock, it disappeared, water gushing up from the hole it had made in the street.  
  
"Where the hell did it go?!" Asuka shouted, spinning in a circle.  
  
"Water main, beneath you!" Misato shouted, as the roadway collapsed around Unit-02, inky blackness leaping up around it. Asuka pointed her flame- thrower at her own feet, but before she could fire the target wrapped itself around the Eva's lower body and arms. Asuka screamed in pain as it tore into her Eva's legs, snapping the armor plates covering Unit-02's leg and flowing forward into the exposed flesh.  
  
"Unit-02's right leg has been penetrated!" Suiko shouted. "The target is assimilating the Eva!"  
  
"Remove the leg!" Fuyutsuki ordered. Suiko pulled the detonation switch, but nothing happened. She tried again, but still no response.  
  
"The Eva is blocking the signal!"  
  
"Eject the entry plug!"  
  
The cover on Unit-02's neck blew off, the entry plug shooting out. Faster than the eye could follow, tendrils shot out of the target, ensnaring the plug before it could fly clear, and holding it firmly in place half way out of the Eva. The plug's surface visibly crumpled as the tendrils undulated. "Plug integrity has been compromised," Suiko said, horrified. "It's going after the pilot."   
  
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Conscious control fled it as fire poured down on all sides, eating away at its body, pain and loss of mass destroying its mind. Sheer instinct drove it to strike downwards, fleeing into the water flowing below to rid itself of the tormenting flames. It could feel its enemies close at hand as it surged through the water and up through the ground, striking at one of its foes. The battle had cost it too much mass--it had barely enough body to think barely enough to hold itself together. It needed to feed if it was going to survive.  
  
It ripped into the shell protecting Foe's flesh, eagerly tearing into the exposed biomass. It could sense more than enough to completely restore it, and eagerly flowed into the opening in the armor, absorbing the flesh it touched into itself. It was so frenzied in its feeding that it took it seconds to notice that there was another foe hiding within the flesh of the first, permeating the biomass with a filth taint of madness. It tried to pull back, but its intrusion had fully awakened the lurking foe, and it felt its own flesh was invaded, the sickly touch of madness filling it. It tried to resist, but it was too weak, too drained from the battle to force the new foe out. Its body was invaded, control usurped, beaten into the corners of its own mind, spared oblivion only because Foe was to unfocused, too mad to eradicate it completely.  
  
First Foe tried to expel something from its body, but there was something within that object that the presence wanted desperately, a desire that overrode all else. The presence lashed out with its stolen flesh, snatching the object before it could escape, metal parting beneath its tendrils and it pressed inward, and elation filling its insane mind as it surged in.   
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Lights danced in front of Asuka's eyes as she floated somewhere just beyond consciousness. Blood oozed from the gash on her forehead where she'd struck the side of the plug. The LCL was supposed to decrease kinetic shocks, but the plug's braking had been so violent that the thick liquid might as well have been air for all the effect it'd had. "Asuka." She thought she heard a voice call her name. A familiar voice. Misato? The radio channel hissed blankly into her air. No, not Misato, but- "Asuka."  
  
"Mama?" Asuka's voice was tremulous. It couldn't be. She turned, trying to find the voice's source, but her vision was still blurred from the blow to her head. Most of the plug's systems were down, making the interior murky and dim. There was someone else in the plug with her, someone reaching for her.  
  
"Asuka," the figure whispered, coming so close that her face was nearly touching Asuka's.  
  
"Mama!" Asuka cried. She could almost make out her mother's features through her blurred vision. And then her eyes suddenly cleared, and she saw the tendrils of absolute blackness penetrating the plug from all sides, twisting and twining together to form a human figure from the waist up.  
  
"My little doll," her mother said, a smile spreading across her blank ink face as she reached out.  
  
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*Author's Notes* Yes, it has been a damn long time since I've updated. Unfortunately, my life was going through a state of busy that really left me little time, energy, or inclination to write. That has changed however, and although I am still very busy, I am actually finding myself with time to write, and the creative urge to do so. Unfortunately, I am _really_ out of touch with Eva at this point, and it's going to take some effort to get back into the groove. This is further complicated by the fact that I've been enthusiastically working on two other fics, one set in the Utena universe, the other set to Armored Core, and showing the potential to turn into a full scale novel. So, hopefully you're reading because you like my writing, and not just because of Eva, and certainly won't mind checking out my other stuff, ne? ^_^;   
  
And no, the next chapter does not open with Asuka getting her face eaten. 


End file.
